Parents Are Angry At Me For A Miscommunication

[Laurel]

I also wouldn't have called unless it was an illness or emergency type of situation. That said, you didn't do anything to warrant their behavior especially if they are 'still' mad. Geez parents, get over it already.

That said, I think I would say (if they are still mad tomorrow or at pick up).

"I have been getting the feeling that you are still angry about the other day. You do understand that I was just calling you to talk to you and not to necessarily pick up, don't you? On the phone I said '(then repeat exactly what you said so at least you know they got the correct message)'. I was kind of surprised to see dad had come to pick up. It turns out she calmed down so he wouldn't have had to make the trip."

Then see what they say.

If they seem okay then just make some comment like "Well (smile) I just wanted to make sure we were okay."

If they say something unreasonable then "I'm sorry you didn't like how I handled it. What would you have liked me to do instead?"

That's how I think I would handle it. I would start getting irritated if I had to face their anger every day. I'd have to get the air cleared.

Laurel

[Play Care]

I also wouldn't have called unless it was an illness or emergency type of situation. That said, you didn't do anything to warrant their behavior especially if they are 'still' mad. Geez parents, get over it already.

That said, I think I would say (if they are still mad tomorrow or at pick up).

"I have been getting the feeling that you are still angry about the other day. You do understand that I was just calling you to talk to you and not to necessarily pick up, don't you? On the phone I said '(then repeat exactly what you said so at least you know they got the correct message)'. I was kind of surprised to see dad had come to pick up. It turns out she calmed down so he wouldn't have had to make the trip."

Then see what they say.

If they seem okay then just make some comment like "Well (smile) I just wanted to make sure we were okay."

If they say something unreasonable then "I'm sorry you didn't like how I handled it. What would you have liked me to do instead?"

That's how I think I would handle it. I would start getting irritated if I had to face their anger every day. I'd have to get the air cleared.

Laurel

Although, I DID call parents one time to get their children (3 boys) who cried here all.day.long. But it had been going on for weeks, I knew I was terming them and the other kids were starting to get very upset and anxious over it.

[Unregistered]

I also wouldn't have called unless it was an illness or emergency type of situation. That said, you didn't do anything to warrant their behavior especially if they are 'still' mad. Geez parents, get over it already.

That said, I think I would say (if they are still mad tomorrow or at pick up).

"I have been getting the feeling that you are still angry about the other day. You do understand that I was just calling you to talk to you and not to necessarily pick up, don't you? On the phone I said '(then repeat exactly what you said so at least you know they got the correct message)'. I was kind of surprised to see dad had come to pick up. It turns out she calmed down so he wouldn't have had to make the trip."

Then see what they say.

If they seem okay then just make some comment like "Well (smile) I just wanted to make sure we were okay."

If they say something unreasonable then "I'm sorry you didn't like how I handled it. What would you have liked me to do instead?"

That's how I think I would handle it. I would start getting irritated if I had to face their anger every day. I'd have to get the air cleared.

Laurel

Thanks for this. I will approach DCM this afternoon if things still seem weird. I don't like feeling like there's loose ends. I want this mother to understand I CAN handle her child, and I want to reassure her that they have no reason to doubt my abilities (which I feel like they do).

And just to clarify, I'm not one who is quick to send kids home. Other than sending sick kids home, I've only sent a child home once and that was for extremely disruptive behavior that lasted for almost 2 hours (caused by DCM at drop off, on purpose or so it seemed).

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

They choose to come get the child. You asked them to call you.

[sahm1225]

Agree with entropy. You asked them to call you to discuss. For the future, I would recommend not leaving specific voice messages, a 'call me back' should be sufficient.
And I agree with the post above about asking the mom by saying 'I get the feeling you are still upset.' The other poster worded it perfectly!
Good luck!

[renodeb]

Why is it that we always bare the brunt of these parents moods. I would not keep explaining. Maybe next time dont leave "she may need to go home in the message?" knowing they are going to misread it.
Most of my clients use only there cell phone and I must say that a lot of times they dont get my voice mails for days sometimes. Luckily my parents are into texting which is easier and they almost always get it. Plus they are date and time stamped! (but then so are voice mails I think) I would just move past th ewhole thing if you can. You have explained yourself enough! Im sorry you have had to deal with this. :hug:

[Laurel]

Thanks for this. I will approach DCM this afternoon if things still seem weird. I don't like feeling like there's loose ends. I want this mother to understand I CAN handle her child, and I want to reassure her that they have no reason to doubt my abilities (which I feel like they do).

And just to clarify, I'm not one who is quick to send kids home. Other than sending sick kids home, I've only sent a child home once and that was for extremely disruptive behavior that lasted for almost 2 hours (caused by DCM at drop off, on purpose or so it seemed).

You're welcome.

Let us know how it goes.

Laurel

[Unregistered]

Update

Yesterday at drop off DCM was fine and acted like she always does. But then this morning at drop off when she came in I was sitting with another child while they ate breakfast. DCG started screaming and DCM started try to calm her, but then got very frustrated and started handling the behavior in a very angry way. After a few minutes the mom said "this is not my job to calm you down", she then said that one more time, and I realized she meant it was my job, so I said "I can take over if you want." At that point she yelled at me that it was not her job to calm down her child that she's paying me to do it. I apologized and said that I didn't realize she wanted me to take over and that she felt that way about me, and I was trying not to step on her toes and intervene when I was not asked to help. Then she stormed out while still yelling at her child and trying to calm her down, and when she left she slammed my front door.

20 minutes later I get a text asking if DCG is ok now. I said she was still screaming but getting quieter, I apologized for not taking over sooner as I did not want to step on her toes and that I was sorry she was mad at me. Her response was DCG slept well and was fine all morning until she came here and that she hoped she would turn around. By then DCG was fine and I responded with, she's fine and I'm sure she just doesn't want to be away from you and that its always hard for kids when a new baby comes. No response.

I'm now wondering if I should even say anything about the way I'm being treated. DCM is lashing out at me for whatever reason. Both times she's been upset with me is for lack of communication on the parents part. First time they didn't return a call and got upset with me. Now this, if she'd just asked me to take over I would have immediately, but instead she got herself, her child, my other DCK, upset before snapping at me and making me upset.

If I say anything I don't think she's going to see anything wrong with how she treated me, and she might be angry enough to just pull her child from daycare. The worst part is I'm pregnant and she knows this and I'm very hurt by all this. My husband was home when this happened and heard it all and thankfully he was because I had to take a few minutes and have a cry (stupid pregnancy hormones!) over this while he sat with my other DCK.

Ugh, what do I do? I don't want to lose this family, but they need to realize none of this was my fault, and it is unacceptable to treat me this way.

[bunnyslippers]

First of all, she has no right to yell at you, for any reason. Second of all, stop apologizing to this family. You did nothing wrong in either situation, and they are being nasty, condescending, and aggressive with you.

I would let dcm know that she needs to drop off her child and leave immediately, if she expects you to step in as soon as they arrive.

And, I am outraged that she would look at her own poor child and tell her it isn't her job to calm her down. Who says that to their own child? This poor little girl is probably feeling left out and intimidated by the new baby in the house. Her mother is now referring to her as a job. Shame on her.

If you can afford to term this family, I would. If you can't, then you need to get much firmer in your policies and expectations.

No one has the right to talk to you in a disrespectful manner. You are caring for her child. She needs to treat you with the utmost respect and dignity. Stand up fore yourself! Be strong!!!!!

[Unregistered]

I think it is time to part ways very soon. I'm thinking they need to know if there are any more outbursts then termination will result. I'd really consider advertising to fill her spot today, as I'd be stressed wondering when they are going to blow up again.

[TheGoodLife]

Yesterday at drop off DCM was fine and acted like she always does. But then this morning at drop off when she came in I was sitting with another child while they ate breakfast. DCG started screaming and DCM started try to calm her, but then got very frustrated and started handling the behavior in a very angry way. After a few minutes the mom said "this is not my job to calm you down", she then said that one more time, and I realized she meant it was my job, so I said "I can take over if you want." At that point she yelled at me that it was not her job to calm down her child that she's paying me to do it. I apologized and said that I didn't realize she wanted me to take over and that she felt that way about me, and I was trying not to step on her toes and intervene when I was not asked to help. Then she stormed out while still yelling at her child and trying to calm her down, and when she left she slammed my front door.

20 minutes later I get a text asking if DCG is ok now. I said she was still screaming but getting quieter, I apologized for not taking over sooner as I did not want to step on her toes and that I was sorry she was mad at me. Her response was DCG slept well and was fine all morning until she came here and that she hoped she would turn around. By then DCG was fine and I responded with, she's fine and I'm sure she just doesn't want to be away from you and that its always hard for kids when a new baby comes. No response.

I'm now wondering if I should even say anything about the way I'm being treated. DCM is lashing out at me for whatever reason. Both times she's been upset with me is for lack of communication on the parents part. First time they didn't return a call and got upset with me. Now this, if she'd just asked me to take over I would have immediately, but instead she got herself, her child, my other DCK, upset before snapping at me and making me upset.

If I say anything I don't think she's going to see anything wrong with how she treated me, and she might be angry enough to just pull her child from daycare. The worst part is I'm pregnant and she knows this and I'm very hurt by all this. My husband was home when this happened and heard it all and thankfully he was because I had to take a few minutes and have a cry (stupid pregnancy hormones!) over this while he sat with my other DCK.

Ugh, what do I do? I don't want to lose this family, but they need to realize none of this was my fault, and it is unacceptable to treat me this way.

I wish I had advice for you, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope you get it worked out. You don't deserve to be treated like that Having a newborn is stressful and she doesn't have the right to take that out on you! (Plus, yelling at her DD isn't going to help and she shouldn't come to your house and upset everyone over it!) Hope you have a good day! :hug:

[MyAngels]

I don't take terminating a contract lightly, but in this case this family needs to be gone. I would never allow someone to talk to me that way. If you can't afford to lose the income then start advertising to fill the spot and term as soon as you possibly can.

:hug: I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, especially since you're expecting.

[KDC]

You would have taken it personally if you were the parent? I'm not sure I understand what you mean?

I definitely would have taken it personally as the DC provider!! As a parent I would want to know if my daughter was having a rough time adjusting. You deserved a call back for a chance to explain. I get that sick feeling just thinking about it. They were wrong for not calling. That's what I meant. Sorry!!

[AfterSchoolMom]

It's not her job? I beg to differ. HER child, HER job. Period. I don't care who's house she's in. This Mom is downright disrespectful, and you're giving her WAAAAAAAAAY too much room to walk all over you. I don't care if she just had ten babies, that is no excuse to treat you that way.

Please, please, PLEASE do me a favor and never apologize to this family ever again. Seriously. If anything, DCM owes YOU a big apology!

I'm going to jump on the "term" wagon here.

[SilverSabre25]

do you know if everything is okay with the new baby? mom sounds really stressed out. and what's mom doing dropping off when she just gave birth?