DH says "Ok to Hit Back." WTH?!

[katzan]

I'm so torn on this to be honest.

I have my oldest daughter who was hit and bullied at school. She told the teacher, and nothing happened. It took me going to the principal and threatening to go to the school board if something wasn't done. I got to the point that I told her if she gets hit again, to hit back.

Then, you have a recent situation where DCB hit my DS and my DS hit back. I caught the whole thing. DCB went in time out and my child got in time out too for hitting AND not coming to me first.

Maybe it's the fact that I knew that I would personally do something about the hitting and take care of it and try to prevent it from happening again, whereas, the school did nothing of the sort.

[Blackcat31]

The schools were not dealing with bullies back then, like they are now though.
My 28yr daughter's bully, who bullied other children as well, received the citizen of the year award from the classroom teacher.
Why? Because he took a break for one week? I mean really?!
I, and other parents were told by the principal, there was nothing that could be done to stop the child from receiving the award. That the teacher had seen some reason for the award to go to this child.
So I feel and understand your pain thoroughly.

This year my 14yr was confronted by a bully. This bully gets into trouble on a regular basis, and physically threatened my daughter. Because I raise my children to defend themselves, my daughter threatened her back, but in text form. Mediation was instantly held, and only my daughter was put into detention, because of the proof she left behind.

Because of this, I agree with you to a point. My 14yr daughter's bully learned the ropes, and found the loop hole, but this happened in the course of 1 week. My 28yr daughter was bullied for 3yrs.

Bullies will always be here, and so will the victims. The schools are at least trying with the zero tolerance policy NOW by stopping the course of direction, before it gets out of control.

I'm thankful for this because of how violent the world we live in continues to get.

My DS's school had a NO tolerance policy the entire time...it isn't anything new.

My DS was bullied the ENTIRE school years from Kindy to high school when he quit.

Bullies WILL always be here but their ability to inflict pain and suffering on others has gotten longer and more drawn out.

Telling an adult about a bully's actions and sticking up for other children is what made my son a target. He learned VERY quickly that telling another adult on made things worse.

I'm sorry if your experience differs but I have ZERO faith in the practices and policies public schools have in place for this. They do NOT work.

My son's bully is currently serving 5-9 in the state penitentiary so guess he finally got what was coming to him.


Like I said if I had a chance to have a "do-over" my child would NEVER have set foot on a public school grounds. I also have first hand knowledge that the problem still exists and is being managed and handled the exact.same.way as it was for my son.

I currently have many teacher clients that can school me on all the wrongs of "no tolerance" and what that really means for everyone involved.

Shameful.

[SquirrellyMama]

My DS's school had a NO tolerance policy the entire time...it isn't anything new.

My DS was bullied the ENTIRE school years from Kindy to high school when he quit.

Bullies WILL always be here but their ability to inflict pain and suffering on others has gotten longer and more drawn out.

Telling an adult about a bully's actions and sticking up for other children is what made my son a target. He learned VERY quickly that telling another adult on made things worse.

I'm sorry if your experience differs but I have ZERO faith in the practices and policies public schools have in place for this. They do NOT work.

My son's bully is currently serving 5-9 in the state penitentiary so guess he finally got what was coming to him.


Like I said if I had a chance to have a "do-over" my child would NEVER have set foot on a public school grounds. I also have first hand knowledge that the problem still exists and is being managed and handled the exact.same.way as it was for my son.

I currently have many teacher clients that can school me on all the wrongs of "no tolerance" and what that really means for everyone involved.

Shameful.

Amen!

[KiddieCahoots]

My DS's school had a NO tolerance policy the entire time...it isn't anything new.

My DS was bullied the ENTIRE school years from Kindy to high school when he quit.

Bullies WILL always be here but their ability to inflict pain and suffering on others has gotten longer and more drawn out.

Telling an adult about a bully's actions and sticking up for other children is what made my son a target. He learned VERY quickly that telling another adult on made things worse.

I'm sorry if your experience differs but I have ZERO faith in the practices and policies public schools have in place for this. They do NOT work.

My son's bully is currently serving 5-9 in the state penitentiary so guess he finally got what was coming to him.


Like I said if I had a chance to have a "do-over" my child would NEVER have set foot on a public school grounds. I also have first hand knowledge that the problem still exists and is being managed and handled the exact.same.way as it was for my son.

I currently have many teacher clients that can school me on all the wrongs of "no tolerance" and what that really means for everyone involved.

Shameful.

That is shameful. And I'm sorry for the experience you and your son have endured Blackcat. It is clear why you have zero faith.

It sounds like some areas are more advanced in this policy than others. My area has advanced, and I've personally seen the difference in the past 20yrs. It's still very sad to hear where it has and still fails.

My little one, my son is 5yrs. He is the smallest of my children and the smallest in his class. I'm fearful to have him engage in any physical battle. If I did encourage him to hit back, would I be sealing his future to a beating, or worse? If the policy is working here, even a little bit, I'm thankful.

[Annalee]

My DS's school had a NO tolerance policy the entire time...it isn't anything new.

My DS was bullied the ENTIRE school years from Kindy to high school when he quit.

Bullies WILL always be here but their ability to inflict pain and suffering on others has gotten longer and more drawn out.

Telling an adult about a bully's actions and sticking up for other children is what made my son a target. He learned VERY quickly that telling another adult on made things worse.
I'm sorry if your experience differs but I have ZERO faith in the practices and policies public schools have in place for this. They do NOT work.

My son's bully is currently serving 5-9 in the state penitentiary so guess he finally got what was coming to him.


Like I said if I had a chance to have a "do-over" my child would NEVER have set foot on a public school grounds. I also have first hand knowledge that the problem still exists and is being managed and handled the exact.same.way as it was for my son.

I currently have many teacher clients that can school me on all the wrongs of "no tolerance" and what that really means for everyone involved.

Shameful.

The problem I have with "zero tolerance" is that only pertains to certain people. My kids are only 10 and 12 but there are kids in schools whom are troublesome but because they haven't physically hurt anybody, they are allowed to continue bullying others....emotional abuse can be just as bad as being physically abused. Bullying is NOT limited to persons who are from troublesome homes. It can be from athletes that think they are beyond the "law" so to speak.. This happens now to my oldest and he will enter junior high in the fall. Kids are belittled when they attempt to make athletic teams in the school system that have become so "political".....This harms self-esteem of students, but KILLS the inner person if the athletic team is allowed to ridicule persons that did not make the team. Maybe I am on another contingent here, but bullying is happening now on a broad scale. BC is right, zero tolerance? :confused:

[KiddieCahoots]

The problem I have with "zero tolerance" is that only pertains to certain people. My kids are only 10 and 12 but there are kids in schools whom are troublesome but because they haven't physically hurt anybody, they are allowed to continue bullying others....emotional abuse can be just as bad as being physically abused. Bullying is NOT limited to persons who are from troublesome homes. It can be from athletes that think they are beyond the "law" so to speak.. This happens now to my oldest and he will enter junior high in the fall. Kids are belittled when they attempt to make athletic teams in the school system that have become so "political".....This harms self-esteem of students, but KILLS the inner person if the athletic team is allowed to ridicule persons that did not make the team. Maybe I am on another contingent here, but bullying is happening now on a broad scale. BC is right, zero tolerance? :confused:

Your right! Bullying is happening on a broad scale. Always has been.... just more public knowledge now. Zero tolerance has holes, it's obvious. Maybe the schools are picking their battles upon the more obvious, to try and make a speck of difference in this huge problem.

http://www.pqmonthly.com/school-as-jungle-primate-behavior-human-nature-and-bullying/11242

[Kelly]

I'm not a big believer that hitting a bully back will make them stop bullying. From things I saw when I was an elementary school teacher, the bully is even likely to escalate their behavior. What if they get angry at being hit back and get some buddies to gang up on your child? Or they bring a knife or gun to school the next day? I was lucky that this was never an issue for my kids since they were in self-contained special ed classes and well-supervised.

I don't think there really is an easy answer. But getting to the root of what causes a child to become a bully should be a big part of it, not just finding ways to punish them.

[NeedaVaca]

I'm not a big believer that hitting a bully back will make them stop bullying. From things I saw when I was an elementary school teacher, the bully is even likely to escalate their behavior. What if they get angry at being hit back and get some buddies to gang up on your child? Or they bring a knife or gun to school the next day? I was lucky that this was never an issue for my kids since they were in self-contained special ed classes and well-supervised.

I don't think there really is an easy answer. But getting to the root of what causes a child to become a bully should be a big part of it, not just finding ways to punish them.

The sad thing is it's not usually the bully bringing the knife or gun to school, it's the kid being bullied that's had enough and snaps...

[Annalee]

The sad thing is it's not usually the bully bringing the knife or gun to school, it's the kid being bullied that's had enough and snaps...

This happens wayyyy toooo often!!!!!! But NO ONE pays any attention till something drastic like this happens! AND EVERYONE THEN WISHES THEY HAD DONE SOMETHING TO PREVENT THE TRAGEDY THAT HAPPENS!!!!

[NightOwl]

The sad thing is it's not usually the bully bringing the knife or gun to school, it's the kid being bullied that's had enough and snaps...

You are soooo right on this. We had a child in a middle school here who took a gun to school and shot his bully dead, in the back of his head, in the hallway in front of everyone else. Then his parents tried to sneak him out of the country, because he was the victim of bullying, and that was the reason he "snapped". The father is currently behind bars for attempting to remove him from the country. I'll look for the link.....

[Unregistered]

Teach peaceful resolution now, physical responses to bullies, later

Because your child is too young to discern when it's "ok" to hit back in defense, the children she's dealing with are also very young and small, and she's at a sensitive age to learn self control and peaceful resolution, I would say to teach her to move away and ask for help. Its also helpful to teach hercto read body language, listen to her peers desires, and for her to develop language to describe physical aggression from another child accurately. Often times, a child will say someone hit them when really they put out their hand to stop their encroachment.

Once children are in school, they are often developed enough to explain to them under what circumstances they should physically extend themselves.

I would tell your husband that I understand and want her to defend herself from bullies. But right now, we are dealing with preschoolers; children who are learning how to interact. Now is the time to learn peaceful resolution and constraint. It won't make her a whimp later; it will make her better able to make proper judgements and respond accordingly.

[Blackcat31]

The sad thing is it's not usually the bully bringing the knife or gun to school, it's the kid being bullied that's had enough and snaps...

BINGO... that is almost always the case.

The bullied child is left feeling as though there are no other options.


My school district is known for one of the first and oldest cases of a school shooting. (1976) A student who was bullied endlessly with NO action taken by anyone against his tormentor.

The student shot his tormentor and the teacher he had "told" (multiple times).

[Unregistered]

I am waiting for the first case of a parent hiring a hit man to take out a bully. Eventually it will happen its only a matter of time.

[Blackcat31]

I am waiting for the first case of a parent hiring a hit man to take out a bully. Eventually it will happen its only a matter of time.

This father filed an order for protection against his child's bully.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/05/14/father-files-restraining-order/9080017/

We DID try to do that when my son was young but were told that we couldn't due to several laws regarding minors and their right to attend public school.

....because the bully's right to attend public school and terrorize other students took precedence over my child's right to attend public school SAFELY.

[SquirrellyMama]

I am waiting for the first case of a parent hiring a hit man to take out a bully. Eventually it will happen its only a matter of time.

It has happened where a parent has taken matters in their own hands and hit the child suspected of bullying. Unfortunately, the cases I've heard about is when the parent targeted the wrong child.


Kelly