I'm A New DCM - Question For Providers

[nannyde]

You sound burnt out I wouldn't work in childcare because it seems really difficult. I quit working in sales because I couldn't stand the people! I understand how exhausting it is and I'm only sorry that people have to worry so much about money that they subject themselves to unwanted situations. I don't mean to gloat but I am so very fortunate in that I do what I love and I don't give a thought to the money. I don't have to work. I only wish I could find a daycare provider who was of that state of mind. My current provider also seems to be in dire need of money which is unfortunate. Yes I know what you're thinking, if they didn't have to worry about money they wouldn't put up with parents like me! I know, I know. I'm sorry your experience has been so unpleasant. But there have been some very nice responses on here from seasoned providers so I have to believe there are still those who love their job and don't necessarily do it just for the money.

Whenever women talk about money, especially when it comes to the care of children, there is always the perception that there is some kind of emotional problem. That makes me LAUGH my arse off.

Just because we are talking about the WORK and BUSINESS of taking care of kids it does NOT mean we can't talk about MONEY every step of the way. It's OKAY to talk about MONEY. It's okay to associate the WORK and TIME of this business directly about MONEY. It's done in every single other child related business.

Every single piece of equipment, piece of clothing, bib, pacifier, bottle, sheet, crib, car seat.... every single good that is related to children there are legions of people who talk about MONEY as the product is developed, manufactured, shipped, and sold.

There's nobody at Graco telling them that they shouldn't discuss MONEY because the products they sell are for the BAYYYYBEEES. If Eddie Bauer didn't have MONEY discussions they wouldn't be able to sell car seats.

Why can't we? Why are we the ONE group who can't put MONEY into the conversation as THE topic that must be dealt with FIRST before anything else works? Every other business does that serves kids.

Oh I know... it's because we are a bunch of WOMEN and we should love first then take whatever scraps of money that is sent our way to feed, clothe, and house OUR kids.

I'm not burnt out. I make a GREAT living. I don't allow emotional words like "burnt out" and "it's not about the money" phase me. Just like I said before... we have heard it ALL before. You have the SAME words. You have the SAME inflection. You have the SAME message. You haven't come up with a single phrase or idea that hasn't been jammed down our throats our entire career. We've heard it all and it is just that... WORDS.

When you want to actually TALK money then we can explain money. If you want us to do it for love... well you have to find somebody who is selling something else. I have the pleasure to make money and love. I know better than to get into something where I don't make money to cause me not to love my work. I get paid a fair wage in all my endeavors. My clients are business folks too... they get money. They may not understand day care money when they come to me but they do by the third interview. They want me to be prosperous. They want me to be happy. I'm happy being prosperous even though I'm a mere girl.

[nannyde]

I never considered it not trusting someone; just considered it training someone on how to help my lo. I've never started a job without training even if it was just to train me on that company's policy. I don't mean to say that a seasoned provider would need training per se. I probably insulted someone again. . But there are subtleties for my lo that I thought would be easier if I were there. I really actually thought it would make it easier for the provider. But I can see how that was a misconception. Although my current provider was very receptive to my being there a couple hours and I know she was not slighted in the least. There aren't any other kids there, though, and I can see how it would be difficult with other kids there.

Hey if your provider is up to it... go for it. Bring her a big box of special treats and a gourmet coffee when it's time. Show her you dig what she has done because you know most wouldn't.

Is this your first kid?

[Heidi]

thank you for taking the time to read all that! I am so worried that she's going to start refusing bottles. If I don't have to go back to work, and could stay home, from your experience with similar kids would you say that it would be in her best interest to give her more time to get more comfortable with me being away? Perhaps leaving her now is just too soon? I'm worried that letting her CIO, so-to-speak, could be detrimental to her wellbeing since she is so young.

I think what you really want to hear is "yes, you should stay home with your child".

It sounds like that is what you really want. Maybe it'd be a financial struggle, maybe your SO doesn't support it, maybe you feel like people will judge you for not going back to your PhD. program.

I think that you just really need to decide if that's what's really going on?

Everyone has pretty much said give it more time. I'd agree. Sit down with your provider and let her know you are freaking out, and you need her to help you through this.

The crying itself WILL NOT hurt your child. She knows she is loved, because you show her that every day. But, a child who cries a lot and a mother who worries constantly are a major stressor for a provider. You don't want a stressed-out provider. So, talk to her. Make her promise that if she ever feels overwhelmed, she will call you. THEN you can come and rescue her (and baby). Otherwise, she's handling it, and your LO will be OK!

That, or scratch the whole thing and quit your job or school for a while.

By the way, every one of my dcm's has left here crying their first day back at work, and have been in tears the first few weeks at their jobs. You're not weird in this! I was there once myself....23 1/2 years ago!

[Unregistered]

You sound burnt out I wouldn't work in childcare because it seems really difficult.

That was kind of rude.
It isnt the children that makes this job hard or difficult. It's parents like you that make it so hard. Unrealistic expectations and wanting individualized attention.

there have been some very nice responses on here from seasoned providers so I have to believe there are still those who love their job and don't necessarily do it just for the money.

Everyone does this for money.. I dont know a single working person that doesnt. If they say they do something just for the love of it with no money involved, they would do it for free.

Loving the job helps but dont assume that is the only reason providers open their homes and hearts to others. It's the money plain and simple.

When there is no money involved it's called a hobby.

[Leanna]

Whenever women talk about money, especially when it comes to the care of children, there is always the perception that there is some kind of emotional problem. That makes me LAUGH my arse off.

Just because we are talking about the WORK and BUSINESS of taking care of kids it does NOT mean we can't talk about MONEY every step of the way. It's OKAY to talk about MONEY. It's okay to associate the WORK and TIME of this business directly about MONEY. It's done in every single other child related business.

Every single piece of equipment, piece of clothing, bib, pacifier, bottle, sheet, crib, car seat.... every single good that is related to children there are legions of people who talk about MONEY as the product is developed, manufactured, shipped, and sold.

There's nobody at Graco telling them that they shouldn't discuss MONEY because the products they sell are for the BAYYYYBEEES. If Eddie Bauer didn't have MONEY discussions they wouldn't be able to sell car seats.

Why can't we? Why are we the ONE group who can't put MONEY into the conversation as THE topic that must be dealt with FIRST before anything else works? Every other business does that serves kids.

Oh I know... it's because we are a bunch of WOMEN and we should love first then take whatever scraps of money that is sent our way to feed, clothe, and house OUR kids.

I'm not burnt out. I make a GREAT living. I don't allow emotional words like "burnt out" and "it's not about the money" phase me. Just like I said before... we have heard it ALL before. You have the SAME words. You have the SAME inflection. You have the SAME message. You haven't come up with a single phrase or idea that hasn't been jammed down our throats our entire career. We've heard it all and it is just that... WORDS.

When you want to actually TALK money then we can explain money. If you want us to do it for love... well you have to find somebody who is selling something else. I have the pleasure to make money and love. I know better than to get into something where I don't make money to cause me not to love my work. I get paid a fair wage in all my endeavors. My clients are business folks too... they get money. They may not understand day care money when they come to me but they do by the third interview. They want me to be prosperous. They want me to be happy. I'm happy being prosperous even though I'm a mere girl.

But you DO sound burnt out :/ Maybe that's not the correct phrase. You sound like you are "over it." Maybe that's just how you come across in writing but you can't blame someone for coming to that conclusion when they are just reading posts on a forum.

[Blackcat31]

I don't think Nan is burnt out. I think she is realistic. I also think she eliminates the fluff when she posts.

That often makes her words appear harsh but when you really stop and think about what she is saying (not focusing on how she says it) her posts/words make ALOT of sense and more often than not, it's the truth.

A truth that many of us don't see yet because we don't have the years of experience.

A truth that many of us don't see or refuse to see because we are held financially hostage by DCP's or because the income or pleasing parents is more important than the truth.

[Heidi]

But you DO sound burnt out :/ Maybe that's not the correct phrase. You sound like you are "over it." Maybe that's just how you come across in writing but you can't blame someone for coming to that conclusion when they are just reading posts on a forum.

I can tell you that "burnt out" or "over it" are pretty much the polar opposites of Nan's experience. If you get a chance, look on Daycare.com's main page and read some of her blogs. It's a different perspective than you get from forum answers.

[daycarediva]

I don't think she is burnt out, either. I think she is OVER parents attempting to dictate her time and resources and tell her how she should run her business. I think she is blunt enough to say it how it is, without sugar coating it and fluffing it up. But burnt out, I don't think so.

Honestly, the kids do NOT wear me out. I can DO kids. I like kids. I LOVE my job.

The parents wear me out. Day in, day out, failing to do their job and then attempting to transfer that issue on to me. "Joe wouldn't go to bed last night so Joe will need an early nap." Well, I have 5 other kids who do NOT need an early nap. That will NOT work for me. kwim? Not bringing supplies so that I can do MY job with their child. Having to send home newsletters that require a signature and date because grown adults don't have an idea what 'acceptable clothing for outdoor play' means without a friggin checklist? Dope and drop? Rudeness and disrespect? The entire generation of NON parenting and MY CHILD CAN NEVER CRY. It isn't realistic and if you WANT individual and special for your child....stay home or get a nanny. Individual and special to NOT equate to group care.

[Laurel]

She is very part time right now but I'm going to gradually increase her time there until she goes every day, full time. I have until mid January to get her to full time.

I kind of get the feeling that is you that is having a problem leaving your baby which is very understandable. I think a four month old baby would adjust just fine after a bit.

My first parent ever (18 years ago), wanted to come a half hour earlier than she needed too. I wasn't sure how it would work out but it worked out fine. I wouldn't do 4 hours though. That just seems like it is unnecessary.

Good luck!

Laurel

[kitykids3]

How would I feel if a parent suggested this to me?
I guess I would feel a little like I wasn't trusted. Also I would feel like this would be a difficult parent to deal with and would have to tell her that is not possible. Honestly after over 10 years in daycare, I have never heard such a proposition. I have had a couple want to come on the first day and spend like a half hour, but even then, I limit it to maybe 10 minutes because quite frankly a quick kiss and good-bye and leaving is the best.

It becomes harder for you hanging around, then your child will pick up on that, plus makes it harder for them because they need to experience you leaving and coming back everyday to 'get it.' If you're hanging out with your lg, she is not going to understand that you will still be leaving her but are staying with her for a short time.

Like the others have said, at 4 months I don't think it is separation anxiety, it is the new environment. You have to give it time and you have to let the provider deal with it. She needs to be able to take care of her and learn her cries and meet her needs so baby can trust her and the new environment. She may stop crying when you pick her up, because you are familiar and you are momma. Only 3 days at a new place is definitely not enough time.

I also wouldn't go for the suggestion of hanging out for 4 hours because that is almost half my day and would be too disruptive for our routine because of having a stranger here means the children will be disruptive.

If you have picked your provider and believe she has the qualifications to handle this, then you have to let her do it. You can't get into a pattern of rescuing baby (now or later) whenever she cries. Your little girl, as long as her needs are met, needs to be able to learn to accept the new provider and environment and if that takes a little crying until she does, then it's ok. She's not hurt and it's not going to cause damage to her, it's just new.

Give it some weeks and keep open communication with the provider. Leave something at the daycare that has your scent (usually a shirt) and try to keep her routine the same between both places and it will be ok.

[Laurel]

I don't think she is burnt out, either. I think she is OVER parents attempting to dictate her time and resources and tell her how she should run her business. I think she is blunt enough to say it how it is, without sugar coating it and fluffing it up. But burnt out, I don't think so.

Honestly, the kids do NOT wear me out. I can DO kids. I like kids. I LOVE my job.

The parents wear me out. Day in, day out, failing to do their job and then attempting to transfer that issue on to me. "Joe wouldn't go to bed last night so Joe will need an early nap." Well, I have 5 other kids who do NOT need an early nap. That will NOT work for me. kwim? Not bringing supplies so that I can do MY job with their child. Having to send home newsletters that require a signature and date because grown adults don't have an idea what 'acceptable clothing for outdoor play' means without a friggin checklist? Dope and drop? Rudeness and disrespect? The entire generation of NON parenting and MY CHILD CAN NEVER CRY. It isn't realistic and if you WANT individual and special for your child....stay home or get a nanny. Individual and special to NOT equate to group care.

These things happen now and again but I can't imagine putting up with that day in and day out. I couldn't do it if I had a lot of parents like that. I guess I've been pretty lucky. I've had a few doozies but not all doozies all the time. In fact, the majority have been very good over an 18 year span.

Laurel

[daycarediva]

These things happen now and again but I can't imagine putting up with that day in and day out. I couldn't do it if I had a lot of parents like that. I guess I've been pretty lucky. I've had a few doozies but not all doozies all the time. In fact, the majority have been very good over an 18 year span.

Laurel

I moved from a low-middle income area to an upper middle class area. It was good financially, but terrible from the type of parents I get. I deal with parent issues on an almost DAILY basis.

Today a dck came in with a half eaten candy bar Mom 'couldn't get away from him' and one came with pjs because she 'wouldn't get dressed' and one was a dope and drop! Seriously!

[CedarCreek]

But you DO sound burnt out :/ Maybe that's not the correct phrase. You sound like you are "over it." Maybe that's just how you come across in writing but you can't blame someone for coming to that conclusion when they are just reading posts on a forum.

Then consider me "burnt out" or "over it" too. I guess that's what you get for telling it like it is.

Pertaining to the money aspect: I do ANY type of job for the MONEY. My family needs money to survive and I am not ashamed to provide for them. I love kids but I am not going to miss payments on my car or house or my sons braces just to care for the two that I have. That's why I'm closing up shop and doing other work for a while. It's for the :GASP: money

[Unregistered]

I started my 4 month old LG at a new home daycare last week. The home daycare provider is new and has no other kids except her own 2 year old daughter. My LG went a couple of days for four hours each day and it went well. No crying. Today, however, she cried hysterically. Of course it broke my heart. I'm trying to make this transition as easy as possible and read some articles on how to help infants deal with the separation. One article suggested that I stay with her and get her used to the new environment and then gradually cut back on the amount of time that I'm there. I would love to do this. I would like to suggest to the provider that my LG start going full time but that I would stay with her for four hours each day until I have to start work. I will, of course, still pay full price. I wouldn't be able to gradually wean off time as there's only a few weeks until I have to start back to work.

As providers, how would you feel if a parent suggested this to you?

This posting is a big joke and a sign of the times: No parenting skills...

[Annalee]

You sound burnt out But there have been some very nice responses on here from seasoned providers so I have to believe there are still those who love their job and don't necessarily do it just for the money.

I don't do it just for the money, BUT this is a BUSINESS....and I treat it as such...In FCC, you have to create benefits for yourself. NO matter the career path chosen, we all need to have a purpose. FCC Providers have a vast amount of knowledge when it comes to the importance of early childhood...but along with quality early childhood experiences is a child care provider that believes in herself and the program she offers clients....SO why are quality FCC child care providers constantly on the stand defending themselves?