Parents Secretly Recording Daycare: Logged Out

[nannyde]

Dot keeps on about "changing times". Maybe. But childcare is a partnership between parents and providers and always has been. It's not a good partnership if one of the parties doesn't trust the other and feel comfortable enough to actually TALK about any issues.

I have had many times over the years been suspicious of things that may or may not being happening in a child's home. I talk to the parents about my concerns and talk to the child too. NEVER, EVER would I even think about sending the child home with a recording device.

Dot needs to understand that what's good for the goose, is good for the gander as they say. Is she OK with her child's teacher/provider sending the child home with a listening device so she can listen in to what goes on in their home? To maybe hear her and her significant other having a fight, or a sexy evening? To hear her talk to a friend about something very personal? To overhear her phone calls to her bank? To hear her order something over the phone using her credit card?

I bet not.

Times may be changing but wiretapping laws aren't.

The only thing that is different is the devices to surreptitiously tape is the size of the recording device, the method the sound can be transmitted, and the cost.

Wanting to wiretap providers has been going on since mini cassette recorders. That was twenty years ago. Parents couldn't pull it off because of the size.

Now the recording devices are small, easily concealed in common items, and don't require the recording to be done on the transmitter device.

There's been a big change in availability to the average parent because it's cheap now. That's what's changed. The laws don't change because they are more easily and cheaply broken. They change because society demands and works towards change. It's going to be a tough sale because in the end, people don't want their kids recorded and have other adults own and decide what to do with their kids images and.sound.

We just enrolled my 13 yo ds in a little school in a little town in Iowa and we both had to sign an agreement that he would not use a recording device in school. Even rural schools are on to it because the cell phone technology is so cheap now.

[TaylorTots]

Dot,

If times are changing, that's great. But they haven't changed. Our laws are clear, you cannot secretly monitor a childcare classroom or home daycare without consent or a warrant. As others noted, plenty of childcare places offer monitoring - so they are on top of this apparent "change" and you should go there. But instead of doing such, you continue to show complete social and moral irresponsibility and believe it is fine to hurt others by invading privacy if it suits your own agenda.

Lots of people in history thought times were changing and broke the law. Some of them were ahead of their time, others committed genocide. None of them could independently decide whether they did the right thing without bias. Our society and governing bodies make that decision - thus our laws that you are required to follow or pay the consequences. Showing such disconcern for the consequences of your actions - both your legal consequences as well as the intrusion of privacy upon other parents and children shows not only a selfish mentality but also numerous indications of sociopathy. 'A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.'

[NightOwl]

'A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.'

EXACTLY.

[nannyde]

Dot,

If times are changing, that's great. But they haven't changed. Our laws are clear, you cannot secretly monitor a childcare classroom or home daycare without consent or a warrant. As others noted, plenty of childcare places offer monitoring - so they are on top of this apparent "change" and you should go there. But instead of doing such, you continue to show complete social and moral irresponsibility and believe it is fine to hurt others by invading privacy if it suits your own agenda.

Lots of people in history thought times were changing and broke the law. Some of them were ahead of their time, others committed genocide. None of them could independently decide whether they did the right thing without bias. Our society and governing bodies make that decision - thus our laws that you are required to follow or pay the consequences. Showing such disconcern for the consequences of your actions - both your legal consequences as well as the intrusion of privacy upon other parents and children shows not only a selfish mentality but also numerous indications of sociopathy. 'A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.'

I don't think it is sociopathic. I think it's a combination of society constantly encouraging new parents to think that their child is special. Their mothering is special. Their "mama bear" is fierce and if you are a good mama bear you can and SHOULD do WHATEVER it takes to protect your pookie bear. And.... that they are paying for their pook to be in child care and EVERYTHING that could possibly affect Pookie is their domain to know and decide. Because their precious pookie snowflake is in the building then anything and everything that goes on they have a right to know. They will decide whether anything they find out could be remotely about pookie or affect the Pook.

[Unregistered]

Seems pretty simple to me. If you are unable to trust anyone else with the care of your child, then stay home with them. I would never want a parent to leave their child with me if they did not trust me. I would also never leave my child with someone I did not trust.

No drama, law breaking, or invading someone else's right needed.

[NightOwl]

True that nannyde, but this style of modern parenting sounds narcissistic and/or sociopathic to me! To believe your special snowflake is far superior to others' snowflakes, and it is your right to infringe on the privacy of others and their snowflakes, to ensure your own snowflake's happiness and that the teacher recognizes said snowflake's high degree of specialness, is narcissistic/sociopathic. I'm not even sure what I just wrote there. Lol.

[Leanna]

I don't think it is sociopathic. I think it's a combination of society constantly encouraging new parents to think that their child is special. Their mothering is special. Their "mama bear" is fierce and if you are a good mama bear you can and SHOULD do WHATEVER it takes to protect your pookie bear. And.... that they are paying for their pook to be in child care and EVERYTHING that could possibly affect Pookie is their domain to know and decide. Because their precious pookie snowflake is in the building then anything and everything that goes on they have a right to know. They will decide whether anything they find out could be remotely about pookie or affect the Pook.

But their child IS special. Their mothering is special and unique. They should have a "mama bear" instinct to protect their child. Paying for child care should mean that they find a place that best fits their child and they SHOULD know everything about what happens to their child there. No, it does not mean they can infringe on the rights and privacy of others. However, you will never convince any mom that their child is not special, unique, and precious. I have already admitted that I can understand where "Dot" is coming from. Would I do what she plans to do - no, but I understand her concerns and fears. I read on here ALL THE TIME about providers admitting that they would NEVER leave their child in a day care. Well, why is it ok for us to feel that way but not others?

I am NOT defending Dot's plans. I am simply saying that she is human.

[Heidi]

But their child IS special. Their mothering is special and unique. They should have a "mama bear" instinct to protect their child. Paying for child care should mean that they find a place that best fits their child and they SHOULD know everything about what happens to their child there. No, it does not mean they can infringe on the rights and privacy of others. However, you will never convince any mom that their child is not special, unique, and precious. I have already admitted that I can understand where "Dot" is coming from. Would I do what she plans to do - no, but I understand her concerns and fears. I read on here ALL THE TIME about providers admitting that they would NEVER leave their child in a day care. Well, why is it ok for us to feel that way but not others?

I am NOT defending Dot's plans. I am simply saying that she is human.

I have so far stayed out of this, although I've been reading along.

I agree completely.

If it were my daycare parent, I would be really pissed. But, I totally understand where Dot is coming from, too. It would not, however, be okay. As a family provider, I would be even MORE offended because of what Meeko suggested. Now, it'd be a double whammy. Infringing on the children, parents, and now also MY family in our home. I don't think Dot was even considering family childcare, though, so mute point.

[nannyde]

But their child IS special. Their mothering is special and unique. They should have a "mama bear" instinct to protect their child. Paying for child care should mean that they find a place that best fits their child and they SHOULD know everything about what happens to their child there. No, it does not mean they can infringe on the rights and privacy of others. However, you will never convince any mom that their child is not special, unique, and precious. I have already admitted that I can understand where "Dot" is coming from. Would I do what she plans to do - no, but I understand her concerns and fears. I read on here ALL THE TIME about providers admitting that they would NEVER leave their child in a day care. Well, why is it ok for us to feel that way but not others?

I am NOT defending Dot's plans. I am simply saying that she is human.

Of course we all think our kid is special but they are special to US. They aren't special enough to steal a loaf of bread from someone else's kids because they need food. They aren't special enough to break into someone's house because they are homeless and need a roof and warm bed. They aren't special enough to get into someone's car and take off because they need a ride to the Doctor.

When your kid needs protection you don't steal to protect them. Wiretapping the other kids and workers is stealing their privacy. Doing as you wish whenever you want, however you want for the sake of YOUR special aint special.

The laws haven't changed because the issues that brought the laws into our country are identical to this thread. They are designed to protect whether the technology is a microphone and tape recorder or a button hole webcam. Capturing sound without consent where many other people expect privacy is the same regardless of who it is for.

If the parent felt it was justified because of her past experience in daycare then go to a judge and get permission. See if you can find a judge that will endure your sad tale of how traumatized your pook was in another daycare. Tell that judge how your special snowflake wouldn't be left in CHURCH for three months because of some obvious daycare trauma. See if the one who CAN give permission thinks it warrants bugging ANOTHER daycare of unsuspecting staff, parents, and kids.

Do the right thing. If your reason is so valid then put up and go to a judge. You can be sure they will agree because you are that child's mommy that you.SHOULD do WHATEVER it takes to protect them.

[NightOwl]

She is human in her desire to protect her child. It is not an inborn, human trait to violate every other person's basic rights to privacy so that she can satisfy her own curiosity. That's just narcissistic selfishness. It's all about me and what I want and to hell with everything and everyone else, including the law. That's how Dot sees it, anyway.

We would all like to be a fly on the wall in our children's classrooms at some point or another. But we're not neurotic enough to bug our kids to accomplish that.

She seems to have no concept of, or respect for, boundaries.

[craftymissbeth]

I would LOVE to hear and see the things my child goes through every day. I'm sure some of it is pretty tough for him. I know that one child was picking on him and you bet it would have been nice to hear what was being said. His teacher this year was also a little uptight and seemed to discipline a little harsher than I thought was necessary, but do you think I ever thought for a second that I should sent a recording device with him to school? :: no!

Kids desperately need to learn how to handle life. I have to hold myself back on a daily basis from taking care of all of the problems he encounters.

If I were SO worried that he would be harmed or abused in any way... he wouldn't be there. It would be irresponsible for me to put my child in a place that I felt he could ever be purposefully harmed. I would be a terrible parent for doing that.

As far as making sure your child is adjusting and not crying... you have to trust their caregivers as well as THEM. If the trust isn't there and you feel they won't communicate real issues to you, then it's the wrong place for your child from the very beginning. If you can't hold yourself back and trust your child to figure out how to adjust (even if it takes some time!) then you're both better off in a different situation. Becoming a stay at home parent, hiring a nanny, or just finding a child care setting that you truly trust are all better options.

[KiddieCahoots]

So I went onto google to try to locate such "questionable" devices that I could possibly attach to her book bag or a hair bow and I came across this forum.

For someone who is advocating "justice" on their own behalf, you'd think they'd be more proactive to learn the law, instead of taking the time it takes to post these lengthy posts.....on a child care forum of all places.....nothing like rattling the bees nest!

[nannyde]

I would LOVE to hook a video camera to my son and tape him all day long at school! I'm not interested in what the others are doing to him. I want to see what he is doing. How much lip he is giving? How much screen he is using? How much running he is doing in gym or better yet the hallway?

Is he respectful? Does he talk kids out of food they don't like at lunch? Does he study during study hall? Does he listen or interrupt?

I would love to know what happens when he is under their roof. It would help me SO much in parenting him.

It would be in his best interest for me to have the audio and video truth.

But alas... his best interest isn't served when I use his best interest as an excuse to do something that is solely in his best interest. I don't get to serve him while robbing the others. He's in a GROUP and the GROUP of adults and children's best interest IS his best interest. If at any time that is not true than I am obligated to take him out of the group.

[craftymissbeth]

I would LOVE to hook a video camera to my son and tape him all day long at school! I'm not interested in what the others are doing to him. I want to see what he is doing. How much lip he is giving? How much screen he is using? How much running he is doing in gym or better yet the hallway?

Is he respectful? Does he talk kids out of food they don't like at lunch? Does he study during study hall? Does he listen or interrupt?

I would love to know what happens when he is under their roof. It would help me SO much in parenting him.

It would be in his best interest for me to have the audio and video truth.

But alas... his best interest isn't served when I use his best interest as an excuse to do something that is solely in his best interest. I don't get to serve him while robbing the others. He's in a GROUP and the GROUP of adults and children's best interest IS his best interest. If at any time that is not true than I am obligated to take him out of the group.

[Leigh]

But their child IS special. Their mothering is special and unique. They should have a "mama bear" instinct to protect their child. Paying for child care should mean that they find a place that best fits their child and they SHOULD know everything about what happens to their child there. No, it does not mean they can infringe on the rights and privacy of others. However, you will never convince any mom that their child is not special, unique, and precious. I have already admitted that I can understand where "Dot" is coming from. Would I do what she plans to do - no, but I understand her concerns and fears. I read on here ALL THE TIME about providers admitting that they would NEVER leave their child in a day care. Well, why is it ok for us to feel that way but not others?

I am NOT defending Dot's plans. I am simply saying that she is human.

I would not send my child back to daycare, either. He had a WONDERFUL provider, and he and I both adored her. I wouldn't send him because of ME. I didn't want to miss these years with him. I couldn't live with someone else sharing all of this special time with him while I was at a job that didn't give me a fraction of the satisfaction that he did. I stay home because I think he DESERVES to have a parent home with him, and because I WANT to be home with him. We have some great daycares in my area. I would NEVER leave my kid with someone that I trusted so little that I had to secretly record them. If I felt that ALL providers needed to be spied on, I would think others correct in assuming that I needed psychiatric help.