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Destruction of Our Property
So, today after snack time, the kids went out back to play. While I was cleaning up and getting the kitchen ready for the next meal to come, one of the kids comes in and tells me that my daughter is out hitting the fence with a baseball bat. I walk out to find her and one of the dcb's has destroyed the decorative wood fencing around our shade garden. I put them both in time-out. She is grounded to her room the rest of the day and he is not allowed to leave the couch. They both wrote 25 lines on not breaking other people's stuff. This is not the first time this has happened, though. They all destroyed the steps going into our garden shed about a month ago. Their mom never offered to help pay to replace it. We redid the "House Rules" and we read them to the kids this morning and explained them so they were clear. Not willfully destroying our toys or belongings is up high on the list. Yet the first thing that happened today was for the 3 year old to rip the cardboard flaps off a box of partner reading books that we are borrowing from our charter school for home school purposes. Then this. The last day these kids were here, the oldest boy (the accomplice in the fence incident today) was in trouble repeatedly for lying and got caught stealing candy from my husband's desk just as his mom was walking in the door. It seems like there is constantly a problem with these 3 siblings. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I'm thinking that the mom is going to need to go in halves on the cost to fix or replace the fence that was destroyed and that the 2 kids need to be a part of the rebuilding process. I'm kind of at the point, though, where I'm just done. Any advice you guys might be able to throw out there would be much appreciated!!!
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My advice:
No playing outside without adult supervision. They can sit inside until you are done cleaning up, if need be. I would not charge the Mom. You were not outside actively supervising, therefore she COULD get you in trouble. If they were able to that much damage, then they were unsupervised for far too long. -
Please don't take offense, but it sounds like a lack of supervision, therefore I would not charge. If these three siblings are prone to getting into things or destruction, then they need to be under your direct visual supervision at all times.
I understand your need to do things....I'm by myself all day as well. My children are at least under auditory supervision all day, but if there are 1 or 2 who are more prone to getting into trouble, then I provide activities for them under close visual supervision. For example, while I cook or clean in the kitchen, the children normally play in the playroom which is right next to the kitchen in an open floor plan. While I can hear everything, I can't see everything. For that reason, at least some of the clan (especially those who are prone to cause trouble), sit at the table right next to the kitchen with an activity (usually puzzles, playdough or arts and crafts) while I finish doing what I need to in the kitchen.
In the three years I've done this, I've never required a parent to replace something. It's not that anything hasn't been broken, it's that if it was broken it was most likely because I could have done something different and better to prevent it. If the damage was purposeful and done under my direct supervision (basically it was an occurrence I could have not avoided and the child did it with intent to destroy it), that is when I would charge the parents.
Now I do tell the parents when their child purposely destroy something and how I intend to prevent it in the future. I think it is important for parents to know that their child is being destructive. I hope this helps!Comment
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No offense taken and I'm totally hearing you. It was only a matter of minutes of me walking back in the door. I know I forgot to mention how exactly it all played out but I served snack, they cleared their plates and went out. I went out with them for about 10 minutes and stepped back in to tidy something up that I had forgotten needed attention and it was in that moment that the other child came in and told me. I couldn't believe they had done it because when I was out there, my oldest had the bat, another child was pitching the ball to her and the other kids were in various spots around the yard. We were starting our PE time. I'm angry that I even stepped back in. I'm more blown away by the fact that they did it and what the heck were they thinking?! I understand the importance of supervision. I had a child care provider who lacked severely in the supervision area and then when things happened she blamed us and dropped us without blinking an eye. Since the first incident I have been tighter on them and making sure that they aren't doing things like this. My kitchen window looks out on the back yard and I am in earshot of what's going on. I'm kicking myself for not being there to stop it but, like I said, I turned my back for a minute and this is what happened.Comment
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It was all of 2 minutes at the most. The fence is hard to describe. It's more like edging. The former owner of this house was incredibly talented in creating things with wood, gourds, painting, etc. The fence was about knee high and constructed of sticks that were intricately woven together to make the edging around the garden area. 1 swing of the bat could (and did) destroy a 3 foot section. I'm not going to charge the mom, however, the boy and my daughter will work with my husband the next time they are here to clean up and repair what can be repaired.Comment
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I see. In your first post it sounded as though you were taking time to clean and prep for the next meal, which usually takes a bit of time. And, then you went on to say that about a month ago they all destroyed a whole set of steps, so it sounded like lack of supervision to me. My Bad, I guess.Comment
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I misunderstood the first post too. I assume theses are older (over 3) children? Not sure if i missed that. Personally I wouldn't charge them. I'd get in trouble here, even just 2 minutes, because I am required to be with in sight and/or sound and from how I'm picturing the fence you described it wouldn't be a quiet destruction so I'd be responsible because I could not see or hear them.Comment
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I wouldnt charge. It doesnt sound like this would have happened with direct supervision. you know you cant trust these kids at all due to their history so either you can accommodate the needs this particular family has or it would be better to let this family go. I am assuming at least one will be off to school soon though....are you committed to after school care as well?Comment
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Believe me, I think we all understand how quickly things can happen when there are kids around.
I was helping a girl in the bathroom and when we walked out, the 2 5 yo boys were fighting over who was going to take the CD out of the CD player. Everybody lost because they broke it. Many years ago I called the hospital for meds. for my dad, walked out of the room so I could hear them, talked for a couple minutes, when one of the other kids came running out and screamed they made a hole in the wall! Walked back in to find they had hit my living room wall with a toy and made a good sized hole in it; I'm talking a 6" one. One of the dcps offered to get together with the other involved and fix it. I never pushed it though because I know I should've been right there watching them every second. It just astonished me because I'd never had any problems with the 2 that were involved back then.
In this job, we need a couple dozen eyes and at least 8 arms.Comment
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See, I am thinking people DO NOT realize how important and absolutely NECCESSARY it is to provide constant, direct supervision at all times! The baseball bat that destroyed that fencing could have easily cracked a head. No way a child should have free range access to what can become a deadly weapon.Believe me, I think we all understand how quickly things can happen when there are kids around. I was helping a girl in the bathroom and when we walked out, the 2 5 yo boys were fighting over who was going to take the CD out of the CD player. Everybody lost because they broke it. Many years ago I called the hospital for meds. for my dad, walked out of the room so I could hear them, talked for a couple minutes, when one of the other kids came running out and screamed they made a hole in the wall! Walked back in to find they had hit my living room wall with a toy and made a good sized hole in it; I'm talking a 6" one. One of the dcps offered to get together with the other involved and fix it. I never pushed it though because I know I should've been right there watching them every second. It just astonished me because I'd never had any problems with the 2 that were involved back then.
In this job, we need a couple dozen eyes and at least 8 arms.
I am sorry to the OP, I do not mean to be harsh. I am just baffled at the number of providers who nonchalantly blow off the fact that they were not directly supervising and then blame the children and want parents to bear responsibility for something that happened on the provider's watch. or the provider tries to "explain away" injuries to children when they failed to adequately supervise and protect their safety.
Frankly, I am sick of it.Comment
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If they were younger you could get in trouble for not directly supervising.
If they were older but had a history of distruction of property, stealing, lying etc it's still on you because you were aware of the potential for bad behavior and didn't supervise to prevent more from happening again.
I'm sorry about your fence (genuinely I am because I looove stuff like that), but perhaps you could reconsider letting them around such treasured items in the future. Same would go for books that are on loan and the like.
I hate to think what could have happened had it not been the fence they went after. It's obvious this crew, your kiddo included, need line of sight supervision from here on out. If you can't accommodate that need it may be time to term.
I'd be careful to review your discipline regs for your state as well. Here having a kiddo sit on time out on the couch the rest of the day would be grounds for pulling my license.
It was a flub. Learn as much as you can from it and do what you need to do to prevent it from happening in the future!Comment
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