Sports And How They Affect Your Daycare, Home Life, Etc.

[DBug]

Okay, I'm going to take the complete opposite view of everyone else .

I was raised in a hockey family -- 5 am practices, weekends away for tournies, the whole nine yards. I refuse to do that to my kids.

My husband and I very strongly believe that children need lots of time to just be kids. That means at least an hour or two each evening to go to the frog pond with their friends, go for a family walk, go with me to get groceries, wrestle with dad, etc., etc. Our kids (during the school year) get up at 7:15, and spend the next 9 hours rushing from home to school and back again. They have two recesses of 20 minutes each as their downtime during the day. Then they come home and have supper, spend an hour or so on homework, and then have a bit of a chance to play. I think the downtime is really important. Our culture tends to be one of non-stop rushing, and I don't think it's healthy. We need to have a chance to relax, let our bp stabilize, and just enjoy life.

We do have our kids in one after-school activity (everyone on the same night -- Wednesdays) and on weekends we have church on Sunday. Lots of other opportunities come up that will consume our time, and when they do come up, we do tend to say yes to them ... because we have the time and energy . This summer, I've been able to book a bunch of Saturday day trips because we purposely haven't committed to any summer sports or extra-curriculars.

I do agree that organized activities turn out kids that are confident, talented, and well-rounded kids. But I think it's even more important to give kids the experience of not being over-scheduled, and of allowing them the chance to just be kids.

The more I read Richard Louv, the more validated I feel about this. Allowing kids to have more free play time (especially outdoors) can have the same benefits as organized activities -- making friends, increasing physical skills & fitness, etc.

So, my advice would be to do what you feel is best for your children (note: not necessarily for yourself ). If you feel that your children would benefit more by spending evenings shuttled from one activity to the next (ie. 4 kids = LOTS of shuttling!), so be it. But if you feel your kids would benefit more so from having more free time, then feel confident in your decision, explain it to your kids, and stick by it.

Just my 2 cents, fwiw!

[wdmmom]

It seems to me that Grandma raised her kids and would be free to decide that her son should take responsibility for his. Fair...Absolutely.

Yes but that's not the case at hand...

SHE is the one that put stepson in all these activities and now expects us to tote him around and fulfill HER obligation. SHE suggested it, SHE enrolled him, SHE should continue doing her part to finish it. I don't like it, I never have, but I've gone to a few games and supported it because he likes it.

Now SHE's back to making decisions for him again on what camp he should go to and this and that. Not only do I think this camp is ridiculous in price but I really don't think it's her decision anymore. AND...Now she's trying to get MY son into hockey! As if there's no other option in the world...

[permanentvacation]

Yeah, they need time to just hang out around the neighborhood, and have simple down time. I wouldn't cram two or more activities in at once. One at a time is enough and they still have neighborhood time. I just think that if the child wants to join sports or another activity, they should be able to do the activity they want to try. I think only having the option of running around the neighborhood trying to find something to do gets boring and if a kid wants to join an activity he should be allowed to. I think it was NannyD who said they take their child to see the world. That's great - the child has something to look forward to, be interested in, keep them busy and out of trouble, etc.

I think if the child has an interest in something that is a positive thing, they should be allowed to do it. So like the other post said, I think that what is best for the child, not the parent is what should be done.

[wdmmom]

Ok...in my defense...my anxiety is because I hate large crowds...always have. And, I don't like to leave the house because I was almost killed in a car accident a few years ago. I have since recovered and I do drive, I just don't like highway driving or driving at night.

As for my son...I think it would be an awesome opportunity for him to play and I would give up whatever time I needed to accommodate it. However...I have other children. The next thing I'm going to hear is they want to do something and why does he get to do that when I don't get to do this. I absolutely can't afford to stick all 4 of my kids in 4 different activities, nor am I willing to shuttle them here, there and everywhere to make it work for all of them. Then I'm sure to have my 1 daughter refuse to go which will then lead to me needing to get a sitter for her.

How do you people do it all...really?! 4 kids with a total household of 7 people...I get a 10 minute shower per day because there just isn't time for a 20 minute one! And god forbid if dinner isn't ready at 6pm or their black sparkly shorts haven't been washed.

Between working 10.5 plus hours per day and doing all that I already do, I already tugged in every direction!

[daysofelijah]

I agree about the need for free play and down time. That is why we only do two sports and keep summers off. I also will absolutely refuse to do hockey as an option for a sport. The requirements of time and expense for hockey is ridiculous here.

My kids get lots of afternoon downtime because we usually finish our schoolwork by early afternoon. So they get bored and need something to do in the evenings other than watch tv or play wii, that's where the sports come in for us. Also hoping to get them into church group one night a week this year.

My dh is very protective of the kids and won't let them off our street, while all the other neighborhood kids run wild all over the neighborhood, so it limits the evening activities they can do around the neighborhood. Plus I don't want them running around the neighborhood getting into trouble, there are a ton of pre-teen/teen age boys around our area that cause a lot of trouble in the area. Vandalizing the park, blowing up mailboxes, stealing from vehicles, bad crowds that I don't want anywhere near my kids. And we live in a nice suburb, not the inner city or anything. I just think unsupervised kids get bored and do dumb things.

That's why sports are a great option to keep them busy, active, and part of a good social group. Sports do start to get more competitive around 9-10 years old here, from 3-9 though it's pretty much the everyone's a winner concept, which is good to a point, but eventually kids need to learn about winning and losing and how to be a good sport. I agree the parents can go overboard and ruin it sometimes though.

[boysx5]

I have five sons and they all play sports it is busy but they love it and my dh helps out as well as friends if I need them to. I enjoy the summer months when the sports are slow and I get to relax then

[permanentvacation]

Yep, welcome to my world! Now I only have 2 kids of my own compared to your 4, however, try doing this all while running daycare 24/7! I call it controlled chaos!

I absoutely have to have everything (events, daycare kids schedules, kids actitites, school meetings, etc.) written on the calendar - if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't happen. And there are times when even though it's on the calendar - and I checked the calendar that morning (like every morning) and made my list of things to do in order for the day, there are times when I forget something and at the last minute my daughter yells - "MOM, we have to get to soccer! I'm going to be late!!" As for 'me time' - haven't had that since before I gave birth! But I wouldn't trade my busy life for anything! I have been able to go to almost every game/track meet my children have been in, been able to see them jump and yell in excitement and pride when they scored a goal, basket, etc. My older daughter just graduated from high school and is going to move off to college (only an hour or so away) and I can honestly say that she was able to experience almost everything that she wanted to try and that I was able to enjoy experiencing life with her. Oh, please, there have been plenty of times that I wanted to quit, absoutely hated my husband and now ex-husband for not helping me by driving her here and there ( he owns his own business and can easily have left work to help me but chose not to), would have killed for sleep! etc. However, if given the chance, I would not have changed one thing about it. Since he didn't drive her, I was able to watch her practice, watch her games/track meets, get to know the coaches, other players, and parents. I understood the inside jokes that my ex could only give a dumbfounded look about. I honestly experienced and was, am a part of my daughter's life. I have shared in every aspect of her life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Country Kids]

I have four children also-elementary up to high school and we do homeschool one of our children. Yes, I work an 11 hour day but when the last of my dcks go home doesn't mean my day is done. I have to still get dinner done, house cleaned, showers and bedtime. In there we do sports! Really its not easy but please remember you chose to do daycare not your children. Some children (not all) I think see daycare as a punishment of some sorts because they start hearing-I work so many hours a day, you can't go do this, you can't go do that, you have to abide by the daycare rules, you have to be quiet, etc. and pretty soon providers children start resenting the dcks because their lifes start to revolve around these dcks.

I'm all about downtime and being a kid but I can tell you this. Everytime my one son will call and see if someone can come over to play, everyone is doing some type of camp or sport even in the summer. If we did not do the sports during the school year I know this would be the same thing and at least with the sports they can hang out with friends and be supervised at the same time.

If you are worried about the cost ALOT of programs do have scholarships and they help tremendously.

My one child who homeschools does miss out on more than the siblings because alot of things the her friends do are during the day and I am working so we don't get to go.

This year I am closing earlier because I do have a family and they do come first in my life. If I am going to participate in their school years I have to do the right thing and if that means closing early then let it be!

[wdmmom]

I have four children also-elementary up to high school and we do homeschool one of our children. Yes, I work an 11 hour day but when the last of my dcks go home doesn't mean my day is done. I have to still get dinner done, house cleaned, showers and bedtime. In there we do sports! Really its not easy but please remember you chose to do daycare not your children. Some children (not all) I think see daycare as a punishment of some sorts because they start hearing-I work so many hours a day, you can't go do this, you can't go do that, you have to abide by the daycare rules, you have to be quiet, etc. and pretty soon providers children start resenting the dcks because their lifes start to revolve around these dcks.

I'm all about downtime and being a kid but I can tell you this. Everytime my one son will call and see if someone can come over to play, everyone is doing some type of camp or sport even in the summer. If we did not do the sports during the school year I know this would be the same thing and at least with the sports they can hang out with friends and be supervised at the same time.

If you are worried about the cost ALOT of programs do have scholarships and they help tremendously.

My one child who homeschools does miss out on more than the siblings because alot of things the her friends do are during the day and I am working so we don't get to go.

This year I am closing earlier because I do have a family and they do come first in my life. If I am going to participate in their school years I have to do the right thing and if that means closing early then let it be!

More power to ya...If I have 1 part timer. The others are full time and they all leave between 445 and 530pm. If I close any earlier than 530pm, I will lose half of my clients.

My kids understand that me working pays for their XBox and an awesome summer vacation each year and a nanny to help take them to the pool in the summer, etc. I have taught my kids the difference between a necessity and a luxury. IMHO think sports fall into the category of a luxury.

If the family is in agreeance that dinner will be late on Saturdays and Wednesdays I will be a "fend for yourself" night, so be it but I think it should not only be up to my son but I think the rest of the family needs to understand that it's going to take a family effort and not just an effort on my part.

[littlemissmuffet]

I'm with NannyDe on this one... our money goes in to our nice home, eating well, travelling and family activities.

However, wdmmom, you have a lot of "I" and "me" statements in your posts which is somewhat alarming to me. You have come up with every excuse in the book to not enroll your son into football, so it's obvious you have already made your decision... I wonder why you even came to the forum seeking opinions?! Some posters here have offered some great advice... and some even have more children than you, less money and work longer hours and still manage - but you continue to make more excuses.

I am with the other posters who suggested getting professional help for your issues... anxiety, control, fear of driving, etc. It is absolutely unfair and selfish to let your children pay the price for your mental issues that you have the oppurunity to mend. They deserve the best mom they can have, and it's your responsibility to provide that... especially being their only active parent!

On another note, I also feel very sad for your stepson... it seems as though you don't like having him in the home by the comments you have made, like, "He was basically thrown onto our laps..."

This statement "SHE is the one that put stepson in all these activities and now expects us to tote him around and fulfill HER obligation. SHE suggested it, SHE enrolled him, SHE should continue doing her part to finish it. I don't like it..." doesn't sit well with me either.
That boy is and always has been YOUR HUSBAND'S obligation - and he should thank his lucky stars that his mother stepped up and helped him in raising this child. HE SHOULD CONTINUE DOING HIS PART TO "FINISH IT"!

I had three step-mothers growing up. All of the them hated me. All of them treated me badly and treated me like a throw away. And all of them made similar statements to the kind you are making about your stepson. I am sure that makes me biased but so be it, the way you and your husband are choosing to do things are hurting ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN.

I would do absolutely anything to have my husband's son in our lives but his mother will not allow it and she has done everything under the sun to try and ruin our lives... and still, we fight for him. I take great offence to women who do not embrace and cherish their step-children.

[wdmmom]

I'm with NannyDe on this one... our money goes in to our nice home, eating well, travelling and family activities.

However, wdmmom, you have a lot of "I" and "me" statements in your posts which is somewhat alarming to me. You have come up with every excuse in the book to not enroll your son into football, so it's obvious you have already made your decision... I wonder why you even came to the forum seeking opinions?! Some posters here have offered some great advice... and some even have more children than you, less money and work longer hours and still manage - but you continue to make more excuses.

I am with the other posters who suggested getting professional help for your issues... anxiety, control, fear of driving, etc. It is absolutely unfair and selfish to let your children pay the price for your mental issues that you have the oppurunity to mend. They deserve the best mom they can have, and it's your responsibility to provide that... especially being their only active parent!

On another note, I also feel very sad for your stepson... it seems as though you don't like having him in the home by the comments you have made, like, "He was basically thrown onto our laps..."

This statement "SHE is the one that put stepson in all these activities and now expects us to tote him around and fulfill HER obligation. SHE suggested it, SHE enrolled him, SHE should continue doing her part to finish it. I don't like it..." doesn't sit well with me either.
That boy is and always has been YOUR HUSBAND'S obligation - and he should thank his lucky stars that his mother stepped up and helped him in raising this child. HE SHOULD CONTINUE DOING HIS PART TO "FINISH IT"!

I had three step-mothers growing up. All of the them hated me. All of them treated me badly and treated me like a throw away. And all of them made similar statements to the kind you are making about your stepson. I am sure that makes me biased but so be it, the way you and your husband are choosing to do things are hurting ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN.

I would do absolutely anything to have my husband's son in our lives but his mother will not allow it and she has done everything under the sun to try and ruin our lives... and still, we fight for him. I take great offence to women who do not embrace and cherish their step-children.

Perhaps you didn't read my last post. I am all for my son entering football, however, it's going to need to be a family decision because I'm going need more help with other things like dinner and laundry. I can't be a "be here, do all" if I am required elsewhere too. My responsibilities already take up 90% of my day not leaving time for much else. With a family action, this can happen but everyone involved is going to need to participate.

I have made a life for myself and my kids. I refuse to rely on anyone but myself. They are my children and my sole responsibility. I accepted that along time ago. We don't have family nearby so it's not an option.

My anxiety is not a mental problem or disorder or whatever you called it. It's the fact that I don't like large crowds. I find them to be a nuisance. Is that really a disorder? I know a lot of people that would much rather shop for groceries on Sunday night at 9pm rather than Saturday morning at 10am. Is it a crime to do things differently than anyone else?!

As for driving, try putting yourself in the drivers seat and rolling your vehicle 5 times and then have a sheriff tell you that it's a good thing the kids weren't with you because they would have suffered extreme injuries that may have been fatal.

I choose to be careful when it comes to kids. The fear of large crowds isn't confining by any means. We just got back from an 8 day vacation. We went to Mall of America and a large amusement park. I don't let things stop me, I choose to deter high traffic times. I know the amusement park would be super busy on Saturday and Sunday so we went on Wednesday. I knew the mall would be busy on the weekend as well so we went on a Monday.

So again, read my previous post. I am all for my son getting active and getting involved. I just don't think he realizes it's about discipline and learning and not sacking everyone on the field.

[daycare]

i read all of the post and I thought the same as missmuffet.
however, you are correct, it is a family commitment... It's not always easy, but if its something your son wants, then put the responsibility on him... have him earn it and save his money so that he can play.....arrange ride shares and only go to games when you feel you can take it. I have a 3 year old that is impossible to contorl in a stadium.... He once almost fell through the blechers 35 feet, lucky some man I didnt know caught him. It's hell sometimes having to take my little one and it takes all the fun out of even going

I don't make all the games, but I try to be there when I can. I tell my kids there is only so much of me to go around and I can only do so much at one time. They understand and are very happy that I am at the games when I am there, becuase they know how hard it is for me to get there...
My husband works non stop and I never have help with the kids or house. This includes the yard work and everything else. My older kids help, but they are never home, as they are so busy with school and sports, or other activites...

Look at it like this, it will only be for a certain period of time and if it doesnt come out of your pocket and you can find someone to help drive, then you have it made and your son is happy too....

[nannyde]

WDM,

You need to look at what you DO for your children, not what you don't do. Your kids live in a BIG beautiful home and go to nice schools. They have a Mom at home during the day. They have nice clothes, excellent home made food, and a great connection with their extended family.

We can't give them EVERYTHING. You guys have your plates full and it's just not realistic to single out one kid and devote so much of the famiy's resources to do special.

To keep up the pace you have to keep things simple and do what YOU feel you can do well.

You are a really great Mom and a wonderful friend. Shake it off and be proud of what you DO do every day. I could never do what you do every day. It's easy to say to just do it but not so easy to do.

[wdmmom]

WDM,

You need to look at what you DO for your children, not what you don't do. Your kids live in a BIG beautiful home and go to nice schools. They have a Mom at home during the day. They have nice clothes, excellent home made food, and a great connection with their extended family.

We can't give them EVERYTHING. You guys have your plates full and it's just not realistic to single out one kid and devote so much of the famiy's resources to do special.

To keep up the pace you have to keep things simple and do what YOU feel you can do well.

You are a really great Mom and a wonderful friend. Shake it off and be proud of what you DO do every day. I could never do what you do every day. It's easy to say to just do it but not so easy to do.

Thanks Nan! I know I'm appreciated and you know me personally so you know what I do and how hard I thrive to get where I am.

[Country Kids]

More power to ya...If I have 1 part timer. The others are full time and they all leave between 445 and 530pm. If I close any earlier than 530pm, I will lose half of my clients.

My kids understand that me working pays for their XBox and an awesome summer vacation each year and a nanny to help take them to the pool in the summer, etc. I have taught my kids the difference between a necessity and a luxury. IMHO think sports fall into the category of a luxury.

If the family is in agreeance that dinner will be late on Saturdays and Wednesdays I will be a "fend for yourself" night, so be it but I think it should not only be up to my son but I think the rest of the family needs to understand that it's going to take a family effort and not just an effort on my part.

I don't have just one part timer-I have 6 full time children and then several SA that come before and after school. I start my working day at 6:30 and go to 5:30. I'm only closing 1/2 hour earlier and all my families have said that would work for them.

What shocks me is that you have a nanny! Wow, that is a luxury I would Love to have. So if you have a nanny why can't she help you with running the kids around? I think you are looking for excuses. This is part of parenthood having to make the hard decisions.

It sounds like your children have a lot of luxuries so I'm not sure why your son playing sports is such a problem. You said it has to do with money but wow my kids would love to have 1/2 of what yours have.