DCP Who Is 4 Weeks In Now Says That Her 2yo Seems Sensitive To Gluten And Dairy

[trix23]

She said that she will look over my menu then bring in replacements as needed. She did not agree to supply all food, though that was what i was telling her.

I am not discriminating against an allergy. I don't know how serious it is if she says she "doesn't mind cross-contamination" as she said to me earlier today. It's a sensitivity but I don't think it was formally tested.

Either way, she has 2 options:
1) i provide all food or
2) she provides all food.

If she doesn't want either option, then I'm terming.

[CityGarden]

This same mom asked me today to put her son's hair up to keep it out of his face. I'm thinking "um no." I texted back earlier:
"children need to arrive dressed in a fresh diaper, clean clothes, socks, shoes, and be recently bathed with clean hair. Hairdos are a parent responsibility."

I do have in my handbook children need to be dressed and ready for the day upon arrival. Initially I thought do I really need that line in a handbook but sadly the answer is YES!!! That said just yesterday I had a little girl stay for her first full day and she sleeps so crazy her hair was everywhere so I asked mom to supply a small brush for me to tidy her hair after nap time.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

She said that she will look over my menu then bring in replacements as needed. She did not agree to supply all food, though that was what i was telling her.

I am not discriminating against an allergy. I don't know how serious it is if she says she "doesn't mind cross-contamination" as she said to me earlier today. It's a sensitivity but I don't think it was formally tested.

Either way, she has 2 options:
1) i provide all food or
2) she provides all food.

If she doesn't want either option, then I'm terming.

Without knowing all the details, I would say this is a CONTROL issue and you are probably better off terminating care.

[trix23]

I'm writing them an email tonight and will be explaining in a professional manner that I am a home daycare provider and that them signing on with me means they agree to follow my polices and agree to them. If they want the say with everything, they may need to hire a nanny. Since I'm self -employed, parents do not dictate my polices or get exceptions.

[CityGarden]

She said that she will look over my menu then bring in replacements as needed. She did not agree to supply all food, though that was what i was telling her.

I am not discriminating against an allergy. I don't know how serious it is if she says she "doesn't mind cross-contamination" as she said to me earlier today. It's a sensitivity but I don't think it was formally tested.

Either way, she has 2 options:
1) i provide all food or
2) she provides all food.

If she doesn't want either option, then I'm terming.

Yes I agree it is all or nothing. You cannot budget and plan any other way.

What did the doc note say? It is a sensitivity or an actual tested and confirmed allergy? That is a big difference. Many parents use sensitivities to sway providers to change the menu or give their kid something they prefer. From what you have posted, it sounds like mom doesn't like your meal plan (she would hate mine if too much pasta actually exists: and wants you to make an exception for her kid. You will find out the truth if you have her provide all meals and snacks. What they pack for their kid to eat will tell you just how serious that "allergy" really is.

The bold I 100% agree with.

I know my dd's pediatrician did not feel okay with doing the whole allergy testing until dd was around 7-years old. (I can't recall the actual age) When she was 2 months and bloody from eczema they noted her chart based on symptoms before and after an elimination diet which meant I had to eliminate diary..... since she was exclusively breast fed at the time. In my experience parents of true allergy kids will happily provide food for their child because the alternative impacts either their child's health life vs. death or their quality of life so much it's a burden. In the first preschool I was happy to provide dd's milk and the director there was okay with me just making substitutions for the days the menu conflicted BUT that 3-hours a day preschool only served snack so it was like 1-3 times per month.

I was not trying to sway the menu and I did try my best to match anything they offered so dd did not feel excluded --- now that she is older I don't have to be as sensitive but sometimes she still feels excluded. She couldn't sit by her BFF at lunch because BFF's mom packed PB&J each day this went on without me knowing until BFF's mom said her dd asked for sunflower butter so she could stay by my dd. lovethis The allergy table is a lonely place so parents of children with those allergies will happily bring food (and often even extra food to share). It's sad so many people will lie and say they have an allergy when they just don't like something it makes the road harder for those with real allergies.

[trix23]

Yeah, and I was forward with them at the interview/tour about me serving gluten and dairy but in moderation (she mentioned that they avoid these things at home)

[nannyde]

Can you say exactly what the doc note said?

[trix23]

Diaper dermatitis:
Keep diaper area dry, clean, and aerated. Frequent diaper changes are essential; every 1-2 hours is recommended, less during the night is acceptable. Cleanse the area well with water at every diaper change and use mild soap, rinsing well following a stool. Annoys vigorous cleansing as this can worsen matters.
Use a greasy lubricant if skin is dry.
Use a protective barrier ointment cream such as Desitin, cod liver oil with zinc oxide, A&D ointment, aquaphor, petroleum, or zinc oxide
Leave diaper off for limited time to encourage air flow and lessen heat/moisturecto area
Increase fluids to dilute urine

Diet: increase fluids and decrease acidity level. No dairy, no gluten, decrease sugar content.I

[LysesKids]

My heart breaks when allergy kids get the short end of the stick without a fighting chance for something they had no control of.

It seems the mom was trying to work with you.... she said she is going to try bringing all the child's food.

...Black Cat doesn't have to terminate someone for something trivial she instead sets clear boundaries. For example her suggested response to the DCM:

"DCM, I am unable to accommodate special diets without added costs so you will need to supply all foods for both meals and snacks. This is the only way I am able to ensure DCG is provided with the foods she needs due to her sensitivities."

This response was direct and provided a solution that worked for BlackCat the ball is now in mom's court she can either provide all food or provide notice.

It could be possible the intolerance is real --- my dd has a horrible reaction to dairy, it triggers her eczema and she would itch to the point of blood and a full blown peanut allergy..... we have never had a problem with a school or care provider - either the school required a note from the doctor and made the substitutions (they were on some sort of food program) or I provided all her food. I will add as a parent of an allergy kid ---- I did not ask for this, my child did not ask for this and I would not wish it on my enemy. When we go to a friend's house and they extend dinner of fried fish to us I am not being elitist to ask if they used peanut oil to fry it in ---- I am trying to ensure my child lives. When I rush and offer to bring in popsicles for the year end class party to try and beat someone to the punch who wants to bring ice cream cups or something with heavy dairy I am not bringing my daughter's favorite (she would rather have the ice cream cup ) I am trying to maintain her quality of life so she is not paying the price later itching until she bleeds. Also I live in Southern California where it seems everyone has some sort of allergy or personal family diet :roll eyes: ---- if I did not accept children with allergies or food limitations I would have no clients, it is one of many reasons I require them to provide their own lunches. To date, them providing their own lunches has been one of my best business decisions!!!...

I get this... I have my own food allergies & have a Gluten intolerance due to Hashimoto's disease. I take kids with most food allergies; the exception is Peanuts - why? I use a lot of nut flours (can sometimes cause cross allergy issues) because I can't use regular flour & I care for a few Celiac kids that also can't have Soy (Foster babes), not just dairy. I explain this very clearly on my website and in the written policies.

I understand what it's like to have to avoid certain things and my menu is done in such a way that I know I can offer this this and this most days, but on Thursdays we use this menu. I have a child that was tested & it turned out some of her allergies were her most favorite fruit & veg (like 25 items inc Soy & dairy). Being my first client & now having baby brother in care 3 years later, I have it down to a science and not one instance of anyone having a problem . This is why I don't allow outside food at all except formula. A Parent might send something that can't be in the airspace of another child and then all he** breaks loose

[Ariana]

I personally feel like you are being really rude to this mom! It seems like you have a lot of anger towards her for some odd reason. The kid was not sensitive at the tour so she didn't mention it. She said she was ok with providing food but your message to her was so vague and you were not clear about what you were willing to do....you seemed like you simply wanted to reiterate over and over how it was not brought up at the tour. I think had you been MUCH more clear and concise about what you were going to do (get her to provide all food) she would have responded differently.

Anyway just my 2 cents. There is backbone and then there is rude.

[trix23]

What is rude about it? She is nitpicking every detail of my program. Fought me on letting her kid's cloth diapers leak as acceptable, wanted me to put sunscreen on him 2x/day, has asked for exceptions at every turn on polices, and now is wanting to go halfsies on food. It complicates things.

I have to be clear with her or she'll give pushback on polices.

[Blackcat31]

I don't think anyone is being rude but I do think DCM asked for an inch and is slowly taking a mile.

To me, she is a classic case of "my child is special and I will use any and all opportunities to prove it"

I think OP is building her backbone (a work in progress) and learning as she goes. I've been there.

You waiver between permissive and rigid...until you find your groove.

[Ariana]

What did the doc note say? It is a sensitivity or an actual tested and confirmed allergy? That is a big difference. Many parents use sensitivities to sway providers to change the menu or give their kid something they prefer. From what you have posted, it sounds like mom doesn't like your meal plan (she would hate mine if too much pasta actually exists: and wants you to make an exception for her kid. You will find out the truth if you have her provide all meals and snacks. What they pack for their kid to eat will tell you just how serious that "allergy" really is.

I disagree! I think as a parent to intolerant kids myself I see it differently. I am paying someone to take care of my kid and now I have to provide all the food 5 days a week. I think as working moms we can all agree its tough to adjust to that. She likely wants the menu so she can replace as much as possible, so for example if you are having pizza and veggies, I could replace with my own pizza. Or if you are habing pasta I can bring cooked gluten free pasta etc. This way my kid isn't eating something different from the group as well.

When my eldest gets gluten she gets pain in her stomach. No clue why and it went on for a couple of years before I figured out she might have a gluten issue. We tried a gluten free diet and voila, her stomach issues and major gas and bloating went away. She is actually growing now! Both my girls are intolerant to dairy and they both get eczema if they have too much.

[Unregistered]

She wants me to do gluten free and dairy free for her child and was demanding it. Then she said she wants to substitute based on my menu.

After touring she asked how old my couch and rug were in the playroom. And enrolled a month or so after touring after she told me she wanted to start right away. Tons of red flags but I was new and naive.

[Ariana]

I don't think anyone is being rude but I do think DCM asked for an inch and is slowly taking a mile.

To me, she is a classic case of "my child is special and I will use any and all opportunities to prove it"

I think OP is building her backbone (a work in progress) and learning as she goes. I've been there.

You waiver between permissive and rigid...until you find your groove.

I don't see it this way at all. I think the mom asked for a special diet and the OP could have simply said "here is what I can do for you" and let the chips fall as they may. Instead I felt she was vague and simply wanted to convey her anger at not being informed at the tour. Then mom answered equally as vague because the OP was not clear enough.

Clearly this mom has been pushing since the beginning which makes it clearer to me where the anger is coming from. I think OP you need to be SUPER clear with her on all of these issues and leave the anger out of it. Simply tell her what you can and cannot do. "The only way we can move forward on this issue is if you are able to provide all food, otherwise
I will need to issue you your two week notice of termination of contract". This is crystal clear as to what your intentions are and what you are expecting from her.

Can I say the word "clear" more? ::