New Child Who Cries ALL Day

[Unregistered]

High Needs?

I almost wonder if those who like to label these DCs as high needs are not providers. You certainly are not doctors so how can you place a diagnosis on them? Not to mention you have yet to meet them. Yes, I do believe a baby can be held too much. I have had two DCC who have consistently cried all day unless they were being held. One was high needs and one was not. There is a big difference, they have a lot more problems then just not being held. Bottom line, if you are stressed out and your attention is being taken away from the other children in the daycare then you should let them go.

[MaritimeMummy]

I had a little boy, 2.5, this past March. I had him from march 12th to March 23d. Almost 2 full weeks. By the end of the first week I couldn't take it anymore. I could tell he was in the autistic spectrum but I obviously can't diagnose that. I tried asking the mom questions...how he handled his previous day care (oh fine, he was in the same place from the time he was 6 months old until last month and handled it very well!), and at one point, SHE brought up the whole autism thing...you know, after the interview and after he started coming.

There were just so many things that made it impossible for me to care for him...his own safety, the safety of the other children, and my own sanity. He hit my son, who was just learning to crawl in that military drag fashion, because he was coming too close to him for a second time and might knock over his line of toys.

He'd sit by the door and scream. We'd go outside and he'd bolt for the woods. He tried opening the outside door. I never had a problem with this until him, I had to buy doorknob covers (which I should have had anyway but never really thought about it since it was a non-issue). We'd stay inside, he'd scream. I'd make lunch, he'd scream. We'd go for a walk, he'd scream...both walking and if I put him in the stroller. Everything was him sobbing and shrieking.

Autism suspicion aside, he did things that were just BAD. Marking on my walls with a crayon while I was nursing, thank goodness it washed off. Trying to climb up on the table...it made no difference if I was there or not, he'd try it. He'd climb up, I'd pluck him off, he'd not even give a breath and wasn't even fully out of my hands before he was trying it again.

His mom said that anytime he misbehaved like that, that I should put him in time out immediately. Let me tell you, he did not understand what a time out was...There is a difference between knowing what it is and struggling and crying to get out and crying and struggling because they don't understand why they are there...

Finally, on Wednesday of the second week I pleaded with his mother if there was anything I was doing wrong, what could I do to make him happy...she asked me, "Whoa, what do you mean, make him happy? Isn't he happy?" she seriously had no idea, even though I would always tell her that he cried each day. She thought he was doing well with me, he was always very happy at home and never put up a fight to come to me.

Anyway, that turned into a big conversation...I told her I preferred not to talk about him in front of him and maybe she should come back later that night without him, but she insisted. I told her that i would be willing to continue for another 2 weeks. If he didn't show *some* improvement...it didn't have to be much...by those 2 weeks, I would not be able to provide care anymore. She accepted that, even though I felt sick even saying it because I knew it broke her heart hearing that her son was behaving this way for someone. She seemed shocked. I got an email from her later that night saying that she wouldn't be bringing him back and that she'd be by to pick up his things and give me my pay. She said she had no idea he was crying the entire time he was here, she just figured when I said, "he cried today" that I meant he only cried when she left and got better.

He was so high needs, autism or not, that there was no possible way I could safely look after my own two children and the other two day care children.

I feel bad for you...this is the worst experience a child care provider has to go through. "Why is he/she crying? What can *I* do? How long do I hang in there? Will it get better?" I'm sorry. It's never easy.

[SilverSabre25]

Just a note...the OP is like, three years old.

[MaritimeMummy]

Just a note...the OP is like, three years old.

Yeah, I see that now, whoops. Either way, I hope my story helps someone else realize that a constant crier isn't their fault. :-)

[countrymom]

Yeah, I see that now, whoops. Either way, I hope my story helps someone else realize that a constant crier isn't their fault. :-)

I read your story and I have had one too. He was 3 yrs old. And he cried all day, I mean he wouldn't do anything but cry, he would cry so much that he would fall asleep and when he woke up he would continue crying. I stuck it out for 2 months. I too tried everything, but when he would participate, I found that there was just something odd about him. His features were odd too, large head, flat face, eyes were odd, it was like his head was so heavy that he had a hard time holding it up. I told mom everyday that he cried, she couldn't figure it out. She even had the older brother stay, but all he did was cry, dad tried and he would cry. The hardest thing was that mom was going to school to better herself, but this child would not allow her to do it. She tried with gma, but all he did was cry. Mom had to stop going to school.
So foward, several years later, I see him about 6months ago, and you can tell there is something wrong with him, I too think its boarder line autism, but he was just a high needs child too. I wonder if mom ever finished school.

to the poster above who said that we can't diagnose children, let me tell you, we have (all providers) have so many kids go thru our house that we can tell you what their problems are better than any doctor who sees them once. Doctors rely on the information that is given to them, they don't sit down and start going thru check lists, heck every child would have issues. When you see a child every day, who else is better to make the difficult call, a person who sees them all the time or a person who sees them once.

[Unregistered]

Me too

I was looking to see if crying all day was normal at this age. I raised my own and yes I had one who cried all day from the day she was born till she was 18 months old and finally was diagnosed, cerebral palsy with seizures and muscle spasms, medication and she stopped crying. But lately I have a run of children as I am a nanny who cry all day and night. They cry just as much for mom and dad except when they are held so they are held all day. I had a family for two years, baby was great, but then I was let go because they went back to there country, and I have had 6 families in a year and I leave them all for the same reason weeks and weeks of screaming, children in my ears. 9 months, 16 month old twins, 2 yo and the list goes on, none sleep through the night, mom or dad sleeps in with one child while the other sleeps in with the other parent in a separate room. All still on bottles, pacifiers, Teddy bears and blankets. No routines no schedules.you literally hold the child all day long, and you can't get them to stop screaming in your ears. I am a live in so I get no break at night, mom and dad come home kids still screaming and you have to hear it all night, ever hour or two they are awake for a bottle or the pacifier came out of their mouth or dad got up to go potty and the kid screams. I am with twins right now and they are 16 months old, they can not or will not hold their own bottle, they can not or will not sleep in a crib, and they will not even attempt to feed themselves. They cry about 16 hours a day or night. You can not put them down, when mom and dad are home one has one and the other has the other. But for 10 hours a day I have them by myself, 46 pounds and I can not put them down, I have to feed them one at a time, so nap time goes like this, I feed one the bottle while the other stands and screams at me, then I feed the other the bottle while the first one stands and screams, then I attempt to rock them to sleep together, 46 pounds in my arms, with blankets and teddies and pacifiers. If anything falls we start all over, the screaming last for about 1 and a half hours and finally they go to sleep, all together we are now into a good 2 and 1/2 hour ordeal. And finally the screaming stops, but I have to move, my arms are breaking and my back is killing me, but if I try to lay one down I wake them both up, if I shift in the seat I wake them both up, if the door bell rings I wake them both up. At most they sleep 20 minutes before something moves, even if it is them moving and waking the other in my arm, and the screaming starts all over again.

My parents tell me that this is the attachment movement method it raises better adjusted happier kids. What a crock of sh**.

I am going to tell my parents tonight that this is not working out and they need to find something else. From now on I will be asking if the parents use the attachment method, for better bonding, if they do then they need to stay home with there own children and attach to them for 21 years and not seek daycare or nannies.

[Unregistered]

I have a crier right now in my dayhome.

I take care of two children and my daughter. The boy is 11months old, he has some health issues. His airways are smaller than what they should be. He always sounds congested, but mom says its normal and if it starts to sound like popcorn in his chest give him his inhalor. Any ways, the mom told me they babied him at home and she appologizes now. I have had him for 3weeks, Tuesday -Thursday. I cant walk away from him with out him crying. I will walk from the high chair to the kitchen sink...2 steps away and he will cry so hard he starts coughing and choking on his saliva. He barely crawls, he will sit by himself, but definately not developing like my other kids. Most of them all already pulling them self up walking around the coffee table. He is no where near that and I think its because he is always being held at home. Its getting tough on me because, I do have to just let him cry at times, where I need to cook lunch for the other kids and myself or help the other kids with other things. I have no other choice. but to let him cry, and it kills me to do that. I dont want to have to let him go, his sister is a really great little girl, very smart and for her age of 2years old. I was wondering if anyone had any tips or things I could try to get him more comfortable here. When he crys I know he is not hungry or needs a change, his chest doesnt soubd like popcorn, he just wants me to hold him and I cant do that all the time. Help!

[Unregistered]

mrsmom

a 15 month old can't be a "spoiled brat", sounds like some home care providers aren't educated/qualified to care for high needs children. You must first recognize that a child is a high needs child, which some here seem clueless about, before you can help them adjust to daycare setting.
Some children also have developmental problems surfacing, which you need to be able to recognize...child care centres usually have a resource teacher on hand to help children with issues like sensory processing disorders, autism spectrum, adhd...
if you are incapable of providing the care that a child needs, you are obliged to be honest and inform the parents of that child. it isn't about you being able to afford letting them go, it's about the needs and interests of the children.
shame on any childcare provider who puts their needs first!

[Unregistered]

Thank goodness you are here to set everyone straight.
Too bad you didn't notice the last comment was almost 2 years ago

[Rockgirl]

Thank goodness you are here to set everyone straight.
Too bad you didn't notice the last comment was almost 2 years ago

And the original post was 5.5 years ago. That's got to be some kind of record!

[Ariana]

LOL! I know this post is old but I just had this situation myself. So many children have disorders now this particular child had the disorder of having permissive parents and when she couldn't get her own way and had to follow the group she cried hysterically. Glad she is gone

[zuzispeedwell]

I know this is really old, but I need help!!!

I have this girl that's turning 3 in two months. She has an older deaf brother who's recently got a cochlear implant, and her parents put her in our daycare because they need to help her brother with language and motor skills. He's super lively and cares a lot for his sister. But she constantly fights with him. When she's with us, she goes in (most of the times) crying. Her cry is like if she was trying to shout an U. But she's fine one moment, playing and everything... Then, "uuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!". She's crying and everyone's shouting that she's doing so. It gets on my nerves. Whenever she goes to the bathroom, she's talking all happy about everything. She even jumps and shouts and smiles and laughs when she's doing ballet. But whenever she's outside, we have to be like: or, she's always crying; or, she's never doing anything. She just gets all rigid in the middle of the hallway. We could be telling everyone: "Line up!" and they start singing and marching, and she doesn't even stands up. She just puts her finger in her mouth and starts making those toddler i-don't-want-to-look-at-you faces. Ah, she also clings a lot into my boyfriend/workmate because he's always carrying her and tickling her whenever she cries, but I tell him doing it like that is wrong because she'll feel she can cry to gain attention. She's been with us for 10 months now. Any ideas?

[daycare]

I have this girl that's turning 3 in two months. She has an older deaf brother who's recently got a cochlear implant, and her parents put her in our daycare because they need to help her brother with language and motor skills. He's super lively and cares a lot for his sister. But she constantly fights with him. When she's with us, she goes in (most of the times) crying. Her cry is like if she was trying to shout an U. But she's fine one moment, playing and everything... Then, "uuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!". She's crying and everyone's shouting that she's doing so. It gets on my nerves. Whenever she goes to the bathroom, she's talking all happy about everything. She even jumps and shouts and smiles and laughs when she's doing ballet. But whenever she's outside, we have to be like: or, she's always crying; or, she's never doing anything. She just gets all rigid in the middle of the hallway. We could be telling everyone: "Line up!" and they start singing and marching, and she doesn't even stands up. She just puts her finger in her mouth and starts making those toddler i-don't-want-to-look-at-you faces. Ah, she also clings a lot into my boyfriend/workmate because he's always carrying her and tickling her whenever she cries, but I tell him doing it like that is wrong because she'll feel she can cry to gain attention. She's been with us for 10 months now. Any ideas?

do you have a crying spot or a place to let her just cry it out.

[Unregistered]

I have been running a daycare for almost 4 years and the only thing the works for me is putting the child in a separate room in the pack and play until I calm down. This works for older children too. I have talked with the parents about it and everyone is okay with it. Its for the safety of the children. I have in a few instances called the parents to come get their children but thats if they are crying for more than an hour.

[Unregistered]

I have had twin boys for about four months now and I have had them Monday through Friday 8 to 6 every day I recently got married and took two weeks vacation I have been back to work now for two weeks and before the boys where perfect they didn't need me they were self soothing Twins played with each other really only cried when they were hungry or tired now since I reopened one twin is the same as before the other One literally cries all day if I am not holding him if I put him in something that he would normally like, like a bouncer he would be screaming crying like he's been hurt he cries when he goes down for a nap and even if I hold him and think he fell asleep as soon as he touches the pack and play he is screaming I don't know what else to do I love these kids and their family and after four months of having them I don't want to let them go but I need to figure out what is wrong with one of the twins and what I can do to help him he seems just so miserable but as soon as I pick him up he is all happy, it can't just be him needing attention cry because it's all day even if I give him attention but I am not holding him he still screams and cries he literally needs to be in physical contact to make him stop crying. I need help or tips on what to do to help hin and if anyone knows what could've caused him to be like this all the sudden . Thank you in advance