Parents Are Angry At Me For A Miscommunication

[Laurel]

I have no sympathy for anyone who thinks their lack of sleep, stress, other issues, can cause them to treat others like crap. I don't care that they just had a new baby. I don't care that they probably are not getting a lot of sleep. You know what? That's what happens when you have babies. And since they already had one, they knew what they were getting in to. If anything they should be on their knees apologizing for their rude behavior. Then and only then would I advise some sympathy on the provider's part. Otherwise I'd tell them to shape up or ship out.

As for the note to mom, I would not ask her how she wants you to handle things. I would TELL her how things are going to go from now on. "Mom, since it's clear you are having a hard time handling your child, I will take her from you as soon as you bring her in. Please keep drop off very short so we can avoid more meltdowns."

Laurel

[Unregistered]

I'm horrible at confrontation and am very much a people pleaser, but I feel your letter needs to be firmed up. I could never be anything but polite, but I think one can be polite and firm at the same time. Maybe one of these ladies here can help you with a firmed up letter that matches your nature at the same time. I'm not much of letter writter. I think it would include that this mornings behaviour was unaceptable and a repeat will not be aloud. While I would give them one more chance, I would be advertising too. Sounds like mom is struggling to adjust to having 2 children, but that does not mean she gets to treat others so rudley. We all have adjustments and stuff going on in our lives, it does not give us an excuse to treat others unkindly. You yourself are adjusting to proving care to multiple children, while growing a new sprout of your own. Doubt she would appreciate if you hollered back at her, and blamed it on hormones. Sorry she made you cry today.

[MarinaVanessa]

I personally changed a few little things that I would like to see in your letter but you can leave them out if you prefer.

One example was that you asked if she wanted you to take over immediately ... by her actions today it's apparent to me that it's exactly what she wants you to do and you only need to confirm that it's what she is asking you to do.

Hi DCM
I feel we need to discuss what happened this morning. I was very shocked at the way you spoke to me this morning. I understand you have a lot going on with the new baby however it does not excuse your actions towards me this morning and it will not be tolerated. I would have been happy to step in and take over calming DCG, had you asked me. Since you did not, I did not want to intervene and undermine your authority with your child. When you made it clear you wanted my help, I stepped right in.

In order for this partnership to work we need to have an open line of communication and mutual respect. It sounds to me that you prefer that I take over immediately when DCG is dropped off which I am willing to do. Had I known this previously I would have done so immediately however I was unaware that this was your preference because all of my other DCP's prefer for me to not step in unless I am asked. Please confirm with me if this is the way that you wish for me to handle drop-offs from now on and I will do so.

Also, if something is bothering you, please discuss it with me openly and respectfully. So far we've had a very cordial relationship and I would like it to stay that way. Please call me to discuss during nap time, as it not only difficult for me to discuss this while the children are awake but also innapropriate. Thank You

[Sugar Magnolia]

I feel bad for the OP. But I feel very bad for the little girl. A dcg I once had.....she was.almost 3, a real sweety, never any problems. Her baby brother.was born, and she too.was dropped off the next day at my daycare center. Poor girl, cried a lot, was very upset about the "tubes and hoses" she saw on her mommy. (IV), the "wires all over baby" (monitors) and the.scary masks.the hospital staff wore. Her brother was in a "scary box" with "really bright lights" (incubator. She was pretty much traumatized. She was sad "baby hurt mommy". And she was.sad when daddy cried. This normally well adjusted girl was a wreck for two weeks solid.

I know you are upset with the parents. They acted rudely and inappropriately. They should.apologize. But.......I think they need just a little sympathy and patience. And try to remember, its about the little girl......she is obviously a tad scared, confused and unsure.

On a personal note.....my oldest was 9 when his baby brother.was . He cried and cried when he.saw me in the hospital. The tubes and hoses and beeping machines and masked staff.upset him too.....and he was NINE.

Patience, kindness and understanding always pay off. It may seem like a hard thing to show them right now, but when these new parents get their heads screwed back on right, I hope they will realize they behaved badly.

(((((hugs)))::

[DaisyMamma]

Wow. Just wow.
I did not read any other responses, but I'm dumfounded that these parents are such ....hmmm, don't want to swear on the forum.

First of all, why don't they want DCG there for such a happy, special occasion of adding a sibling to the family?
Of course DCG was upset! I sure has HE** would be too! How dare they leave her out of such a special thing?
But, that is just my opinion. I'm sure others won't agree that the child should be at the hospital, but it depends on the birth, if it's a c-section (which I had), etc. etc.
Second of all, YOU did nothing wrong, AT ALL. If I were you, I would be mad at them.

[Unregistered]

I personally changed a few little things that I would like to see in your letter but you can leave them out if you prefer.

One example was that you asked if she wanted you to take over immediately ... by her actions today it's apparent to me that it's exactly what she wants you to do and you only need to confirm that it's what she is asking you to do.

Thanks so much for this! I'm using the exact wording you wrote. Wow, you have a way with words!

[MarinaVanessa]

Thanks so much for this! I'm using the exact wording you wrote. Wow, you have a way with words!

No problem. Anytime

Maybe others have more ideas?? That's what I love about this forum. I don't know what I would do without it .

[Unregistered]

Email was sent, now to wait for the response. Ugh, I hate, hate, hate confrontations!

[Sugar Magnolia]

No problem. Anytime

Maybe others have more ideas?? That's what I love about this forum. I don't know what I would do without it .

Ok, maybe I am a softie, maybe I'm totally wrong, I bet many will disagree, but here is what I personally would write......on the inside of a nice card.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I hope everyone is happy and healthy. I know this is a very stressful time for you, your husband and older child. I just wanted to reach out and tell you I feel badly we had a breakdown in communication over Little Susy. I didn't intend on upsetting anyone, and I'm sure you didn't mean to upset nee either. I hope when things get back to normal, we can have a calm, open discussion about communication, drop-off procedures and general concerns and expectations. In the meantime, please accept my warmest congratulations and best wishes for your new baby."

Please consider it, I know its hard to turn the other cheek right now, but I do think they might truly appreciate it.

[My3cents]

First of all, she has no right to yell at you, for any reason. Second of all, stop apologizing to this family. You did nothing wrong in either situation, and they are being nasty, condescending, and aggressive with you.

I would let dcm know that she needs to drop off her child and leave immediately, if she expects you to step in as soon as they arrive.

And, I am outraged that she would look at her own poor child and tell her it isn't her job to calm her down. Who says that to their own child? This poor little girl is probably feeling left out and intimidated by the new baby in the house. Her mother is now referring to her as a job. Shame on her.

If you can afford to term this family, I would. If you can't, then you need to get much firmer in your policies and expectations.

No one has the right to talk to you in a disrespectful manner. You are caring for her child. She needs to treat you with the utmost respect and dignity. Stand up fore yourself! Be strong!!!!!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Email was sent, now to wait for the response. Ugh, I hate, hate, hate confrontations!

I guess I typed to slow. I totally understand you are upset and were treated so badly, but as a parent, I truly would not want to read emails within a day or two of giving birth. I am a big fan of waiting a day or two before hitting "send". And some things are better said in person. :confused:

[SquirrellyMama]

Ok, maybe I am a softie, maybe I'm totally wrong, I bet many will disagree, but here is what I personally would write......on the inside of a nice card.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I hope everyone is happy and healthy. I know this is a very stressful time for you, your husband and older child. I just wanted to reach out and tell you I feel badly we had a breakdown in communication over Little Susy. I didn't intend on upsetting anyone, and I'm sure you didn't mean to upset nee either. I hope when things get back to normal, we can have a calm, open discussion about communication, drop-off procedures and general concerns and expectations. In the meantime, please accept my warmest congratulations and best wishes for your new baby."

Please consider it, I know its hard to turn the other cheek right now, but I do think they might truly appreciate it.

I don't completely disagree with you. I might not say, "I hope when things get back to normal". It might open up doors for her to yell more before things are "normal". After my babies were born I would always say, "I can't wait for our new normal".

[Unregistered]

This was the response to my email. not sure what to make of it???

Yes, we need to set up a time to discuss communication and I was planning to set up a meeting or call during pick up today. I can not discuss anything today during nap as I am busy. We will have to pick a time later on.

[My3cents]

I want to email the mother when the kids go down for a nap. I don't want to term now, it seems she's having trouble with adding a new baby. I want to give the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again they'll be gone. Here's my email to DCM. Please feel free to make suggestions or edit it for me.


Hi DCM
I feel we need to discuss what happened this morning. I was very shocked at the way you spoke to me this morning. I understand you have a lot going on with the new baby and everything, but I don't think that excuses your actions towards me this morning and it will not be tolerated. I would have been happy to step in and take over calming DCG, had you asked me. Since you did not, I did not want to intervene and undermine your authority with your child. When you made it clear you wanted my help, I stepped right in.

For the future, we need to make an effort to open the lines of communication. If you would like, from now on at drop off I will take over immediately only if you ask me to. If you do not expressly ask me to take over so you can leave, then I will not. If something is bothering you, please discuss it with me. So far we've had a very cordial relationship and I would like it to stay that way. Please call me to discuss during nap time, as I will not discuss this in front of the children.

I think I would be clear. I would let her know, nicely how you want drop off to be. I would have understanding that it is hard to leave your little loved one, but in order for us to have a smooth transaction and good start to the day I need you to say your good byes fast and leave. If you we are both present it is your responsibility to step in and correct your child, if you choose to not do this then I will and I trust that you trust me enough to be able to do this. I would make it clear what you want happening for now on, and I would warn her that she can not speak to you the way that she did and it will not be tolerated again. Oh good luck. I would verbally speak to your client and maybe also give her a written warning. If you expect respect and not settle for anything but respect you will be golden. It is your home, your daycare, your rules. Being kind but also being clear.

[Jewels]

I think this mom needs a good taste of what it likes to have both her baby and her daughter all day during her maternity leave! I wouldn't handle being treated like that at all, I would term, mother has a nice maternity leave to find alternative care, and handle her own children. Sleep deprived or not, I would never treat someone that way