Assistant with Nursing Toddler

[Elko]

I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?

[Elko]

You might have missed my reply to SAHM

[CraftyMom]

I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?

You guys ROCK the dck's to sleep?

[CraftyMom]

You might have missed my reply to SAHM

Nope, I saw it

Seems like throughout this conversation you say something then put your foot in your mouth when you realize what you actually said and how it will be taken by others in the profession

At any rate I definitely agree with the others that you need to have a good talk with your employer and straighten things out. You both need to lay everything out on the table as to what each of you thought you were getting into when you both agreed to this arrangement. It doesn't seem to be working well for either of you.

I am not condemning you for wanting to spend time with your daughter and enjoy each and every minute with her. I feel the same way about my kids, believe me. That's the biggest reason why I have a daycare in my home

I am not saying you are wrong for wanting to cuddle or breastfeed or anything else, just that it isn't working. You came here for advice and perspective. I'm giving another perspective

[nannyde]

Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues

[CraftyMom]

Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues

Yes, then the employer would have to pay you more since your child isn't in care and you would be bringing in more money

[Elko]

No you're right, I do want perspective, I'm just bad at being clear upfront and always feel the need to explain things. I definitely don't think I'm completely in the right but do have a hard time not getting a little defensive...

My husband's work is not reliable, in that most of his gigs are in another city or state, so he always has to spend the night, and about half the time doesn't make it home the next day or whenever he planned to. I had a job that I had to quit because I had to scramble or call off too many times...

[Heidi]

Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues

At the risk of making assumptions based on Elko's description of Dad, I'd say that's NO!

[nannyde]

No you're right, I do want perspective, I'm just bad at being clear upfront and always feel the need to explain things. I definitely don't think I'm completely in the right but do have a hard time not getting a little defensive...

My husband's work is not reliable, in that most of his gigs are in another city or state, so he always has to spend the night, and about half the time doesn't make it home the next day or whenever he planned to. I had a job that I had to quit because I had to scramble or call off too many times...

He only works a few times a month though and weekends have to be a part of that. He should be able to keep her the vast majority of the time. Working without her present is your best solution. Daddy is free and they can have wonderful Daddy Daughter time. You can invest solely into the other kids to make her life easy.

Just don't give him an option. He needs to keep her so you can.work. she's two so she can easily go without the breast. She's way beyond infancy.

[Elko]

Ok I've avoided taking the bait about whether she needs to nurse, and I'm going to continue avoiding it.

I've lived with my husband for 8 years, I know that I can't just "make him do it". (I know that's not a direct quote). For various reasons I don't want to leave her with him.

I'm getting the idea that it's just not going to work, and I understand that. Just feeling frustrated, because she wouldn't or won't ever be clear with me, but I think it's clear that it's only a matter of time before she tells me it's not working out. Or, maybe she's just hoping I quit but I can't afford to at all!

I did want to see if anyone has dealt with this situation, and if it worked out at all. If so, I'd ask for details on how, so I could present that to her. I keep thinking that as long as I help her get the other kids down or just do it myself, and make sure she's not burdened by anyone at all or anyone more than just an infant, it shouldn't be an issue if I go take some time with my daughter.

Apparently that just wouldn't work, or maybe you just mean that it most likely wouldn't end up working that way. It does 99% of the time, but the very few times it doesn't are sure to stick in her mind.

Oh, and yes, we spend a couple minutes bouncing or rocking the toddlers who need it and putting them down.

[NightOwl]

Is someone trying to bait you on that topic? I think extended nursing is for a whole other thread.

Eta, I browsed back through and couldn't find anyone directly challenging your right to nurse. But I do see where some are implying that a child her age does not NEED to nurse. And that is true. At this point, it's a comfort thing that could be curbed during work hours.

[Silly Songs]

I wonder what your employers reaction would be if you mentioned that you are CONSIDERING leaving your daughter with dad sometimes . Perhaps she won't like the idea because she would have to pay you at least minimum .

[SignMeUp]

To the OP:
To me it appears that you have two conflicting needs.

1. To be with your child, including the need to comfort nurse her.
2. To work.

You have to figure out which need takes precedence, and then take action accordingly.

That's all I got

[nannyde]

Ok I've avoided taking the bait about whether she needs to nurse, and I'm going to continue avoiding it.

I've lived with my husband for 8 years, I know that I can't just "make him do it". (I know that's not a direct quote). For various reasons I don't want to leave her with him.

I'm getting the idea that it's just not going to work, and I understand that. Just feeling frustrated, because she wouldn't or won't ever be clear with me, but I think it's clear that it's only a matter of time before she tells me it's not working out. Or, maybe she's just hoping I quit but I can't afford to at all!

I did want to see if anyone has dealt with this situation, and if it worked out at all. If so, I'd ask for details on how, so I could present that to her. I keep thinking that as long as I help her get the other kids down or just do it myself, and make sure she's not burdened by anyone at all or anyone more than just an infant, it shouldn't be an issue if I go take some time with my daughter.

Apparently that just wouldn't work, or maybe you just mean that it most likely wouldn't end up working that way. It does 99% of the time, but the very few times it doesn't are sure to stick in her mind.

Oh, and yes, we spend a couple minutes bouncing or rocking the toddlers who need it and putting them down.

Bait?

You are addressing a forum of child care providers. We know a two year old can drink out of a cup and eat food. You may decide she needs to nurse but we know developmentally she is a table food eater and a cup drinker.

You won't leave her with her Father? If that helps you secure your job and pleases your boss then you get up, get dressed, tell him you are leaving, and go to work.

I can sense why your employer is frustrated because very simple solutions are available and you say no to them.

Now I'm not wonking on you. You seem sweet and you obviously need a job. Do what you have to do to keep this job until more money comes along. Her Dad is home. He's unemployed. He is her Father. Your kid is two. She can eat a meal and drink liquid.

All three of you have to do something you don't prefer to put food on the table and a roof over your head. So what? That's real life. Your daughter will be fine. Daddy will care for his little sweetie and you will be the employee she needs while you look for a deal that works better for the three of you. In the meantime ya gotta **** it up and do what you have to do.

[Josiegirl]

OP. have you done the math yet?

I don't want to harp because I fear I may come off as badgering, but I have your future interest at heart, I swear. I really think you would be better off going your own way. Your daughter will only LET you hold and comfort her for so long, don't let this job take that time from you. You can't get it back. BELIEVE me. lovethis

Here I can have two kids without being licensed. That would be $250 a week. Pure income.

Have you figured out what yours could be? Is it more than you are making now?? (Be sure to factor in the forgone expense of daycare, gasoline, inclement weather, vacation and sick days.)

Really give it some thought. Take this advice from someone who gave away the 5 months she had with her son thinking she could make it up later. He was only on this earth 5 months. Regret never goes away. :hug:

I'm so sorry Cat Herder.

I completely agree with this. Maybe OP should look into doing child care in her own place, especially if you're getting paid less than minimum wage now. Plus, something to consider is the fact that this provider is just starting out and has just a few kids. If it doesn't pick up soon for her, she may very well let you go anyways. Best for you to prepared!