Destruction of Our Property

[Blackcat31]

Wearing moderator hat...............

..... okay, this thread is no longer about supervision and/or destruction of property, it has sadly become a debate about who's opinion/thoughts/views are right and who's are wrong.

Most times, as a moderator I hesitate to step in and say anything as I feel we are all grown ups and can manage a little flack on our own, but lately I have noticed that there are lots of posters who are losing site of the topic and simply saying "I'm right." (NOT in those words but you all kwim)

I think that the ONE common theme in ALL threads is that we all do things differently.

What one provider views as not acceptable has worked for years for another provider and vice versa. Life is funny like that....

I think that what we all need to stop and remember that just because we feel strongly about something, that it doesn't give us permission to insult, judge, taunt or be cruel to someone else who doesn't agree.

I can think of TONS of topics/situations that have popped up on this forum that I feel strongly about.

I also realize that those strong feelings are MY feelings...not everyone else's.

I am the type of provider who doesn't let my DCK's do ALOT of things simply out of fear that it could come back and bite me in the butt liability-wise.

My friend who is also a provider is the type of provider that allows her DCK's to behave the same way as her own kids. They ride bikes around the neighborhood (without helmets), play with sticks and baseball bats.

When I ask her why she lets them do those things when it could be a problem that results in injury, she says "Well until it is, I don't have a problem with it"

She isn't doing anything wrong...she is just doing things differently.

DIFFERENT 100% from my views but not at all WRONG. Just different.


Heck, I let my kiddos play with those foam fun noodles (used for swimming) the other day outside, without me being present. Did I think it was a safe activity? Absolutely!! Little did I know that if you swing one of those things hard enough, you can give someone a fat lip with it!

Am a bad or negligent provider for letting one of my 5 yr olds get a fat lip? I don't think so and neither does the parent.

It happens. There is really not much we can do as providers (other than bubble wrap our daycare kids) that will 100% protect them from ALL injury. It is just not going to happen.

As far as delivery of opinions go, I do think there is an art to saying what you want to say and yet not alienating and/or insulting the listener.

Some of the harsher posts to the OP really did NOTHING but drive her away.

It certainly didn't help her understand or teach her anything. Now instead of her learning from her experiences or mistakes, she will continue to do what she has always done and IMHO be far worse off than she was before she came looking for advice.

Delivery of your message is sometimes as equally important as the message itself.

As a moderator, I ask all of you who have given OP advice or stated your opinion to stop replying or posting in this thread if your post isn't about the topic.

There is no point to continue arguing who is right and who is wrong when the person asking for help/guidance can no longer hear or cares.

[Willow]

Don't you agree the incident wouldn't have happened if there was an adult outside? That is what the "view pushers" were pushing. If the children were supervised it wouldn't have happened. Just because the OP chose to be offended rather than seeing the wisdom of this advice isn't really their fault.

I used to be offended and frankly, a little scared of certain posters on this forum but now I think they speak sense most of the time. Often, we don't want to admit fault in ourselves and that is where the defensiveness happens and the "view pushers" follow.

Amen.



To add, everyone has hard and soft lines. This issue may be seen by some as a soft line or even no big deal at all....it after all WASN'T another child and no one ACTUALLY got hurt.

Then there are those who would see it as a hard line. The repetition of the scenario. The what if's. The liabilities both on providers end as well as the parents who are entrusting us with the beings most precious in their lives.


We are ALWAYS going to respond strongly to our own personal hard lines. Expecting everyone's lines will be the same or expecting everyone to refrain from showing any sort of visceral reaction to that which upsets, angers, saddens or straight up horrifies us is truly unrealistic. We are human. We are passionate.

I've seen issues a lot more minor (in my mind) get blown to kingdom come. Just because it wasn't a hard line issue FOR ME doesn't mean it's not for someone else. Certainly doesn't give me the right to tell them to shush, simply because my undies aren't in a wad over it the same way.

We are the sum of our life experiences.

I think it's wrong to cap other people's feelings simply because we can't relate to where they're coming from.

What a dreadfully boring and potentially dangerous world we'd live in if everyone held the exact same opinion, never voiced concern or looked at a situation from a different angle.



The wisest individuals I know are the most open minded, not content being a stifled conformist. They also seem to have the most to offer those around them which is why I'll generally keep my ear open when they speak in my direction. The last thing I'd ever want is to hear a bunch of "It's ok! You're awesome!!!"'s if there was genuinely cause for serious concern and room for improvement. What the heck good would that do anyone???

[Crystal]

Amen.



To add, everyone has hard and soft lines. This issue may be seen by some as a soft line or even no big deal at all....it after all WASN'T another child and no one ACTUALLY got hurt.

Then there are those who would see it as a hard line. The repetition of the scenario. The what if's. The liabilities both on providers end as well as the parents who are entrusting us with the beings most precious in their lives.


We are ALWAYS going to respond strongly to our own personal hard lines. Expecting everyone's lines will be the same or expecting everyone to refrain from showing any sort of visceral reaction to that which upsets, angers, saddens or straight up horrifies us is truly unrealistic. We are human. We are passionate.

I've seen issues a lot more minor (in my mind) get blown to kingdom come. Just because it wasn't a hard line issue FOR ME doesn't mean it's not for someone else. Certainly doesn't give me the right to tell them to shush, simply because my undies aren't in a wad over it the same way.

We are the sum of our life experiences.

I think it's wrong to cap other people's feelings simply because we can't relate to where they're coming from.

What a dreadfully boring and potentially dangerous world we'd live in if everyone held the exact same opinion, never voiced concern or looked at a situation from a different angle.



The wisest individuals I know are the most open minded, not content being a stifled conformist. They also seem to have the most to offer those around them which is why I'll generally keep my ear open when they speak in my direction. The last thing I'd ever want is to hear a bunch of "It's ok! You're awesome!!!"'s if there was genuinely cause for serious concern and room for improvement. What the heck good would that do anyone???

lovethislovethislovethis

[Crystal]

..... okay, this thread is no longer about supervision and/or destruction of property, it has sadly become a debate about who's opinion/thoughts/views are right and who's are wrong.

Most times, as a moderator I hesitate to step in and say anything as I feel we are all grown ups and can manage a little flack on our own, but lately I have noticed that there are lots of posters who are losing site of the topic and simply saying "I'm right." (NOT in those words but you all kwim)

I think that the ONE common theme in ALL threads is that we all do things differently.

What one provider views as not acceptable has worked for years for another provider and vice versa. Life is funny like that....

I think that what we all need to stop and remember that just because we feel strongly about something, that it doesn't give us permission to insult, judge, taunt or be cruel to someone else who doesn't agree.

I can think of TONS of topics/situations that have popped up on this forum that I feel strongly about.

I also realize that those strong feelings are MY feelings...not everyone else's.

I am the type of provider who doesn't let my DCK's do ALOT of things simply out of fear that it could come back and bite me in the butt liability-wise.

My friend who is also a provider is the type of provider that allows her DCK's to behave the same way as her own kids. They ride bikes around the neighborhood (without helmets), play with sticks and baseball bats.

When I ask her why she lets them do those things when it could be a problem that results in injury, she says "Well until it is, I don't have a problem with it"

She isn't doing anything wrong...she is just doing things differently.

DIFFERENT 100% from my views but not at all WRONG. Just different.


Heck, I let my kiddos play with those foam fun noodles (used for swimming) the other day outside, without me being present. Did I think it was a safe activity? Absolutely!! Little did I know that if you swing one of those things hard enough, you can give someone a fat lip with it!

Am a bad or negligent provider for letting one of my 5 yr olds get a fat lip? I don't think so and neither does the parent.

It happens. There is really not much we can do as providers (other than bubble wrap our daycare kids) that will 100% protect them from ALL injury. It is just not going to happen.

As far as delivery of opinions go, I do think there is an art to saying what you want to say and yet not alienating and/or insulting the listener.

Some of the harsher posts to the OP really did NOTHING but drive her away.

It certainly didn't help her understand or teach her anything. Now instead of her learning from her experiences or mistakes, she will continue to do what she has always done and IMHO be far worse off than she was before she came looking for advice.

Delivery of your message is sometimes as equally important as the message itself.

As a moderator, I ask all of you who have given OP advice or stated your opinion to stop replying or posting in this thread if your post isn't about the topic.

There is no point to continue arguing who is right and who is wrong when the person asking for help/guidance can no longer hear or cares.

Gotcha

[Angelsj]

Okay, this, I can respect.

Thank you for taking that in the spirit in which it was intended. :hug: