How would you feel....

[My3cents]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
This subject comes up every so often and when it does, I assume it is on the heels of a particularly harsh vent about a parent and/or a situation regarding their actions. I brought this up because I do feel that there is a little too much judgement of parents. I understand we all have our personal beliefs and opinions, but I don't feel it is fair to judge a parent just because they do things differently than we would. If they are being negelctful, or abusive, that's another story and a perfectly good resaon to come on a public forum and ask for advice. Otherwise, just as IRL, it is just gossip.I am still trying to make heads or tails out of all of this but I wanted to comment here. Gossip can be configured to anytime someone opens there mouth and makes a comment about anything. I see nothing wrong with talking things out, to try to make sense of or understand. Sometimes we have to say harsh things to understand. It is how we learn. Gossip comes in a form of nasty not caring, trying to start trouble, trying to bring the other person down on purpose.

Anyways, I think that it is important for providers AND parents to be able to vent about things and get them out there. I don't really think that there have been any really controversial threads lately but even so, venting about things is healthy and unfortunately a part of life so it is impossible to stop doing it or restrict others from doing so. Absolutley. I just think we need to think before we post...is what I am about to post really necessary? am I posting it because I need advice from other experienced professionals or am I doing it just to complain?What does it matter if someone is complaining. Having a place to vent and complain among others that understand or have the insight to have understanding is healthy.

The important thing is that we are doing it in a respectful manner. We cannot vent, insult or be downright judgmental about people unless we have taken steps to either rectifyI don't know if I agree with this. I say this because I have limits of what I am willing to personally allow in my life. I guess that makes me judgementive off some things, but I feel I have been given the brain to form those for myself. I don't want to subject myself to certain things in life. For other people they are fine with it. For me I am not. I don't want to try to understand things that I don't have any desire to participate in. or at least understand the situation first. I agree. But when I see posts like "why did they bother having a baby.....?" or some other such post, I don't consider it respectful, I consider it hateful, and unnecessary to post.It takes all kinds of parents. How many kids that someone chooses to have and how they parent is not our business. It is our business when we decide that we don't want to be involved with someone that is way off on the way that we do things to the point of having too much conflict. It is ok for our personal self to say enough, I don't live this way. Anyway just morning rambling and this is one of those times that I probably know what I mean more then I am conveying it through my typed words. Hey I try-

As providers it is our responsibility to address issues with parents and as parents, if they have issues with the provider, she should be the first one to know about it. Yes. And I would like to think that the parent should be the first one to know about it if we have an issue with them....not the WWW.

Neither parent or provider can fix or change something if it isn't brought to their attention.

I think venting is necessary and by posting vents on this forum, we gain valuable insight to our situation. NOT always the words we want to hear, but often times we are given a perspective that we weren't aware of or hadn't considered before and that is healthy! Perspective is what I am trying to encourage here. My whole reason for the OP. We always look at things from our own perspective. What about that of our DCP?

Then there is the case of little vents and snippets that we say just to say and move along our merry ways. That kind of venting is also beneficial as sometimes just getting something off your chest is healing in a way and allows us to move on and not stress over it anymore.

If you have been on this forum for even a few months, it is easy to see that there are hundreds of different styles of parenting just as there are hundreds of ways to run a child care business.

Bottom line is, venting is not bashing and negative thoughts and personal judgments are simply feelings. Unless there are actions connected to or tied to those thoughts, then there is nothing wrong with how you feel. I won't apologize for being human. I have to repspectfully disagree. Bashing is unnecessary and unfair and if someone was bashing us, I think many would term.

I will not pretend that everything is always positive and sunny all the time.Me either. But, I know you Blackcat....you would address it with the parent directly, or you would take it to the member forum and ask for advice without calling the parent a "bad parent"

Life does throw us some doozy situations and some parents (and providers) that bring us to our breaking points but ultimately if we can still conduct ourselves in a professional manner and do what we need to do for the best interest of ALL involved, then it is a good day.bravo, thank you for this place to vent and share and the friendships

Here is a sign I have posted in my child care. It can be applied anywhere.

I posted above in red.......

[JustAMom]

I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?

This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.

[Crystal]

I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes. Exactly what this forum is for, I believe.

The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her? I started a new thread so that I would not derail the OP's thread..... the one you refer too. I'd like to keep this particular thread on the original topic. I admit that I mentioned that thread.....although not directly....and for that I was wrong

Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Of course we are.

Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby?No

I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. They respect them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should IO respect them just cause they made a baby?No one said you should.

Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??Nothing I have referred to was in the venting thread.I agree, vent in the venting thread!

Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that. Certainly nothing wrong with that.

Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. Absolutley some do. And they definitely do not deserve our respect, they deserve a quick, swift kick in the rear on their way out the door, however I wasn't referring to parents like that....I simply asked about judging parenting styles and how we would feel if we were the ones being judged.

I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers. Me either.

Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you? This is a hugely false assumption. There have been providers and parents on this forum who have discovered they DO know one another and not so good things have happened....that's the GREAT nature of the [url]WWW. But, I do agree, that yes, for the most part, this is a safe forum to vent.

I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations.Me too.

Should we just be stepford daycare providers?

I responded in bold above. Just want to add..... as providers, who do this as a career, we might want to think about how we "come off" to our parents....they do pay our bills. If they don't deserve "our" respect, do they really deserve "our" service? If "we" don't respect them, then why keep them.....because of the money, maybe? I don't know....I couldn't provide care for a family that d I disrepected so much that I felt the need to vent about them on a public forum. Not even for the money.

[Crystal]

eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for??? Really??? TRying to change the basic foundation of the forum simply because I posted about something that bugs the heck out of me? Whatever...

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black? Not really. Not judging....trying to get others to see things from a parents' perspective, which I think is extremely important if a provider is going to make it in this field.

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided Again, I started a new thread so as not to derail that thread....this thread is about judging parenting styles and how we as providers would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. There was mention of that particular thread....the one that you are referring to, and for that I apoligize, as I was not trying to single out any one provider or thread....this was supposed to be "in general" thread.

eeeeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it either, and I am going to continue discussing this as I see fit, just as you and others continue to discuss parents...which is your perogative......

And, I suppose, as you say, if you don't like what I have to say, which seems to be often, "then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided"

[Crystal]

This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.

Thanks Mom! I agree. happyface

[Crystal]

I'd like to thank those of you who have kept this on topic and have had a productive discussion with me. I never intended for this to become a "heated" thread, but, as usual, there are a few here who will take task to anything I say.

[Crystal]

I asked a Mom if she were to ever feel that I was judgemental of her as a parent what she would do. She said she would have no choice but to find a new provider. She said she would not want her child to be with a provider who did not respect her choices as a parent because resentment may build and be directed at her child. I feel the same as her.

And again, this may be something ALL providers want to consider when "judging" the families they work with.

[cheerfuldom]

eeeeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it either, and I am going to continue discussing this as I see fit, just as you and others continue to discuss parents...which is your perogative......

And, I suppose, as you say, if you don't like what I have to say, which seems to be often, "then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided"

doesnt bother me to read your threads or postings. sometimes we do agree. if we dont, it doesnt bother me at all. I think thats the difference....it clearly bothers you that other people posted opinions far different than your own. It is good to remind everyone to see things from the parents perspective so I get some of what you are saying....I just think you are reading way too far into some of these threads and obviously getting upset about it.

[Crystal]

doesnt bother me to read your threads or postings. sometimes we do agree. if we dont, it doesnt bother me at all. I think thats the difference....it clearly bothers you that other people posted opinions far different than your own. It is good to remind everyone to see things from the parents perspective so I get some of what you are saying....I just think you are reading way too far into some of these threads and obviously getting upset about it.

Oh, I was never "upset". I don't usually get "upset". I just say what I feel and am usually pretty direct about it.....it's great for keeping stress levels down.

It does bother me however, as alot of parents come here and see these posts about parents/families/children and we ALL get painted with the same brush. I think it puts a really bad taste in parents' mouth about daycare in general.

[Truly Scrumptious]

This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.

I agree....when parents come to the first interview at my child care, I remind them that we will be raising (their child) together and that it's very important that our "styles" are a match. I go over the rules and expectations of the house, and when we're through, I tell them to go home and think about everything we've discussed and if there is anything they disagree with, then this is probably not the place for them.

[Blackcat31]

I agree....when parents come to the first interview at my child care, I remind them that we will be raising (their child) together and that it's very important that our "styles" are a match. I go over the rules and expectations of the house, and when we're through, I tell them to go home and think about everything we've discussed and if there is anything they disagree with, then this is probably not the place for them.

THIS is exactly why some providers have great working relationships with their parents. The number one priority is being a good match NOT the income the family will bring in.

I understand that income is why most of us do this but too many providers are held financially hostage by the income "ill fitting" families bring in.

Those situations cause way too much stress, disagreeing and bad behaviors from providers, parents and children......ultimately leading down a path of eruption sooner or later.

[Truly Scrumptious]

THIS is exactly why some providers have great working relationships with their parents. The number one priority is being a good match NOT the income the family will bring in.

I understand that income is why most of us do this but too many providers are held financially hostage by the income "ill fitting" families bring in.

Those situations cause way too much stress, disagreeing and bad behaviors from providers, parents and children......ultimately leading down a path of eruption sooner or later.

You are exactly right!

[MizzCheryl]

I responded in bold above. Just want to add..... as providers, who do this as a career, we might want to think about how we "come off" to our parents....they do pay our bills. If they don't deserve "our" respect, do they really deserve "our" service? If "we" don't respect them, then why keep them.....because of the money, maybe? I don't know....I couldn't provide care for a family that d I disrepected so much that I felt the need to vent about them on a public forum. Not even for the money.

Glad you agreed with just about everything I said. We are on the same page except...
My daycare parents do not pay my bills. I pay my bills. Write out the checks every month all by myself.
They pay me for a service I provide for them. I am absolutly sure of how I "come off" to each and every one of my Daycare parents. I know how "I come off" because I am a professional and I am VERY good at my job. But I do not have to shame the providers on this forum to feel good about myself. I am just here joining them.

[SilverSabre25]

Crystal, to address your original question, I would seethe and be hurt...but examine the accusations honestly with myself to see if there was any truth (however exaggerated or overblown) to what they were saying. Then, I would address it with myself and fix anything that I deemed needed legitimately fixed.

If the accusations were 100% overblown then I would just be on guard with that family.

I wouldn't fire them for it though. And I wouldn't be resentful because they are entitled to their opinion--for example if they're snarking about a policy they didn't like, or something. Okay, I might vent here and be irked for a day or so but I'd get over it. I don't hold grudges except in very rare circumstances.

But maybe I'm a wimp.

I wasn't going to respond to your original post until you mentioned that you were wanting an honest discussion, so there you go.

[cheerfuldom]

Oh, I was never "upset". I don't usually get "upset". I just say what I feel and am usually pretty direct about it.....it's great for keeping stress levels down.

It does bother me however, as alot of parents come here and see these posts about parents/families/children and we ALL get painted with the same brush. I think it puts a really bad taste in parents' mouth about daycare in general.

well I guess there is where we disagree again. I like having a place where I can vent or get advice from the trenches, so to speak. If that turns off a random parent or person in cyber space, doesnt bother me at all. I guess maybe the difference of opinion is coming about due to the different reasons why people come to this forum. I dont come for the sake of other parents out there possibly reading my posts....I come for support and advice for myself. I dont have time to worry about how every parent out there might take my posts, nor do I even care, to be perfectly honest. I also come to hopefully support other providers, again, doesnt have anything to do with the parents as far as i am concerned.

I think your reasons are admirable OP, I just dont personally agree with some of it and have no problem with feeling a different way.