Parents Who Spend Vacation Without Their Children

[alicia@home]

what happens in vegas...

Actually if I were to go away I would love to go away by myself! Even when my hubby and I go away, there is still someone there wanting my attention and actually wanting it more then the kids. I would love to go away and just be able to watch a movie, take bath, relax, sleep in, take my time doing things with no one needing my time or attention.

AGREED! I exist outside of my relationship to my immediate family. I'm taking a girls trip to vegas for my 30th this year and I don't feel a drip bad about it. My husband tried to give me a guilt trip, but it won't work, I deserve to be alive and exist outside of the words "honey" and "mommy".

Also, my parents did everything for us kids, and while our childhood was quite memorable I don't think we would have suffered for them being away. My parents have both expressed lack the strong connection to each other and themselves now that we are all grown and wish they would've taken more time away!

[Josiegirl]

Guess it depends on what the rest of their childhood looks like. Is this the normal for the family? Do the kids ever get to do anything fun? Is it the fact that the parents never want to be with their own kids?

[DaveA]

Out of curiosity I looked at our calendar. This year we have a 1 week vacation with kids, 2 long weekends with kids, 2 long weekends without the kids, and each of us has a weekend alone. Plus all the usual chaos and bedlam of our life. Now admittedly we lead a pretty active/ hectic life and most of these revolve around one of our interests: the vacation starts with DW's ironman race, most of the weekends are either a knife show or race, and our time alone is a knife show and a training camp for her ironman.

It's all about balance. I see nothing wrong with spending time with your spouse or alone as long as you are also an involved parent. The best gift you can give your kids is a happy parent and a happy marriage.

[LindseyA]

We have a happy medium, I believe. My in laws take our 2 kids for an overnight about once every other month. Everyone thinks that's amazing to have our in laws so close and so involved with our kids. They truely would take our kids for a week at a time, if we wanted, but I don't think I could!! We take our kids everywhere we go for vacations, camping trips, fishing trips, etc. So for us, it works great!

[Unregistered]

Nothing wrong with getting away every now ad agai. I don't really have anyone who can watch my kids for longer than a day or two, but a getaway weekend is always fun! Now, some parents take it to the extreme and never vacation with their ids, which is so sad. My sister's SIL and BIL do that. Tey go out of town every year at christmas for two weeks. Right when their kids go on christmas break, so they spend it with grandma and my sister and her husband while their parents are gone for two weeks. It is sad, because the kids are old enough to know they are being left behind and they would love to go.

[kathiemarie]

Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.

Well said BC!

[daycare]

perhaps this is why my marriage is failing. because we stopped living for each other and lost focus on us. we lived each day for our children and stopped working on us. Marriage needs work and time without children.

next weekend I will go away with my husband to a couples retreat and there will be NOOOOOO children.

[Thriftylady]

perhaps this is why my marriage is failing. because we stopped living for each other and lost focus on us. we lived each day for our children and stopped working on us. Marriage needs work and time without children.

next weekend I will go away with my husband to a couples retreat and there will be NOOOOOO children.

I really think it is important. It is so easy to let life (kids included) get in the way, and not work on our marriage. And marriage IS work.

[TXhomedaycare]

Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.

Amen. My husband and I have never had a honeymoon and we work opposite shifts and rarely see each other for quality time without the kids and since he works nights we don't even get to sleep in bed together. A 5 day trip without the kids seems awesome. I know by day 3 I would miss my kids terribly but we have to remember to take care of our husbands/marriage because it will still be there when the kids are gone.

[Crazy Baby]

More power to them if they can get someone to watch their children while they take some time away. I would love to have that opportunity. Parenting is hard and exhausting and we should get time away every so often.

Now I see what some people are saying about if you are already away from your kid 40+ hours per week if might be a little different than if you are a stay at home parent or work at home parent with the kids there all day.

I do not have any family and very few friends where I live and am with my baby all of the time. I would give a pinky finger for a getaway with my man. ::

[mom2many]

When our kids were young, we tried to get away for a long weekend at least once a year. I think it's critical to not just be mommy and daddy, but also husband and wife and have quality time away with your spouse! We are about to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary and marriage takes a lot of work and time cultivating this relationship.

[Brittany]

Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.

This is true, however; in many cultures co-sleeping and parenting does not just happen by the parents. If we are talking culture here, many Japanese, Hispanic, and Indian families(most of whom co-sleep) are living in multi generational households. That means that while baby may co-sleep with mom, and dad for a night; they also sleep with grandma, auntie, and brothers/sisters for other nights. These parents are not with their children 24/7 because they have family who is constantly helping out. Unfortunately nations such as the USA,Sweden,Finland, and Germany to name a few are moving away from co-sleeping, probably because they are 24/7 parents. It really comes down to getting a break one way or another, no one deserves to be on call 24/7 every day all year, year after year.

[Blackcat31]

This is true, however; in many cultures co-sleeping and parenting does not just happen by the parents. If we are talking culture here, many Japanese, Hispanic, and Indian families(most of whom co-sleep) are living in multi generational households. That means that while baby may co-sleep with mom, and dad for a night; they also sleep with grandma, auntie, and brothers/sisters for other nights. These parents are not with their children 24/7 because they have family who is constantly helping out. Unfortunately nations such as the USA,Sweden,Finland, and Germany to name a few are moving away from co-sleeping, probably because they are 24/7 parents. It really comes down to getting a break one way or another, no one deserves to be on call 24/7 every day all year, year after year.

The post you quoted is almost 4 yrs old... (April of 2012).

Just in case you were anticipating a reply.