Assistant with Nursing Toddler

[Heidi]

OP-I don't think anyone was criticizing your choice to nurse. I think they were just saying that she doesn't NEED to nurse from a nutritional standpoint.

I also get the impression that the Daddy situation is more complicated, and you don't feel safe leaving her with him.

If it's just laziness on his part, kick him in the butt. If it's because you are concerned about neglect or abuse, then I think the extended BFing argument is a blip on her life's radar.

If you want to keep working there and take her with you, can you just keep the nursing to before and after work hours? I know a lot of people with older nursing children who are not ready to give it up entirely just reduce the times they BF.

You probably feel a little like this woman is bullying you out of doing what you feel is right. We've all already guessed that she THOUGHT she'd be ok with it, but reality didn't fit her expectations.

Look at it this way: If you worked at a job that didn't allow your LO to come along, you'd be allowed to pump milk, but then you wouldn't be physically present with your LO. I think your being THERE, but not able to BF her during work hours would be preferable. Unless you come up with a better option, it's all you've got until then, right?

[Elko]

Just skipped a lot of responses to update: I got my husband to say he'd keep my daughter home at least 3 days a week! We'll see if it really works that way, but I texted my boss to let her know... hopefully that fixes it!

[Elko]

I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...

[nannyde]

I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...

You are choosing to be offended. That's your choice but it has no merit as far as I have read in this post. This doesn't have a thing to do with breastfeeding.

Your kid is two. She has teeth. She can drink out of a cup. She has an unemployed dad and was born into a family where her mom has to make money. That is her current real life status.

She doesn't have the luxury to breast feed during her moms time to make money without challenging the job that mom makes the money from. So what? She is going to have WAY WAY WAY bigger problems if her mom can't make money.

This is SO easy to figure out. Look at her life and see her situation for what it is. She may not be able to breastfeed while you are making money but she will have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

If you do child care and have kids, your kid is going to have to make sacrifices. All of our kids have. It ain't perfect but it's not a bad gig. If she has food, clothing, and shelter her basic needs are being met. If you have to pump milk for her to give her the nutrition you want her to have then that's what you have to do. She can have the milk and you can make money. This is such a low level problem compared to other issues our kids face when we do child care.

When your boss allows a sick kid in the house and your kid ends up in the emergency room at 2am, believe me, the comfort nursing issue is going to seem like a teeny tiny blip on your work sacrifice radar.

If you are trying to impose your breastfeeding "rights" on your employer and requiring ANY attention because of your choice, she is going to fight back. It doesn't have a thing to do with the job and forcing it into time or energy is going to cause issues.

You choose to extend feed. That's your choice. You can garner attention and take up the cause in online groups and local meetings. It's something to DO in your parenting and you will find a ton of support for it. Just keep it out of your job until you find one that puts your daughters breastfeeding first and your work second. You CAN find that job. You just have to find the employer willing to DO extended breastfeeding as a part of the job. This lady isn't that employer.

[sahm1225]

You are choosing to be offended. That's your choice but it has no merit as far as I have read in this post. This doesn't have a thing to do with breastfeeding.

Your kid is two. She has teeth. She can drink out of a cup. She has an unemployed dad and was born into a family where her mom has to make money. That is her current real life status.

She doesn't have the luxury to breast feed during her moms time to make money without challenging the job that mom makes the money from. So what? She is going to have WAY WAY WAY bigger problems if her mom can't make money.

This is SO easy to figure out. Look at her life and see her situation for what it is. She may not be able to breastfeed while you are making money but she will have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

If you do child care and have kids, your kid is going to have to make sacrifices. All of our kids have. It ain't perfect but it's not a bad gig. If she has food, clothing, and shelter her basic needs are being met. If you have to pump milk for her to give her the nutrition you want her to have then that's what you have to do. She can have the milk and you can make money. This is such a low level problem compared to other issues our kids face when we do child care.

When your boss allows a sick kid in the house and your kid ends up in the emergency room at 2am, believe me, the comfort nursing issue is going to seem like a teeny tiny blip on your work sacrifice radar.

If you are trying to impose your breastfeeding "rights" on your employer and requiring ANY attention because of your choice, she is going to fight back. It doesn't have a thing to do with the job and forcing it into time or energy is going to cause issues.

You choose to extend feed. That's your choice. You can garner attention and take up the cause in online groups and local meetings. It's something to DO in your parenting and you will find a ton of support for it. Just keep it out of your job until you find one that puts your daughters breastfeeding first and your work second. You CAN find that job. You just have to find the employer willing to DO extended breastfeeding as a part of the job. This lady isn't that employer.

[Heidi]

I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...

Sounds like you're working on a solution. I hope it all works out for you.

[Elko]

I guess I just feel like if I spent the time I spend nursing just cuddling instead it wouldn't be the same problem... Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I really need to give NO one-on-one attention to her while I'm at work?

Again, I don't get breaks, so there really aren't official times I could use. If she were putting all the other kids down with no time spent helping them, and I was the ONLY one with a kid who needed a few minutes, it would be more obvious. But that's not what's happening.

Hopefully taking it down to 2-3 times a week will make it less of an issue.

[JoseyJo]

I guess I just feel like if I spent the time I spend nursing just cuddling instead it wouldn't be the same problem.

Sounds like you found a solution to your problem happyface Sometimes we just have to talk it out to find out the answer for ourselves

[KidGrind]

I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?

The only way an assistant could work for me and bring her child if the child in question was treated no differently than the other kids, breastfeeding (outside of break time included).

By the way I have allowed staff to bring their kids if the ratios allowed it. If their kid was high maintenance and needed mommy for extended periods of the shift. I’d send the staff in question home if the numbers allowed. If not, she would not get anymore work assignments from me. I paid $20 to $25 an hour.

In reality your kid is getting special treatment in your work situation.

[CraftyMom]

It can be hard to stop breastfeeding. There is a bond there that sometimes moms are afraid they will not find anywhere else. Often it is more difficult for the mom to stop breastfeeding than it is for the child. Sounds like this may be the case. I'm not saying you should stop, just not at work.

I think you have gotten used to this and want it to continue, telling yourself that your daughter needs this bfing and cuddle time because it's what she knows, when in reality your daughter will be just fine

You will miss it. But it happens. Kids grow. I miss my kids being babies so much! But you will find other ways to bond her. When you get home from work you will have a new cuddle time together because you haven't seen her all day and that will be just as special.

[Elko]

Yeah, that's a common argument, that it's more for the mom than it is for the child, usually made by people who never breastfed. Not always though...

That's not how it works though, and I'm not looking for advice on how or why I shouldn't be diing it. Just wondered if it would seem like an issue to other daycare providers and clearly it would

[CraftyMom]

Yeah, that's a common argument, that it's more for the mom than it is for the child, usually made by people who never breastfed. Not always though...

Ummm yeah....not always :confused:

You are making assumptions now

Hope it works out for you

[NightOwl]

Ok, I'LL take the bait. Lol.

You seem to be saying that your daughter NEEDS to breastfeed, and we aren't getting why she needs it. And we aren't, because it's no longer needed for nutrition. If she's staying home with your husband 3 days per week, she won't be breastfed during the day for those 3 days. So you, too, obviously recognize that she doesn't need it, or you wouldn't leave her with dad.

What I'm getting at is, why do you think she still needs to nurse if you know it's not for nutrition and it's causing issues in your workplace? That's not rhetorical, I truly am curious. You are alluding to some reason for her need to breastfeed, but we aren't getting it.

I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but it keeps being subtly brought up and dropped, so I figured I'd just lay it out there and ask directly.

Also, I breastfed 2 of my children, so I do understand what comes with it. But I'm not understanding why, at 2, you feel it's still a requirement.

[CraftyMom]

Ok, I'LL take the bait. Lol.

You seem to be saying that your daughter NEEDS to breastfeed, and we aren't getting why she needs it. And we aren't, because it's no longer needed for nutrition. If she's staying home with your husband 3 days per week, she won't be breastfed during the day for those 3 days. So you, too, obviously recognize that she doesn't need it, or you wouldn't leave her with dad.

What I'm getting at is, why do you think she still needs to nurse if you know it's not for nutrition and it's causing issues in your workplace? That's not rhetorical, I truly am curious. You are alluding to some reason for her need to breastfeed, but we aren't getting it.

I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but it keeps being subtly brought up and dropped, so I figured I'd just lay it out there and ask directly.

Also, I breastfed 2 of my children, so I do understand what comes with it. But I'm not understanding why, at 2, you feel it's still a requirement.

Mom is having separation anxiety (this is my educated guess). It happens to all of us who breastfeed (maybe not ALL, but most). We miss it when it's over.

Mom needs to realize the following "I am having a hard time weaning my daughter because I love the bond we have". There is nothing wrong with that. We understand that. No one is pointing blame, we've been there. But it isn't working out in the workplace

If this weren't the issue and the issue was that mom just wanted her daughter to receive the nutrients from breast milk, then she would solve her own problems by pumping and working without her child to begin with. Then she could work without all the stress from her employer, make more money because her child isn't there, and her child still receives the breastmilk

[SignMeUp]

To me it still appears that you have two conflicting needs. Only you can figure out which takes precedence, but most likely one will take precedence, whether by your choice or your employers.

1. To be with your child, including the need to comfort nurse her.
OR
2. To work.

You have to figure out which need takes precedence, and then take action accordingly.

I'll add that I did breastfeed my child. Until three years of age. But not on demand past toddler age.