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My DH is never around my preschoolers because he's always working. He has today off and came downstairs to get something to eat. When he came down he heard me telling our 3yr old daughter that we do not hit. (She went to a center where another girl was playing. The girl didn't want her there and barely pushed her. My DD got mad and hit her repeatedly.) My DD started to cry because she got in trouble and my DH yelled at her (not bad, just a little) and told her to go apologize. Another DCG told us that the other girl hit my DD first, which I knew, but my DD shouldn't have hit back. My DH told me he should have never yelled at our DD and she should have hit back. He said when she gets older and is in school he doesn't want bullies to pick on her. I told him that I will not have her turn into a bully and that if she gets hit she should tell the teacher. He said he doesn't want her to be a tattle tale and that bullies will pick on her more for being a wussy. What do you think? Stick up for yourself or tell the teacher?
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Words first. When every other option is exhausted, hit them, but make it worth it. Kwim? -
If she did that in school, she would be in as much trouble as the child that hit first.Comment
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Everyone does things differently and what is right for our family might not be right for others. I taught my son from a toddler on that you never hit first but if someone else hits you then you hit them back harder and make sure it hurts.
I have told him that yes he may get into trouble at school but as long as he didn't start the hitting he won't be in trouble with me. I would rather raise a child that can defend himself than a child that is a sissy and a target for more fights.Comment
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That sounds just like my husband!
And I totally understand where he's coming from but at this age no way!! We are trying to teach ALL kids not to hit so hopefully when they are ALL older no one will be hitting anybody. ( in the perfect world 
) I have four kids dd10, dd8, ds5, dd3.5. No way will I let my younger two hit back at this age they are doing it out of frustration and lack of understanding how to communicate better. My older two I have told them to hit back and only as a last restore. If they are being bullied verbally then go tell a teacher, but if it gets to a point where the other kid has punched them, hit them in the face or pushed them to the ground, then you hit back and like Queen said make it count. :
: Not every kid is taught properly to use there words so when they get older they just hit and hit hard our kids need to know that its ok to defend themselves.
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I totally agree with you, but I think there comes a point where you might meet someone that you could talk to death to try and figure out a non-violent solution and they will still hit you and you need to know how to defend yourself and that might require hitting them back.
When it comes to a certain point in a kids life I think they need to know that its ok to stick up from themselves. I tell my girls never hit first, try talking to the person, try getting a teacher but if the other kids hits them then they have my permission to hit them back, not repeatedly just enough to get the other kid to back off.Comment
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As toddlers and preschoolers we never hit OR hit back. Hitting at this age is not out of necessity and in my daycare *I* will be the one to protect kids from bullying, because I can.
There are many moral/social grey areas that I'm aware of as an adult, but I think children need to be first taught right from wrong to be able to later understand these grey areas. As a child we teach them not to use violence but words instead to solve problems. As a teenager, we may be able to teach them the subtle grey areas in this situation, and many others.
As dc providers for this youngest age group, I think it is our responsibility to teach them how to solve problems using words and to control their impulses. I also think it is irresponsible to teach children of this age group - preschool - to hit back.Comment
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I'm not going to allow kids in a daycare setting to hit or hit back. Not with the liability resting on me.
I have told my own kids if they are in a situation where they need to hit back they will be supported by me and my husband. If someone comes up and hits my child, and then walks away I've told to the kids to turn the other cheek and also walk away. If they are being pummeled I have told them to fight back.
KellyHomeschooling Mama to:
lovethis
dd12
ds 10
dd 8Comment
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While I wouldn't allow hitting period from a toddler or preschooler (because they seem to just not understand the difference between hitting back because it's your only option or hitting back because they're angry) I have told my 7 yo ds that if he's in a situation at school where someone is hurting him and there doesn't seem to be a way out of the situation, then hit 'em back.. hard as you can.
I know people will disagree with me. That's ok. He's actually been hit, pushed, and had big rocks thrown at him on several different occasions and he chooses to walk away. Sometimes he tells the teacher, sometimes he finds something else to do far away from that child. I'm proud of him that he chooses that road, but the choice IS there for my child to protect himself if he needs to with no consequences on my end.Comment
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I agree about toddlers of course. Still, we have a little bully in our group (who happens to be my bosses kid) and we have tried EVERYthing to get him to stop. His parents seem to think he's just looking for a way to engage with other kids, but I've watched him and we all agree that he will specifically pick out kids he knows he can bully AND look at us just before he does it. So he knows it's wrong.
While I wouldn't allow hitting period from a toddler or preschooler (because they seem to just not understand the difference between hitting back because it's your only option or hitting back because they're angry) I have told my 7 yo ds that if he's in a situation at school where someone is hurting him and there doesn't seem to be a way out of the situation, then hit 'em back.. hard as you can.
I know people will disagree with me. That's ok. He's actually been hit, pushed, and had big rocks thrown at him on several different occasions and he chooses to walk away. Sometimes he tells the teacher, sometimes he finds something else to do far away from that child. I'm proud of him that he chooses that road, but the choice IS there for my child to protect himself if he needs to with no consequences on my end.
Anyway, he picks on the little ones a lot and one of them is a little South African girl, almost 2. She'd just had enough of his s*** and he tried to push her and fell down. She slapped the top of his head as hard as she could and, well, little man learned more from that experience than from all the talking-tos and timeouts we'd given him. We did tell her not to hit but some part of me was like...happyface.Comment
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Oh, yeah, sometimes the best way for them to learn not to do something is a good dose of their own medicine
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I have mixed feelings on this, and I also think it totally depends on the situation. Unfortunately, once the kids are elementary/middle/high school age, the kid who has had enough and finally pops the bully in the nose is usually the one who gets in trouble.
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