DH says "Ok to Hit Back." WTH?!

[playground1]

I believe I already answered this question in a previous post.

No, you really didn't. You're kind of contradicting yourself.

[Blackcat31]

I agree Wednesday, this is a really good topic!

You couldn't pay me to go back and do my Jr. high years over! I was a nerd, and totally subjected to bullies. I was taught never to hit, even to defend myself.
So now as a mom, I believe words first, action last, only to defend.

I feel the schools are on the right track with no tolerance policies though.
We don't just have bullies anymore. We now have some troubled children that pick up loaded weapons to use on classmates.
So encouraging children to hit back can be a slippery slope....kwim?

Seriously?!?

Your school might be bully free but I have ZERO faith in zero tolerance policies.

It sounds great on paper but is useless and pointless in the real world.

If you don't agree, just ask my DS who endured YEARS of bullying, physical assaults and endless tormenting from the same child while our schools boosted their "perfect" zero tolerance policies

My DS was perfectly capable of handling it on his own and had he been allowed to do so in the very beginning, he would not have had to go through years of therapy and countless hours of stress and worry about simply being able to get an education in peace.

Zero tolerance... phooey!!

[Retired]

I agree about toddlers of course. Still, we have a little bully in our group (who happens to be my bosses kid) and we have tried EVERYthing to get him to stop. His parents seem to think he's just looking for a way to engage with other kids, but I've watched him and we all agree that he will specifically pick out kids he knows he can bully AND look at us just before he does it. So he knows it's wrong.

Anyway, he picks on the little ones a lot and one of them is a little South African girl, almost 2. She'd just had enough of his s*** and he tried to push her and fell down. She slapped the top of his head as hard as she could and, well, little man learned more from that experience than from all the talking-tos and timeouts we'd given him. We did tell her not to hit but some part of me was like...happyface.

I'm torn, because I do think most bullies never learn their lesson until something happens to them. Not necessarily getting hitting back but any consequence. With my children and my grandson I always taught fight back, because here if the child doesn't fight back (even if they're randomly hit and don't back) they still get in trouble and get suspended. Mostly this happens, because the violent child's parents complain. When I ran my dc I separated children who did any hitting/pushing or bite the first offense. They got to play alone for the rest of the day and where terminated during pick up. It was easy for me to terminate, because my husband always worked and I never did this out of totally necessity. I know for others it harder.

[itlw8]

standing up to a bully is far different than a little push and hitting back repeatedly

So If someone bumps into you it is okay to haul off and make it count because they touch your first.

If a wife is mad and hits her husband it is ok for him to haul off and make it count ??

boundries have to be taught and children this age do not understand you can hit this time but not that time. Either it is ok or not

[playground1]

standing up to a bully is far different than a little push and hitting back repeatedly

So If someone bumps into you it is okay to haul off and make it count because they touch your first.

If a wife is mad and hits her husband it is ok for him to haul off and make it count ??

boundries have to be taught and children this age do not understand you can hit this time but not that time. Either it is ok or not

Well, I think most of us agree that toddlers and pre-schoolers don't get it yet, so we need to intervene. But for older kids, they can totally grasp the difference.

[KiddieCahoots]

Seriously?!?

Your school might be bully free but I have ZERO faith in zero tolerance policies.

It sounds great on paper but is useless and pointless in the real world.

If you don't agree, just ask my DS who endured YEARS of bullying, physical assaults and endless tormenting from the same child while our schools boosted their "perfect" zero tolerance policies

My DS was perfectly capable of handling it on his own and had he been allowed to do so in the very beginning, he would not have had to go through years of therapy and countless hours of stress and worry about simply being able to get an education in peace.

Zero tolerance... phooey!!

My daughter had the same experience. She is now 28. How old is your son? If you don't mind me asking?

[Blackcat31]

My daughter had the same experience. She is now 28. How old is your son? If you don't mind me asking?

He is 23.

I truly and deeply believe he was profoundly affected by his experiences and if I had to do it all over again, I would handle it completely different.

I would NEVER have had the faith in the school's plan to stop it and I would never ever have allowed them to bamboozle me with words like they did.

NO TOLERANCE should mean that but it doesn't.

It got so bad that at one point the school liaison officer actually told my DS to wait for the bully off school grounds and handle it yourself.

Even HE (the liaison officer) was frustrated by his lack of being able to do anything to stop it.

[playground1]

He is 23.

I truly and deeply believe he was profoundly affected by his experiences and if I had to do it all over again, I would handle it completely different.

I would NEVER have had the faith in the school's plan to stop it and I would never ever have allowed them to bamboozle me with words like they did.

NO TOLERANCE should mean that but it doesn't.

It got so bad that at one point the school liaison officer actually told my DS to wait for the bully off school grounds and handle it yourself.

Even HE (the liaison officer) was frustrated by his lack of being able to do anything to stop it.

I don't know how you did it. We have a bullying issue with my 8 year old daughter right now (I think it's gotten settled) but I've seriously never wanted to hit a kid so bad in my life. My daughter gave her an invitation to her birthday and she ripped it up and threw it at her.

[daycare]

I didnt get to read all of the replies but here is my take on hitting.

hitting is never ok, no matter who started it.

If you are hurt, someone is hurting you or someone is hurting others you tell an adult right away, anything else is considered tattling.

No telling an adult is helping to hide the serious issue.

I work very closely with a program called Project Corner Stone where I go into schools and read to kids about bully like behaviors, and how to handle them. They teach children to be up-standers, not by-standers

Perhaps getting the book have you filled a bucket today, would be a good book to get for your child and even the daycare kids. it truly is amazing. Oh and in the program we never call anyone a bully or give them that title, because that is considered name calling. So we call it bully like behavior.........

[playground1]

I work very closely with a program called Project Corner Stone where I go into schools and read to kids about bully like behaviors, and how to handle them.

so...how DO you handle them?

[daycare]

so...how DO you handle them?

sorry if that came out wrong....it does not teach me how to handle the children that are displaying bully like behaviors, it teaches the children how to.

It teaches them to stand up and use their words, walk away, tell an adult, don't just standby and let anyone get hurt. No matter what they look like, no matter how old they are, be an up-stander and tell an adult.

[playground1]

sorry if that came out wrong....it does not teach me how to handle the children that are displaying bully like behaviors, it teaches the children how to.

It teaches them to stand up and use their words, walk away, tell an adult, don't just standby and let anyone get hurt. No matter what they look like, no matter how old they are, be an up-stander and tell an adult.

I understood what you meant. I get the prevention and education aspect, but I feel like telling kids to tell an adult every time might not be the right answer. Bullying is a huge problem in the workplace and there's really no authority to tell about it.

What I feel is missing from these programs is advice for the kids being bullied. What do they do when they're actually in the thick of it, kwim?

[daycare]

I understood what you meant. I get the prevention and education aspect, but I feel like telling kids to tell an adult every time might not be the right answer. Bullying is a huge problem in the workplace and there's really no authority to tell about it.

What I feel is missing from these programs is advice for the kids being bullied. What do they do when they're actually in the thick of it, kwim?

oh the program does offer up a ton of advise of how our kids can handle it. If you have some time look it up. It truly is an amazing program,

it is through the YMCA, called project Corner Stone.

http://www.projectcornerstone.org/

[playground1]

oh the program does offer up a ton of advise of how our kids can handle it. If you have some time look it up. It truly is an amazing program,

it is through the YMCA, called project Corner Stone.

http://www.projectcornerstone.org/

I did, I just read the website. I still have the concerns I expressed. It's all "tell an adult".

[KiddieCahoots]

He is 23.

I truly and deeply believe he was profoundly affected by his experiences and if I had to do it all over again, I would handle it completely different.

I would NEVER have had the faith in the school's plan to stop it and I would never ever have allowed them to bamboozle me with words like they did.

NO TOLERANCE should mean that but it doesn't.

It got so bad that at one point the school liaison officer actually told my DS to wait for the bully off school grounds and handle it yourself.

Even HE (the liaison officer) was frustrated by his lack of being able to do anything to stop it.

The schools were not dealing with bullies back then, like they are now though.
My 28yr daughter's bully, who bullied other children as well, received the citizen of the year award from the classroom teacher.
Why? Because he took a break for one week? I mean really?!
I, and other parents were told by the principal, there was nothing that could be done to stop the child from receiving the award. That the teacher had seen some reason for the award to go to this child.
So I feel and understand your pain thoroughly.

This year my 14yr was confronted by a bully. This bully gets into trouble on a regular basis, and physically threatened my daughter. Because I raise my children to defend themselves, my daughter threatened her back, but in text form. Mediation was instantly held, and only my daughter was put into detention, because of the proof she left behind.

Because of this, I agree with you to a point. My 14yr daughter's bully learned the ropes, and found the loop hole, but this happened in the course of 1 week. My 28yr daughter was bullied for 3yrs.

Bullies will always be here, and so will the victims. The schools are at least trying with the zero tolerance policy NOW by stopping the course of direction, before it gets out of control.

I'm thankful for this because of how violent the world we live in continues to get.