DCP Who Is 4 Weeks In Now Says That Her 2yo Seems Sensitive To Gluten And Dairy

[Ariana]

Whay exactly would you say?

Hi DCM,
Due to the recent change in DCG diet I am requesting that you provide all meals. Unfortunately it is not feasable to provide an alternative meal for every meal served here so this will be the only way for me to accommodate DCG's dietary needs. I can provide a food program guide (or whatever) to make sure DCG gets the requirements under the food guidelines set forth by the state. I can also provide a weekly meal plan so you can use what we are having each day as a guide. Hopefully this works for you, let me know if you have any questions or concerns,
Trix

[trix23]

I said:
"hings get complicated with all that and I don't want to be spending more time in the kitchen than needed. Plus there's also the issue of cross-contamination.

I do not provide allergen-free meals/special diet meals. If families want/need something different than what is offered then they need to provide it.

Had we all known he was sensitive to gluten and dairy at the tour, I would've mentioned this at that time.

I cannot accommodate a gluten and dairy sensitivity or allergy with the food I make. I would've discussed that at the tour if it had been brought up.

Here at daycare, we do things as a group and special treatment or special diets are not something that I am willing to do. I make mostly vegetarian stuff because kids generally don't like meat anyway and it lets them get more nutrients that way."



She said:
"I totally understand but he never had oral
responses to these foods before which is why it wasn't brought up at the tour.

If you could provide the menu by Saturday or Sunday so I can prepare and bring food when needed we will see how it works out. Thank you."

At what point do i say "this is how it will be or you're termed"? Lol. This is the mom that had a nanny for like 2 years....

[Blackcat31]

I said:
"hings get complicated with all that and I don't want to be spending more time in the kitchen than needed. Plus there's also the issue of cross-contamination.

I do not provide allergen-free meals/special diet meals. If families want/need something different than what is offered then they need to provide it.

Had we all known he was sensitive to gluten and dairy at the tour, I would've mentioned this at that time.

I cannot accommodate a gluten and dairy sensitivity or allergy with the food I make. I would've discussed that at the tour if it had been brought up.

Here at daycare, we do things as a group and special treatment or special diets are not something that I am willing to do. I make mostly vegetarian stuff because kids generally don't like meat anyway and it lets them get more nutrients that way."



She said:
"I totally understand but he never had oral
responses to these foods before which is why it wasn't brought up at the tour.

If you could provide the menu by Saturday or Sunday so I can prepare and bring food when needed we will see how it works out. Thank you."

At what point do i say "this is how it will be or you're termed"? Lol. This is the mom that had a nanny for like 2 years....

...at this point. now.

Either she supplies ALL the food or you do but I would not allow her to pre-view the menu and then pick and choose which days she substitutes.

I'd go with;

Dear DCM

Unfortunately, I am unable to accommodate a combined effort of providing both meals/snacks and a menu so that substitutes can be made when deemed necessary.

At this point, the only options I am willing to offer are either I provide all meals and snacks or you can choose to do so but I am unable to accommodate a combination of the two without added work/effort on my part.

As a busy working parent I am sure you understand. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Trix

[Blackcat31]

She said:
"I totally understand but he never had oral
responses to these foods before which is why it wasn't brought up at the tour.

I don't get what she means by that?

Oral responses? Is he not liking certain food so she is interpreting that as gluten sensitivities?

[trix23]

No idea. But he's had a bit of a diaper rash lately that the doc says is from gluten and dairy sensitivities. But he just bad a bday party and prob had cake and etc that wasn't his usual stuff

[trix23]

Would you send that over text, email, or write/type it on paper?

[Blackcat31]

Would you send that over text, email, or write/type it on paper?

I'd e-mail it. If that is how your recent convo was done.

Just reply back that "parent provided meals" or "provided provided meals" was the only option you were offering her.
A combination of the two is not something you can do.

I prefer e-mail as it provides a time/date for documentation purposes.

[trix23]

We've been texting but I think email is more formal and more appropriate for this instance. Thank you for your help!

[trix23]

Additional question: breakfast is at 9am-9:30am. At what point is a child unable to have breakfast upon arrival (like 9:10am, etc). Same mom wants to bring him tomorrow at 9:15 And still eat.... oy

[Blackcat31]

Additional question: breakfast is at 9am-9:30am. At what point is a child unable to have breakfast upon arrival (like 9:10am, etc). Same mom wants to bring him tomorrow at 9:15 And still eat.... oy

My rule for meals is the child MUST arrive, be checked in and ready to participate in the meal a MINIMUM of 15 minutes prior to the designated meal time.

For example I serve a morning snack at 9AM. If a child needs/wants to eat that snack they must be here NO later than 8:45.

I do this for several reasons....

• we eat family style and mid-meal arrivals are disruptive
• we have a routine for prepping meals/snacks
• we have assigned duties for meals/snack
• morning snack is our circle time

I don't mind when parents drop off while I am in the middle of an activity (meals and snacks included) but their child doesn't usually get to participate in that activity though since a good portion of each activity is not just the "doing" part but the before and after routine as well. (there are exceptions I am sure but generally speaking)

I would let her know that if she wants him to have breakfast there (your house) she needs to arrive PRIOR to serving time. Otherwise she can feed child on her time.


I have a feeling this one is going to be a thorn in your side.

Can I ask why she no longer has a nanny? (it appears that she still thinks she does or she feels group child care and nannying operate the same way) Oye!

[trix23]

I think her nanny got tired of it, . Oddly enough, the nanny has a kid and they come to me for drop-in care. She's training to be a doula, though I think it was a safe way for her to exit the nanny job. I love the one that was the nanny. Had a bad feeling about the one that hired a nanny but I tried it out. Lesson learned! And I've been firm on policies so far too.

[CityGarden]

At what point do i say "this is how it will be or you're termed"? Lol. This is the mom that had a nanny for like 2 years....

I agree you should say it now if that is how you feel but honestly the tone it appears you are taking in regards to this intolerance feels like you just don't want them there. Is this really about the food or something bigger? My heart breaks when allergy kids get the short end of the stick without a fighting chance for something they had no control of.

It seems the mom was trying to work with you.... she said she is going to try bringing all the child's food.

One local preschool has the following policy:
Any student who provides the school with an epi pen to counteract the ingestion of a food allergen must bring his/her own snack each day to school. We will not give the student any food items. Should you desire, a copy of the snack menu will be sent home so that you can bring in foods similar to what is being offered.

I agree you should not need to make it a burden on you but the mom providing all food reduces that. If I recall correctly you have spots to fill and need the income so why rush to terminate and blame the allergy/intolerance? Know when established providers like Black Cat for example suggest termination they are deeply established often with a waitlist that can replace that person the next day, I also find they are very gracious and accommodating so long as it does not put a burden on themselves. It seems to me they have a great balance of truly caring for the children in their care while setting boundaries that display respect for themselves as business owners. Black Cat doesn't have to terminate someone for something trivial she instead sets clear boundaries. For example her suggested response to the DCM:

"DCM, I am unable to accommodate special diets without added costs so you will need to supply all foods for both meals and snacks. This is the only way I am able to ensure DCG is provided with the foods she needs due to her sensitivities."

This response was direct and provided a solution that worked for BlackCat the ball is now in mom's court she can either provide all food or provide notice.

It could be possible the intolerance is real --- my dd has a horrible reaction to dairy, it triggers her eczema and she would itch to the point of blood and a full blown peanut allergy..... we have never had a problem with a school or care provider - either the school required a note from the doctor and made the substitutions (they were on some sort of food program) or I provided all her food. I will add as a parent of an allergy kid ---- I did not ask for this, my child did not ask for this and I would not wish it on my enemy. When we go to a friend's house and they extend dinner of fried fish to us I am not being elitist to ask if they used peanut oil to fry it in ---- I am trying to ensure my child lives. When I rush and offer to bring in popsicles for the year end class party to try and beat someone to the punch who wants to bring ice cream cups or something with heavy dairy I am not bringing my daughter's favorite (she would rather have the ice cream cup ) I am trying to maintain her quality of life so she is not paying the price later itching until she bleeds. Also I live in Southern California where it seems everyone has some sort of allergy or personal family diet :roll eyes: ---- if I did not accept children with allergies or food limitations I would have no clients, it is one of many reasons I require them to provide their own lunches. To date, them providing their own lunches has been one of my best business decisions!!!

BC - Not attacking you, I deeply respect you just using an example of an established provider and you were active on this thread lovethis

[mommyneedsadayoff]

What did the doc note say? It is a sensitivity or an actual tested and confirmed allergy? That is a big difference. Many parents use sensitivities to sway providers to change the menu or give their kid something they prefer. From what you have posted, it sounds like mom doesn't like your meal plan (she would hate mine if too much pasta actually exists: and wants you to make an exception for her kid. You will find out the truth if you have her provide all meals and snacks. What they pack for their kid to eat will tell you just how serious that "allergy" really is.

[trix23]

This same mom asked me today to put her son's hair up to keep it out of his face. I'm thinking "um no." I texted back earlier:
"children need to arrive dressed in a fresh diaper, clean clothes, socks, shoes, and be recently bathed with clean hair. Hairdos are a parent responsibility."

[CityGarden]

Additional question: breakfast is at 9am-9:30am. At what point is a child unable to have breakfast upon arrival (like 9:10am, etc). Same mom wants to bring him tomorrow at 9:15 And still eat.... oy

My dd's preschool asked everyone to drop off by AM snack (which was breakfast). They made enough for all the children enrolled, if the child arrived in the middle of snack they would sit and join in IF they arrive as snack was being cleaned up they ate alone while the other children were dismissed to play. IF they arrived after snack they had nothing until lunch time.

I make all my snacks ahead of time so I have enough for all the children enrolled but I do not serve my AM snack until after my "drop off window" ...... I find that to be one benefit to having the drop off window. If a child is going to be dropped off after the window parents tend to let me know AND I remind them to feed their child prior.