DCP Who Is 4 Weeks In Now Says That Her 2yo Seems Sensitive To Gluten And Dairy

[nannyde]

here it is

Ok thank you

[trix23]

Yes, I'm making that a question on my questionnaire now. Lol

[trix23]

Nannyde, I told her that I serve dairy and gluten but not in excess. I even gave her a sample menu that was from a month or so prior. No issues until recently with food and he's been here 4 weeks for 3x/week.

He just had a bday last week and grandma was in town and last week he didn't seem himself. Kinda spacey and tired.

[trix23]

I texted them in the afternoon today that for mealtimes that they need to arrive 15 minutes beforehand to be able to eat and that it's effective immediately.

Then tonight they texted that their son can't get here til 9:15 and if he could eat here....

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I disagree! I think as a parent to intolerant kids myself I see it differently. I am paying someone to take care of my kid and now I have to provide all the food 5 days a week. I think as working moms we can all agree its tough to adjust to that. She likely wants the menu so she can replace as much as possible, so for example if you are having pizza and veggies, I could replace with my own pizza. Or if you are habing pasta I can bring cooked gluten free pasta etc. This way my kid isn't eating something different from the group as well.

When my eldest gets gluten she gets pain in her stomach. No clue why and it went on for a couple of years before I figured out she might have a gluten issue. We tried a gluten free diet and voila, her stomach issues and major gas and bloating went away. She is actually growing now! Both my girls are intolerant to dairy and they both get eczema if they have too much.

It is a slippery slope. I do not disagree that kids and adults can be sensitive to certain foods and when the mom said they avoid dairy and gluten at home, and the OP said she serves it, it was the perfect opportunity for mom to speak about special diets. She chose not to and to accept the terms of the menu provided by OP. You know how all the kids have "allergies" when it comes to being sick. Well, a lot of kids develop "sensitivities" when it comes to food they simply don't like. The OP said that mom said he has not had "oral sensitivities" to these foods before, yet they claim not to eat these foods at home. If they don't eat them at home, why would you sign up for a daycare that specifically says they serve them and then turn around and request special treatment once you see they are having issues with these foods. This, imo, is where a sensitivity and a true allergy meet the grey line. Which one is it?

IMO, if it is truly and issue, mom will have no problem supplying a full meal, as she fully accepted the terms of the OP's menu when she signed on and is now changing her tune. The burden is now on her.

(on a side note, if you don't want this family anymore, here is your chance to unload! )

[trix23]

I need the money and their son and my 3 year old get along well, but I don't know how much longer I can be dealing with all this pushback on policies.

I'm just saying no to all special requests that go against the handbook and implementing new polices because of them. If they want to have a say in every detail of what i do, then they need to hire me as a nanny and pay me at least minimum wage ($8.10) = $230/week for the hours allotted for them.

[nannyde]

I'm just not convinced the child has an allergy to gluten or milk.

I think there is a chance that the mom told the doctor and he wrote it down on the diaper rash instructions.

In the four weeks you had him, has he had any sign of being allergic to dairy or gluten?

What does she mean by oral reaction?

I would sit her down and say I need actual proof that he has an allergy or intolerance. I need testing results, testing date, and testing method used to determine allergy or "intolerance".

I think there is a very good chance the mom is just stating this at the doctor's office and the doctor is writing this in the notes. It's easier for the doctor to say "no this and that" than to expect testing before he/she writes it. It doesn't do HARM to eliminate them so the doc is off the hook responsibility wise.

Did you agree to provide menu's in advance? I have never done any menu's for parents to see. I just decide daily what I'm going to serve. I could show what they have had in the past but not what's going to happen in the future.

If you are not required by state regs to offer menu's in advance then don't do it. Just tell her you don't know what you are going to serve and to provide his full meals every day and you will be fine. Then you don't have to have a SINGLE discussion of what he was offered. Any uneaten bits will go back in his lunch bag. POOF... nothing to discuss.

I would HATE all this conferencing with the parent. It's expensive to give this much one to one to a parent. My time is valuable.

This idea that the parents don't have time to make lunch is SO SO SO SO SO ridiculous. She is spending SO much time talking to you about food... use THAT time to make him lunch. Feed him breakfast before daycare, bring lunch and snack and be done with it.

Stop the insanity. Until she provides ACTUAL PROOF that he has an allergy by way of ACTUAL testing then he is not considered disabled and is not covered by the disability act. You do not have to provide services based upon parents words.

Take hold of this and lay the law down. Tell her she needs to provide all food and drinks and feed him before daycare every day so you are just doing one meal. She can't bring breakfast for you to serve. He needs to eat at home so you are only managing one meal a day.

I betcha dollars to donuts that the lunch she brings doesn't meet the standards she is expecting of you. She can SO easily just send over for lunch what the family had for dinner the night before. This is easy and takes a few minutes.

[trix23]

I definitely agree to the doctor thing. It seems to me that she just will find any way for me to do what she wants. I'm not going to bend over backwards for a family and if they expect that, they are in for a rude awakening. I'm going all out on lockdown mode for policy breaking with them.

[childcaremom]

I'm just not convinced the child has an allergy to gluten or milk.

I think there is a chance that the mom told the doctor and he wrote it down on the diaper rash instructions.

In the four weeks you had him, has he had any sign of being allergic to dairy or gluten?

What does she mean by oral reaction?

I would sit her down and say I need actual proof that he has an allergy or intolerance. I need testing results, testing date, and testing method used to determine allergy or "intolerance".

I think there is a very good chance the mom is just stating this at the doctor's office and the doctor is writing this in the notes. It's easier for the doctor to say "no this and that" than to expect testing before he/she writes it. It doesn't do HARM to eliminate them so the doc is off the hook responsibility wise.

Did you agree to provide menu's in advance? I have never done any menu's for parents to see. I just decide daily what I'm going to serve. I could show what they have had in the past but not what's going to happen in the future.

If you are not required by state regs to offer menu's in advance then don't do it. Just tell her you don't know what you are going to serve and to provide his full meals every day and you will be fine. Then you don't have to have a SINGLE discussion of what he was offered. Any uneaten bits will go back in his lunch bag. POOF... nothing to discuss.

I would HATE all this conferencing with the parent. It's expensive to give this much one to one to a parent. My time is valuable.

This idea that the parents don't have time to make lunch is SO SO SO SO SO ridiculous. She is spending SO much time talking to you about food... use THAT time to make him lunch. Feed him breakfast before daycare, bring lunch and snack and be done with it.

Stop the insanity. Until she provides ACTUAL PROOF that he has an allergy by way of ACTUAL testing then he is not considered disabled and is not covered by the disability act. You do not have to provide services based upon parents words.

Take hold of this and lay the law down. Tell her she needs to provide all food and drinks and feed him before daycare every day so you are just doing one meal. She can't bring breakfast for you to serve. He needs to eat at home so you are only managing one meal a day.

I betcha dollars to donuts that the lunch she brings doesn't meet the standards she is expecting of you. She can SO easily just send over for lunch what the family had for dinner the night before. This is easy and takes a few minutes.

Yes to all of this.

I have allergies. I take my food everywhere. I do not expect other people to know/understand/provide what I need. So I do it. I do the same for my children. I am a working mom. I have no problem feeding my 4 children breakfast. Packing snacks and lunches. And ensuring dinner gets made. This "no time" argument just doesn't hold weight with me, either.

This mom clearly does not understand group care. She is used to being able to tell someone what to do. You need to make it clear that you are not a nanny. It is group care. You do not provide separate meals. You will ensure that he is given what she sends for him. You cannot provide menus in advance. Therefore, if he has dietary requirements beyond what you provide, as the parent she is responsible for making sure that he gets what he needs. (I did the same. I do not provide menus. Anyone with dietary needs has all foods/snacks sent in from home. It reduces cross contamination AND ensures child is getting what they are supposed to (or what parent wants them to eat). I do not provide a discount if they send stuff in. Ever.

This really is a case where you need to train the parent. Just repeat your policies with a big smile.

Hi Dcm, if Joe is going to have breakfast sent in so he can eat with us, he needs to arrive by 8:45. Otherwise our next snack is at ....

Hi dcm, if Joe is now unable to have these foods, you will need to send in all of his snacks and meals each day. I'm sorry, I don't have room to store things here in my freezer/fridge/cupboard. Everything needs to come in daily. (Yes, been down that road, too)

Hi dcm, please remember that my policy is x so unfortunately I will not be able to accomodate that request.

Close the door and get on with the day. It can be done professionally and respectfully. Big smile. Fake it.

I would be looking to replace. You will either tire of this or she will.

[trix23]

I like your wordage. Will be updating my Handbook accordingly and will be emailing the fanily tonight about policy changes and that they will need to provide food daily for their child beginning next week unless he has the "ok" to eat my meals and snacks and that per state regulations, I'm not required to send my upcoming menu to parents.

[trix23]

At drop-off today I could tell DCM was fuming. She said that I really didn't give enough notice for the policy change for meals (told them yesterday afternoon) and that they feel I should've given more notice or mentioned it the first time. I told her that I wasn't sure how I felt about it because it's never happened before with a client and that I tried it out a 2-3 times for them then implemented the new policy. She seemed ok with that answer but still upset.

And the snack she packed for his afternoon snack is cucumbers and hummus -.- ol

[Blackcat31]

I texted them in the afternoon today that for mealtimes that they need to arrive 15 minutes beforehand to be able to eat and that it's effective immediately.

Then tonight they texted that their son can't get here til 9:15 and if he could eat here....

If you are able, PRIOR to arrival send DCM a text reminding her that Johnny needs to be AT daycare NO LATER than 8:45 if he will be having breakfast.

If he has not eaten and arrive after 8:45 turn him away.
Accepting a hungry child automatically makes YOU responsible for feeding him. You can't say mom didn't feed him IF you accept him into care.

Side note: If mom is going to supply the food, I can see her bringing the food AT 9:15 and insisting he eat then since you don't have to prepare the food etc ...

Honestly, at this point I think you need reiterate policies.
Maybe send her home a fresh copy of your handbook.
Instruct mom to READ it ENTIRELY and IF she agrees to the polices, sign and date and return.

If she does not agree to ALL policies (she doesn't get to pick and choose which ones she will follow and which ones she will edit...this is not Burger King )
Include something about how to terminate care so that she understand that is her option to utilize if she does not agree to your policies in their entirety.

When she returns the signed agreement, let her know that other than clarifying there will be NO MORE discussion.

Like Nan said the amount of conferencing that has already taken place is exhausting and so unnecessary.

It's becoming apparent that DCM enjoys this attention so it looks like the only way to stop it is to draw your line in the sand.

My handbook opens with:

Please remember that I, as a child care provider, own my business and offer services for a fee.

I set my own guidelines and policies and decide which services to offer.

You, as the parent, must decide if the services I offer meet your needs.

[trix23]

My handbook states that if a child arrives after a mealtime that they will need to wait until the next snack or mealtime to eat and that parents need to feed them beforehand if they cannot make it to the meal/snack. Although i might implement your policy going forward.

I'm definitely sending the Handbook home with them today as will be making additions to it about polices being non-negotiable.

[nannyde]

At drop-off today I could tell DCM was fuming. She said that I really didn't give enough notice for the policy change for meals (told them yesterday afternoon) and that they feel I should've given more notice or mentioned it the first time. I told her that I wasn't sure how I felt about it because it's never happened before with a client and that I tried it out a 2-3 times for them then implemented the new policy. She seemed ok with that answer but still upset.

And the snack she packed for his afternoon snack is cucumbers and hummus -.- ol

You have to decide if you want the money or not. It's really that simple.

I do not believe you can come up with a plan that mitigates the food issues wherein she does what you want and you do SOME of the stuff. She's all in. Do what she wants and when she wants.

You compromising isn't any different than you saying no to everything. Her view of any compromise is the same as a no even though it may be a very fair compromise from your point of view.

Bottom line is she is going to pull, report you, slam you on social media if she isn't given what she wants. You have to decide if you are willing to loose the money AND accept her wrath. She has ALL the signs of a parent who will go to whatever extent to punish you for a no.

So either nut up and tell her no and take the financial hit and the onslaught of retaliation OR do what she says when she says exactly as she says.

I truly don't see any middle ground.

If this was really about food she would just provide all his food and be grateful you were willing to go to the extra work to manage a different meal and the passing of food back and forth.

My goal in this would be to get ANY conversation about food OFF the table... that means meal times and food. I would tell her I want xyz to happen from today on so that we NEVER have to discuss food again.

I understand you want the money and that fact is what may be getting you to try to get her to do as you want in a way that she accepts. You have to have the experience to really know that what she will accept is ONLY you doing as you are told. ANY... and I mean ANY... equivocation of that means the same thing as a complete and full NO.

So ... give her a complete no or do as she says.

I don't see any other way out of this.

[trix23]

What would you say at drop-off to ask? "Has he eaten yet?" Then if "no", say, "I'm sorry, but he needs to arrive fed" then shut the door? Lol. What if she lies?

Sigh. Last night for about 4 hours I had a killer migraine from all this.