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I'm not a daycare provider, but a mom of a toddler. She goes to preschool in a group care setting, but I would pull her from if one of the teachers was a nursing mom who expected to nurse while she was supposed to be supervising my child and others. I am surprised that your employer allowed it at all. I am not against breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed until she was 12 months old (took 4 months FMLA (my state, Tennessee, allows it), rearranged my schedule for an early lunch then pumped once in my office in the afternoon). I even kept breastfeeding at bedtime til she wanted to stop on her own, which was about 2 months later. However, I would not let my child stay in a situation you are describing. I would put her somewhere that the teachers (or providers and assistants) did not have the conflicting role of being a breastfeeding mom while on duty. Sorry. I do hope it works out for you, but I agree with the others, this is not the right situation for you, your family, your employer and (at least in my opinion) the other children in your care.
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If you keep your daughter out three days a week then you need to get paid more. Please let her know that since you now have to find other arrangements for your child then the agreement has changed and you expect more pay. Part of your compensation was that your daughter was allowed to come. Now she will owe you more money. The reason I'm opening my daycare is so that I can spend more time with my kids. They grow up so fast and you only get this time once.Comment
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If I were in your shoes though I would grow my backbone as they say on here and keep doing what I'm doing and ignore her. You never know, she might not have a problem with it but you feel like she does but it could be something else. Her life might have problems right now. But if she requests that I leave my child somewhere else then I would use my other childcare option and request more pay. To me an agreement is an agreement.Comment
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Where did she say bringing the child was part of a lower wage?
The employer may have agreed to it because she couldn't find a worker who didn't want a kid in tow. She may not have had an employee with their kid there before. You don't know what kind of fresh hell that is until you have been the employer in that arrangement. Now she knows and she can't manage it. I couldn't handle her arrangement. I would never want a breastfed staff assistant baby in my house. The conflict would come on day one.Comment
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To the OP, bf seems to be a sensitive topic for you and you are not able to discuss the topic without being offended. I don't think anyone here is judging your choice to bf as wrong, they are simply discussing needs and priorities. If you can not discuss the bf issue openly here with anonymous strangers than I do not see how you can have a healthy discussion with your employer about it. The root of your problem seems to be at your perceived offense that your employer has with you bf'ing and your lack of communication with her in regards to it. Your problem has nothing to do with all the other tasks she or you have on a daily basis.Comment
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She's not breastfeeding completely on demand anymore, just for naps and "major" incidents, like if she hurts herself.
That's why I don't feel that it's that different from the other kids, but as I've mentioned, I know I don't have the clearest idea of how someone else would take it. The other parents know I still nurse and haven't had any issue with it, as their kids are all doing well and we all talk to each other when we have the chance.
As for why I still nurse, I'm fine with spending some time talking about it. There is a lot of info online for the general benefits of nursing past infancy (I'm sure you've read about it, but here's a good link http://www.examiner.com/article/50-r...d-your-toddler)
Personally, I never planned on nursing past 1 year, and assumed a lot of things that ended up being completely different by the time I got to know my baby. For instance, I figured I'd get her on a schedule of eating and sleeping and I wouldn't be one of "those" parents whose life is totally taken over by their child's needs :
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When she turned out to be a semi-crappy sleeper, I spent a lot of time reading about different sleep-training methods, and most info I got made me think I just needed to find the right way to get her to learn to self-soothe and sleep on her own. By 5 months, I finally realized none of it felt "right" to me when it came to my situation, and my baby. I ended up going full-hippie (
) and started co-sleeping, and decided that since sleep training wasn't working for us and I wasn't comfortable letting her cry it out, I committed to continuing to give her what she needed as far as help going to sleep. I knew she would learn to self-soothe and put herself to sleep in her own time, and I'm seeing real progress of it happening now. Mind you, it's slow going, and I knew it wouldn't always work with other peoples' lives if it came to that, so that's where we are now.
The roadblock I'm hitting is that it feels like I'm expected to put her in the pack and play and leave her to cry her head off just because this lady isn't comfortable with how I'm parenting her. My confusion lies in the fact that while I see our situation as not really causing much inconvenience, especially in comparison to the other kids, clearly that's not how she sees it.
I'm hoping if it's not happening every single day it will ease the feelings of stress and resentment between both of us, and the owner will be more willing to help me out by maybe taking some time with my daughter to help her become comfortable going to sleep for her at daycare (as the breastfeeders may know, many breastfed children will not accept another form of comfort from the mom if she's there). That way it can be more free-flowing and either of us can put any of the kids down without it feeling like mine needs me and only me...
Does this make sense?Comment
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When I started, she told me she couldn't pay me much, and the fact that I could bring my child should hopefully be an incentive. It's still come up many times when she's given me small raises that still keep me under minimum wage.
I, like anyone, do get sensitive when told that my perfectly legitimate way of doing things is "not necessary" and should stop. Of course I understand that everything can't always go my way, but I don't think coming at it in a different manner, with some understanding and sympathy, would really be that hard. Like "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Yes, I'm a bit of a baby, and like to have my hand held a little more than a lot of people
But, being told that there's no way it can work, and that I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism. I really do try hard to make sure she doesn't receive any special treatment, but is that really totally possible for a mom working in a daycare? That must be a struggle for anyone in my situation, even if nursing isn't involved...?Comment
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OP, it is hard for any Co sleeper to adjust to daycare, especially one that has their mom in the daycare with them. You may be opposed to letting her cry it out but how would you deal with another child there screaming when put down? Do any of the other children cry when put down? Do they cry for a long time? You want your employer to fix this problem by having her deal with your child that can't settle? Your employer is not getting paid to watch your child so I don't think she should have to deal with it at all. And if all the other kids are going down and your child (the one she doesn't get any income from) is the only one not adjusting, that is a problem. Doesn't make you a bad parent. It does leave you with an issue to resolve, not your employer.Comment
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I still don't think you are "hearing" us. No one is telling you to stop. Just that it isn't working at your job. Also the only "not necessary references" were to point out that it is not necessary for her survival. As in, if she were under a year old and this were her only means of eating, then it would be necessary for you to nurse her, or to pump.When I started, she told me she couldn't pay me much, and the fact that I could bring my child should hopefully be an incentive. It's still come up many times when she's given me small raises that still keep me under minimum wage.
I, like anyone, do get sensitive when told that my perfectly legitimate way of doing things is "not necessary" and should stop. Of course I understand that everything can't always go my way, but I don't think coming at it in a different manner, with some understanding and sympathy, would really be that hard. Like "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Yes, I'm a bit of a baby, and like to have my hand held a little more than a lot of people
But, being told that there's no way it can work, and that I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism. I really do try hard to make sure she doesn't receive any special treatment, but is that really totally possible for a mom working in a daycare? That must be a struggle for anyone in my situation, even if nursing isn't involved...?
I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism
You are taking it out of context. It IS a luxury that you have been able to work AND comfort breastfeed your child at the same time. ANYONE would agree to that! How many people do you know that have jobs that allow them to breastfeed during working hours? I have a part time job. I can't imagine the reaction I would get if I asked my boss if I could bring my child in to breastfeed for comfort or on demand.
You said you want someone to say "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Isn't this what we have been saying???? Maybe not in the exact words you are looking for, but if you already know these exact words then I'm not sure what else you are looking for.
Most of us are mothers and many of us have breastfed, so it isn't a matter of being against working mothers or breastfeeding. It's about what does or doesn't work in a daycare.Comment
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None of the kids are left to cry; if they need help getting to sleep they get it. That's what I'm talking about.. sometimes they need several tries to get them to sleep.
I'm not trying to stick her with dealing with my child, I'm just saying she's agreed many times to try and go put my daughter down to get her used to her, so it wouldn't end up like this... it seeming like my kid needs instant and specific attention no matter what anyone else needs. She never followed through, which isn't her responsibility, but she agreed several times that it would be nice for her to be able to go put her down if I wasn't available. I don't think it would take that much time, but I understand if she's just not interested. It all goes back to whether or not it's really that big of an issue for me to go spend the time with my daughter after everyone else is taken care of.
I don't sleep with her for naps, in case anyone's wondering.
I also don't have ANY issue at all with sleep training, formula feeding, whatever the heck else anyone else does with their kids... I feel like I should make that clear but I also feel like I'm constantly defending myself to people who just aren't familiar with how I've ended up doing things...Comment
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I really do understand, and of course I wish everyone would just agree with me
I get that it's probably not going to work out long term, unless it really helps having my daughter there less frequently. Especially if it can work out so a spot is freed up for a paying client.
I just felt compelled to explain how my nursing relationship works, for those who actually asked, and those who, whether I was perceiving it wrong or not, seemed to just dismiss it. I know it's probably assumed that I'm still nursing her with the frequency with which I would nurse a 6 month old by a lot of people, and I often feel the need to clear up how it actually works.
I'm hoping this new plan works out, because it could be beneficial to everyone. My daughter would have even more time away from me to get more comfortable without nursing to sleep or for comfort, maybe my husband would shape up a bit, and hopefully my boss will be able to focus more on other aspects of her business.Comment
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I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean...? Do you mean the kids should have no help going to sleep and that's what's taking up a bunch of time? It really doesn't take that much time if we work together...
Financially though, it's feasible because she doesn't pay enough. The second helper works 3 hours a week, I don't know how much she pays her.Comment
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