Parents Are Angry At Me For A Miscommunication

[Sugar Magnolia]

This was the response to my email. not sure what to make of it???

Yes, we need to set up a time to discuss communication and I was planning to set up a meeting or call during pick up today. I can not discuss anything today during nap as I am busy. We will have to pick a time later on.

I'm optimistic she wants to clear things up and get on the same page.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This was the response to my email. not sure what to make of it???

Yes, we need to set up a time to discuss communication and I was planning to set up a meeting or call during pick up today. I can not discuss anything today during nap as I am busy. We will have to pick a time later on.

Sounds like she's still holding the "in control" title, from the way I read it.

[Unregistered]

Sounds like she's still holding the "in control" title, from the way I read it.

That's how I read it as well. I didn't write that I wanted to set up a meeting. I said if she'd like to discuss the email then to call me. Seems she has more to say. I feel like this is either her trying to stall until this goes away or she's going to get on the phone and tear into me about the call I made about her daughter needing to go home or that she thinks I don't do my job (from what she said this morning). Idk, I think this is going to blow up even worse.

[sahm1225]

Agree with sugar magnolia.

And if this is new behavior from the dcp's then I am going to guess that something else might be going on. Is the baby healthy, how's moms recovery, how's dad doing, how's the dcg adjusting.
I know it's not our place to meddle in families affairs, but if one of my families suddenly changed and acted like that, I would ask them what is going on.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Crystal]

I guess I typed to slow. I totally understand you are upset and were treated so badly, but as a parent, I truly would not want to read emails within a day or two of giving birth. I am a big fan of waiting a day or two before hitting "send". And some things are better said in person. :confused:

Sugar...I understand what you are saying BUT.......the baby was born last week, not a couple of days ago.

This Mom is behaving badly. The provider was being polite, considerate and helpful and the parent went off on her. No matter the reason, she had no right to speak to the provider in the manner she did and SHE is the one who should be apologizing. Who talks to ANYONE like that, much less the person who lovingly cares for her child everyday???

She also needs to be told not to speak to her child like that in the providers home, in front of other people's children.

I agree with you about feeling badly for the little girl. I feel really sad for her......she is being yelled at and while she was probably already feeling like the baby is kinda taking her place, she probably REALLY feels badly about the new baby now.

[SunnyDay]

I know DCD was initially the one to give you issues, but could DCM be having some post-partum depression or other issues?

I'm not saying that it's ok for them to treat you this way because it definitely is NOT and there's a good chance that if I were in your shoes I wouldn't have handled her outburst nearly as well as you did. In fact, I would probably have termed them on the spot. So disrespectful.

With that said, though, could she be having issues and maybe dragged DCD into it? I know sometimes when it comes to me and DH, if one of us gets upset about something 9/10 we **** the other one into it

I was thinking the same thing. If she previously did not behave like this, it sounds like she is not in her right mind at all.

[MarinaVanessa]

I agree with you about feeling badly for the little girl. I feel really sad for her......she is being yelled at and while she was probably already feeling like the baby is kinda taking her place, she probably REALLY feels badly about the new baby now.

I agree as well. Being told directly by your mom that it's not HER JOB to calm me down would make me really distraught. . If not her job then who else? Another sibling in the mix is difficult as it is for an entire family physically and much more so emotionally especially for the youngest of the children who now finds themselves no longer being the baby. These children suddenly feel ignored and loved less and can harbor feelings of resentment towards their family and even the new baby.

This is why when I had my DS I made a special "Go" bag fo rmy DD which we gave to her when my DS was born which was filled with tons of stuff like books, activity books, trinkets, small games and toys etc. and a few baby toys that were her "special" toys that she could share with baby bro. We wanted to make her feel special and loved and a part of the celebration because we knew that many people would be coming to visit the baby and not really paying much attention to her.

I also asked that if my friends/family brought flowers, gifts or chocolate etc. that they'd be given and addressed to her instead of to me or my DH as a "Congratulations! You're a big sister". She was 6 but I know it helped her maneuver through her feelings and she was involved in everything with the new baby that she wanted to be included in and we allowed her to not participate if she didn't want to (she wanted to help make bottles so we showed her how but she didn't want to get diapers so we never asked her to). I would never drop her off at daycare if I was home unless I was extremely fatigued and had no help much less if my DH was home or I had help from other family, not this soon after the birth of a new baby anyway .

[kimsdaycare]

This was the response to my email. not sure what to make of it???

Yes, we need to set up a time to discuss communication and I was planning to set up a meeting or call during pick up today. I can not discuss anything today during nap as I am busy. We will have to pick a time later on.

Post-partum, etc or not, her response was carefully calculated and would have my blood boiling. She is attempting to take the control position by putting you on the defensive by saying that their intentions were to initiate a conversation as well. I wouldn't read into it like that with every family, just particularly this one, given the track record of "communication" they have so far.

My prediction is that they will want a face to face with you as a pair (intimidation factor). I'd be sure to have dh sit in on this one if possible to even the scales a bit. Be strong, you have nothing to lose but daily drama and headaches. I'm guessing they feel they have the upper hand because they likely don't even need care while she is on maternity leave and could save a few bucks by leaving. If you terminate they can justify any nastiness they wish to spread, which would get them off the hook guilt wise.



Big hugs, you have been extremely kind to these people despite their behavior and so didn't deserve this. No matter what they are trying to convince you.

[snowball]

I want to email the mother when the kids go down for a nap. I don't want to term now, it seems she's having trouble with adding a new baby. I want to give the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again they'll be gone. Here's my email to DCM. Please feel free to make suggestions or edit it for me.


Hi DCM
I feel we need to discuss what happened this morning. I was very shocked at the way you spoke to me this morning. I understand you have a lot going on with the new baby and everything, but I don't think that excuses your actions towards me this morning and it will not be tolerated. I would have been happy to step in and take over calming DCG, had you asked me. Since you did not, I did not want to intervene and undermine your authority with your child. When you made it clear you wanted my help, I stepped right in.

For the future, we need to make an effort to open the lines of communication. If you would like, from now on at drop off I will take over immediately only if you ask me to. If you do not expressly ask me to take over so you can leave, then I will not. If something is bothering you, please discuss it with me. So far we've had a very cordial relationship and I would like it to stay that way. Please call me to discuss during nap time, as I will not discuss this in front of the children.

I'm not trying to be mean, but why are you making excuses for her behaviour?

It would not matter to me what issues she is having, being yelled at in my own home would be a deal breaker. Even if she is having a really tough time it does not give her the right to treat people badly.

If you keep her there will be another incident because this mom thinks it is ok to treat you badly, and you will be letting her.

[snowball]

This was the response to my email. not sure what to make of it???

Yes, we need to set up a time to discuss communication and I was planning to set up a meeting or call during pick up today. I can not discuss anything today during nap as I am busy. We will have to pick a time later on.

I think they are either going to pull or they are going to tell you how they expect you to behave.

I don't see this ending well for you.

Eta: I really think you need to try to work on your backbone right now. Again, I'm not saying that to be mean....I'm trying to prepare you for the fact that they will probably come in and tag team you. They will probably try to exert control of the situation.

Remember no matter what they say, the way DCM and Dcd treated you (not talking to you and acting angry) is not ok. They will try to pin this on you, but they need to own their behaviour.

I hope I'm wrong and they are coming to apologize but I highly doubt it.

[julie]

That's how I read it as well. I didn't write that I wanted to set up a meeting. I said if she'd like to discuss the email then to call me. Seems she has more to say. I feel like this is either her trying to stall until this goes away or she's going to get on the phone and tear into me about the call I made about her daughter needing to go home or that she thinks I don't do my job (from what she said this morning). Idk, I think this is going to blow up even worse.

Yup. I think you are right on the money. She is trying to pull rank and that meeting will get really ugly. I honestly would not let that kid back into care without it being resolved. I honestly would not let that kid back into care period. I'd be done today. If they in any way felt they were being unreasonable, they would be apologizing up and down and sideways, not putting you off because they are too "busy" to talk with you at the time you requested. I think they are stalling because they are going to screw you over. Just be done with them. Sad for the little one, but she's stuck with those parents no matter where she goes. Why should you bear the brunt? Take care of the baby inside of you and don't let her stress you out.

[julie]

Oh, and document, document, document, AND give a head's up to your licensor. They need to know how irrational the parents are acting, because these are the types to try and make claims after the fact of a termination.

[Play Care]

Sugar...I understand what you are saying BUT.......the baby was born last week, not a couple of days ago.

This Mom is behaving badly. The provider was being polite, considerate and helpful and the parent went off on her. No matter the reason, she had no right to speak to the provider in the manner she did and SHE is the one who should be apologizing. Who talks to ANYONE like that, much less the person who lovingly cares for her child everyday???

She also needs to be told not to speak to her child like that in the providers home, in front of other people's children.

I agree with you about feeling badly for the little girl. I feel really sad for her......she is being yelled at and while she was probably already feeling like the baby is kinda taking her place, she probably REALLY feels badly about the new baby now.

[Unregistered]

I don't think they'll just leave, they have 2 deposits tied up with me and my contract clearly states no refunds. One deposit in last 2 weeks for their older child and the other is 4 weeks work to hold a spot for their new child. I really hope this doesn't get nasty.

[snowball]

I don't think they'll just leave, they have 2 deposits tied up with me and my contract clearly states no refunds. One deposit in last 2 weeks for their older child and the other is 4 weeks work to hold a spot for their new child. I really hope this doesn't get nasty.

I don't think they will just leave either but they might give you notice.

I actually think they are going to lay it out for you on how they expect you to behave and if you don't agree they will give notice. I think they are going to point out things that they think you have done wrong. They will try to pull rank on you.

And I highly doubt that they will be sorry about any of their behaviour. They will claim that their behaviour is your fault. For example " mom would not have yelled at you, if you have just attended to their child".

As I said before, I hope I'm wrong, but I think this will either end badly today or you will **** it up and it will end badly in a few weeks.