Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children?

[judytrickett]

I never made this about me. You read it that way. Did I use one example of myself going on vacation without kids once a year? Yep. We also had a family go to Mexico for 12 days without their daughter in May. Did we look and frown on them for doing so? Nope! Have we had moms send their kids an extra day every once in a while so they can go pamper themselves on their day off? Yep! Did we come complain here to the world about it? Nope. They pay us to take care of their children. To teach them. To nurture them. To love them like they are our own. And that my friend is what we do. We love our job.

Where was I not cordial? Please, oh please point that out. And honey...this isn't riled up. You don't know me so please don't act like you do.

Once again...research???

[emosks]

Once again...research???

Which is why I asked what you want to prove? What research do you want me to come up with other than my own experience in running a daycare? You have me going in circles here lady!

I'm really not a mean person. I just won't let someone walk over me either.

[nannyde]

I only have this one family. It was unpaid time. They only pay for the days they are here. I do not have a contract.

This family is not from the U.S. originally. They are very much into family values. Their children go with them everywhere.

I took 2 of the 3 last Saturday night (overnight, unpaid) so mom and dad could have some "alone" time. They were all smiles when they picked their kids up Sunday morning. I treat this family like extended family, and it shows with unexpected bonuses, flexible hours, and lots of appreciation.

Don't get me wrong, their kids aren't perfect (see previous posts on eating issues). However, for the most part, the kids mind well and the parents mind well too!

Okay now it makes sense.

[judytrickett]

Which is why I asked what you want to prove? What research do you want me to come up with other than my own experience in running a daycare? You have me going in circles here lady!

I'm really not a mean person. I just won't let someone walk over me either.

Research and articles previously posted here have shown a direct correlation between increased incidence of crime in young people and lack of time spend in parental care.

Daycare research has shown that the more time a child spend in daycare the more aggressive they will be once they reach the school system and throughout school years.

It's all here if you search for it.

What I am asking from YOU is for similar research that shows that children who spend NO time with their parents are well-adjusted.

No one is "walking all over you". I am simply asking you to back up your point since you took the time to tell me (and other's) that we should find a new profession because or our view on parents spending no time with their children:

It sounds to me like most of you who do talk about parents like this need to find a new profession

That quote conveys to others that our views are WRONG and not soundly based. I maintain that they are as cited above. So, if you want to have any weight at all to YOUR view then back it up with contradictory evidence and studies.

[emosks]

Thank you Judy. I obviously as you have so nicely pointed out have no research since I'm basing my thoughts on the families we care for. We have no issue with parents going on vacations (back to the original post) without children.

My point about a new profession or families was not based only on this post....it's based on the majority of the posts I've read since joining the board last year. It just seems there is a lot of parent bashing on here and not a wanting to understand why some of the parents do the things they do.

Again, we must just be blessed with some very awesome families.

[Crystal]

So question to you ladies: Do you have parents who take their kids out of day care for one full week and go somewhere or do something as a family WITH their kids where the parents are caring for the kids wall to wall for a week straight?

All of my families do. I have one family who has been gone since friday, come back next wednesday. they are in canada on vacation. they are paying me.

I have a little girl that just came back today. was gone for a week on vacation with her parents and grandparents. they paid me.

I have a little boy who will be gone after today until next week. they are going to the coast on a family vacation. they are paying me.

I guess I am very fortunate, all of my families enjoy the time they have with their children, and they don't mind paying me at all.

[Vesta]

2 of my families went on vacations without the kids.
One took a long weekend and her dd stayed with family.
The other took a week and went to Florida while her girls stayed with friends.
I was payed for both vacations, but one was not happy about it.
The one not happy about it (the Florida one) also went to Universal Studios and brought back souvenirs for her children.... which I thought was kind of harsh when the girls (7 & 5) started getting tears in their eyes telling me about it.
The little one whispered how she wished they could have gone. All I could do was tell her that maybe next time she would get to go, and the older one made a little "as if" sound. So, ****s to be them.
Everyone else took their kids with them, if they went.

[Crystal]

I have a question. If you are so set against parents who do not spend all of their paid time off with their children, and they disgust you to the point of making a huge issue of it on an open forum, then why do you not terminate those families and enroll ONLY families with the same philosophy of care as you. It's pretty simple really. If you do not like the parent because they tend to be selfish, then why do you still work with them? Honestly, if I had families who took regular days off and always left their child with me, or took regular vacations without their child and their child NEVER got a family vacation, I would tell the parent how I felt and let the chips fall where they may. Of course, I don't have families like this and I can be very open, honest and forthcoming with my families when there is a REAL issue, I guess I have been very lucky, because I just don't have these types of issues.

Now, I am NOT saying that parents SHOULD spend their vacation time without their children....(I would never do that sort of thing, my kids have been on a minimum of three family vacations per year with me and my husband since they were very small, and they have seen many parts of our great country and me and hubby have been away for the weekend three times in 19 years without the kids.) BUT, as I have said before, these are not OUR children, and we don't live in their households to realize WHY parents may need that time away, (it could be many things, stress being one of them) so honestly, it's none of our business. Our business is to provide a quality, loving environment AWAY from the child's home and parent, not to mind the business of the parents or to be the parent.

[judytrickett]

I have a question. If you are so set against parents who do not spend all of their paid time off with their children, and they disgust you to the point of making a huge issue of it on an open forum, then why do you not terminate those families and enroll ONLY families with the same philosophy of care as you. It's pretty simple really. If you do not like the parent because they tend to be selfish, then why do you still work with them? Honestly, if I had families who took regular days off and always left their child with me, or took regular vacations without their child and their child NEVER got a family vacation, I would tell the parent how I felt and let the chips fall where they may. Of course, I don't have families like this and I can be very open, honest and forthcoming with my families when there is a REAL issue, I guess I have been very lucky, because I just don't have these types of issues.

Now, I am NOT saying that parents SHOULD spend their vacation time without their children....(I would never do that sort of thing, my kids have been on a minimum of three family vacations per year with me and my husband since they were very small, and they have seen many parts of our great country and me and hubby have been away for the weekend three times in 19 years without the kids.) BUT, as I have said before, these are not OUR children, and we don't live in their households to realize WHY parents may need that time away, (it could be many things, stress being one of them) so honestly, it's none of our business. Our business is to provide a quality, loving environment AWAY from the child's home and parent, not to mind the business of the parents or to be the parent.

Hahaha...where is Nannyde?? Because she had a GREAT response to this very question!

Do you REALLY think that all your parents are actually TELLING you that they are off when they ARE OFF?? Heck no! I can tell you that half the time a parent is off work but brings their child to daycare they don't utter a single word to me about being off. But I have EYES and I have a CLOCK and I can see what they are wearing and what time they arrived. Both of those things are NOT conducive to them arriving on time to work or being dressed for it!

I'm just gonna say it...I really do NOT believe you. I don't believe that you really have 100% of your parents who are so freaking great that they never would ever even think of spending a day off let alone a week without their kids. I don't believe it.

I think YOU believe it. I think YOU think they are not doing this. But I think they have you fooled. They ARE taking time off - they are just lying about it either openly or by omission. Either that or you are NOT charging them for days their child does not attend. Because THEN they have incentive for staying home with them - money savings!

I find it odd that forum after forum after forum and providers who I know in person CONSTANTLY battle this dilemma and ethical debate but here , only on daycare.com we find an anomaly of providers who simply do not EVER have that problem and have super, duper, great, fantastic PERFECT daycare parents.

Something does not add up.

[MN Mom]

Hahaha...where is Nannyde?? Because she had a GREAT response to this very question!

Do you REALLY think that all your parents are actually TELLING you that they are off when they ARE OFF?? Heck no! I can tell you that half the time a parent is off work but brings their child to daycare they don't utter a single word to me about being off. But I have EYES and I have a CLOCK and I can see what they are wearing and what time they arrived. Both of those things are NOT conducive to them arriving on time to work or being dressed for it!

I'm just gonna say it...I really do NOT believe you. I don't believe that you really have 100% of your parents who are so freaking great that they never would ever even think of spending a day off let alone a week without their kids. I don't believe it.

I think YOU believe it. I think YOU think they are not doing this. But I think they have you fooled. They ARE taking time off - they are just lying about it either openly or by omission. Either that or you are NOT charging them for days their child does not attend. Because THEN they have incentive for staying home with them - money savings!

I find it odd that forum after forum after forum and providers who I know in person CONSTANTLY battle this dilemma and ethical debate but here , only on daycare.com we find an anomaly of providers who simply do not EVER have that problem and have super, duper, great, fantastic PERFECT daycare parents.

Something does not add up.

Just because you have not seen/experienced those parental types does not mean they don't exist, here or elsewhere

[judytrickett]

Just because you have not seen/experienced those parental types does not mean they don't exist, here or elsewhere

I'm not saying they don't exist. I have some great daycare parents. But I don't believe it when I see a provider say she has NONE of "those" parents and has never had one of "those" parents.

[Crystal]

hahaha! well, your opininion matters SO much to me

I never said my families never take a day off and leave their kids with me. certainly they do, and they do tell me about it. I said they do not go on vacations without their children. Personally, I do not care if they bring their kids when they take a day off. I have a MOm who is off every thursday, and half of those thursdays her son is here with me while she does her grocery shopping, goes to the doctor, gets her hair done, etc. ALL stuff that her kid would not like having to be dragged along for. she also picks up early on thursdays, as soon as she's done with her "stuff" If she feels that this makes her a better mom, because rather than getting frustrated with a whiny child who doesn't want to run errands, resulting in herbeing crabby to her kid, she takes care of business, picks him up and then can spend HAPPY time with her child. I'm fine with it. I had also a MOm recently who went river rafting on a Tuesday and her kids were with me. It was her b-day, she has always wanted to raft and her kids are too small, I kept her kids, told her happy b-day and have a great time. wah, wah, wah, I had to care for her kids while she had a little fun, boo-fricken-hoo.

On the other hand, I had a mom call in sick yesterday so she could spend the day at the state fair with her kids.

And, I could say that I don't believe YOU would never take a day off and leave your kids in daycare while you take care of stuff that the kids would not enjoy, but I don't call people LIARS without facts to prove that they are.

Just because a parent takes a day off doesn't mean they are out having fun or being pampered. they are handling behind the scenes life stuff that is much easier to accomplish solo than with kids in tow. And, sometimes they are being pampered....good for them, we should ALL take time to be pampered and enjoy our time alone, it's good for us.

[Crystal]

My kids homeschool.



Uh-huh..... Every situation, every parent is the exception. That is what's wrong with society these days - everyone thinks THEY are the exception.

I would bet my last dollar in the bank that the parents I have in care who have 8 weeks a year off are spending EVERY day alone with their kids in daycare because they are attending a very important non-work appointment or "working on their marriage". Uh-huh....yep...sure......

I'm not surprised that you are "appalled" by my, and many of the other poster's comments. The truth, once spoken, is rarely popular.

Now, that's sad. 8 weeks and no time with their kids? Why would you not say something to them? Like, "you're going on vacation AGAIN? Gee, I bet Johnny would LOVE a day or two at the beach." 8 weeks is alot of paid time off, and I find it hard to believe that ANY parent would not spend one day out of 8 weeks with their children on family outings.

[Crystal]

FYI...one of the reasons why I do not have families like what has been mentioned, is becasue I simply refuse to enroll a family when it is clearly obvious that a parent is so self-involved that they will "neglect" their children so that can have or do whatever they want. I actually sent a parent away during an interview one time and told her I am sorry but I will not be able to work with you. It was awkward, but I KNOW I avoided alot of drama by doing it.

I interview potential clients, just as they interview me. I have become a very good judge of character over the years and I simply will not enroll a family who does not have close to the same philosophy of care as I do. Not exactly the same, because I am willing to see things from others perespectives, but pretty close or the daycare relationship would be stressful and I am not going to add stress to my day.

[professionalmom]

For those of you that are so proud of never leaving your children what are you going to do when it's time for school? I've been on both sides of the fence. A mom that worked almost 50-60 hours a week with kids in daycare and now a mom that is still working 50-60 hours a week running a daycare.

I am appalled by some of the comments providers here make about parents. Absolutely appalled. Sometimes it leaves me speechless. You never know why a parent is taking a day off or even week. It might rekindle the marriage so you aren't dealing with single parents in the future. Think about that.

Thank you so much for showing concern for my DD and her emotional well-being. It's so nice to hear that others are concerned about how I raise my child. I will most likely homeschool and by the way, my DD is very well adjusted and has never really shown ANY separation anxiety on those rare occasions that we have to leave her with family so DH and I can attend appointments that we both have to be at or for the OCCASSIONAL date night. My DD is more well-adjusted than ANY of the DCKs I have ever had. But this COULD be because she knows that mom and dad are never gone for long and are usually back before she gets bored with grandma, grandpa, uncle J, or Aunt T.

Oh, and why can’t parents “re-kindle” at home after 8pm or 9pm when the kids are in bed? Do we really need a hotel and a beach to re-connect and “feel the love”? That’s pretty sad if you do. My DH and I never got a honeymoon, yet we have a wonderful DD and have still found time to “re-kindle” and make twin girls (due in Nov) all while I worked 80 hours a week, he worked 40 hrs a week and had FT school. I guess we are just a little more creative or a little more dedicated to “finding time for each other” in the midst of LIFE.

I forget....you and a few others on the board are always right! DUH! What was I thinking?

Nice sarcasm. So, you think that those of us who have different opinions are so self-righteous. Sounds like you are projecting. Just in case you are not aware of what “projection” is, that is when you see an attribute in others that you detest when in reality you are the one with that attribute. I.e., when a compulsive liar hates it when others lie.

Am I proud that I have spent little time away from my DD? Heck, yes! I had her so I could be a MOM, not her babysitter. I wanted to raise her, not have someone else raise her. So far, I have accomplished this goal and I WILL NOT apologize for it. I never said that people who do not spend all their time with their kids are bad parents. Re-read my posts. You will find that I am VERY understanding about parents who have to do what they have to do to put food on the table. As a matter of fact, my previous post on this thread (re-posted below) shows that I support an occasional vacation away from the kids, but I feel that it is best when the kids are older and can spend a week away for the parents without it causing any trauma. I do NOT support parents who spend every moment of their vacation time away from their kids.

No one here was talking about the occasional vacation. I understood it to mean the parents that use every possible moment they can to be AWAY from their kids and not have to actually PARENT them. Everyone needs a break. And when my children are older and can handle it, we plan to get away a little bit. But when they are 12 months old and already spend 50+ hours in daycare away from mom and never see dad? Come on people. No one ever said that parents are selfish if they take the occasional vacation without their children.

It sounds to me like most of you who do talk about parents like this need to find a new profession...or new families.

It’s sad that you don’t see that we are concerned ABOUT the KIDS that we care for. So, according to you, we should shut up, not have opinions, and not speak up when children are being neglected and pawned off to othes every chance the parent gets! There is a saying, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” But I guess, according to you, we should shut up and let parents do whatever they want and keep harming these children while the children suffer in silence.

We love these children and want the best for them. But I guess, according to you, that’s grounds for us to “find a new profession” – why? Because we care TOO much.

My point about a new profession or families was not based only on this post....it's based on the majority of the posts I've read since joining the board last year. It just seems there is a lot of parent bashing on here and not a wanting to understand why some of the parents do the things they do.

I do try to understand why people do what they do. But sometimes it is not a matter of understanding. If someone commits murder, I don’t have to “understand” why. It’s wrong no matter what. Same thing with a parent who NEVER spends ANY time off with their kids. Some things do warrant understanding, some do not.

"We" who feel this way have posted our info before. Go and search professionalmom's posts. She has a degree in criminology and has posted in the past very concrete articles and information on the affects of non-parental quality involvement on children. It's all there in black and white.

Thanks for the shout out. But, what do we know, Judy. After all, we’re “just the babysitter”, right? Oh, and we are not entitled to have opinions. We’re horrible b****es if we express any opinion that MIGHT show that parenting has taken a nosedive in the last 30 years. But, don’t worry, Judy, I have your back and I will not stop trying to get people to hear my opinion because my opinions ARE based on research, experience, and the pain I have seen in the eyes of many children who are begging for a little time and attention from mom and dad. THEY are why I speak up.