DH says "Ok to Hit Back." WTH?!

[KiddieCahoots]

As toddlers and preschoolers we never hit OR hit back. Hitting at this age is not out of necessity and in my daycare *I* will be the one to protect kids from bullying, because I can.

There are many moral/social grey areas that I'm aware of as an adult, but I think children need to be first taught right from wrong to be able to later understand these grey areas. As a child we teach them not to use violence but words instead to solve problems. As a teenager, we may be able to teach them the subtle grey areas in this situation, and many others.

As dc providers for this youngest age group, I think it is our responsibility to teach them how to solve problems using words and to control their impulses. I also think it is irresponsible to teach children of this age group - preschool - to hit back.

I agree.

Even though my daughter struggled.
My dd, now 28 was a gentle giant. She was a big girl, and still is at 5'8". She was challenged and harassed relentlessly in grade school. I was very active in the PTG then, and with the school. No matter what I did to try and help, talk to parents, teachers, and the principal, it only made the situation worse. Until the day my daughter pushed back....it all stopped. That was in the 5th grade. She did not become a bully, only fended them off.
But this was 25yrs ago.

Times have evolved....
Now with the bully policies that have FINALLY been implemented in the public schools, feel it's better. Both parties are held accountable, and mediation is held to work out situations. This method is more in accordance with the early teachings we can establish with young children to use their words.

[SquirrellyMama]

Here is my story about hitting.

When I was in high school I punched a guy in the stomach. He actually had not hit me, but I'd had plenty of emotional/verbal abuse from him. I went to my next class and told my teacher what I had done. She said, "I imagine he had it coming." I loved her for that, and he never bothered me again.

Maybe if we would let kids pop the bully in the nose we wouldn't have so much of it. Bullies know kids can't do anything without getting in trouble. I think the rules schools have put in place are increasing the problem instead of fixing it.

In my experience bullies don't care for pretty words and sensitivity; they feed off of it.

Kelly

[Lucy]

Really doesn't matter what any of us think, including your husband. Schools have a ZERO tolerance policy on hitting. Even if you're defending yourself, you can't hit or attack in any way. Your child will be suspended with no questions asked.

ETA: I'm not saying I agree with this or don't agree. I'm just stating the way schools are.

[Unregistered]

Really doesn't matter what any of us think, including your husband. Schools have a ZERO tolerance policy on hitting. Even if you're defending yourself, you can't hit or attack in any way. Your child will be suspended with no questions asked.

ETA: I'm not saying I agree with this or don't agree. I'm just stating the way schools are.

I would rather my kid be suspended than not stand up for himself and put the aggressor in their place.

[NightOwl]

I love this thread! Im betting it will get hot in here. Lol.
I teach my children to "defend" themselves, meaning, when you are in iminenent danger of being injured, punch the kid as hard as you can and get out of there. Defending themselves does NOT mean hit back for every little infraction on their personal space.
I believe some parents take it too far in saying "always hit back". Children, especially under 4 or 5 yrs or so, cant really differentiate what's worthy of telling the teacher and what's worthy of punching someone in the face, kwim?
So I advocate total peace at that age and younger. I try to teach kids not to hit at all when they're that young in an effort to produce more peaceful children who can resolve issues with their words as they get older, but they also understand when to use violence when the sh!t hits the fan.
That being said, it has happened many times where the "bully" drastically changes his/her behaviors once they get some of what they've been dishing out.

[NightOwl]

My son defended himself from a literal beating in middle school. He was immediately suspended, along with the bully. I picked him up from school, made a police report, the bully was handcuffed and taken to the detention center, and I took my son out for ice cream.
Suspension does not phase me in the least if my child handled it properly and reacted only to protect himself.

[preschoolteacher]

Really doesn't matter what any of us think, including your husband. Schools have a ZERO tolerance policy on hitting. Even if you're defending yourself, you can't hit or attack in any way. Your child will be suspended with no questions asked.

ETA: I'm not saying I agree with this or don't agree. I'm just stating the way schools are.

Not only will they be suspended, in many cases they will be prosecuted.

I have heard language on this forum before like... "I won't let myself get assaulted again by this child..." or "I won't let him assault others" referring to a toddler who is hitting an adult or another toddler. This was written in all seriousness. If we can talk about children hitting as assault when they are younger than kindergarten age, it most certainly can be talked about it that way when they are bigger, stronger, and able to do real damage.

Zero tolerance policies exist, and children are punished seriously for breaking them.

[KiddieCahoots]

I agree Wednesday, this is a really good topic!

You couldn't pay me to go back and do my Jr. high years over! I was a nerd, and totally subjected to bullies. I was taught never to hit, even to defend myself.
So now as a mom, I believe words first, action last, only to defend.

I feel the schools are on the right track with no tolerance policies though.
We don't just have bullies anymore. We now have some troubled children that pick up loaded weapons to use on classmates.
So encouraging children to hit back can be a slippery slope....kwim?

[playground1]

I agree.

Times have evolved....
Now with the bully policies that have FINALLY been implemented in the public schools, feel it's better. Both parties are held accountable, and mediation is held to work out situations. This method is more in accordance with the early teachings we can establish with young children to use their words.

Why are both parties accountable for one party being bullied?

Maybe if we would let kids pop the bully in the nose we wouldn't have so much of it. Bullies know kids can't do anything without getting in trouble. I think the rules schools have put in place are increasing the problem instead of fixing it.

In my experience bullies don't care for pretty words and sensitivity; they feed off of it.

Kelly

Exactly.

[KiddieCahoots]

Why are both parties accountable for one party being bullied?

Because of us teaching our children to stand up to the bully.
If it then comes to the point of being physically aggressive on both parties, then both are held accountable.
No tolerance means no tolerance.

[playground1]

Because of us teaching our children to stand up to the bully.
If it then comes to the point of being physically aggressive on both parties, then both are held accountable.
No tolerance means no tolerance.

So what do you believe is the correct path of action when you're a student and someone is physically assaulting you?

[NightOwl]

A quick punch and they run away? Find the nearest adult.
Repeatedly hitting? PUNCH THEM AS HARD AS POSSIBLE, THEN find the nearest adult. Lol
The defender will be suspended also, but the aggressor will think twice before targeting the defender again.

[playground1]

I have to admit, as much respect as I have for Ghandi and MLK, I do think that violence is part of the human condition. If someone were to attempt to hurt myself or, god forbid, my kids, there would be some hell to pay. No apologies.

I say this never having been in fight, FTR.

[playground1]

A quick punch and they run away? Find the nearest adult.
Repeatedly hitting? PUNCH THEM AS HARD AS POSSIBLE, THEN find the nearest adult. Lol
The defender will be suspended also, but the aggressor will think twice before targeting the defender again.

I know you're kind of joking, but I would honestly tell my kid to stay and fight it out unless the other kid is huge. I think we need to prepare our kids for the world we live in, not the one we want to live in. Well, actually, we could do both.

[KiddieCahoots]

So what do you believe is the correct path of action when you're a student and someone is physically assaulting you?

I believe I already answered this question in a previous post.