Parents Are Angry At Me For A Miscommunication

[Unregistered]

Last week one of my DCM had a baby, the next day DCD drops off and DCG throws a fit at the front door. Dad brings her up into my living room and shuts the gate and leaves. For the next 45 minutes DCG screams. She calms down and goes to play, then I remind her to use the potty. She pees herself on the way to the potty. I change her clothes and she doesn't like the outfit and this sets off another 30 minutes of screams (full blown screaming, like she's being tortured). During these screams I call and leave a message on DCD work cell phone that she's very distraught, has been screaming for the majority of the last 2 hours and please call me to discuss, but she may need to go home. This was at 10 am. I get no call back, and then DCG is fine and does not have an episode all day. I assume dad didn't check his messages and no harm done. So we have lunch and DCKs go down for nap. 30 minutes after the kids go down, I hear a loud knock on my door. I answer and its DCD, he wants to take her home. He's very short with me and clearly angry.

Then this morning at drop off, I ask if DCG is leaving early like last time, she says no, she only left early because you called and said you couldn't handle her. DCM says DCD was very angry when he got the message and left her at the hospital to come get DCG, and then DCM says she was very angry as well.

I begin to explain that they misunderstood my message, it wasn't that I couldnt handle DCG, I felt bad that she was so distraught, the she MIGHT need to go home, but she ended up being fine. I also explained that my message said please call to discuss. He never did, so he didn't know she ended up being fine. He never would have needed to come get her if he listened to the message and called me like I asked in the message.

So now parents are mad at me for disrupting their happy moment in the hospital together with their new child.

I'm clearly going to need to do damage control. But I don't think this is fair. DCD didn't listen to the message clearly and now they've held this anger for me over the last few days, and still seem angry.

How would you ladies handle this?

[bunnyslippers]

I think you did what you could. You explained the message, and expalined that it was a miscommunication. I would steer clear of telling them he didn't listen clearly to the message. They were probably overwhelmed and tired from the new baby being born, and probably overreacted to the message.

Maybe try one more time "DCM, I am sorry that my message was minsinterpreted. In the future, please return my call so we can discuss what is happening before you leave to come and pick her up."

[Blackcat31]

I agree with Bunny.

Don't continue to explain. Just keep repeating that the next time they need to listen more clearly to the message and call first.

...and sorry but I find it funny that they are mad thinking that you ruined their "family moment" when the issue you were having was with one of their family members...

I can see why DCG was so distraught.

[Unregistered]

I agree with Bunny.

Don't continue to explain. Just keep repeating that the next tie they need to listen more clearly to the message and call first.

...and sorry but I find it funny that they are mad thinking that you ruined their "family moment" when the issue you were having was with one of their family members...

I can see why DCG was so distraught.

They didn't say that I ruined their family moment, but its what I interpreted from what was said, DCD was angry he had to leave DCM and new baby at the hospital to pick up their other child because "i couldn't handle her" (DCMs words)

[countrymom]

you should have said "I'm sorry, but you need to **** it up because you do have another child that is feeling neglected because she feels like you care more about the baby than her" don't explain anymore, clearly by the sounds of it, they couldn't handle her in the morning so they dropped her off quickly and left, so really it had nothing to do with you.

[Blackcat31]

They didn't say that I ruined their family moment, but its what I interpreted from what was said, DCD was angry he had to leave DCM and new baby at the hospital to pick up their other child because "i couldn't handle her" (DCMs words)

Oh ok, I'm sorry...I read it wrong.

Still, it was really not cool of the parents to get down on you for this.

Especially because you were putting their child first and were concerned about her being so upset.

I would still continue to reiterate to them that what they thought your message said was not at all what it did say.

[KDC]

They clearly are sleep deprived and, and probably having issues with DCG at home and are feeling a little overwhelmed. I would have taken it personally, and been really upset too. I think after they sleep and think about the situation, they'll probably feel bad... (I always give the benefit of doubt though), if they're upset by that - just let 'em be upset. You did the right thing! I agree with BC, just remind them for next time to call you before rushing over.


Poor DCG ... She may need extra cuddles for a little while until the family climbs out of the funk they're in.

[crazydaycarelady]

How old is dcg? If I had a kid screaming like that I would have laid them down and told them they could get up when they calmed down and stopped crying.

[Willow]

I would have turned it right around and told them "Absolutely I can't and *WON'T* handle that sort of horrific off the wall behavior. What on earth happened to cause her behave like that???"

(I do not entertain the excuse of a new baby causing that level of ridiculousness, if it does the child is spoiled to the brim and THAT is the problem, not the new arrival).

[Mom&Provider]

I would not apologize for looking after their child the best way you can! The fact that you called shows you care about their daughters feelings, attitude and her ability to cope due to new situations happening all around her. Some children don't do well with changes like the addition of a new sibling and others are fine. OR perhaps this little one had been past around for a couple of days prior to the new baby's arrival since Mom was in labor and Dad was with her etc. and she was feeling very confused about what was happening. Who knows...but you did nothing wrong!

If my child was out of control crying as she was, I would want to know about. An older sibling is just as important as a new baby and these parents will come to figure that out! If they don't, this poor big sister is going to feel very confused and left out!

[youretooloud]

Honestly, I wouldn't send a child home for crying, unless I felt like the child was sick and really NEEDED to go home.

If they just had a new baby, I'd have stuck it out without any phone calls at all. I think that was a bit stressful for them at that particular moment. The child can survive a bad day here and there without being rescued and taken home.

If a child IS having a bad day, I might call or text the parent and ask them to make a special call to the daycare child just to say "HI!" and usually that makes them feel good.

[Unregistered]

They clearly are sleep deprived and, and probably having issues with DCG at home and are feeling a little overwhelmed. I would have taken it personally, and been really upset too. I think after they sleep and think about the situation, they'll probably feel bad... (I always give the benefit of doubt though), if they're upset by that - just let 'em be upset. You did the right thing! I agree with BC, just remind them for next time to call you before rushing over.


Poor DCG ... She may need extra cuddles for a little while until the family climbs out of the funk they're in.

You would have taken it personally if you were the parent? I'm not sure I understand what you mean?

[Unregistered]

Honestly, I wouldn't send a child home for crying, unless I felt like the child was sick and really NEEDED to go home.

If they just had a new baby, I'd have stuck it out without any phone calls at all. I think that was a bit stressful for them at that particular moment. The child can survive a bad day here and there without being rescued and taken home.

If a child IS having a bad day, I might call or text the parent and ask them to make a special call to the daycare child just to say "HI!" and usually that makes them feel good.

This was not crying this was screaming bloody murder for 45 minutes straight. She was very upset! I didn't call for them to come get her either, I called for them to call me back and discuss how to handle it, and going home might be an option. I'm sorry but I also have other children in my care who were also very upset by the scene that was happening here.

[Mom&Provider]

This was not crying this was screaming bloody murder for 45 minutes straight. She was very upset! I didn't call for them to come get her either, I called for them to call me back and discuss how to handle it, and going home might be an option. I'm sorry but I also have other children in my care who were also very upset by the scene that was happening here.

I can relate to this. I have one DCG who when seeing someone else crying, begins to cry herself, not a calming cry, but an outright scream! This DCG panics and it's not good.

You are one person caring for many, so with one needing your full attention for 2 hrs isn't fair to the others or to you. You didnt' do anything wrong by making a phone call. It's not as though you called and said come and get your child...now! You wanted to ask them some questions and/or let them know what was happening and get through it. You did what you could, whether or not we would all handle it the same way doesn't matter, it's the fact that you were simply doing your job and now the DCP's are making it stressful on you. :hug:

[jenn]

I wouldn't call it a miscommunication. You called and asked that they call back. They failed to call back. That was a misunderstanding and a lack of communication on their part. You didn't say "Leave your wife at the hospital and come get your screaming child". You asked them to call to discuss what was happening, and had they done that, you could have told them that she had settled down. It was their choice to come get her without calling as you requested.