Sports And How They Affect Your Daycare, Home Life, Etc.

[wdmmom]

I have a nanny come in 2 days a week for 3 hours a day. She is here for the summer months only while the kids are home from school. Since I work so much, I can't possibly keep them entertained while I work. She takes them swimming, miniature golfing, movies, library, etc. This way they still have an "outside" life instead of being trapped at home all day everyday.

It's not like she is here all day, everyday. The kids still get to have a life and go places while I have to be home to work.

My kids have a nice home, they have all the necessities and they have hand-me-downs. They all have a Nintendo DS that they received for Christmas 3 years ago and they have a Wii with maybe 4 games.

We don't have anything beyond our means and my kids are far from spoiled. My oldest daughter is 14 and knows that in order for her to get a car or a cell phone, she needs to have a job and pay for it. My 11 year old wants a cell phone. NOPE! It's not a necessity.

The kids share bedrooms with their siblings, they all have chores (which never seem to get done), they don't get an allowance, they get what they earn. If they want a slushy from the gas station, they need to work and earn it.

I don't see where you come off saying my kids have SOOO much. You don't know how I live. Nannyde knows how I live and she attested to it.

[nannyde]

Thanks Nan! I know I'm appreciated and you know me personally so you know what I do and how hard I thrive to get where I am.

Yes I know you as a friend but first a Mom. You were one of the best clients I have ever worked for and I know what you are made of. If I could have a house full of WDM Mom clients I would be in heaven.

[Live and Learn]

This is a long thread. I haven't read it all .... Sorry.

How old are the two daughters who want to start a sport?

[wdmmom]

It's my son...he's 10. He thinks football would be great to play. I think it would be good too, however, his mentality right now is he wants to sack people and throw them on their backs more-so than learn the real rules of the game and work as a team.

My oldest is 14 and in chorus which takes 2 evenings a year. 1 for a winter concert, 1 for a spring concert.

My other daughter is 11 and in girl scouts. It works out that it's once a month and if I'm unable to pick her up, the leader only lives a few blocks away so she'll bring her home. Otherwise my daughter will ride her bike.

I also have a 6 year old. She's not in anything. She's interested in dance or gymnastics but she also doesn't want the little play time she gets to be interrupted.

Please keep in mind that by the time my kids get home from school it's 435pm and that bedtime is 8pm with 30 minutes of reading time and getting ready for school the next day. Lights out is 830pm.

I've already made up my mind...with the help of others in the family, it is possible but there are going to need to be commitments made on all our parts.

[Live and Learn]

When my 3 sons were this age they all wanted to participate in sports too. I think it makes them feel like they fit in with their friends. Great confidence builder.

Since dad is out of the picture and you prefer to be both mom and dad to your son and he has three sisters it would be an especially great experience for him.

If cost is an issue you could look into scholarship. I would carpool with a friend to practices if travel was an issue. I like to have a homemade lasagna in the freezer just for practice/game nights.

To be honest 1 or 2 practices a week is not a big deal. I would do this for my own son for sure. Good luck.

Ps. I have a lot of my own kids too so I know it can be hard to juggle everyone's wants.

[Live and Learn]

I also wanted to add that being involved in my children's extra curricular activities has been very good for my daycare and my husband's business too.

The $500 you spend to make your son happy with football might just snowball into a new client or two.

[Michelle]

I also wanted to add that being involved in my children's extra curricular activities has been very good for my daycare and my husband's business too.

The $500 you spend to make your son happy with football might just snowball into a new client or two.

definitely true!!!!
We have always coached our kids soccer and baseball teams.
We would always get clients from this.
Whenever I needed business, I would just sorta mention something cute or funny we did in the daycare that day and I would be guaranteed someone would say" oh, you do daycare?" :: shameful , I know

[MyAngels]

I just scanned most of the replies, so forgive me if I'm just reiterating what someone else said, I will keep it short .

The positives for my kids (aside from the usual, self-confidence building, keeping out of trouble, etc.):

*They made lifelong (at least into their twenties so far) friends.

*They learned that, in order to participate in activities, they had to be more responsible around the house so we could fit everything in.

*They earned scholarships to college - two partial for my older kids, one full for the youngest. And no, they were not phenoms or superstars - you'd be surprised at the number of scholarships available in sports of all kinds.

A couple of positives for me:

I made some really great friends, myself, among the other parents involved over the years.

It's a great source of referrals for my business.

Good luck with whatever you decide .

[laundrymom]

I think I've read all the threads, I understand your frustrations with time restrictions. I had two kids playing ball on separate teams in different leagues with different schedules, I did it 6 years with two pregnancies, a toddler for the second and a husband who worked one days, two seconds and two midnights a week. It was hard, add in an ex who beat me who attended every game and practice and a severe inferiority issues on my part. But I did it FOR MY CHILDREN.
I think think " big " homes and " extensive vacations" are overrated. But what works for one family doesnt have to work for all. I can tell you that if my husband treated my oldest two as anything other than his whole children, or if he had one crawl out of his past, I would treat it as my whole child. Not his and mine. And when we married we became one. Not two halfs of something. I hear you making a huge deal about the stepson like he came in and crashed your party after living with a rich gma and " getting" a lot for a long time. I could not imagine trying to separate the responsibilities of a family. I could not imagine my husband referring to the kids as mine and ours. I hurt for your kids. I hurt first because you say the dad isn't in the picture and because you seem to keep the father figure in their life separated from that role for some reason, and second because the stepson simply was born, raised by gma, then dumped to a dad who it seems has a wife who isn't totally thrilled at every aspect about him. I know from previous posts you are a caring woman, a loving provider and a good friend but this post sounds like you are the uncaring selfish step monster who doesn't have care or concern for anyone but herself. It's like we know wdwmom,... Then someone else posted under your name. I think that's why people are responding this way. I would personally say yes to the football if it fit your schedule, if not find some different thing or league that does. I have but one bit of advice for any parent , traditional by birth or by association, remarriage or simply friendship. Be true to your kids, all of them. True deep love goes further than homes, organic food, fancy clothes or long vacations.
Families don't happen easily by some magical event. They are made from experiences, commitments, sacrifice and concerns. They are so much more than being born into a group of people sharing a common living space. They are complex and not always fun. But the true deep love you find will get you through life, or trap you in it. I wish you luck in this issue and hope with everything in me the my post is coming through with the concern and compassion it ws intended to have.

[Auntie]

This is a little off topic but I'm looking for all types of opinions/advice/suggestions.

I have 4 kids...3 girls, 1 boy. My son is 10 and is wanting to join football in the autumn. At first I thought it was great that he wanted to be active, play a sport, ect. but looking at this further has lead me to believe it would be more of a nuisance than it's worth.

Not only is there a practice once or twice a week in the week (usually at 530pm) but there is a game EVERY Saturday or Sunday and they are all between 345pm and 730pm!

I like to spend my weekends cleaning, relaxing, planning upcoming events for daycare, grocery shopping, etc.

Is it selfish of me to not want him to do this?!

Not only do I find myself feeling exhausted already just thinking about it but not 2 of the 3 girls are harping me that they now want to do something too!

To be completely honest, I don't see us having the money to enroll 3 of the 4 kids, I don't like to drive and I would be forced to take them here, there and everywhere, and I would have to pretty much keep every weekend open. That would mean not seeing my family for 9 solid weeks as well.

Keep in mind that I come from a family that sports weren't an option nor were they ever introduced. I asked to be in several things as a child (gymnastics, cheer leading, etc.) The only choice I got was to be in band.

I don't want to hold my kids back but I do think that they are too young. At the same time, any activity would put a hinder on my job and on my life in general and I'm the type that thrives on structure.

Any suggestions?!

When I did daycare at home when my daughter was young and she wasn't in any sports or activities because I felt the same way as you. My son had football but he was older and in highschool and could get himself there.
Looking back I wish I would have put her into something.

Last year she was in junior high and played basketball not the traveling kind the "cheaper" kind. yes games every weekend. But, it was not that bad. We enjoyed the games and it gave us something to do as a family as well.

I say go for it. let them pick one and see how it goes. Stick with it through the end and you will probably be thankful that you did it.

[MyAngels]

I think I've read all the threads, I understand your frustrations with time restrictions. I had two kids playing ball on separate teams in different leagues with different schedules, I did it 6 years with two pregnancies, a toddler for the second and a husband who worked one days, two seconds and two midnights a week. It was hard, add in an ex who beat me who attended every game and practice and a severe inferiority issues on my part. But I did it FOR MY CHILDREN.
I think think " big " homes and " extensive vacations" are overrated. But what works for one family doesnt have to work for all. I can tell you that if my husband treated my oldest two as anything other than his whole children, or if he had one crawl out of his past, I would treat it as my whole child. Not his and mine. And when we married we became one. Not two halfs of something. I hear you making a huge deal about the stepson like he came in and crashed your party after living with a rich gma and " getting" a lot for a long time. I could not imagine trying to separate the responsibilities of a family. I could not imagine my husband referring to the kids as mine and ours. I hurt for your kids. I hurt first because you say the dad isn't in the picture and because you seem to keep the father figure in their life separated from that role for some reason, and second because the stepson simply was born, raised by gma, then dumped to a dad who it seems has a wife who isn't totally thrilled at every aspect about him. I know from previous posts you are a caring woman, a loving provider and a good friend but this post sounds like you are the uncaring selfish step monster who doesn't have care or concern for anyone but herself. It's like we know wdwmom,... Then someone else posted under your name. I think that's why people are responding this way. I would personally say yes to the football if it fit your schedule, if not find some different thing or league that does. I have but one bit of advice for any parent , traditional by birth or by association, remarriage or simply friendship. Be true to your kids, all of them. True deep love goes further than homes, organic food, fancy clothes or long vacations.
Families don't happen easily by some magical event. They are made from experiences, commitments, sacrifice and concerns. They are so much more than being born into a group of people sharing a common living space. They are complex and not always fun. But the true deep love you find will get you through life, or trap you in it. I wish you luck in this issue and hope with everything in me the my post is coming through with the concern and compassion it ws intended to have.

What a lovely post .

[wdmmom]

It's not a matter of me and mine, it's a matter of a a grandma running the show and trying to continue running the show and BUYING this kid love. Now he wants us to provide this, that and the other while I have raised my children with values that you get what you work for.

I never intended to or signed up to parent anyone elses child. Personally, I think it's overstepping my boundaries. I can guide him and provide him with directions but they fall on deaf ears. I know the birth mother had drug issues and probably struggled with them throughout her pregnancy. I've suggested he be tested but because he didn't have drugs in his system at birth, they think he's fine. Both grandma and dad play "special" to this kid and I'm the only one that's keeping it real!

Why live in a fantasy world when the obvious are right in front of you.

As for the way I live, don't feel sorry for me or my kids. We have a wonderful relationship and they are well taken care of. Beings that my ex husband beat me and left us, I had to fill the shoes. These precious lives are my responsibility and my responsibility alone. I brought them into the world. Being a parent means taking responsibility. I did that a long time ago.

[Crazy8]

sounds like its not really a matter of how the sports will affect your daycare - because that part is totally doable. And sounds like its not a money issue because you've already said you live in a nice house and go on nice vacations, etc. and I don't even know about the cost you quoted - I have 3 children all in Pop Warner football/cheer and it does not even cost me $500 for all 3 of them combined - and we live in a high COL area. I have a son on a travel soccer team and that is the one that can cost $500-700/year. So considering your son has never done football before I would start with something like Pop Warner or AYF or whatever you have near you and not this $500+ football team.

Basicially it sounds like YOU don't want to do this and as his parent that is YOUR choice - but don't try to mask it as not working for the family or not fair to your other children. You can make it work if you want to. And newsflash, you can still get the laundry done and dinner made if your son plays football. AND your other children may actually enjoy going to his games, my kids do.

I also NEVER would have said "I do" to a man who didn't consider my children his own and vice versa but I guess that is an entirely different topic and really has nothing to do with the sports.

[Michelle]

It's not a matter of me and mine, it's a matter of a a grandma running the show and trying to continue running the show and BUYING this kid love. Now he wants us to provide this, that and the other while I have raised my children with values that you get what you work for.

I never intended to or signed up to parent anyone elses child. Personally, I think it's overstepping my boundaries. I can guide him and provide him with directions but they fall on deaf ears. I know the birth mother had drug issues and probably struggled with them throughout her pregnancy. I've suggested he be tested but because he didn't have drugs in his system at birth, they think he's fine. Both grandma and dad play "special" to this kid and I'm the only one that's keeping it real!

Why live in a fantasy world when the obvious are right in front of you.

As for the way I live, don't feel sorry for me or my kids. We have a wonderful relationship and they are well taken care of. Beings that my ex husband beat me and left us, I had to fill the shoes. These precious lives are my responsibility and my responsibility alone. I brought them into the world. Being a parent means taking responsibility. I did that a long time ago.

Don't let some of these people get to you.
A lot of these women do not know what it's like to be a single mom and they have no idea. My hubby went on a business trip for a week and I did not like being alone and trying to handle things by myself...and that was just a week!
Some people just like to argue and make others feel bad. I found that out for myself. I admire you and how well you are raising your children.

There is no one perfect way to raise kids. You are those kids hero for getting them away from that abusive situation and I love the values you are teaching them. Sports are great but not all kids can do.

[dEHmom]

from some of the past threads you've posted, and now this one, wdmmom has shown a lot of resentment towards the stepson and some towards the DH. If I recall correctly, DH isn't much help in any situations. And while I do understand the situation and how it's all fallen on your lap, just remember, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I am not religious by any means, none whatsoever, but I do believe that whether it be god, or some other force out there, you are never given more than you can handle. Even though it will feel like that, and I feel like that a lot. I think it's just meant to help you grow and become a better person.

Don't let this get you down. I know some of it is coming off harsh, but partially it's because of the way your posts are written. They come across as you resent having to give up your time and energy.

If your children want to do this stuff, and you are able to make it work, tell the kids they are responsible to help keep the house clean, make suppers, do laundry, or whatever else. Otherwise you will put an end to all the extra curricular activites so that YOU do have time to do this stuff. If they aren't willing to help, then you aren't willing to go the extra mile.

If GMA is pushing so hard for this, tell her to fund the activities, help get them to and from the activities, and whatever else. End of story. If GMA isn't willing to help with the funds and travel, then tell her to keep her mouth shut, as you cannot afford to do it, and she's causing tension in the family.