Misdirected Email

[childcaremom]

Hmmm. I like the saying that when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

I love that you recognized that you were not ok with this having happened. I love that you were able to deal with it head on and come to a conclusion. One that works for you.

Yes, it's ok to change your mind.

Yes, it's ok to ignore and not reply.

I would take a few days to let things settle. Enjoy your weekend. Spend time with your family. Don't let this take up any more of your time or thoughts.

I would also interview for the opening and see what other families are out there.

I would also add in your policies that any disrespect to you, your family or your business can result in immediate termination with no refund of fees.

[Josiegirl]

Tasha, I hope your dd's infection clears all up quickly, nobody needed that to happen.

As far as reconsidering the dcf, I understand. Believe me, I do. Take what I'm going to say for what it's worth because in my own mind I'm definitely Ms. Wishy-Washy. I would probably reconsider. BUT as has been pointed out, new contract, new terms, nothing NOTHING gets violated even once. Immediate termination. I do think dcb is being used as sort of a guilt trip on you but try to set that aside for a moment and consider everything else. If dcm starts bit@hing about you again, it's not going to look good for her, making her out to be the fool. It could very well be that they're buying themselves time to shop around for a new dc. Who knows? It could be they(she) truly regrets saying what she did about you. IF you decide to take them back I would request they pay 2 weeks upfront for their possible 2 week notice.
It will be terribly awkward. You may have lingering(and rightfully so!) feelings of being betrayed and disrespected. I think I'd request a sit-down lay it all on the table type of meeting first. Explain the ground rules. Has this mom ever dealt with a dc before? Maybe she really didn't have a clue. I think you did a good thing by opening her eyes because it brought out issues no one was dealing with. I also believe in 2nd chances if it's something YOU want to do. I've had a couple instances where dcfs left for whatever reasons and they asked to come back. And only because I was grateful they left in the 1st place did I refuse.
Ultimately you are the only one who can make this decision. But I think it could be worked out, with open communication. It also sounds like they either learned their lesson and truly regret it or as someone mentioned, they're buying time to shop for dc. If things were bothering her to that degree she should have discussed it with you.
I wish you the very best of luck with your decision and do NOT feel bad deciding either way.

[finsup]

:hug: I hope everything calms down for you soon!

It's tough because I had a similar situation like this. Dcm and dcd played off each other all the time. Dcm would try to be the "harsh" one dcd would try to be the "nice guy" and reason away why dcm did something. In the meantime dcm would balme dcd for anything she didn't like. That family was a mess. We had some problems, I termed. Then I allowed them back after the show dcd put on because I felt bad. Did the updated contract/rules etc and for a little while it was OK. Then it slid right back into all the other problems I was having before. I would be able to offer forgiveness, but I'm not sure I would be able to take them back.
Actually you know what might get me to take them back? If dcm made a point to come to me (outside business hours) with a sincere apology, ask for forgiveness and one more chance. Then you know, I probably would. But just dcd emailing saying how sad dcb will be and dcm knows she screwed up...I don't think I could do it.

[SnowGirl]

Take time to consider...and don't feel bad about taking it. Are you second guessing because of guilt or because you'd genuinely not want to lose this family? Don't let them guilt their way back into your home...providing daycare is very personal (for me and I think many of us!). Don't feel bad about removing a toxic family, and don't feel bad about giving a second chance (but only because you WANT to!).

Good luck to you!

[Play Care]

NannyDe talks about parents who want to be the ones "in charge" so they beg to be allowed back, only to "fire" the provider shortly afterwards to assert their control over the situation. Be forewarned

Being stressed out doesn't allow or excuse poor behavior.

I'm sorry about your DD and hope she is feeling better! :hug:

[Unregistered]

I have been following this thread. I had a similar situation where a parent "misunderstood" a letter that went out to all families regarding a closure of my daycare due to a new rule the state was going to start enforcing and I could not do anything that would allow me to continue if this new rule was going to be enforced. It was going to affect all my families. A couple of weeks later I sent another letter home updating dcfs about the situation. This dcm calls and says I just got the letter (the 2nd letter) and wanted to come over right now which was nap time to discuss the letter. Dcm was very distraught and crying and getting upset because she thought I was terming her children because I didn't like them because of some issues they were having at daycare. I was so upset that dcm said I didn't like her children, but I finally managed to explain that it wasn't about them and did she even read the first letter which had a copy of the new rules from the state. Umm no she didn't get the letter and I was like it went home with the monthly newsletter and other forms, which they returned one of the forms that needed to be signed, so I know she got the papers and probably didn't even bother reading the letter. It turned out the state revised their rule and wouldn't affect me. A few months later the children's behaviors were not changing because there was no consistent follow through at home, so I decided to term. Dcm brought back the letter issue when I termed because she was upset and started saying I didn't like her children again, which made me upset. I ended up terming the children. Dcm and dcd both contacted me again and asked if I could just keep the two younger children since the older one was the one having most of the behavior issues. I felt bad so relented. As the months passed the resentment and tension after the letter incident never went away and the relationship was never the same. I was so happy when the younger children left for a center. I was stress free and didn't need to worry about what they were going to bring up next. They barely said a good bye and thank you and from what I've heard from other families that know them, they are doing just fine. My advice to you would be, don't take them back no matter how bad you feel for them.

[Tasha]

You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

[Thriftylady]

You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

I think it boils down to she wants to complain, but she isn't really that upset in general, just upset you enforced the rules. I don't think she thought she would have any consequences. She did, and that upset her. I had one parent leave me for cheaper. She wanted to come back and I let her, she was a hard parent to deal with anyway, but but I let her. I ended up terming as she got no easier to deal with.

[Meeko]

You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

:hug:

[nannyde]

Dear Dad,

Thank you for your kind email. I fully understand that switching child care can be a tumultuous time in a young family's life.

Although this has been a hardship to your marriage and your son, I encourage you to use it as a learning experience for your your son. It's important to be completely honest with him and explain that mommy said very unkind words to his child care provider and was very disrespectful. Because of her actions, he has now lost the opportunity to attend the daycare to be with his beloved friends. Explain to him that words can really HURT others and sometimes those words affect innocent people too who have nothing to do with the actions of the perpetrator of those words. He is the victim in this. He needs to hear from his mother what she did, how sorry she is for the impact it has on him, and a vow to never compromise his relationship with his friends and excellent care from a loving caregiver.

As parents we all make mistakes. From your kind email, I can see this was a BIG mistake and it has truly affected him and your family life. Letting our kids know we make big mistakes, apologizing to them for the big mistakes that deeply affect them, and vowing to not do it again will be the greatest gift she could give him. It's a life lesson he can learn at his young age that can help him as he grows to ALWAYS treat others with respect and when you falter, fess up to it and apologize.

Good luck in your future child care years. Take the good that comes with the outcome and you will see that despite this one rough patch, your son will learn so much and hopefully his mommy will help him navigate through her mistake.

Oh and pound sand while you are at it. I know dang well she isn't sorry except for being sorry she got caught. I know how terminated parents behave and your email pleadings are textbook 101. If I was dumb enough to allow you back in my business, your wife would use it only to buy time to find another provider and then have the satisfaction of "firing" me instead of being the one let go.

BTDT. You just need daycare until you find daycare. Nice try.

[Ariana]

You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

Mainly because it is the easiest thing for her to do at this point. She doesn't want to take the time to find someone else and She is getting grief from her husband and that is that. Husband is using the DCB to play on your feelings. Do you really think DCB is at home thrashing around wondering why he can't come to your house? I am just not buying it. I just took in a little boy who was with his provider since he was 12 months old and he is now 6....he barely batted an eyelash when he left and came here. Meanwhile the mom was saying how hard he was taking it yadda yadda. Sometimes the kids play on the parents too. Only you know this child and how he might be reacting. You know if you took them back that this would play on you every single day. Every time she took advantage you'd be thinking "I took you back and you do this?"

Anyway I hope your daughter is doing ok!!! That is what is really important here

[Tasha]

Dear Dad,

Thank you for your kind email. I fully understand that switching child care can be a tumultuous time in a young family's life.

Although this has been a hardship to your marriage and your son, I encourage you to use it as a learning experience for your your son. It's important to be completely honest with him and explain that mommy said very unkind words to his child care provider and was very disrespectful. Because of her actions, he has now lost the opportunity to attend the daycare to be with his beloved friends. Explain to him that words can really HURT others and sometimes those words affect innocent people too who have nothing to do with the actions of the perpetrator of those words. He is the victim in this. He needs to hear from his mother what she did, how sorry she is for the impact it has on him, and a vow to never compromise his relationship with his friends and excellent care from a loving caregiver.

As parents we all make mistakes. From your kind email, I can see this was a BIG mistake and it has truly affected him and your family life. Letting our kids know we make big mistakes, apologizing to them for the big mistakes that deeply affect them, and vowing to not do it again will be the greatest gift she could give him. It's a life lesson he can learn at his young age that can help him as he grows to ALWAYS treat others with respect and when you falter, fess up to it and apologize.

Good luck in your future child care years. Take the good that comes with the outcome and you will see that despite this one rough patch, your son will learn so much and hopefully his mommy will help him navigate through her mistake.

Oh and pound sand while you are at it. I know dang well she isn't sorry except for being sorry she got caught. I know how terminated parents behave and your email pleadings are textbook 101. If I was dumb enough to allow you back in my business, your wife would use it only to buy time to find another provider and then have the satisfaction of "firing" me instead of being the one let go.

BTDT. You just need daycare until you find daycare. Nice try.

I would be the hero of my own life if only I had the nerve
to send this email! My gosh, I wish I could. Thank you Nannyde. My DH is repulsed by this family (he was really mad at that DCM's email), so I showed him your letter and he laughed out loud.

[Tasha]

Mainly because it is the easiest thing for her to do at this point. She doesn't want to take the time to find someone else and She is getting grief from her husband and that is that. Husband is using the DCB to play on your feelings. Do you really think DCB is at home thrashing around wondering why he can't come to your house? I am just not buying it. I just took in a little boy who was with his provider since he was 12 months old and he is now 6....he barely batted an eyelash when he left and came here. Meanwhile the mom was saying how hard he was taking it yadda yadda. Sometimes the kids play on the parents too. Only you know this child and how he might be reacting. You know if you took them back that this would play on you every single day. Every time she took advantage you'd be thinking "I took you back and you do this?"

Anyway I hope your daughter is doing ok!!! That is what is really important here

I am such a ****er. In my moment of weakness I kinda did think the boy was ''thrashing'' around. I'm sitting here laughing because your imagery is so funny. Anyway, thank you, my daughter is doing better - it really scared me because she was in so much pain and I was so fearful of it getting into her bloodstream.

[Josiegirl]

Tasha, you're my hero! I would've been the ****er in this ordeal.

[KidGrind]

You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

She doesn’t want to come back because you’re the second coming of Mary Poppins. She wants to come back because it’s what is best for them.

If you waiver, you will not be wrong. However, it’s important that from this point on it will be a power struggle and tension. I had a DCP disrespect me last year. I termed. The DCP denied the incident and blamed it on me.:roll eyes: Other parents were told that they wanted to stay and there was hope the situation would work itself out. It did. I stayed firm for ME, my family and business.

The DCP thought his child was a pawn too. That I cave because I cared. Sure I cared. I care about ME, my family, and business way more.

Some of my clients had complaints too and vented, it was always due to not getting their way and attempting to ignore policies.

Thanks for sharing your story! I am wishing you the very best.