Attachment Parenting Has Been On My Mind

[nannyde]

The problem I ran into with socializing my AP dcg is that the group of kids I have were acting as the real world would. They did say no, didn't always offer choices, didn't tip toe around her emotions and valued their own personal space at times. I do understand why AP should work with infants but I don't understand how it is teaching toddlers to become part of our society or even in a relationship that doesn't revolve around them. Maybe there needs to be a transition from AP to real world?

I'm interested in the similarities of caring for AP kids and neglected kids with detached parents.

In the group daycare setting, the issues are the same. The high verbal skill set is similar to the physical prowess you see in kids who spend so much of their time unsupervised. They can shimmy up a fridge like spiderman. They are adept in destroying stuff because they have access to adult stuff without caution, they aren't happy with kid toys because playing with unsafe things is way more fun.

My approach and challenges with kids that have too much adult are the same as kids that don't have enough adult.

[Annalee]

......Right!?
The last parents of my ap'er.......acted just as entitled as their child. I'm guessing most of us are in agreement, (and fearful), that the future holds much of the same?

TRUE! I can handle getting the kids in line although it may be difficult but the parents can really get on the nerves. I feel as if the parents do not want the kids in line because it exposes their weaknesses. ????

[KiddieCahoots]

I'm interested in the similarities of caring for AP kids and neglected kids with detached parents.

In the group daycare setting, the issues are the same. The high verbal skill set is similar to the physical prowess you see in kids who spend so much of their time unsupervised. They can shimmy up a fridge like spiderman. They are adept in destroying stuff because they have access to adult stuff without caution, they aren't happy with kid toys because playing with unsafe things is way more fun.

My approach and challenges with kids that have too much adult are the same as kids that don't have enough adult.

Nannyde, as afraid that I am to join you on such a strong statement....after working with many abused children throughout the years, I would have to agree with you on that. On my worst days of day care, if it came down to children acting out, you could usually guarantee it was the child that had abuse issues, and my particular dc ap child.

[daycarediva]

I am fully hispanic and yes I realize that I made board generalizations. This is just my experience and not meant at all to be offensive. I am sorry if I came off that way. By running wild, I did not mean completely unsupervised and crazy....I meant just exactly what you described, lots of physical activity, play wrestling and more independent play like climbing and things that helicopter parents probably wouldnt feel comfortable with. In my experience, Hispanic moms give their kids more freedom whether that be just because they have to due to large families or whether it be a cultural thing or just personal choice.

Thank you for clarifying. I really feel looked down on in many areas because of my race/parenting styles. There are only so many times you can hear whispering "look at what their nanny is letting them do!" Before you get insta offended. (My two youngest are more fair, blue eyed. My baby is blonde, so the assumption that I am their nanny is quite frequent)

[SignMeUp]

My approach and challenges with kids that have too much adult are the same as kids that don't have enough adult.

One of my former (and best) daycare moms believed this. She was very skilled as a parent and as an early childhood special education teacher, and I respected her opinions greatly.

[daycarediva]

Hmmm. I am getting a lot of kids with those distant looks that aren't AP kids lately. They are simply only children.

HALF my crew struggle to make eye contact with everyone. Parents, peers and myself. They are all only children. Screens and lack of face to face communication are my reasoning.

[KiddieCahoots]

TRUE! I can handle getting the kids in line although it may be difficult but the parents can really get on the nerves. I feel as if the parents do not want the kids in line because it exposes their weaknesses. ????

I can see that! Maybe that's why they strive so hard to stay in denial with their child's inappropriate behavior.

Which is funny, cause in the long run, it turns around to do just that, expose their weaknesses.....through parenting.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

HALF my crew struggle to make eye contact with everyone. Parents, peers and myself. They are all only children. Screens and lack of face to face communication are my reasoning.

I agree.

[nannyde]

Nannyde, as afraid that I am to join you on such a strong statement....after working with many abused children throughout the years, I would have to agree with you on that. On my worst days of day care, if it came down to children acting out, you could usually guarantee it was the child that had abuse issues, and my particular dc ap child.

Yes. I posted this thread because I have had this feeling for a while and I don't have the ability to sort it out yet.

I expect neglected kids to have issues but the AP kid should (imho) have the best outcome for the investment of adult. They should be stable... balanced.... calm.... patient....

The whole point of this level of parenting is to turn out the uber kid. It can't be to just have your kid attached to you. An abused kid is super attached to their parent ... or at least attached to the point THEY don't want to be separated.

The investment has to net the best of humanity and humaness.

Why do they require care closer to that of neglected (not abused per se) kids?

[SignMeUp]

Maybe this:
The neglected child has a low feeling of worth because no one shows that he/she has any value.
The uber-parented child has a low feeling of worth because she/he are not allowed to use their own potential - too much is done for them. This ultimately sends a message that they are not capable of doing things that are typical for their age.

[Bookworm]

Maybe this:
The neglected child has a low feeling of worth because no one shows that he/she has any value.
The uber-parented child has a low feeling of worth because she/he are not allowed to use their own potential - too much is done for them. This ultimately sends a message that they are not capable of doing things that are typical for their age.

[KiddieCahoots]

Maybe this:
The neglected child has a low feeling of worth because no one shows that he/she has any value.
The uber-parented child has a low feeling of worth because she/he are not allowed to use their own potential - too much is done for them. This ultimately sends a message that they are not capable of doing things that are typical for their age.

........

SignMeUp, love the way you word thoughts. I totally relate and get where you're coming from.

Maybe this too......

The neglected are desperate for the attention of the parent.

The ap desire the attention of the parent.

Both are going to get that attention, no matter what works, or what the child has been conditioned to use.

[Cradle2crayons]

I'm interested in the similarities of caring for AP kids and neglected kids with detached parents.

In the group daycare setting, the issues are the same. The high verbal skill set is similar to the physical prowess you see in kids who spend so much of their time unsupervised. They can shimmy up a fridge like spiderman. They are adept in destroying stuff because they have access to adult stuff without caution, they aren't happy with kid toys because playing with unsafe things is way more fun.

My approach and challenges with kids that have too much adult are the same as kids that don't have enough adult.

I am really enjoying following this thread becAuse my experience where I live seems to be I have much much more experience with kids who are neglected than with AP kids. Actually I only know one adult who I'd consider mostly AP. I'm not sure if it's cultural or not but AP just isn't seen much where I live. In daycare or in healthcare.

[hope]

Maybe the neglected child and the AP child have the same goal so therefore same issues......

Neglected child seeks providers constant approval, love, attention bc they don't get that from home. All they want is for an adult to care for them.

AP child looks to provider for non stop attention bc at home they are the center of the world. Parents are at the child's side at all times in case child has a question or a need to be fulfilled.

Both the neglected child and the AP child need constant companionship/mothering from the provider. They don't seek any input from the other children in the group where as many children seek both the children and providers attention.

[nannyde]

Maybe the neglected child and the AP child have the same goal so therefore same issues......

Neglected child seeks providers constant approval, love, attention bc they don't get that from home. All they want is for an adult to care for them.

AP child looks to provider for non stop attention bc at home they are the center of the world. Parents are at the child's side at all times in case child has a question or a need to be fulfilled.

Both the neglected child and the AP child need constant companionship/mothering from the provider. They don't seek any input from the other children in the group where as many children seek both the children and providers attention.

Yes I think they have the same goal. One is to GET the adult. The other is to KEEP the adult.