Parents Secretly Recording Daycare: Logged Out

[Dot]

no, not at all, I just found it ironic that people were appalled over me invading the privacy of others but were quick to suggest tracking me down. I'm not threatened by it, I just found it telling. So I upset someone and they suggested tracking me down and discovering who I am but yet they'd never agree with doing something questionable to get information. That was the point and they made it for me, everyone has a line they will and won't cross, that's what I'm saying.

Last response.

[Meyou]

no, not at all, I just found it ironic that people were appalled over me invading the privacy of others but were quick to suggest tracking me down. I'm not threatened by it, I just found it telling. So I upset someone and they suggested tracking me down and discovering who I am but yet they'd never agree with doing something questionable to get information. That was the point and they made it for me, everyone has a line they will and won't cross, that's what I'm saying.

Last response.

Discovering your location via IP address after you posted on a public forum....legal.
Putting a secret camera on your child to record at school/daycare....illegal.

BIG DIFFERENCE.

[Blackcat31]

no, not at all, I just found it ironic that people were appalled over me invading the privacy of others but were quick to suggest tracking me down. I'm not threatened by it, I just found it telling. So I upset someone and they suggested tracking me down and discovering who I am but yet they'd never agree with doing something questionable to get information. That was the point and they made it for me, everyone has a line they will and won't cross, that's what I'm saying.

Last response.

Why are you trying so hard to convince any of us that you are justified in what you are planning on doing?

Why do you care what we think?

You aren't going to be a client of any of ours and if you were, I am pretty sure most providers would "figure out" your intentions rather swiftly because despite your opinion of child care providers, we ARE capable, educated and logical human beings.

You aren't the first parent to think YOUR rights supercede others and you won't be the last but I guarantee you that ultimately it will be your DD that pays the price.

I wouldn't care one bit if a parent wanted to video tape my day and what goes on here. I have NOTHING to hide but never in a million years would I take on or keep a client that wouldn't simply work with me in an HONEST manner and approach me mother to mother, caregiver to caregiver and talk/discuss with me any concerns or issues they may have.

ALL mothers are paranoid at some point, ALL mothers are fraught with fear and worry. Anxiety can paralyze even the most experienced parent in some cases but the manner in which you are choosing to approach these issues/concerns says FAR MORE TELLING ABOUT YOU than anything else.

So while you are tossing out warnings or reminders to posters about the stuff they are "giving away" about themselves, don't forget that it goes both ways.

What you are saying, what you believe and how you deal with these things say ALOT about you.

Also NO ONE said they were tracking down your IP address (it appears automatically on ANYTHING you post to the internet when you join a forum/chat room/discussion area etc) so no one needs to track anything down so you can stop feeling paranoid or stalked. No one here cares as much about you as you do.

Like I said in an earlier post....seems to me that YOU are enjoying the drama this brings to you. It really isn't about your daughter at all.

[NightOwl]

The irony abounds here. Dot, you've gone off the deep end. I didn't "suggest" or "threaten" to track you down using your ip, I don't have that access. If you read my post correctly, I said if I knew how to, I would do so. But I do not know how to. So who's making assumptions now?

And how am i supposed to know your daughter had a hearing issue if you didn't mention it? You only said she had speech delays. So your "assuming" we could read your mind and know about the hearing loss?

It doesn't matter if you continue to post here because the conversation has and will go on without your input. This board is for everyone and you didn't start the thread anyway so, newsflash, the world's doesn't revolve around you and neither does this thread.

Good luck with your endeavor. I hope it fails miserably and we will all get to say i told you so.

[craftymissbeth]

My daughter heads to pre K in the fall and I went onto google to see if there were any devices I could use to randomly access sound from her classroom. Not because I have a reason to distrust the school but because I don't have a reason to blindly trust them either. My intention wasn't to sit and listen all day long only to have peace of mind that from time to time I could click it on and see if she was happy, talking with other students, and if there might be a reason she is crying for a long time. Earlier last year I attempted to put her into part time day care at a center 2 days a week and all was well for the first 3 weeks and on the 4th week when I arrived I could hear her crying from outside and she was inconsolable. The teacher told me she'd been that way all day and yet they never called to tell me and when I called on lunch to check on her, as I had done for 3 weeks they lied and said she was having a perfect day. She began wetting the bed, having bad dreams, no longer went into her Sunday school and randomly would start crying about returning to the center. I was supposed to be a wonderful chance for her to be with kids and me to have a few days a week to run errands and do deep cleaning without having her here as well as to begin to prepare her for being out of the home. It took 3 months for her to settle down and be able to go back into Sunday school and not bring up the place, as a 3 year old with some verbal delays we had no way of knowing what on Earth happened but if I'd had a device I could have clicked on for a moment I could have heard her crying and called the center or went to pick her up. I had told them many times that I didn't work and this was not out of need but in preparation for her going to an all day pre K the following year and yet they didn't call or give me a real trustworthy answer as to what the issue was so I was left with this terrible mistrust.

So I went onto google to try to locate such "questionable" devices that I could possibly attach to her book bag or a hair bow and I came across this forum. And you know what struck me was the amount of times the original poster called the parents AND the child Odd. She used it so many times that she began appearing Odd to me, a stranger. She even discussed how the child itself stood over the other children as if to say the child was spying also. She needs their money but doesn't like them or their child. There was a toy she never opened up and just made these suggestions on here as a guest. Well, my mother sewed a musical button into my daughter's baby blanket and also a doll but once that little battery went out there was no changing it and there was no velcro or noticeable seam. Perhaps it was a musical button that got used and then was just in there. We will never know because she never checked, she just spent quite a bit of time getting supporters to help her accuse the parents and sympathize with her about being "violated" by a listening device. Well, if she wasn't comfortable with them she shouldn't be comfortable with their money and maybe they were nervous because they never know who to trust and they too get an uncomfortable feeling from this "odd" provider but are in a dire situation to need to have them for day care at that time.

I would hope that shortly after one of the two parties terminated the contract because regardless of whether there was a device or if this provider was just a manipulator that child deserved to have proper care and not with someone who called them "Odd".

Legal or not, costly or not, I will be installing a listening device on my child in the fall and from time to time I will turn it on to check in on her. She will be frightened at first heading off to an all day program and it will take time for her to adjust but if the teacher is good at her job she will make my daughter feel more comfortable until she looks forward to it and if that's the case I will probably remove the listening device. But the days of blind trust are long gone ladies and the point of parents having to resort to "bending" the law is here, not because all daycare providers and teachers are unfit but because you never know who is until you've listened in here and there without their knowledge. I know this will not be well received but it is just where things are.

most of you will vehemently disagree with me but that's ok I'm going to do what I need to do to feel comfortable with my child leaving the home, I won't be posting stuff on youtube or using it as a soapbox to judge the school district but I will use it to help me decide whether she is making progress where she is or if I need to drive her to a different school. I'm sorry if that offends people but I'm not the only parent out there that feels this way.

I'm happy to address some things that were said as a response. First, I'm not a helicopter parent, I do not rush her to the ER over minor scrapes or run in to assist her when she is trying new things. I also don't stand in the way of her Sunday school teacher disciplining her or re-punish her after the situation has passed. I have a son who is 19 and I learned from some mistakes I made the first time around so I'm more easy about letting her learn in her own ways.

I felt like I vetted this center, I went in with her and let her stay in class while I waited in the lobby and spoke with staff to give her an hour here and there to warm up to the idea. I made it clear to the staff that this was an early introduction to leaving her for short periods and I would call at lunch and nap time to see how her day was going, made it brief and got back off the phone. I stopped in unannounced once and only asked how it was going, I didn't make my appearance in the classroom or address the teacher just had an aid go see about her and tell me what they were doing (which was story time). After a few days I cut down to calling once a day usually around nap time once they were asleep. I read reviews and several times when I went to get her she didn't rush right over to me, she was playing so I took my time collecting stuff from her cubby and going over her chart of the day with the teacher. I was thrilled at how easy it went and even discussed increasing it to 3 days a week the following week. Then, on the 7th visit, I parked and could hear her crying loudly in the parking lot, when I keyed in my code and went in then the staff rushed back to her class, I went back and she ran to me right away. I asked the teacher what happened, did she fall or something and the afternoon shift teacher ignored me 3 times. She finally told me she didn't know, she was told by the day teacher that my daughter cried the whole day and then walked away to start some cleaning, I pressed her for more answers as the what she meant and is there a way I can talk with the day teacher but she had left at nap time during shift changes.

I consoled my daughter and asked at the desk but no one knew anything. I took her home and couldn't get anything really verbalized about what was wrong as she was somewhat delayed in speech. I called the center a bit later once she was calm and spoke with the director who said she'd look into it. I called the next day and the day teacher said she had a good day and doesn't know why she was crying or why the other teacher would say that she was told my child cried all day. Then I was told that wasn't the normal afternoon teacher, then was told that she was but doesn't remember what happened,

I did not take her back to the center and she suddenly had all sorts of separation anxiety which she hadn't had much of early on. It left me feeling too uncomfortable to take her back. I took the position of Sunday school teacher for that next quarter just so my daughter would go back into class and eventually was able to hand it off to another teacher for the following quarter. She eventually went back into Wednesday children's church without crying for us and I didn't hover or check up on them or question when she'd get into trouble.

Now, I don't intend to keep recordings and I would certainly hope someone isn't talking about death or miscarriage or their personal problems in front of my child or other children, there really is a time and place for those kinds of conversations and class time is not one of them. I'm not going to be using it to chastise her for doing something wrong or trying to "get some dirt" on staff members so I can go rush to the school board with an "ah-ha" accusation. But I will use it to see if my child is chattering away and listen for laughter or instruction. I will listen for crying and will wait to see how long that crying lasts. If, for example, I turn it on and hear her crying I will give a reasonable amount of time I know it takes her to bounce back but if it continues beyond 10 minutes, I'd drive over to "check in" on her in person.

I know you all think I'm completely wrong about my decision, that is your right to that opinion, but I do read the news, I do see videos of teachers putting their hands on children, gripping their faces, I do find video clips of autistic children who are either left for hours in neglect or are verbally and physically assaulted. I do see teachers appear on the news for molesting 18 of their young grade school students and it taking months to be discovered. So, I am very sorry that I have mistrust issues but they are not all unwarranted, I want to be able to check in on my child and until the day when all classrooms offer monitoring I'll go about different means to "check in". I won't be spending the entire school day in covert mode listening to 8 hours waiting for "something" to happen, I will, at times, when I wonder about her day turn on the device and have a listen for a few minutes to see how it's going. I expect to hear silence mostly from her, maybe children chattering, instruction, songs, snack or lunch time routines and I expect that eventually I will see that she's so happy with going that I'm made to feel more at ease and at that time I'll remove the device.

Again, you are welcome to disagree and even feel appalled by me, but that is not going to change my mind.

The caregiver who began this thread is exactly the kind of person who would make me question and mistrust and I'd pull my child from their daycare immediately. For all her talk about her child and parents' behaving in an "odd" way she is the one who behaved Odd in this thread and I doubt she will ever update or tell the truth about the matter. And she probably fed off of all her sympathy and fellow accusers and found a way to terminate that family, which, probably did them a favor since she felt their child was "odd" anyway.

If you feel enraged at the idea of cameras in the schools put yourself in the shoes of the parents of that young child who went to the bathroom on a pass and didn't return, he was found a while later hung by his belt lifeless in a bathroom stall. As a parent, wouldn't you want to know if he did it, did he go in alone? If someone else did it wouldn't you want them to be able to run back the tape and see who went in there right after him? Wouldn't you want those answers? That story was in the news just over a year ago, that was grade school and there are far too many unanswered questions. The molestation incident I talked about earlier was at a grade school somewhere else in this state, that teacher's privacy was so protected that he was able to molest over a dozen children before being found out. You can't put your child into a bubble at your home and protect them from the world their whole lives, you have to let go and allow them some normalcy. But you can do other things to try to make it safer for them.

You can read school reviews but you'll usually get lies on both ends either it gets described as a perfect school with high marks and there's never a single bad issue reported or you'll get so many "Jerry Springer moms" reporting all sorts of nonsense like "Timmy wasn't given extra time for his test" or "Those teachers have a vendetta against my child" or "My son was bullied and has never been a bully"....how can you get a real true sense of a place based on reviews or word of mouth. Just because they are good and kind to your child doesn't mean they will be to mine, just because you are angry at them because your kid gets bad grades and is problematic doesn't mean they are a bad teacher. So how else are you supposed to know if a place is the right for your child? And how are you supposed to get those answers from your child if they have speech and verbal delays? So, until she's able to articulate more coherently I'm going to have to take more drastic measures to ensure we have her in the right school or daycare.

I will bear in mind what someone else said about a back pack left in the classroom, that is the only point I will concede and take into consideration. I will not be baited into throwing insults or name calling in return because those of you who have said things to or about me are within your legal rights to do so. I will say that the times are changing and schools and day cares are going to need to get more used to less privacy and more monitoring. I'm not going to prevent my child from having a public or chartered education but I'm also going to be proactive in making sure she is at a comfortable school environment.

I do not need to quit my job as my job allows me to work in my home as a seamstress and sell my items online and while so many would really love to classify me as mentally disturbed or lacking, the world is a changing place and we must adapt with it until technology catches up. Unfortunately, there are not many schools that offer in class monitoring yet although I think that's a good idea.

This post came up in a google search and while I understand the tendency for day care providers to rally round one another to take their side, in real life and outside your circle I doubt many of you would have this provider as your day care for your child. Her post struck a cord in me and reinforces my concerns about the front that people put on in front of you than when you are gone and her wording and continued insinuations toward the parents and child sent a red flag up for me. If some people here were honest they would say it went off and rang false to them too but I understand that in a forum community no one is going to go against the grain.

I won't continue to post or comment on other threads, I haven't explored any other part of this forum, I just ran across this out of nowhere and I felt like someone needed to say something about how parents feel these days. So no need to worry about me, I'm just passing through, but I do hope that some people think about it and consider the tough choices that parents have to make these days when choosing schools and day cares and who to trust with their children.

It's very interesting to see how Wednesday can jump to the conclusion that my child's speech delay must be due to me being a helicopter parent. Thanks for reinforcing the fact that many people who work in day care should not do so because they are the type of people to jump to conclusions and type cast a parent or child without all the facts. It reveals much about you to your friends on this board.

My daughter's speech delay is directly related to her hearing loss and the fact that she relies on a hearing aid. Also, because we paid such close attention to our child we discovered her hearing loss earlier than most parents, according to her pediatrician, which is why we were able to begin working with her early. So, thanks for assuming the worst about me and stating your opinion twice.

I had actually considered looking into a day care with the monitoring system but someone here admitted that even low level employee know how to "beat the monitor early on" that's an awesome statement, thanks for that.

A very special thank you also for threatening to track down my IP address, that's something that should make you feel very comfortable and says something about you as well, so thank you for outing yourself to your friends as a stalker.

Finally, to the person who asked how I'd feel if my daughter was recorded, google glass is out and no one is going to be able to keep from being recorded, I don't love that but it is the changing times I was talking about. My daughter is video taped at dance recitals and gymnastics class so I'm not going to be able to prevent people from recording her. If someone from her class recorded their child and my child trying to check up on her at school and I found out, I'd want a copy so that I could also check in. Getting enraged because someone records your child is pointless since people can find opportunities to do that even at the park, that's when it's important to be an attentive parent and watch your child.

This is my last correspondence on this forum but feel free to talk among yourselves about my parenting, I won't see it so it won't affect me one way or another.

no, not at all, I just found it ironic that people were appalled over me invading the privacy of others but were quick to suggest tracking me down. I'm not threatened by it, I just found it telling. So I upset someone and they suggested tracking me down and discovering who I am but yet they'd never agree with doing something questionable to get information. That was the point and they made it for me, everyone has a line they will and won't cross, that's what I'm saying.

Last response.

Sorry, I just wanted to quote all of Dot's posts so far because her profile shows that she's modifying a post.

[NightOwl]

"it reveals much about you to your friends on this board"? Trying to rally, are we? It's not going to work. As you can see from their responses, my friends on this board are actually reading the posts instead of twisting the words in the posts.

[NightOwl]

Sorry, I just wanted to quote all of Dot's posts so far because her profile shows that she's modifying a post.

Devious little thing, isn't she. I thought she was done posting?

[craftymissbeth]

Devious little thing, isn't she. I thought she was done posting?

She's only said she'd stop posting a couple of times, so my bet is she isn't done yet ::

[Unregistered]

update

I am the original poster of this thread. I'll still remain anonymous, just because I still provide care for this little girl. She is still very different, and many other adults who have come into contact with her also describe her as odd. In fact, I have asked several questions about her on this forum throughout the years, trying to figure out why. Turns out, she's just a little odd, and that's the way she is, and it's completely fine. Some people are different, and the behavior of her and her family were a bit abnormal, but they are "normally abnormal," if that makes sense.

In hindsight, the doll does not contain a recording device. Mom still grills this child every single day. Which is fine- I have nothing to hide, obviously, since we still have a great working relationship. I also care for the girls older sibling in the summers. We have a lot of fun, and a good relationship. But had she recorded me, my family, or the other families and children in MY home, without my permission, I would have termed and pressed charges. If the mom ever wanted to come by and verify in person, no problem.

Not sure why the original post struck a cord with Dot. Maybe because she had such a hard time accepting the fact that what she is doing great is wrong, and there are people out there that will not allow their rights to be violated.

[NightOwl]

I am the original poster of this thread. I'll still remain anonymous, just because I still provide care for this little girl. She is still very different, and many other adults who have come into contact with her also describe her as odd. In fact, I have asked several questions about her on this forum throughout the years, trying to figure out why. Turns out, she's just a little odd, and that's the way she is, and it's completely fine. Some people are different, and the behavior of her and her family were a bit abnormal, but they are "normally abnormal," if that makes sense.

In hindsight, the doll does not contain a recording device. Mom still grills this child every single day. Which is fine- I have nothing to hide, obviously, since we still have a great working relationship. I also care for the girls older sibling in the summers. We have a lot of fun, and a good relationship. But had she recorded me, my family, or the other families and children in MY home, without my permission, I would have termed and pressed charges. If the mom ever wanted to come by and verify in person, no problem.

Not sure why the original post struck a cord with Dot. Maybe because she had such a hard time accepting the fact that what she is doing great is wrong, and there are people out there that will not allow their rights to be violated.

Thanks for posting! I had hoped you would weigh in with an update!

[NightOwl]

Still modifying! Is she writing a novel?

[NightOwl]

So I'm wondering, thanks to this thread, has anyone ever discovered a recording device in a child's belongings? What did you do?? How did the parents respond when confronted? Did you term immediately or press charges?

I just can't imagine the level of distrust going on in the parent's head when they decide to do this kind of thing. If they're THAT paranoid, why are they still bringing their children to a person they don't trust?

What about the "surprise visits" where you just know they showed up at this odd time to check up on you or was hoping to catch you doing something shady? I have very comfortable relationships with my families and we treat each other with total respect and trust, but I've been reading some not-so-nice things about parents with trust issues and how they can damage the reputation of a provider, even when it's not warranted. And we all know that reputation is everything in this business.

[TwinKristi]

:: :: :: This is just getting funnier and funnier!! Yeah it's US crazy daycare people who provide care for kids in our HOMES who may not want their personal life being recorded... Yeah ok... We're the crazy ones...

[NightOwl]

:: :: :: This is just getting funnier and funnier!! Yeah it's US crazy daycare people who provide care for kids in our HOMES who may not want their personal life being recorded... Yeah ok... We're the crazy ones...

[Meeko]

The thought of someone secretly recording me in my own home is creepy beyond belief.

I work with my husband. We have a great marriage. On more than one occasion, when the kids are napping and our own (grown)kids are in another room etc.....my husband will "catch me" by the front door (where the kids cubbies are) for a quick smooch and yes...I'm going to say it.....a quick grope...and some suggestive comments. It keeps our marriage hot lovethis

A PERFECTLY OK thing for a married couple to do out of sight and sound from the rest of the world.

However...daycare cubbies are right there. A recording device in one of them would have picked up our "afternoon delight" clearly. That kind of intrusion into my private life would be unforgivable.

Dot keeps on about "changing times". Maybe. But childcare is a partnership between parents and providers and always has been. It's not a good partnership if one of the parties doesn't trust the other and feel comfortable enough to actually TALK about any issues.

I have had many times over the years been suspicious of things that may or may not being happening in a child's home. I talk to the parents about my concerns and talk to the child too. NEVER, EVER would I even think about sending the child home with a recording device.

Dot needs to understand that what's good for the goose, is good for the gander as they say. Is she OK with her child's teacher/provider sending the child home with a listening device so she can listen in to what goes on in their home? To maybe hear her and her significant other having a fight, or a sexy evening? To hear her talk to a friend about something very personal? To overhear her phone calls to her bank? To hear her order something over the phone using her credit card?

I bet not.