How would you feel....

[Country Kids]

I guess I was taken back by the comments:

1. This was said when we were expecting our third child. I had been doing childcare 5 or 6 years by then. Yep, totally don't like children. Also, I didn't sympathize with their child when they didn't get their way and would throw up.

Also, the next thing the person said was "People are going to wonder what religion you guys are!" We were only pregnant with #3!

2. Seriously, a one year old stuck up? I guess it was the wording the shocked me more then anything.

3. I would never imagine a teacher saying a child having knowlege on a subject was a bad thing!

4. Just because your child worked through high school and wasn't allowed to play sports or anything doesn't mean thats perfect for every child out there. I really have to bite my tongue with this person because of the way the "kids" turned out to be.

[daycarediva]

I have a dcm who I have drastically different parenting styles with. She fully expects her 3 yo to KNOW BETTER than to do x, y, z. When this dcb gets even spoken to about his behavior he gets full on crying and says "I'm a bad boy!" Um, no. Hitting was bad, YOU are not bad. Next time we don't hit, we tell Miss. **** that your friend took your toy. He calls my daycare kids bad ALLLLL the time. I don't do 'bad' 'good' PEOPLE. People make mistakes, ESPECIALLY 3 year old PEOPLE. It is even to the point that unless his behavior was wayyyy over the top, I won't write ANYTHING neg. on his sheet because she is so nasty to him (hours later, really???) She also thinks that kids don't have personalities. She has made comments about other kids in my care "Oh, he's wild!" (no he isn't, he's 2 and we are waiting for you to leave so we can go back outside!) etc. She is a roll her eyes and do whatever parent because 'it works'. (It really doesn't, dcb is the 'worst' behavior offender here, but not until my back is turned or attention is diverted. She is the one who nit-picks my youngest ds, and it drives me batty. I had to flat out say that if you don't think I am a good mother, why would you leave your child with me for 50 hours a week?

[Lianne]

I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.

[sharlan]

[QUOTE=Lianne;251689]I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.

[Crystal]

I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.

Lianne....I think I have told you before, but I will say it again.....YOU ROCK! happyface

This is what I was hoping for from my OP, and although you had already realized it, I feel you have validated my point. That we need to look at things from all perspectives when we "vent" about people we work for/with as well as in our personal lives. How would WE feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Thank you for not taking my post as trying to start controversy, but rather to discuss something that is REALLY important if we are going to make it as providers, working with a diverse group of families, who may or may not parent the same way we do. And, thank you too, for pointing out that we do this in our personal lives as well and that we should all step back and take a look at how we treat others....whether face to face or when they are out of earshot.

[Crystal]

[QUOTE=sharlan;251711]

I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.

Live and learn, huh? Sorry that happened to you.

[My3cents]

I responded in bold above. Thank you for your insight

During my breaks or down time, I come here to read and respond when I can and so often I read what interest me or skip around. I feel like I am missing something to this thread. What are you applying this too?

Has a parent bad mouthed you online? Trying to make heads or tails of this conversation. I often know what I am saying but don't have the words to make everyone else understand what I am trying to get across or what is held up in my head.

Can you dissect this a bit for me?

[My3cents]

And every one of those things were hurtful, right? The one thing I gotta say though, is at least these people had the $#%$#%$ to say it to your face. They came to you and said what they felt, or what was bothering them. They didn't say these things behind your back and then wallow around in resentment about you. Certainly, their judgement of you was wrong, and would have been better kept to themselves (for you) but at least they were honest with you.

Chrystal you don't seem like the type of person to let someone else knowingly bash you behind your back. I see you as bringing the conversation to the table and talking it out.

Still lost in this but trying to figure it out

[Lianne]

[QUOTE=sharlan;251711]

I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.

I almost had that happen to me the other day. I thought this friend was behind me as soon as I said something nasty about her parenting choices. That was the moment I realized I was being cruel. If I don't want her to hear what I'm saying then I have no business saying it.

[Lianne]

Lianne....I think I have told you before, but I will say it again.....YOU ROCK! happyface

This is what I was hoping for from my OP, and although you had already realized it, I feel you have validated my point. That we need to look at things from all perspectives when we "vent" about people we work for/with as well as in our personal lives. How would WE feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Thank you for not taking my post as trying to start controversy, but rather to discuss something that is REALLY important if we are going to make it as providers, working with a diverse group of families, who may or may not parent the same way we do. And, thank you too, for pointing out that we do this in our personal lives as well and that we should all step back and take a look at how we treat others....whether face to face or when they are out of earshot.

Funny you say this because I wondered if I was 'getting' what you wanted me to from your post since I was referencing a situation that wasn't daycare related and one where I was doing the bad mouthing. I guess I do 'get it' though, .

I'm not proud of my recent behaviour but I'm human and can admit I make mistakes once I realize what I've done. I've been reflecting this morning on the situation and trying to better understand why I feel so frustrated with this friend and her choices. It's not the first time I've disagreed with a friend's parenting but I've never been so mean about it before. Part of making things right is understanding why it happened in the first place.

[Truly Scrumptious]

The bolded part....do you not think you could sense it if a parent felt negatively about you?

And, yes, I would have to address it too. But, I wonder, if a parent came to many of us and said "I understand you feel this way about my parenting" HOw would we react?

I, like Blackcat...have had a "feeling" that something might be wrong with a parent and I have questioned them about it. If I pick up on body language or a silent moment, then I will call attention to it, but in a positive way. I might say, "I noticed you hesitated before you answered my question about (child's) behavior....is there something you want to talk about? Remember, it's important for us to communicate openly with each other".

If a parent came to me and made a statement about the way I felt about their parenting style...We would have to discuss it and I would have to be honest.

[MizzCheryl]

I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?

[cheerfuldom]

eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for???

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black?

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided

[countrymom]

I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?

you wrote exactly what I would have wrote too. I agree with you all the way!!!

[countrymom]

eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for???

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black?

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided

awesome, awesome post!! I also agree with your post too!