I'm A New DCM - Question For Providers

[Heidi]

Soccermom is in Canada. 4 months IS young to be in daycare there.

oh, sorry Soccermom! I wasn't picking on you, anyway. You know I don't play like that.

[Heidi]

Funny, it isn't the "say it like it is" style or the declaration that you work for money that gives me the impression that you are "over it." It is the way you talk about children and families. It is the way you dismiss widely held practices in the field of early childhood education.


This part, I have to argue a little. The whole "widely held practices" changes like the wind. It's a science; and just like any science, it's a whole lot of theories that are right only until someone else theorizes that they're wrong. Particularly when you are dealing with people, there is never really a "right answer". It's just too fluid. There are clearly theories that are wrong; but rarely any that are proven right.

We all obviously work for the money. There are some professions, however, where it is expected for one to have something "more" in terms of motivation: doctors, teachers, counselors, and, yes, day care providers. This is true whether we like it or not. We work to earn money so we can pay our bills and take care of ourselves and our families, BUT we also provide love (or at least affection, I hope), security, learning, guidance, and much more to precious little ones. If we were ONLY in it for the money, we wouldn't do it (I believe this includes you, too Nan). We could all earn more at Walmart & we wouldn't have to keep our houses spotless to boot. It doesn't have to be love first....but it does have to be love too.

Heidi, I've read all her blogs. More than once. Seen the youtube videos. Read many old threads on this site. To be completely honest, I find Nan to be a highly intriguing individual. For the most part, I vehemently disagree with almost everything she says. I wouldn't enroll my child in her daycare because we would not be a good fit. I find her tone in her writing to be extremely caustic and downright rude and condescending on occasion. Yet, she has been in the business for twice as long as I have with many happy customers. People on this forum who have spoken personally to her glow about how caring and understanding she is. I have seen her give out her personal contact info to struggling providers. In her videos I see how the kids are so obviously comfortable with her. I try really hard to reconcile these two images in my head.

Yep, I get that. I think even Nan gets that. Sorry to talk about you like you're not in the room, Nan. It's kind of like the character Sheldon on "Big Bang Theory" (and 2 of my sons). Intelligent, quirky, and lovable. My favorite kind of person, actually.

[TaylorTots]

What does it matter she is new provider or that her only other child in care is her own daughter?

Helping her adjust by staying longer will actually make her develop anxiety issues about separation - she will never know when you are leaving her. If you keep to a drop off routine, she will adjust. She is 4 months old - you are not going to be causing later life problems by giving her stability and routine.

[CedarCreek]

Or "volunteering" .

True that. I volunteer at my local kill shelter and that is some serious work that I do not get paid for. But I get paid in big, wet dog kisses.

[nannyde]

Funny, it isn't the "say it like it is" style or the declaration that you work for money that gives me the impression that you are "over it." It is the way you talk about children and families. It is the way you dismiss widely held practices in the field of early childhood education.

We all obviously work for the money. There are some professions, however, where it is expected for one to have something "more" in terms of motivation: doctors, teachers, counselors, and, yes, day care providers. This is true whether we like it or not. We work to earn money so we can pay our bills and take care of ourselves and our families, BUT we also provide love (or at least affection, I hope), security, learning, guidance, and much more to precious little ones. If we were ONLY in it for the money, we wouldn't do it (I believe this includes you, too Nan). We could all earn more at Walmart & we wouldn't have to keep our houses spotless to boot. It doesn't have to be love first....but it does have to be love too.

Heidi, I've read all her blogs. More than once. Seen the youtube videos. Read many old threads on this site. To be completely honest, I find Nan to be a highly intriguing individual. For the most part, I vehemently disagree with almost everything she says. I wouldn't enroll my child in her daycare because we would not be a good fit. I find her tone in her writing to be extremely caustic and downright rude and condescending on occasion. Yet, she has been in the business for twice as long as I have with many happy customers. People on this forum who have spoken personally to her glow about how caring and understanding she is. I have seen her give out her personal contact info to struggling providers. In her videos I see how the kids are so obviously comfortable with her. I try really hard to reconcile these two images in my head.

I don't dismiss widely held practices in early childhood education. I'm not an early childhood educator. I'm a babysitter.

I'm not against DAP. I just don't offer it. I'm NOT against Attachment Parenting. I'm all for parents coming up with their own style. I'm not silly enough to think there's only one way to end up with great kids.

My daycare parents read everything I write. They have the unusual opportunity to read thousands of my posts here and a ten year history of my internet postings. They know my consulting work. Their kids are in my videos. When they come here they bring up threads from here that are years old. I get a lot of questions about them. They search this site and the other sites I am on. They are reading this thread.

I get a lot of teasing whenever it gets hot here. I'm fully expecting a kid to arrive tomorrow with a onesie with a dollar sign on it. I will PAY... that's for sure.

I'm not fooling anyone. I don't work for fools. I raise great kids. I have a LONG history of raising good kids. That's what they want. That's what I do.

[Blackcat31]

I don't dismiss widely held practices in early childhood education. I'm not an early childhood educator. I'm a babysitter.

I'm not fooling anyone. I don't work for fools. I raise great kids. I have a LONG history of raising good kids. That's what they want. That's what I do.

On top of that ^^ she rocks a great Anne Murray !!!

[nannyde]

On top of that ^^ she rocks a great Anne Murray !!!

He he he

Eat your heart out Anne!

[Soccermom]

Oh no, I didn't mean to fuel any fires

I forget that not everyone gets a 1 year mat leave. For me it just seems so little, I can't imagine handing off my little 4 month old to someone I didn't know very well. I couldn't even let my own MIL keep my babies at that age LOL!

Mind you I would love for someone to drop one off to me for the day! We only get them when they turn 1 here

[Cradle2crayons]

Oh no, I didn't mean to fuel any fires

I forget that not everyone gets a 1 year mat leave. For me it just seems so little, I can't imagine handing off my little 4 month old to someone I didn't know very well. I couldn't even let my own MIL keep my babies at that age LOL!

Mind you I would love for someone to drop one off to me for the day! We only get them when they turn 1 here

As long as you don't use a candle to fuel any fires... I hear they aren't appropriate for a daycare environment... Oh crap... Off topic again... Back to he light bulb thread....

[saved4always]

Oh no, I didn't mean to fuel any fires

I forget that not everyone gets a 1 year mat leave. For me it just seems so little, I can't imagine handing off my little 4 month old to someone I didn't know very well. I couldn't even let my own MIL keep my babies at that age LOL!

Mind you I would love for someone to drop one off to me for the day! We only get them when they turn 1 here

Yep, maternity leave here is not so generous. When I had my boys 18 and 20 years ago, I got 6 weeks....yes WEEKS....of paid maternity leave (I think the first was full pay and the second was 60% or something). At the time we couldn't afford for me not to work so my babies went to daycare when my paid leave was up. I don't think unpaid leave was even an option with my workplace. I believe (correct me if I am wrong) now by law work places have to hold your job for you for 12 weeks...that is hold the job, not necessarily paid leave. Of course, some work places can afford and offer more generous leaves but I am sure those are few and far between.

I was fortunate with my youngest that we could afford for me to quit working so I got to stay home with her. Best decision of my life . I was very blessed that I could be a sahm with at least one of my 3 kids from birth. I have never regretted it.

[Lyss]

This is why I no longer take part time infants. It's very hard for them to adjust to a daycare setting. Its especially hard if they are coming from a home where they are held 24/7 or picked up every time they make a sound because even if this works at home it doesn't work in a group care setting the majority of the time.

I've had 2 infants with nearly this same issue. They came part time, fine in the morning but as the day wore on became a constant screamer unless held or in a swing. Both turned into all day screamers but one set of parents was willing to work with me and DCG adjusted after about a month (went from crying 24/7 to totally happy baby), the other family made no effort and nothing changed so I had to term them.

I understand its hard as a parent to know your baby is upset and I am sorry you are going through this but if you really want to make it work with the daycare (the vibe I'm getting is you would prefer to just stay home) then consistency is key. Work out a schedule that works for both of you and keep too it, if you hold your LO all the time give her a bit of tummy time next to you and gradually increase the distance so she gets comfortable playing not being entertained, help her learn to fall asleep on her own, and don't over think ever decision you're making because you'll go insane. You obviously care about your child, sending her to daycare doesn't mean you don't care. The DCG I had that was the screaming infant is now a thriving, intelligent, and loving 2.5 year old she isn't suffering from any abandonment issues. She's seriously one of the best DCKs I have and I'm so glad things worked out.

[blandino]

Dear unregistered OP, wherever you are...

I just read your last post that says your daughter is "very part-time".

I understand that you are looking for a long slow adjustment period. While that may *seem*' like an easy gentle way to ease her in, it is actually MUCH MUCH harder. A long, slow, drawn out process that doesn't leave her in daycare enough back to back days to get used to it, is going to be harder on everyone. If she starts to adjust after 1/2 days, and then she is home with you for a few days, she is going to completely lose all of the adjusting she did during the daycare days, (this is why a lot of providers don't take part-time infants). It is going to be turbulent. To me finding out that she is "very part-time" gave me a huge "No, wonder she is having a hard time".

Much like the staying for hours at the provider's home. It just makes things harder in the long run. You still have to get them used to being at daycare without you.

As much as you are going to hate to hear it, you need to start her full-time (whenever you do), and then give it a month of going full-time. And then see how she is doing.

As far as helping your provider figure out your baby, that is something the provider needs to do by herself. She has her own style, which isn't and shouldn't be the same as yours - and she needs to figure out how she is going to respond to baby. I know she is your little girl and special in your own eyes, but no baby is so special/different that the provider needs to be taught/shown how to care for them. The provider will do it her way, and she and baby will both adjust to each other.

Please please please do not keep baby "very part-time", she will never adjust with that type of schedule. Full immersion is BY FAR the best way to get her to adjust.

[cheerfuldom]

I do my job for money.....didn't realize that was a crime. I would never do this for free. I rarely even watch my nieces and nephews for free, we trade favors in our families. I enjoy kids. I think most teachers, pediatricians, etc also enjoy children but no one would do this type of work for free. No one does this out of love. I would love to see one daycare center that is up and running on volunteer manpower only (government assistance and vouchers and grants is still money!). Show me one provider or nanny that just opens up their home, provides all supplies and activities out of the pure goodness of their heart. Maybe there is one Mother Teresa out there but even she has got to eat.....someone somewhere is paying the providers bills.

OP also mentioned she does not have to work outside the home, she chooses to. That is a very privileged place to be and many times, makes a parent quite demanding. They know the provider is in desperate need of the income the parents provide (OP did say that) and that they themselves do not feel that same desperation to make this situation work (she also implied that) and the dynamics here create an imbalance of power. The parent knows that the provider will do a lot of one-on-one attention and hand holding in order to keep the income flowing. Obviously this other provider is doing this for the money. but that whole scenario is not something the OP is living with and it is hard to understand what that is like if you are not there. It is a very "first world problem" to be so fortunate that all your needs are met, probably many of your wants, and you have nothing more urgent on your plate to than to scrutinize every cry from your child.

Like Nan said, her grandma was way too worried about food, shelter and clothes for a huge family.....there is no time to try and figure out why Jr. sneezed yesterday.

I realize that my post here may be a bit harsh but I am over this whole discussion. I do have some frustration with past experiences with very demanding moms. The two that come to mind ended up staying at home with their own children which I think was best for their family. Honestly, I would almost always recommend that if a mom has the option, she stay home with her baby. That is my own personal belief that babies thrive best with mom.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Mom doesn't need to work. She perceives her provider "really needs the money".....terrible combination.

OP.......PLEASE HIRE A NANNY.

[saved4always]

I agree that the very part time...only 8 hours a week....makes it difficult, if not nearly impossible for baby to adjust to the provider and the provider's home. Part time babies almost always take longer to adjust than full time because of the lack of time and consistency. Mom staying half a day only teaches baby that mom will be with her at daycare, too..eventually mom has to leave for work so baby will just be more confused about what to expect.

I also agree with other providers here that this daycare provider needs to learn baby on her own. Parents cannot expect to "teach" the provider how to respond to their baby. That is actually pretty condescending, thinking you need to teach your baby to your provider in so much detail. The provider usually has much more experience in parenting than mom. I have watched many infants in my time as a dcp. I loved it when the parents would give me a note with information about how much the baby ate, how often, what baby liked, how they napped, etc. It made my job easier to have some insight into baby's personality and routine at home. I would not have liked someone standing behind me nit picking how I did the work of taking care of baby. I like to cuddle so my babies all got plenty of attention and I brought up 3 of my own as well as many dc babies....I do not need "instruction" on baby care and do not need to know exactly how mom does every single thing.

And lastly, babies cry. Crying does not cause brain damage and it does not cause mental or emotional issues later in life. My oldest had colic and cried for hours a day for 8 MONTHS. He is a totally adjusted, wonderful young man now. This is how babies show they are not happy with a situation. As long as needs are all met in a timely manner and baby is loved, he/she will be fine. Eventually they learn that crying does not change every circumstance. But, they are like any of us...we will keep complaining until we realize the complaint is not going to change the situation.

Honestly, someone who wants or needs this much control, does not really need to work should probably be a stay at home mom.