I'm A New DCM - Question For Providers

[AcornMama]

It is basically saying a baby should never cry. :confused:

Seriously?

It also states that a baby that cries excessively has an inexperienced, unsupportive or unknowledgeable caregiver.

I know plenty of babies that cried even though ALL their needs were met.

I didn't read the article, I'm just responding to what Blackcat wrote, but seriously, if crying is so bad for babies, and due to inexperienced caregivers, then I guess no moms should stay home with their first babies. And I guess that explains why my oldest cried so much as a baby, way more than my other seven kids.

So, I guess all firstborns should be handed over to professionals? Because heaven forbid a new mom should have trouble "reading" her new baby. And it might actually cry.

[TwinKristi]

I didn't read the article, I'm just responding to what Blackcat wrote, but seriously, if crying is so bad for babies, and due to inexperienced caregivers, then I guess no moms should stay home with their first babies. And I guess that explains why my oldest cried so much as a baby, way more than my other seven kids.

So, I guess all firstborns should be handed over to professionals? Because heaven forbid a new mom should have trouble "reading" her new baby. And it might actually cry.

Or first born twins! One had to cry from time to time because I was changing the other, making their bottles, changing the other's diaper, etc. Babies cry! It's normal. Not normal to cry for hours and hours on end and not have their needs met but having their needs met AND crying is hard to avoid with babies. They can't say "my gums/teeth hurt" - "I have gas in my belly" etc. how else are they supposed to communicate?

[Unregistered]

Or "volunteering" .

Exactly^




As a parent, I'd find it VERY questionable if anyone offered to do it for free or very little money. Has anyone ever heard of PERVS before? because that's what you end up with when someone you don't know offers to do child care for FREE. Heck, even people you DO know can be that way. It's very rare that someone goes into this for free unless there are ulterior motives, with a VERY SMALL exception. Those of us who do it for the PENNIES we get have chosen this career bc we like kids of course, but also so we can stay with our OWN children. Something I think kids NEED more of anyway!

We can RAISE your kids for you (general you) but you don't want to pay hardly anything, complain when you don't like policies, don't like when we make your child become independent (self-dressing/feeding etc) and we don't AP your child. That we actually have to put Johnny down so we can feed Suzie. That they get dirty from playing. That they might have gotten treated to McD's for lunch or maybe that they get nutritious lunch and you want us to feed the kid Cheeto's (I actually had a mother feeding a 6 mo cheetos and chicken WITH bones and requested me to do the same. That lunch went into the trash and I fed a nutritious lunch, and when she hummed and hawed about it, I termed ON THE SPOT) You'll pay a lot more for your nails, hair and fancy clothes, but not your own CHILD? No wonder things like shootings and people going insane happen! Your kids know that your material things mean MORE to you than THEY do! And it's SO true.

I don't care about your "RIGHT" to do ANYTHING. Your right to buy nice things because you work. YOU CHOSE TO have a child, so PAY for that child, and that means paying for quality care for that child while you work. Seriously!

And for the moms that cry "WOE IS ME I'M SINGLE, I CAN'T PAY" : Everyone has a story. I ALSO have to pay for YOUR children along with mine so that YOU can work to pay your bills. I didn't create your child YOU got into that mess, not me. I am only trying to pick up the pieces for everyone else's mistakes and I am not doing it ANYMORE. Either I get paid a fair wage (which ANYONE wants) or I don't take the child. Simple. As. That

[Josiegirl]

OP, I hope it works out for you! To me, it would be the most difficult thing in the world, handing my baby over to another person to care for. No matter how much I loved or trusted that person. And THAT was the #1 reason I started child care a million years ago.

[cheerfuldom]

OP, I hope it works out for you! To me, it would be the most difficult thing in the world, handing my baby over to another person to care for. No matter how much I loved or trusted that person. And THAT was the #1 reason I started child care a million years ago.

Yup. me too. I cried about two weeks before I was supposed to start work and thought "screw this, I am staying home!". It has been HARD work to do daycare, much harder than what I used to and was getting paid better to do but now my first baby is 6 years old and I know I made the right choice. This is no reflection on daycare providers because I actually had three providers lined up, all who I knew VERY well and trusted and I was not worried for my baby's care or transition, I just understood already how fast the time would fly and I didnt want to miss it.

[craftymissbeth]

Yup. me too. I cried about two weeks before I was supposed to start work and thought "screw this, I am staying home!". It has been HARD work to do daycare, much harder than what I used to and was getting paid better to do but now my first baby is 6 years old and I know I made the right choice. This is no reflection on daycare providers because I actually had three providers lined up, all who I knew VERY well and trusted and I was not worried for my baby's care or transition, I just understood already how fast the time would fly and I didnt want to miss it.

I broke down in tears the day dh and I went to check out the daycare we were putting ds in while I was in school. The teachers in his room thought I was bonkers


I do want to add that the tags some of you have put on this thread are straight out rude and I'm truly disappointed that this is how we thank parents for coming here with questions simply because we disagree with them. I hope that things like that don't keep other parents for becoming members here

[Babyluver2]

What are tags?

Because I cannot log into my acc't I cannot see pics/links/siggies or anything so I could be missing them

[Unregistered]

OP, I hope it works out for you! To me, it would be the most difficult thing in the world, handing my baby over to another person to care for. No matter how much I loved or trusted that person. And THAT was the #1 reason I started child care a million years ago.

It has been really difficult. I'm still not sure I'll be able to do it but I have to try. I've cried every time I leave and I'm teary all the time since I'm taking her full time next week. Since I haven't started work I don't have anything to keep my mind off of her being gone.

[OP here]

I do want to add that the tags some of you have put on this thread are straight out rude and I'm truly disappointed that this is how we thank parents for coming here with questions simply because we disagree with them. I hope that things like that don't keep other parents for becoming members here

To each their own I guess. I've been on forums for years so I'm used to the wide range of responses one gets. I hope it doesn't discourage anyone. You got to just take what is helpful and there have been many very nice posters here that have been very helpful.

[Unregistered]

It's always harder for mom/dad to leave baby than it is actually on the baby.
It's normal.
There does have to be a certain level of trust that your provider can meet the baby's needs, though, or the relationship won't work.
Baby needs time (like you) to bond with provider.
Mom you have to understand that you need time too. That's what's great about trial periods.
Babies cry. I have NEVER known a baby to die or have permanent damage emotionally, from crying when all their needs have been met. Sometimes, it takes time for babies to get used to their surroundings.

As they become more aware, they become a little bit more clingy. At 4 months, though, the baby doesn't really have a separation issue. It's an adjustment, but nowhere near a separation "anxiety" At this age, babies just need basic things met, and don't really care who does it.

The beauty about having an infant going through this transition NOW, is that it gets easier rather than waiting. And by the time you have another, you'll be a PRO!

Kiss baby at the door and drop n leave works best for both babies and providers and moms too.

Since you're not working, you might go get yourself a massage, try to relax, or find a friend for a cup of coffee/hot chocolate so you can talk your feelings through. Maybe another mom.

Then appreciate your provider. She's doing her best just like you are. And if you don't think so, switch. But remember, the more you bounce baby from place to place, the harder it will be for her AND you. Relationships, trust, bonding: it all takes time.

You can do it, if you trust your own instincts to provide for your baby. You just have to really dig deep sometimes. Give yourself and baby some time with this gal and if it works out, you'll be so happy. It TAKES A VILLAGE! No mom can do it alone.

[BABYLUVER2]

It's always harder for mom/dad to leave baby than it is actually on the baby.
It's normal.
There does have to be a certain level of trust that your provider can meet the baby's needs, though, or the relationship won't work.
Baby needs time (like you) to bond with provider.
Mom you have to understand that you need time too. That's what's great about trial periods.
Babies cry. I have NEVER known a baby to die or have permanent damage emotionally, from crying when all their needs have been met. Sometimes, it takes time for babies to get used to their surroundings.

As they become more aware, they become a little bit more clingy. At 4 months, though, the baby doesn't really have a separation issue. It's an adjustment, but nowhere near a separation "anxiety" At this age, babies just need basic things met, and don't really care who does it.

The beauty about having an infant going through this transition NOW, is that it gets easier rather than waiting. And by the time you have another, you'll be a PRO!

Kiss baby at the door and drop n leave works best for both babies and providers and moms too.

Since you're not working, you might go get yourself a massage, try to relax, or find a friend for a cup of coffee/hot chocolate so you can talk your feelings through. Maybe another mom.

Then appreciate your provider. She's doing her best just like you are. And if you don't think so, switch. But remember, the more you bounce baby from place to place, the harder it will be for her AND you. Relationships, trust, bonding: it all takes time.

You can do it, if you trust your own instincts to provide for your baby. You just have to really dig deep sometimes. Give yourself and baby some time with this gal and if it works out, you'll be so happy. It TAKES A VILLAGE! No mom can do it alone.

Sorry the above post was mine. It didn't take my screenname. ~L

[OP here]

find a friend for a cup of coffee/hot chocolate so you can talk your feelings through. Maybe another mom.

You can do it, if you trust your own instincts to provide for your baby. You just have to really dig deep sometimes. Give yourself and baby some time with this gal and if it works out, you'll be so happy. It TAKES A VILLAGE! No mom can do it alone.

I only have a couple of working mom's who are friends and they're at work! Plus they live kind of far. One of them acts like leaving her babies is no big deal but I know that's not true because her cubical is COVERED in pictures of her kids.

I come from a VERY religious background where mom stays home with the kids. I have a rather large family and all my sister's stay home with their kids. When I talk to them they always tell me I should stay home and I'll regret going back to work. I've pretty much stopped talking to them but that leaves me feeling lonely, too. And I know they're judging me. My social group was mostly religious people so when I hang around them they don't really know what to say when I tell them how hard this is. They can only relate by saying how they had to leave their kid for an hour in the church nursery. I appreciate that they try to relate but it's not even close to similar. Plus, I feel like a lot of them are judging me.

[cheerfuldom]

I only have a couple of working mom's who are friends and they're at work! Plus they live kind of far. One of them acts like leaving her babies is no big deal but I know that's not true because her cubical is COVERED in pictures of her kids.

I come from a VERY religious background where mom stays home with the kids. I have a rather large family and all my sister's stay home with their kids. When I talk to them they always tell me I should stay home and I'll regret going back to work. I've pretty much stopped talking to them but that leaves me feeling lonely, too. And I know they're judging me. My social group was mostly religious people so when I hang around them they don't really know what to say when I tell them how hard this is. They can only relate by saying how they had to leave their kid for an hour in the church nursery. I appreciate that they try to relate but it's not even close to similar. Plus, I feel like a lot of them are judging me.

I am sorry you are going thru that. Your church family should be people that make you feel better and support you, not people that judge or critique you. It sounds like you have a lot more going on right now than just the sitter issue. In my experience, a lot of times the moms that are having a really hard time with daycare are actually the moms that have some big personal issues going on, things they cannot control and so they fixate on something they might be able to control like the daycare situation. A couple of small issues in daycare magnify to huge overwhelming problems in their eyes because of the stress from other things going on in their lives, unrelated to daycare. Anyway, just be aware of that and try not to drop all this anxiety onto the sitter over things she has no part of. It sounds like you are transitioning to motherhood, getting a lot of pressure and judgement from other people in your circle, and lonely on top of that plus you mentioned having some crying issues with your baby so everything combined with possibly a high needs child is overwhelming. I really feel for you and hope that you find some resolution with all this. You cannot please everyone, don't even try, just do what is best for YOU and YOUR family. Find a church or circle of friends that better support you if need be.

On a personal note, both sides of our families have some very conservative, traditional, religious people and I understand the onslaught of pressure that brings. We left the church that my husband's parents started and that was no easy situation! But you have to go where you fit best and it was a great decision for us to change churches and strike up some new friendships with people that were more accepting of our two income household and other non-traditional factors in our lives.

[KidGrind]

Whenever women talk about money, especially when it comes to the care of children, there is always the perception that there is some kind of emotional problem. That makes me LAUGH my arse off.

Just because we are talking about the WORK and BUSINESS of taking care of kids it does NOT mean we can't talk about MONEY every step of the way. It's OKAY to talk about MONEY. It's okay to associate the WORK and TIME of this business directly about MONEY. It's done in every single other child related business.

Every single piece of equipment, piece of clothing, bib, pacifier, bottle, sheet, crib, car seat.... every single good that is related to children there are legions of people who talk about MONEY as the product is developed, manufactured, shipped, and sold.

There's nobody at Graco telling them that they shouldn't discuss MONEY because the products they sell are for the BAYYYYBEEES. If Eddie Bauer didn't have MONEY discussions they wouldn't be able to sell car seats.

Why can't we? Why are we the ONE group who can't put MONEY into the conversation as THE topic that must be dealt with FIRST before anything else works? Every other business does that serves kids.

Oh I know... it's because we are a bunch of WOMEN and we should love first then take whatever scraps of money that is sent our way to feed, clothe, and house OUR kids.

I'm not burnt out. I make a GREAT living. I don't allow emotional words like "burnt out" and "it's not about the money" phase me. Just like I said before... we have heard it ALL before. You have the SAME words. You have the SAME inflection. You have the SAME message. You haven't come up with a single phrase or idea that hasn't been jammed down our throats our entire career. We've heard it all and it is just that... WORDS.

When you want to actually TALK money then we can explain money. If you want us to do it for love... well you have to find somebody who is selling something else. I have the pleasure to make money and love. I know better than to get into something where I don't make money to cause me not to love my work. I get paid a fair wage in all my endeavors. My clients are business folks too... they get money. They may not understand day care money when they come to me but they do by the third interview. They want me to be prosperous. They want me to be happy. I'm happy being prosperous even though I'm a mere girl.

If I weren’t sitting at my desk I’d be giving this a standing ovation.

[OP here]

It's not offensive. It's just a bunch of work that most likely won't work out to make the provider money over time.

Your request isn't unusual. Your perception of your baby is VERY VERY common. Your solutions are common.

This aint our first time to this rodeo. I wish newbie parents could understand that what they come up with and attribute to their child we have seen a ZILLION times. It's not unique. It's not special. It's not child specific.

We have had the same words you use come to our ears. We have had the same facial expressions you use to convey your worry. We have had many many requests to do the parent in order to have the money to do the kid.

Your face looks the same.
Your voice inflection is the same.
Your analysis is the same.
Your child is the same.

It's not new. Nothing you have said hasn't come knocking at our door.

It's WORK. The question you should be asking is if this amount of WORK for the provider is worth the money you are paying her. You should ask what kind of compensation should you be offering to her that is above the child care rate to compensate her for doing you and your kid at this level.

It's not about you or what you think your kid needs. It's about WORK and time. Work and time that will most likely end the way it ended with your previous providers.

No offense to you OP though. Please don't take me wrong. I'm all for picking the kind of parenting you want for your kid. She's your kid so do as you wish. I've been at this long enough to know there are a zillion right ways to raise a kid. My only interest is how does that work in group care and what cost to the provider to fetter through no cry parenting to find the ones who will stay. Your chances of staying are so slim. Your perception is dangerous to a providers long term success. It just is what it is. You could really damage someone's future with your perceptions if you decided to spread the word.

I'm not in any way saying you shouldn't go after what you think you deserve monetarily. You can negotiate a good salary and also keep your humanity. Male or female, when you work with kids one expects a higher level of humanity than what has been expressed above. You can get the price you want and also value the experience of the one who is paying you. The two do not need to be exclusive, in any profession. When you start to get burnt out you stop valuing the experience of the one you are selling to, as it seems you have expressed above, and it becomes just about money. If you were a used car salesman no one would be that concerned. When you work with kids it becomes alarming.