Parents Who Spend Vacation Without Their Children

[rmc20021]

I totally get what people are saying about leaving their kids while they go on vacation after their kids are already spending so much time in daycare, BUT parents need to nurture their relationships with their significant others as well.

I once (ONCE) went on a vacation with my (ex)husband without the kids and it was sooooo amazing to just be able to reconnect again and be able to do adult things. Maybe if we had done more vacations without the kids we wouldn't have gotten divorced...

Now if the parents are doing this all the time, and the kids are left behind every time the parents go on vacation, then no, I don't agree with that.

[makap]

I am taking a vacation tomorrow!!

My hubby and I are going to have some mommy and daddy alone time. ::

We are getting up, sending our son to school and then spending the whole day together!

It is so important to spend time alone with your partner without the children but for me to leave my son for a week or so while I go away on a holiday would never work. I would miss him way too much and feel so guilty.

I have only been away from him once when he was 3 for a week due to an emergency with one of my other grown children. I had to fly to where she lived to help her deal with an emergency. Other than that I have never been away from my son for more than 24 hours since he has been born and he is going to be 10 next week!

But that is just me and how I feel about leaving him. All parents are different and are entitled to do what they are comfortable with.

I am really looking forward to my one day "holiday" tomorrow with my hubby! It is going to be so much fun! We just may make this a one day every month thing!

[LaLa1923]

We're going on a cruise together in September, and 2-3 weekend trips. WITHOUT any kids!!
I seriously cannot wait! , We are going on several with the kids. Our kids are 8, 7, 5, 5, and 3. happyface

[Lawson2]

I believe parenting and marriage need a healthy balance.
I don't own a home daycare yet, but I have been a nanny for 15 years. I know parents who NEVER see their children. If they take their kids on vacation, they leave them in the Kids Club the whole time.
A few years back, I nannied for a couple who NEVER spent time with their baby. They were in their late thirties and had fertility treatments to have her, so you would have thought she would be priority... The first time they left me with her, she was 5 months old. They went to Paris for 2 weeks. This was insane to me! I was with her more than they were!

Then I nannied for a family who have the means to travel and have a full time nanny. The mom only used me part time and she actually was a present parent. Her and her husband took a week away each year without the kids and I would watch them. I totally understood that they needed that break. That to me is a healthy balance.

Now I am a mother. We don't have the means for a nanny or to travel all of the time. We do take a few trips a year. We are traveling next month and taking our son. We also just went to NYC last month for a weekend and left our son with his grandparents. We had a great time seeing a show/dining out, and just catching up as a couple.

There was an earlier post about how we in America leave our children more than other countries (something on the lines of that). I can't speak for everyone, but my husband is English and my step-father is from New Zealand. It is actually normal to travel and most families do quite a bit. Of course they have more vacation time than most of us... It is very easy to travel to different countries and we know lots of people who take getaways without their children (and these are normal parents who don't neglect their kids).

What Blackcat said in a previous post was spot on.
Not sure if anyone read the book Bringing Up Bebe'? But it is about an American woman bringing up her two children in Paris and the difference in child rearing between our cultures.

[MsCathy]

I don't have a problem with parents taking vacation (although I've never been on a vacation without my kids and they are 20 16 and 12) I've also never been offered for someone to watch my kids so my husband and I COULD go away...but that's another forum. Lol

BUT i DO have a problem with parents taking vacations that don't coincide with mine and then complain that they can't take time off from work when I have vacation.....
lovethis

[LadyBugHugs]

Needed that reminder! Thanks

[KidGrind]

Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.

My fingers adore you.

[Annalee]

I agree with BlackCat. Our world is already filled enough with over-indulged kids as it is and this may be just one part of a very long list of examples but it's still one of the things on the list.

I for one make sure that my DH and I get just me and him time. It's important to work on your bond with your DH because one day your kids will leave and then who do you have left? Of course I think that it's easier for me to say that because I am with my kids all of the time except for when my DD is at school so I don't have that added guilt of leaving them with someone.

I do remember however when I was working away from my home (before DC) and how overwhelmed I felt. I wish that I would have taken some time for myself without my DD earlier in the beginning (I was a single parent, DD is from a different relationship) because I was so stressed over finances, family issues, work and trying to be a good mom that I don't think I could have put 100% of myself into anything that I did ... much less parenting. We're not just "moms" or "dads". We're partners, lovers, friends, daughters and individuals ... when I did start taking some time for myself (hobby) and later with DH (when we started our relationship) I was a better person, much calmer and clear-headed. People have to take care of themselves too, otherwise you'll be no good to anybody.

I agree! On a different spin, I had a friend who had cancer with very small children at the time. She told me during that time she had rethought ideas like "leaving your kids", "home-schooling", "taking time for yourself" because she was made to realize she could not be in their lives forever. Even though she is ok now, she believes it is important for her kids to be "in the world" to know how to function. Not that she did not want them to miss her but she wanted to raise them to be strong and adaptable. Just a thought!

[caregiver]

I also agree with Blackcat. There are certain circumstances that happen where you should not take your kids with if your going out of town. When my kids were little, my Uncle passed away that lived in Florida. We wanted to go to the funeral and decided to take a few extra days to stay in Florida. It was the middle of winter here and we just thought it would be nice to have a few days with the sun and warm weather. We decided that since our kids were so young, that it would be best to not take them and have the grandparents watch them. Well, the grandparents were thrilled to death to get them for a few days.
Then my husbands brother was getting married out in California.The kids were young again and we did not want to take them out of school as it was the school year.
Las Vegas is not for kids, it is for adults and there is not much for kids to do there. I can't condemn parents for wanting some time for themselves to have fun. They work and take care of their kids. If they go on vacations a lot without the kids, then I see a problem, but once in awhile there is nothing wrong with it. Just because you have kids and are out in the work force does not mean you can have a vacation with just your spouse once in awhile. Plus it is nice that the grandparents get to spend time with their grandchildren. Being a grandparent myself, I would love to get to spend more time with my Grandkids. I have told my son and daughter-in-law to go on a trip somewhere so we can take our grandson for a few days.
I do not see a lot wrong with parents taking vacations without the kids, It is always nice when the family goes together on vacation, but I think the kids should be a little older so they can really havae fun and know what it is all about.

[cdub]

Please take the kids...

Just from the other side of the coin. My parents never went on vacation without me and I am forever grateful for what they have given me and my siblings because of it. My parents didn’t have much money but I know that they would give to my sister, brother and I before themselves so going and experiencing a new country, a new culture and new people, languages and food without us was never done. Because of that, I grew up with knowing how much there was beyond the places I lived and the friends I made. What I got, because my parents never left us, is absolutely priceless and I know I will definitely give that to my two boys as well.

Whenever the “clan” goes out, it’s all of us, grandparents, kids, grankids, significant others and it’s a GREAT vacation. BTW, my parents have been married 35 years and will still be married another 35 years even though they never had an adults-only vacation (until we were well into our 20s). I wonder if this adults-only vacation concept is a product of the Facebook/ME-generation?

If you can, please take your kids…It’ll be so valuable to them

[Heidi]

NM..I just saw how old this thread is. I still agree with BC though...

[Controlled Chaos]

Yep super old thread - but I had to say: I just got home from a 3 day vacation with a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. We were both kid free and care free in Cali and it was AMAZING

[Play Care]

Yep super old thread - but I had to say: I just got home from a 3 day vacation with a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. We were both kid free and care free in Cali and it was AMAZING

DH and I spent an amazing kid free weekend in Boston last month. Tons of fun and MUCH needed. happyface

[lovemykidstoo]

I don't see a problem with it. You have to nurture your relationship with your spouse and not let it be kids kids kids all the time. They grow up and leave the nest and then some people that don't have couple time look at their spouse and say, who the heck are you?!! You can be a good parent while having alone time with your spouse.

[Thriftylady]

Yep an oldie, but I see both sides of this. Marriages sometimes need care, without happy parents you can't have happy children. DH and I have done this before. Never a week when the kids were younger it was two motorcycle rallys a year a weekend long. Now that DS is moved out and DD is in high school, I go out in the truck with DH sometimes. Just got off last week from being on a month. DD has been away at her church camp job most of that time. But for DH and I, especially with him being a truck driver and being away so much, if we didn't make time for our marriage, it probably wouldn't exist any more.

All that being said, I wouldn't ignore or neglect my children. I do special things with DD all the time, and did with DS when I could. For instance I went out to the camp the other night and had dinner with her. A 60 mile drive each way, but I did it because I also wanted to nurture my relationship with her. DH will likely go with me this coming weekend to do the same thing if schedules line up. With DD working now and school, she is gone more than ten hours most days so worse than daycare, but if you try and make sure you make the time you can still have special times.

I would feel bad if I was all about my kids or all about my husband and the other was getting neglected. Then I wouldn't be happy, and if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

ETA: We never had a honeymoon. DH took off work a half day early the day we got married on a Friday, back to work as usual Monday. I brought my two kiddos to the marriage, DS was 8, DD was 2. We didn't go on a honeymoon because of money, because of the kids, because of this and that. We got married at the courthouse, I have been married twice and never had a "real" wedding . So yes I have sacrificed for the kids and so has DH he adopted them both! But we have also sacrificed for the marriage.