New Child Who Cries ALL Day

[sarahtheresa02]

I am used to the sometimes difficult transition from mom/dad to provider for some children. I worked in a child care center for many years before starting my own in home daycare. Every child I have in my home arrives without incident, happy to see me and the other kids & eager to play.

With the exception of one boy. T started care last week. He is here Wed-Fri from 0830-1630. This is his 3rd week. When his mom drops him off he cries. Normal? Yes. However, he cries all day long unless I hold him. Obviously being that I have many other children in my care I can not hold him all day long. I do give him about 20 minutes or so of my attention as soon as he arrives to help him calm down. This does not work. He sits on the couch with his binky and blanket and cries/screams. If anyone looks at him it gets worse. He wont eat at all and only stops when I put him down for his nap.

I am a very patient person but I dont know how much more I can take. It wears on the other children also. At times they all get shorter naps due to the crying. Which in turn helps no one. I want to be able to help him adjust but how long should this go on. I have never had this problem.

Advise please??? I am losing my mind here.

[Unregistered]

I have sort of the same situation right now. I have this little girl who does nothing but scream when any of the other kids look at her or talk to her. She starts screaming if my husband is home and talks to me. Today, I took her and another kid out with me, and as soon as someone said hi to her, she started screaming and wouldn't stop till we got back to the car. She is approx 15 months old. I think she is just a spoiled brat who gets her way by screaming. I find myself yelling at my own daughter, because my daughter wants to play with her and comfort her (my daughter is 10), but she just screams louder. I don't want to be yelling at my own kids just because they are trying to be nice, but the screaming is grating on the nerves, so I tell my daughter she is not allowed to talk to her. All the other kids love my children, except this one. I can't afford to let her go.....just venting I guess.

[Unregistered]

Been there, done that

I have gone through the same situation. I had to let the child go because I just felt sorry for the little boy. You didn't specify how old the child was.... some children get overly stimulated with a room full of children like the little boy I watched. He was two and could verbalize his sadness. He used to say "Where is Mommie? I lost her help me find her!" That used to break my heart. I suggested to the parents to find a nanny or someone that only took care of 1 or 2 kids. I checked back with her a few months later and the little boy was doing exceptionally well. Give yourself a break, Not every child enjoys daycare, Even though we show our love to them, give them access to great toys and exciting projects to do throughout the day. If you have tried everything that you could possibly try, with no results, I would let him go.

[Unregistered]

Last year I took in a little girl that just turned 1 and she was the same way...she had a HIGH pitch scream and it was LOUD!! She did it ALL day long. I too am en extremly patient person...but I have to tell you the crying wore on me as well...I told myself and my husband that if it continued I would have to tell the mom it is not working out. It got my other daycare boy scared and he started crying too...so I had 2 crying babies AND my own 3 year old that was extremly upset over it. I had to put her for several small naps because the crying was excessive.

Not an easy situation at all. For me it worked out because the girl adjusted, only took her a week of crying all day, then the next week of crying sometimes, and then she was mostly fine unless she had a longer break from here, then we would have a small adjustment period. I still have her to this day and she's the sweetest little girl, I just love her!!!

Don't feel bad if you have to let the child go because of this, 3 weeks is a long time (has it been 3 weeks? You stated he started last week, then said this is his 3rd week??) to listen to all that crying and if it's upsetting the other daycare children I would say enough is enough...politly tell the mom it's not working out..maybe it's the 3 days at care then 4 days off? He's not there every weekday so the transition starts over the next week he shows up.

[Unregistered]

You sound like me

I have sort of the same situation right now. I have this little girl who does nothing but scream when any of the other kids look at her or talk to her. She starts screaming if my husband is home and talks to me. Today, I took her and another kid out with me, and as soon as someone said hi to her, she started screaming and wouldn't stop till we got back to the car. She is approx 15 months old. I think she is just a spoiled brat who gets her way by screaming. I find myself yelling at my own daughter, because my daughter wants to play with her and comfort her (my daughter is 10), but she just screams louder. I don't want to be yelling at my own kids just because they are trying to be nice, but the screaming is grating on the nerves, so I tell my daughter she is not allowed to talk to her. All the other kids love my children, except this one. I can't afford to let her go.....just venting I guess.

I had "that" little girl since she was 8mo till she was 18mo. She was the EXACT same way as you described. If I walked out the room she screamed, if I looked at her "wrong" she screamed, if a child brushed past her she screamed, and the list goes on. I have a 10yo daughter also and I use to have to tell her not to pay attention to her also because it would just make the situation worst. She wanted to calm her and play with her but she would just scream . Thank goodness mom didn't want to pay for her vacation so I had to term.

[tymaboy]

I have a little one that was like that. She gets held most of the time at home. For me it got to the point that I just had to put her in the crib & let her go. I would go in & check on her often. She needed to learn that here she would not be held. It took a while, then she only had a fit when she was frusterated, she is mobile now so now when she starts crying she is either hungry or tired.

[sarahtheresa02]

I really appreciate the advice. It was his 3rd week. The times get away from me.

I had to have his mom pick him up early yesterday. Part of it was for my own sanity and the other part was because the little boy was just SOOOO miserable it was breaking my heart. He is 2 years old (I left that part out before).

When his mom came to pick him up she said that he is used to being held all day and that he eats when he wants, where he wants and naps wherever and whenever he wants. She said that he "doesnt do schedules". I restrained myself from laughing and told her that I didnt think that we were a good fit. She stomped out and I havent heard from her since. I felt bad but today my kids are all still sleeping. They all go back to bed when they get here and should be up soon for breakfast.

Thanks again!
Sarah

[tymaboy]

Sounds like she will have a hard time finding a good fit cuz we all pretty much go by a schedule.

I had a family once that they did not do a schedule at home & their work schedule ALWAYS changed so it was hard to keep the kids on a schedule here. When the parent did have a month of normalcy (same schedule day in & out) was the best time I had with those kids. Their behavioral issue were next to none at that time.

[AmandasFCC]

Kids need consistency! I used to say my daughter wouldn't do a schedule, then I started my daycare and what do you know, she's incredibly well-behaved now that she knows what to expect. The daycare schedule carries on into the weekends for us and she's as happy as can be. Sorry it went so badly for you, but sounds like you're better off!

[cj2009]

Hi. I haven't joined yet but plan to bc I was just going to and ask the very same question.

I have a little girl and this is her FIFTH week here. She is part time though, 2 days a week. So I think it's the transition beginning all over bc one day it's Monday and then the 2nd day is Friday so there is 3 days where she isn't here.

I have talked to her mother about maybe doing a Tues/Thurs, Mon/Wed, Wed/Fri thing bc BOTH she and her husband set the schedules for their work and it would be totally possible but haven't heard anything back yet. When she is here, she is here from 8:30-330/430 depending on if mom or dad is picking up that day.

She is 20 months old and has to be pried from her mother (I am not the first provider. Her old provider moved) screaming, high pitched. I put down my foot with her mom and told her that she can't stay and tell her it'll be allright, I'll pick you up later etc....bc K knows that she's getting mom's attention. That it would prolly be better for her to walk her in, instead of carrying her in.....so we'll see but....in the meantime...

IT'S ALL DAY. And she'll settle and be ok and then out of NOWHERE she builds up and wails....opens her mouth, chin to chest and wails, sobs......nobody is touching her. She is usually playing with blocks or dolls. I can't get her involved in anything else bc she refuses to be held by anyone but her mom or dad. This happens 10-12 times in the 7 or 8 hours she is here. She'll be fine and then WHAM.....0-200mph in seconds. And it takes 15-20 minutes to calm her down and if she drops her blanket in the process, it starts all over again. She'll scream until her face turns blue, and make fists with her blanket.....

I just don't know what to do. I have mostly part timers right now bc my 2 full time families gave notice bc mom was laid off (I've known her for years and she wanted to be a SAHM anyways....) and the other, her husband is being transfered out of state for work. I need the money this family pays big time but I just don't know how to handle the crying.

Of course, she never cries like this at home I'm told. Right now, she's been crying for 35 minutes. I had to lay her down and leave the room bc enough was enough. There was no visible reason for it. She was sittin on the sofa with her sippy of milk watching a cartoon (I allow a cartoon at the end of the day right before pickup bc it gathers everyone together all quiet and happy, usually) and then just started crying.......but 35 minutes with no less intensity.

So, I had her lay down with her blanket and came online to see if I could find an ans or anyone else going through it.

She is teething but teething doesn't cause this kind of crying. I've been in daycare for 10 years and have 3 children of my own and have never experienced this kind of crying.

I do want to say though that when she is NOT crying, she's a super sweet little girl, albeit a bit shy. There is usually only 1 other child here on the days she's here and my little girl, 2.

I also have a 4 1/2yo who is here 3 days a week (26 hours) who cries at drop off and will randomly cry throughout the day, trying to hold it in, wipes his nose on his shirt, and will cry until he vomits. They are moving in with Grandma in mid-November though and she is going to care for him (his spot has already been filled with an infant).....

Any suggestions?????

I didn't mean to hijack the thread......

[judytrickett]

Advise please??? I am losing my mind here.

I firmly believe that not all kids are cut out for daycare. There ARE kids who, no matter how long in daycare or how great the provider will NEVER fully adjust.

The fact that he only stops crying when you carry him makes me wonder if he is carried a lot at home. Obviously these parents have done a huge disservice to him if they are carrying him around all day.

What would I do? I would terminate. BTDT and it's far too much to ask a provider to listen to constant screaming for 10 hours a day for THREE weeks. Also, this behaviour affects the other kids in care too. Not fair to them to have to listen to it either.

[sarahtheresa02]

I had to let him go last week. I just couldnt take it anymore. Kids that were so well behaved were starting to act up. His mom was offended and I tried to explain that its mostly for the good of her child. He was so upset everyday that I can bet that this will or has happened at every daycare he has been to. I refunded her money and never heard from her again.

I felt bad to reject someone but there was no other good option.

[Unregistered]

I'm on month 2 with a screaming 2 year old boy. I've been caring in my home for 17 years and he's the worst fit yet. I am suspecting developmental/behavioural issues so I feel guilty for wanting to give notice but I have 2 other 2 year old boys and 2 one year old babies to care for. The screaming of Mommy Daddy for hours on end with drool and snot streaming have made bonding impossible and I refuse to see a child as a paycheque. The rest of my gang are happy and personable but he just refuses to participate.

His parents are really good people which is partly why I haven't given up yet but I think I may suggest they look at Nannies.

[Jonathan]

Cried His Way Through Childhood

Our son had colic for his first year which was very tough. He was also a crier in daycare and his first year of school. We eventually had to home school because of the stress on the teachers and other children. We went though all of the psychiatric / hypno / doctor evaluations but stopped short of medicating. He just matured at his own rate and he just got all four of his wisdom teeth out today and was a real trooper. One would never have thought we would have turned out to be such a great kid. Started collage at 14, never cusses and is the kindest soul. I bet he turns out to be a great singer someday. He has the pipes and started young ;>

[judytrickett]

Our son had colic for his first year which was very tough. He was also a crier in daycare and his first year of school. We eventually had to home school because of the stress on the teachers and other children. .... He just matured at his own rate ;>

EXACTLY!!! One of the reasons I originally got into daycare was because I was not willing to put my own son in daycare. He NEVER could have handled it. As I said above, some kids are NOT cut out for daycare. And, as a parent you have to figure out some way, whatever that is, to work it out so your child isn't spending his entire childhood stressed out.

And Jonathan...we too ended up homeschooling our kids because of this same son. He just could not hack it in school.