DH says "Ok to Hit Back." WTH?!

[Karena]

Teach by example

First off, we aren't throwing our children into a room/playground for the day with no intervention or protection. You don't need to worry about your child becoming a "Sissy" because you aren't telling (or not telling, but allowing) him/her to hit back. It is good to teach your child to get adult intervention. It is not tattling when your child is directly involved, it is maturity on your child's part to go and get a teacher, provider, parent, older sibling... to help with a situation. There are many ways we communicate maturity and independence to our children. Rest assured, they will develop into capable, independent and mature young adults by our example in many areas. Over the years they will learn the how and when to take care of situations on their own. We all know there are instances when we must defend ourselves. In the early years we do teach our children to do this through adult intervention and words. We follow through as parents and providers to make sure our children are safe and treated fairly. It's pretty common sense. Too bad it's lacking much of the time.

[Chellieleanne]

This is my experience and my two cents.

My ft dcb was very violent and would hit or kick or bite if he didn't get his way, if he was mad, or basically when ever he felt like. We got the biting curbed pretty fast but the rest of it has taken a long time. It is a lot less now than it was when I first started watching him however he still targets my own 3yo DS. My DS finally had enough and started hitting back on his own, where before he would just cry and run to me. I told DCM about it with the first incident and she honestly was supportive in the hopes dcb learns to not hit anymore. Yes i supervise and try to prevent it on both ends when possible but I have to say since my son started standing up for himself, dcb has been using his words a heck of a lot more and it is really rare he hits or kicks first. When they do, they both say sorry to each other after they hit and I hardly have to interfere as they are learning to work it out on their own. There are still times I need to but can't argue when they resolve their issues on their own. Now if they start beating up on each other in a full out fight I will intervene but that has only happened once and both kids went in time out to calm down and I didn't let them play together for a while.

So all in all I think it depends on the child and situation. For my situation it has helped immensely but my dcb will be 3 next month so he understands there is a consequence when he hits my DS. If my situation turned out different and it didn't phase dcb when DS defended himself, then I would have just kept up with time outs and separation.

[Leanna]

Yes, we should teach infants, toddlers, and preschoolers never to hit. They should learn not to hit to get something they want, to solve problems, or for revenge, etc. If every child only learned that at a young age, we wouldn't have a problem!

After that, it gets sticky for me. I was bullied RELENTLESSLY through elementary, middle, and high school. I was teased, harassed, threatened, and humiliated daily and physically threatened and harmed often. NO ONE DID ANYTHING. Other students either egged it on, participated, or watched. Staff ignored it. If I had "tattled" I would have angered the bullies even more. I never stuck up for myself because words meant nothing to these bullies and I didn't have the bravery to physically fight back. I fantasized daily about someone stopping the bullies and teaching them a lesson. Never happened.

Our school had a Zero Tolerance policy - fat lot of good that did. Also, it has been shown that peer mediation DOES NOT WORK. It favors the bully. Like they need more in their favor. Also, at my school (and I am sure others) there are a lot of teachers who favor the "popular" kids and will not stick up for the weird, shy, unpopular, and/or different kids.

I also heard about a study recently that concluded something that I could have told everyone from age 12. People are always saying that bullies pick on others because they themselves feel bad about themselves. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Bullies actually have high self-esteem. They know what they are doing and who they are targeting.

So while I am a TOTAL wimp, sissy, peace-loving, introvert, I say (to older kids) if they can SOCK EM'!

[Blackcat31]

Yes, we should teach infants, toddlers, and preschoolers never to hit. They should learn not to hit to get something they want, to solve problems, or for revenge, etc. If every child only learned that at a young age, we wouldn't have a problem!

I think if every PERSON simply learned self-responsibility we would NOT have bullying issues at all.

The most common reaction I experienced of parents of the bully was "Not MY child!"