Assistant with Nursing Toddler

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  • Heidi
    Daycare.com Member
    • Sep 2011
    • 7121

    Originally posted by Elko
    I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean...? Do you mean the kids should have no help going to sleep and that's what's taking up a bunch of time? It really doesn't take that much time if we work together...

    Yes, that's what I mean. Not one of my children needs to be patted, rocked, or otherwise coaxed to sleep. When they are done with lunch, they literally run enthusiastically to their beds and wait for me (if they can't get in themselves). Well, one honestly doesn't. He's the one who started at a later age and has always been part time. He gives the whole bed thing "mixed reviews". Most days, there's a good 5 minute tantrum, and then he goes to sleep. When I come to get him up, he always greats me with an enthustiastic "HIeeeeyy!"

    But, she needs a helper because even though it doesn't take much time, she can't be two or four places at once. She can't go settle one child with patting for 5 minutes, even, and leave 3 others alone in another room. 5 minutes per child, plus transit time, means it would take a good half hour of that. If she were by herself, she could use that half hour to clean, do book keeping, eat her lunch, do deep breathing excercises, throw in a load of laundry, and call her mother or husband or plumber. She could make afternoon snack, set up and activity, or do absolutely nothing for a few minutes.

    Financially though, it's feasible because she doesn't pay enough. The second helper works 3 hours a week, I don't know how much she pays her.
    I don't know what rates are in your area. Maybe that's a factor. I pay my assistant $8 per hour, and it takes 2 kids to cover her 30 hours a week.

    Comment

    • SignMeUp
      Family ChildCare Provider
      • Jan 2014
      • 1325

      Originally posted by CraftyMom
      It's about what does or doesn't work in a daycare.

      Comment

      • Margarete
        Daycare.com Member
        • Jun 2013
        • 290

        Originally posted by lblanke
        I'm not a daycare provider, but a mom of a toddler. She goes to preschool in a group care setting, but I would pull her from if one of the teachers was a nursing mom who expected to nurse while she was supposed to be supervising my child and others. I am surprised that your employer allowed it at all. I am not against breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed until she was 12 months old (took 4 months FMLA (my state, Tennessee, allows it), rearranged my schedule for an early lunch then pumped once in my office in the afternoon). I even kept breastfeeding at bedtime til she wanted to stop on her own, which was about 2 months later. However, I would not let my child stay in a situation you are describing. I would put her somewhere that the teachers (or providers and assistants) did not have the conflicting role of being a breastfeeding mom while on duty. Sorry. I do hope it works out for you, but I agree with the others, this is not the right situation for you, your family, your employer and (at least in my opinion) the other children in your care.
        Most of the people here are commenting the way they do because it's a problem for her employer... not because they feel it necessarily impacts her ability to care for other children. They have a 5 children to 2 adult ratio! Caring for her occasional breastfeeding toddler, and the baby in the group while supervising the other children should not be a problem

        Many home child care providers (and parents!) do so in a mixed age setting and take care of infants along with older children. Proper care of infants generally include sitting down and holding them while breastfeeding or giving them a bottle. Weather or not it's breastfeeding (generally done discretely) or bottle feeding, it's usually done in the same way. This doesn't mean that the other children are not being supervised. In both situations the provider can talk to the other children... and/ or stop feeding the infant if it's needed to intervene... although the timing of feeding is generally done when the older children are in independent play (which is crucial for their creativity, problem solving, social etc skills!), and little to no intervention is needed for at least a few minutes.

        While I did try to time breastfeeding during times I could sit down for a little while, and make sure she wasn't going to be frantically hungry and/or tired at higher activity times... I have breastfed (covered in a carrier), while pushing toddlers in a double stroller.... Breastfeeding did NOT ever impact my ability to care for other children.... and probably less so then a bottle feeding would have been, as I couldn't do that in a carrier, and I would have had to take time to prepare the bottle (which is what I did for the other children in my care).

        I completely support your decision though to decide what you want for your child's care. It looks like you chose a preschool setting where caring for infants isn't something that happens.

        Comment

        • NightOwl
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • Mar 2014
          • 2722

          You're CRUNCHY! Why didn't you just say so! Where's Mother Nature....

          I'm not very familiar with the crunchy style of parenting, but I do know it's usually not conducive to the work environment.

          Comment

          • lblanke
            Daycare.com Member
            • Aug 2014
            • 209

            A provider's feeding an infant with a 5 to 1 or 5:2 ratio is not an issue. But, the owner leaves to teach aerobics with the other assistant. If she is not leaving, but is assisting her hired assistant, perhaps she has the same reservations that I have. I just think it takes a special person to watch his or her own children and provide the same level of care to others at the same time. Some can do it, but many cannot. This mom is obviously devoted to her child, as she should be, but the tone of the thread makes me think that when at work, she sees herself as mom first then as an employee/caregiver. That is not who I want caring for my child. On the other hand, she sounds like a great mom. I would love for her child to be my child's friend and playmate, because kids with devoted and loving parents are often really great kids. And I would probably want to be her friend, because she sounds like a kind and caring woman.

            Comment

            • Sugar Magnolia
              Blossoms Blooming
              • Apr 2011
              • 2647

              "full hippie"? Does that mean "attached parenting" ?

              Comment

              • nannyde
                All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                • Mar 2010
                • 7320

                Have you applied for child care assistance?
                http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

                Comment

                • Cradle2crayons
                  Daycare.com Member
                  • Apr 2013
                  • 3642

                  Originally posted by Elko
                  I really do understand, and of course I wish everyone would just agree with me

                  I get that it's probably not going to work out long term, unless it really helps having my daughter there less frequently. Especially if it can work out so a spot is freed up for a paying client.

                  I just felt compelled to explain how my nursing relationship works, for those who actually asked, and those who, whether I was perceiving it wrong or not, seemed to just dismiss it. I know it's probably assumed that I'm still nursing her with the frequency with which I would nurse a 6 month old by a lot of people, and I often feel the need to clear up how it actually works.

                  I'm hoping this new plan works out, because it could be beneficial to everyone. My daughter would have even more time away from me to get more comfortable without nursing to sleep or for comfort, maybe my husband would shape up a bit, and hopefully my boss will be able to focus more on other aspects of her business.
                  It hasn't been mentioned tht I could find but I wnt to point out that having your daughter not in dycre 3 days a week actually doesn't "free a spot" at all. What if n interviewing family wants. Full time spot?? What if those here days a week vary? Then really it doesn't free up a spot at all.

                  Comment

                  • Elko
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Oct 2014
                    • 76

                    That's why I thought the owner could file an exception for her maybe? Not sure how that works exactly...

                    I'm not all around crunchy, just ended up, to my own surprise, doing a couple things the people who like to call themselves "attached parents" do. I would never call myself any "kind" of parent, as I don't do everything that any label seems to call for.

                    And I guess you'd just have to witness for yourself to see if I'm making it harder on my employer. I'm still trying to get an explanation for why my time spent with my daughter is different from the time she's ok with spending with the others...? And by that I mean, for either of us, I want to remind you she's not putting everyone to bed and I'm only dealing with mine. I've done all of them myself before while she feeds the baby.

                    Comment

                    • Elko
                      Daycare.com Member
                      • Oct 2014
                      • 76

                      And yes, when I nurse my daughter if the other kids are around, it's always when they're occupied safely playing together. Just like the others, if my daughter just wants to nurse but nothing major happened, I'll give her a hug and bring her somewhere to play with something. They all have times where they need a little guidance and distraction from whatever their comfort item is (the 20-month-old still has a binky, and when he gets distraught starts yelling "BINKY!!" and we usually try and distract him from it with other things.)

                      Comment

                      • Elko
                        Daycare.com Member
                        • Oct 2014
                        • 76

                        Originally posted by lblanke
                        This mom is obviously devoted to her child, as she should be, but the tone of the thread makes me think that when at work, she sees herself as mom first then as an employee/caregiver. That is not who I want caring for my child. On the other hand, she sounds like a great mom. I would love for her child to be my child's friend and playmate, because kids with devoted and loving parents are often really great kids. And I would probably want to be her friend, because she sounds like a kind and caring woman.
                        Well, that's harsh I'm hoping it just comes across that way to you because of the subject matter; I'm talking about me and my daughter, so we're going to be the main subjects of this thread. I could start a thread all about the other kids and how much time and energy and love I put into them, and how well I know them, and the conversations I have with their parents about them, but what would be the point of that?

                        Comment

                        • Elko
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Oct 2014
                          • 76

                          Heidi, for some reason I can't quote you, maybe because the font is blue? ::

                          I think that's great that all your kids put themselves to bed; one of ours is close, the "difficult" one is off and on, but if he's stressed when he goes to bed it's much harder. Mine takes about 10 minutes usually.

                          She's mentioned wanting to get them all to go right to bed so she can have a break, so I say "Let's make sure you get a break every day, no matter what. We can get all the kids down then you disappear to your room for an hour. I'll take care of everyone as they start waking up."

                          She follows that with "Well, I just think they all need to be able to get themselves to sleep". Does she mean that in theory, all children should be able to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep by 17, 20, or 23 months? If so, it's really not up to her what children "should" be able to do. I've told her, if she wants me to I'll just stick the other kids in their playpens, close the door, and walk away. That's what she says her friend does, and after some crying, they eventually "get over it". It's not what I do with my daughter, and I'm not going to, but I'll do it if she wants me to for the others. That's where it gets sticky, I know. That's why I was trying to start working with my daughter to transition her into being able to put her in the pnp. I honestly don't know how long it would take, and it would require some help from the owner. So, I can see why she wouldn't be interested.

                          I thought I could fix it by saying she could take a break when all the kids were down, and I"d deal with mine then. Nope. It wasn't enough, she just wanted to make sure I knew that none of her kids ever needed any help to sleep, ever, (except that the third one did, she needed to be physically held still until she was about 2 in order to fall asleep. But somehow that's different She always says "I just didn't give her a choice, it wasn't up to her, she had to take a nap!" Saying I don't do that with mine... :confused: ) Her husband also recently revealed that 2 of the 3 cried it out for a couple weeks to learn to sleep. I don't care that that's what happened, just that the owner claimed they never had any trouble getting their kids to sleep, so clearly I've been doing something wrong

                          Comment

                          • Unregistered

                            Originally posted by Elko
                            distraction from whatever their comfort item is (the 20-month-old still has a binky, and when he gets distraught starts yelling "BINKY!!" and we usually try and distract him from it with other things.)
                            This ^^ This is what you are doing differently for Your Child.

                            Comment

                            • Elko
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Oct 2014
                              • 76

                              What? How? I said I distract her just like him; if something major happens he gets his binky and a cuddle, she gets a couple minutes nursing...

                              Comment

                              • Blackcat31
                                • Oct 2010
                                • 36124

                                OP~ If you spent half as much time convincing your husband to stand up to HIS responsibilities as you have trying to convince your employer (as well as the members here) to understand/accept the need to breastfeed and cuddle your child you might just have a solution to your issue.

                                I am floored that your husband is basically being let off the hook as far as his fatherly responsibilities are. Or heck, even his family responsibilities.

                                So far, the only thing you've offered on his behalf are excuses as to why he can't step up for his daughter and his wife.

                                If I were a parent with a less-than-willing participant in a 2 person relationship WITH a child, I would do whatever necessary to support myself and my child if he wouldn't step up and do his share.

                                As a matter of fact, I was a young mother with a child and a father that wasn't as willing to accept his responsibilities and since he wasn't willing to then I HAD to but NO WAY was I going to put myself in the position of supporting two people when one of those people was an ADULT.

                                I'm sorry but like Craftymom, I felt really bad for your situation when you first posted but now after reading everything, it seems to me that you want your employer to change EVERYTHING she does to meet YOUR needs but yet don't have the same expectations for your HUSBAND when it IS HIS responsibility.

                                I don't understand any of that.

                                As for the employer issue....she has an issue. It's VERY clear.

                                Find a different job. I am willing to bet this is not going to end well and it's only a matter of time.

                                I sincerely wish you well but I also hope you will seriously consider some of the perspectives offered here.
                                Last edited by Blackcat31; 10-20-2014, 06:44 AM.

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