Parents Secretly Recording Daycare: Logged Out

[NightOwl]

Agreed miss beth. I get the feeling Dot is expecting something to be wrong.

And I'm here to tell you, Dot, you're a lawsuit waiting to happen. People are extremely funny these days about their children being recorded for any reason. You should really reconsider because you are talking about violating the rights of the teachers and every single child in the classroom. Not to mention the children who aren't in your child's class, but may come in contact with her on the playground or in the cafeteria or in the library. Plus all the staff members in those areas. If you are found out, the school will be obligated to inform each family of what happened. You could be sued by dozens of families, which is well within their rights and they WOULD WIN. This is potentially a life ruining situation. You are talking about invading the privacy of countless children just to ease your own mind.

Don't you think every single parent feels the same apprehension you do? I'm a provider but I'm also the parent of a soon to be kindergartner and the thought of him going off to school literally upsets my stomach! I'm so scared for him, but I know he will tell me if something is wrong. I have that much faith in him.

As nervous as I am, I would never consider doing what you are planning. It is very intrusive and over bearing. I have a strong feeling that you are a helicopter parent.

Have some faith in your child. At this age, they are just sprouting their wings. I would hate to see you ruin that for her. If you are found out, you would be alienating every teacher in the school and every potential new friend that she could have made. But their parents will tell them to stay away from her because of her "crazy mom" and the teachers will treat her differently by being much more cautious and guarded around her.

Don't you want her to have genuine, authentic relationships with the other children and her teachers? I know you think you're protecting her, but you are actually putting her in a position to be shunned by everyone in that school. No, not every teacher or parent will feel this way, but I'm betting the vast majority of them definitely will.

[Blackcat31]

As an adult and a parent, I have to say I am floored by your intentions.

I think that if you feel this strongly about it, you need to stay home.

Don't think for one minute that your child doesn't feed of off your insecurities and inability to trust others. She is going to react according to the anxiety, fear and distrust that YOU project and she WILL notice/feel it and act accordingly.

IMHO, THAT is far more detrimental to do to a child than pretty much anything else I can think of in terms of parental influences...

DO NOT SUBJECT others to your fears....especially in the manner in which you are planning to go about this.

My daughter heads to pre K in the fall and I went onto google to see if there were any devices I could use to randomly access sound from her classroom. Not because I have a reason to distrust the school but because I don't have a reason to blindly trust them either. My intention wasn't to sit and listen all day long only to have peace of mind that from time to time I could click it on and see if she was happy, talking with other students, and if there might be a reason she is crying for a long time. Earlier last year I attempted to put her into part time day care at a center 2 days a week and all was well for the first 3 weeks and on the 4th week when I arrived I could hear her crying from outside and she was inconsolable. The teacher told me she'd been that way all day and yet they never called to tell me and when I called on lunch to check on her, as I had done for 3 weeks they lied and said she was having a perfect day. She began wetting the bed, having bad dreams, no longer went into her Sunday school and randomly would start crying about returning to the center. I was supposed to be a wonderful chance for her to be with kids and me to have a few days a week to run errands and do deep cleaning without having her here as well as to begin to prepare her for being out of the home. It took 3 months for her to settle down and be able to go back into Sunday school and not bring up the place, as a 3 year old with some verbal delays we had no way of knowing what on Earth happened but if I'd had a device I could have clicked on for a moment I could have heard her crying and called the center or went to pick her up. I had told them many times that I didn't work and this was not out of need but in preparation for her going to an all day pre K the following year and yet they didn't call or give me a real trustworthy answer as to what the issue was so I was left with this terrible mistrust.

So I went onto google to try to locate such "questionable" devices that I could possibly attach to her book bag or a hair bow and I came across this forum. And you know what struck me was the amount of times the original poster called the parents AND the child Odd. She used it so many times that she began appearing Odd to me, a stranger. She even discussed how the child itself stood over the other children as if to say the child was spying also. She needs their money but doesn't like them or their child. There was a toy she never opened up and just made these suggestions on here as a guest. Well, my mother sewed a musical button into my daughter's baby blanket and also a doll but once that little battery went out there was no changing it and there was no velcro or noticeable seam. Perhaps it was a musical button that got used and then was just in there. We will never know because she never checked, she just spent quite a bit of time getting supporters to help her accuse the parents and sympathize with her about being "violated" by a listening device. Well, if she wasn't comfortable with them she shouldn't be comfortable with their money and maybe they were nervous because they never know who to trust and they too get an uncomfortable feeling from this "odd" provider but are in a dire situation to need to have them for day care at that time.

I would hope that shortly after one of the two parties terminated the contract because regardless of whether there was a device or if this provider was just a manipulator that child deserved to have proper care and not with someone who called them "Odd".

Legal or not, costly or not, I will be installing a listening device on my child in the fall and from time to time I will turn it on to check in on her. She will be frightened at first heading off to an all day program and it will take time for her to adjust but if the teacher is good at her job she will make my daughter feel more comfortable until she looks forward to it and if that's the case I will probably remove the listening device. But the days of blind trust are long gone ladies and the point of parents having to resort to "bending" the law is here, not because all daycare providers and teachers are unfit but because you never know who is until you've listened in here and there without their knowledge. I know this will not be well received but it is just where things are.

most of you will vehemently disagree with me but that's ok I'm going to do what I need to do to feel comfortable with my child leaving the home, I won't be posting stuff on youtube or using it as a soapbox to judge the school district but I will use it to help me decide whether she is making progress where she is or if I need to drive her to a different school. I'm sorry if that offends people but I'm not the only parent out there that feels this way.

[Annalee]

As an adult and a parent, I have to say I am floored by your intentions.

I think that if you feel this strongly about it, you need to stay home.

Don't think for one minute that your child doesn't feed of off your insecurities and inability to trust others. She is going to react according to the anxiety, fear and distrust that YOU project and she WILL notice/feel it and act accordingly.

IMHO, THAT is far more detrimental to do to a child than pretty much anything else I can think of in terms of parental influences...

DO NOT SUBJECT others to your fears....especially in the manner in which you are planning to go about this.

AMEN to the comment in bold!!!!!

[sharlan]

My daughter heads to pre K in the fall and I went onto google to see if there were any devices I could use to randomly access sound from her classroom. Not because I have a reason to distrust the school but because I don't have a reason to blindly trust them either. My intention wasn't to sit and listen all day long only to have peace of mind that from time to time I could click it on and see if she was happy, talking with other students, and if there might be a reason she is crying for a long time. Earlier last year I attempted to put her into part time day care at a center 2 days a week and all was well for the first 3 weeks and on the 4th week when I arrived I could hear her crying from outside and she was inconsolable. The teacher told me she'd been that way all day and yet they never called to tell me and when I called on lunch to check on her, as I had done for 3 weeks they lied and said she was having a perfect day. She began wetting the bed, having bad dreams, no longer went into her Sunday school and randomly would start crying about returning to the center. I was supposed to be a wonderful chance for her to be with kids and me to have a few days a week to run errands and do deep cleaning without having her here as well as to begin to prepare her for being out of the home. It took 3 months for her to settle down and be able to go back into Sunday school and not bring up the place, as a 3 year old with some verbal delays we had no way of knowing what on Earth happened but if I'd had a device I could have clicked on for a moment I could have heard her crying and called the center or went to pick her up. I had told them many times that I didn't work and this was not out of need but in preparation for her going to an all day pre K the following year and yet they didn't call or give me a real trustworthy answer as to what the issue was so I was left with this terrible mistrust.

So I went onto google to try to locate such "questionable" devices that I could possibly attach to her book bag or a hair bow and I came across this forum. And you know what struck me was the amount of times the original poster called the parents AND the child Odd. She used it so many times that she began appearing Odd to me, a stranger. She even discussed how the child itself stood over the other children as if to say the child was spying also. She needs their money but doesn't like them or their child. There was a toy she never opened up and just made these suggestions on here as a guest. Well, my mother sewed a musical button into my daughter's baby blanket and also a doll but once that little battery went out there was no changing it and there was no velcro or noticeable seam. Perhaps it was a musical button that got used and then was just in there. We will never know because she never checked, she just spent quite a bit of time getting supporters to help her accuse the parents and sympathize with her about being "violated" by a listening device. Well, if she wasn't comfortable with them she shouldn't be comfortable with their money and maybe they were nervous because they never know who to trust and they too get an uncomfortable feeling from this "odd" provider but are in a dire situation to need to have them for day care at that time.

I would hope that shortly after one of the two parties terminated the contract because regardless of whether there was a device or if this provider was just a manipulator that child deserved to have proper care and not with someone who called them "Odd".

Legal or not, costly or not, I will be installing a listening device on my child in the fall and from time to time I will turn it on to check in on her. She will be frightened at first heading off to an all day program and it will take time for her to adjust but if the teacher is good at her job she will make my daughter feel more comfortable until she looks forward to it and if that's the case I will probably remove the listening device. But the days of blind trust are long gone ladies and the point of parents having to resort to "bending" the law is here, not because all daycare providers and teachers are unfit but because you never know who is until you've listened in here and there without their knowledge. I know this will not be well received but it is just where things are.

most of you will vehemently disagree with me but that's ok I'm going to do what I need to do to feel comfortable with my child leaving the home, I won't be posting stuff on youtube or using it as a soapbox to judge the school district but I will use it to help me decide whether she is making progress where she is or if I need to drive her to a different school. I'm sorry if that offends people but I'm not the only parent out there that feels this way.

As a parent who's children were abused and neglected in daycares, more than one, I wouldn't go to the extreme of recording the daycare. You're opening a can of legal worms.

My response would be to talk to your child every single day. Talk to them and ask what took place today. Calmly and gently ask, what did you eat today, what toys did you play with, did you watch cartoons, where did you play (front yard, back yard, playroom).

I failed my own children. They went through hell and I never questioned it. I didn't learn much of it until years later. By the time I got home from work, I was tired. I left the house at 5:30 AM and got home at 6 PM. My goal was to pick my 3 girls up from daycare, get them home, cook dinner (back before fast food was the norm), see to homework, showers, bed, and clothes packed for the next day in two hours.

Parents, all parents, take the time to actually have a conversation with your children. LISTEN to their answers. Every day, I asked my girls, how was your day. Every day, I asked my providers how the girls were. I never asked specifics. I never truly knew what went on. As long as everyone said "fine" I was good with that.

Providers, don't be offended when parents want to know specifics about their child's day. I understand that we're "done" at the end of the day. We want the parent to walk up to the door, take their child, and walk away. We spend more awake time with their children than they do. We're their eyes and ears during the day.

[SilverSabre25]

If you don't trust the care your child is receiving, don't take them back. Period.

[Leanna]

To Dot,

I completely understand your desire to do anything to protect your child. However, I am not sure a recording device would even be helpful. As you stated you'd be "checking in from time to time." Well, have you thought about the fact that you will be catching sentences, phrases, and words completely out of context? You won't know what is said before you "click in" for your snippet. A harsh sounding, "NO!" from the teacher could be saving your child from a fall or other injury and you won't know that. All you will hear is the "mean" way the teacher spoke to your child.

Also, I for one, will completely admit that if I had a way to see and/or listen to my child during the day I would very quickly become obsessed with it and want to see and hear everything. I would have a very unhealthy addiction to knowing every little thing that goes on. Is there anything wrong with knowing every little thing that happens? No, not inherently, but is that how you want to spend your time? Do you want to know the sweet little secrets your daughter whispers to her friends? Do you want to every little mistake she makes? How will you feel if you "click in" and hear your daughter doing something naughty? If the teacher redirects her or gives her consequences will you be able to refrain from re-disciplining her at home (for minor offenses that every kid goes through).

Also, take seriously the fact that you will be hearing confidential information that other parents share with the teacher. It isn't right for you to hear about divorces, pregnancies, illnesses, miscarriages, job losses, domestic issues, money troubles, or any other myriad issues parents often confide in us. Sure, this isn't your goal but it WILL happen just by happenstance is you are listening in throughout the day.

I agree that you should pop in to see what is going on at the preschool often. Pop in at different times and on different days. Look through the window on the door (if there is one) before you go in. Stand outside the door before you go in. Volunteer often. This, I think, will ease your fears much much more than listening from afar.

Lastly, I know it is so difficult but you cannot control every experience your child has. She's going to have a mean teacher at some point (Haven't we all? Mine was 2nd grade), she's going to get bullied, she is going to be disappointed when she doesn't get picked for a game or when she doesn't do as well as she liked on a project. These are all tough parts of growing up. Be there for her. Acknowledge and support her feelings. I think that is so much more powerful than listening to her day in snippets.

[Heidi]

To Dot,

I completely understand your desire to do anything to protect your child. However, I am not sure a recording device would even be helpful. As you stated you'd be "checking in from time to time." Well, have you thought about the fact that you will be catching sentences, phrases, and words completely out of context? You won't know what is said before you "click in" for your snippet. A harsh sounding, "NO!" from the teacher could be saving your child from a fall or other injury and you won't know that. All you will hear is the "mean" way the teacher spoke to your child.

Also, I for one, will completely admit that if I had a way to see and/or listen to my child during the day I would very quickly become obsessed with it and want to see and hear everything. I would have a very unhealthy addiction to knowing every little thing that goes on. Is there anything wrong with knowing every little thing that happens? No, not inherently, but is that how you want to spend your time? Do you want to know the sweet little secrets your daughter whispers to her friends? Do you want to every little mistake she makes? How will you feel if you "click in" and hear your daughter doing something naughty? If the teacher redirects her or gives her consequences will you be able to refrain from re-disciplining her at home (for minor offenses that every kid goes through).

Also, take seriously the fact that you will be hearing confidential information that other parents share with the teacher. It isn't right for you to hear about divorces, pregnancies, illnesses, miscarriages, job losses, domestic issues, money troubles, or any other myriad issues parents often confide in us. Sure, this isn't your goal but it WILL happen just by happenstance is you are listening in throughout the day.

I agree that you should pop in to see what is going on at the preschool often. Pop in at different times and on different days. Look through the window on the door (if there is one) before you go in. Stand outside the door before you go in. Volunteer often. This, I think, will ease your fears much much more than listening from afar.

Lastly, I know it is so difficult but you cannot control every experience your child has. She's going to have a mean teacher at some point (Haven't we all? Mine was 2nd grade), she's going to get bullied, she is going to be disappointed when she doesn't get picked for a game or when she doesn't do as well as she liked on a project. These are all tough parts of growing up. Be there for her. Acknowledge and support her feelings. I think that is so much more powerful than listening to her day in snippets.

beautifully written!

[Annalee]

To Dot,


Lastly, I know it is so difficult but you cannot control every experience your child has. She's going to have a mean teacher at some point (Haven't we all? Mine was 2nd grade), she's going to get bullied, she is going to be disappointed when she doesn't get picked for a game or when she doesn't do as well as she liked on a project. These are all tough parts of growing up. Be there for her. Acknowledge and support her feelings. I think that is so much more powerful than listening to her day in snippets.

Mom and I were talking about this today! As parents, including myself, I think we are too quick to try and fix things instead of allowing our children to learn and grow socially-emotionally. Sure, we can jump in if our children are struggling, but let's give the kids a chance. In life, we are going to work in places we do not like, or work for people we do not care for. However, we do what we have to do to support our families until something better comes along. Parents fixing things all the time teaches kids not to try or work hard and to stand around waiting for the next big fix. Happiness with hard work is created by the individual, not "fixed" by someone else.

[Blackcat31]

Mom and I were talking about this today! As parents, including myself, I think we are too quick to try and fix things instead of allowing our children to learn and grow socially-emotionally. Sure, we can jump in if our children are struggling, but let's give the kids a chance. In life, we are going to work in places we do not like, or work for people we do not care for. However, we do what we have to do to support our families until something better comes along. Parents fixing things all the time teaches kids not to try or work hard and to stand around waiting for the next big fix. Happiness with hard work is created by the individual, not "fixed" by someone else.

[Annalee]

[TwinKristi]

What if you hear abuse or something illegal on the recording? If you live in a state where this is against the law you would be shooting yourself in the foot by illegally gaining this info and potentially facing charges yourself. There was a news story about this recently. The woman came to the police with recordings that incriminated someone and they ended up filing criminal charged against her.

[NightOwl]

Dot hasn't replied at all. I think our advice is falling on deaf ears.

[crazydaycarelady]

Honestly I think it is Dot's poor parenting that has gotten her into this position. She has raised a child who lacks confidence and has little ability to adapt and is being raised by a fearful parent who expects the worst to happen while expecting someone else to prepare her child for school and the real world.

[craftymissbeth]

Honestly I think it is Dot's poor parenting that has gotten her into this position. She has raised a child who lacks confidence and has little ability to adapt and is being raised by a fearful parent who expects the worst to happen while expecting someone else to prepare her child for school and the real world.

and BINGO was his name-o!

[NightOwl]

and BINGO was his name-o!