Parents Who Spend Vacation Without Their Children

[DBug]

OP, I think I get what you're saying. There are some parenting styles that don't seem to miss the kids when they're not around, and look for every opportunity to spend MORE time without them.

I strongly believe that a married couple NEEDS couple time. You're going to be with your spouse alot longer (hopefully) than you're with your kids, so you need to invest in building that relationship so that it stays strong.

But at the same time, you also should be feeling the need to invest in your children's lives by giving THEM as much family time as possible too.

I've heard it said that you should spend one night/week, one day/month, one week/year with just your spouse. The rest of the time should be focused more on spending time with your spouse AND kids as a family.

What gets me is the parents that have NO inkling that they should be looking to spend vacations/day trips/family time with their kids in addition to the vacations they're getting with their spouses. They're always looking to get away from their kids somehow (daycare to sitters' to Gramma's on the weekend to daycare again). It's just sad

[Solandia]

My parents have always taken the kids for a week during the summer...I think my oldest dd was about a year old and just toddling around. My oldest kids LOVE this traditions and have wonderful memories of grandma & grandpa out on the farm without mom and dad. They are very close to my parents (as am I). As a child I remember making the rounds of my cousins' houses during summer break(my mom had 5 siblings)...it was the thing to do, my mom would have some of my cousins for a week and then we would go to the other house for a week. So, my mom got a few kidless weeks during the summer, and then other weeks there would be 3 or 4 extra kids. LOL. It was awesome.

And I do not feel bad leaving them for days at a time. Why would I feel bad about my kids having an wonderful experience and happy memories without me?

[lil angels]

I love having a night or two alone with my husband. I have been doing daycare since before my boys were. Born and I don't feel bad at all letting them spend a weekend at grandmas. They call and ask if they can have the kids because they miss them and love waking up with them.. It is awesome to have the kids have those memories and my parents to. They always know grandma makes cinnamon rolls in the morning if they are there ::. That is there thing. Have anyone ever heard is takes a village to raise a child??? It is so true I think it is selfish to not let your child have those nights here or there away from you. They are missing a lot. And if something were to happen and they need to be away from you for a few days they won't be a basket case because they will be comfortable with someone other than you.

Don't get me wrong I don't think it's ok to drop them for weeks at a time but two have a week or a few weekend here or there is great. Those kids get big fast and if you don't spend that time being a wife, lover,ect when they are gone what are you going to talk about.

[MsMe]

The only issue I have are the parents who have 4 weeks vacation/year - and don't spend a single one of those 20 days with their child. That is the epitome of selfish.

I think it's important for partners to bond without their children from time to time. I personally could never leave a child under 5 for more than 2-3 days at a time (and only with grandma)... but I would most definitely enjoy a 2-3 break from being mom to focus soley on being a wife and lover

I agree with this. I get really excited for some DCP when they are able to get some time to themselve and others I feel sick when they leave their kids AGAIN.

I try really hard not to judge, but you know the ones who need a break and the ones that never spend an extra minute.

NOT one provider here has every started a 'how could they leave their kids' post about a faimly that leaves their children with Gma and Gpa once or twice a year.

[Blackcat31]

My 2 cents...

Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.

I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.

[Blackcat31]

NOT one provider here has every started a 'how could they leave their kids' post about a faimly that leaves their children with Gma and Gpa once or twice a year.

Um, that is the first sentence of this thread: "So, I have a couple of parents who took vacations and left their children with grandma" and the other 2 examples in her original post....she just never specified if it was a one time, yearly or regular thing with those families.

[MyAngels]

I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.

Agreed, as usual .

[Jewels]

Judgy judgy! Man. I am very much looking forward to my husband and I taking a 5 night getaway for our anniversary in August. And I can totally imagine leaving the kids with their grandparents, they love them! This will be the longest I have ever left my kids, and it is actually a little hard for me, but 5 nights just the 2 of us, that is so good, the healthier our marriage, the better for my children! But this weekend we will be spending 2 nights at a hotel waterpark with them, and I'm excited for that, I want to make sure I always take my kids special places with us, But I always want to make sure I go away with just my husband, as it is very important to him to have me to himself, and I know he looks forward to a week of my undivided attention.
Even though these parents have their children in daycare 10hrs/5 days, They are also away from each other that much time to, at work, then home with kids, sports...etc. Its very healthy to have a vacation with just each other.

[Country Kids]

What I find funny is what did parents do in the past? They didn't have date nights, vacations, me time, etc.?

I'm not saying they were perfect,happy, etc., but I'm think the majority was. They had no choice but to raise there kids. I'm still trying to figure out when all this started.

[Soupyszoo]

I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.

Perfect!!

[Soupyszoo]

Some of you are making, "taking a vacation without the kids" sound like an epidemic!! Like "what is the world coming to"!! Give me a break! I could go on but I think black cat nailed it...

[MN Day Mom]

I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.

Totally agree!!

[JenNJ]

What I find funny is what did parents do in the past? They didn't have date nights, vacations, me time, etc.?

I'm not saying they were perfect,happy, etc., but I'm think the majority was. They had no choice but to raise there kids. I'm still trying to figure out when all this started.

My parents had all that. My siblings and I would go stay with Grandma for the weekend, or visit aunts and uncles when my parents took a few days to go to the beach, camping, out of town, etc. They had regular date nights (about 1x a month) where the high school girl down the street would come and babysit us. My mom got "me time" while we went to a neighbor's house for a few hours to play with our friends. She would return the favor for the neighbor.

Want to know what the difference is? The difference is that the cost of living is increasing faster than inflation. This has been going on for decades and it forces most families to have both spouses working just to afford a typical lifestyle. This effects everyone. Grandparents may not be in a financial position where they can afford to retire as early. So more grandparents working = more kids in daycare. Families are more spread out now because people need to go where the jobs are. So they are further from family and they don't have someone closeby to call for a night out. Single parents need subsidy because one job is not enough to make it.

50 years ago, it was typical for the man to work and that supported the entire family comfortably. My grandfather was a mason and supported a wife and 4 children easily. My other one was a freelance photographer and he supported 7 kids and a wife on that. Nowadays that is unheard of. It simply cannot be done on an average or even an above average salary.

[MarinaVanessa]

I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.

I agree with BlackCat. Our world is already filled enough with over-indulged kids as it is and this may be just one part of a very long list of examples but it's still one of the things on the list.

I for one make sure that my DH and I get just me and him time. It's important to work on your bond with your DH because one day your kids will leave and then who do you have left? Of course I think that it's easier for me to say that because I am with my kids all of the time except for when my DD is at school so I don't have that added guilt of leaving them with someone.

I do remember however when I was working away from my home (before DC) and how overwhelmed I felt. I wish that I would have taken some time for myself without my DD earlier in the beginning (I was a single parent, DD is from a different relationship) because I was so stressed over finances, family issues, work and trying to be a good mom that I don't think I could have put 100% of myself into anything that I did ... much less parenting. We're not just "moms" or "dads". We're partners, lovers, friends, daughters and individuals ... when I did start taking some time for myself (hobby) and later with DH (when we started our relationship) I was a better person, much calmer and clear-headed. People have to take care of themselves too, otherwise you'll be no good to anybody.

[Ariana]

I guess I completely disagree with Blackcat (you know I love you )

I don't think taking a vacaton WITH your kids constitues any of the things you've mentioned or that I think my life revolves around my kid or that my kid is the centre of the universe. It just means I choose to spend time with my kids so I can give them the best out of life. Maybe some people can't handle being around their kids as much as me, I don't know, but I don't like feeling that because I spend a lot of time with my kids I'm "ruining" them or not preparing them for the world. Preparing them for the world involves a heck of a lot more than whether or not you vacaton with them. I feel that you've made some overgeneralizations.

I know 2 particular parents who spend as little tme as possible with their kids and their marriage is ending very soon. Not all people who spend time without their children have happy and successful marriages and vice versa. Marriage should be strong whether you vacation with your kids or not. If I thought my marriage wasn't going to work unless we took a vacay alone together I'd be questioning my marriage and our commitment to eachother. What makes a good marriage good is the EVERY day struggle and going through it together...not running off to Vegas for 5 days alone. I don't judge people who want to take vacays without their kids but to say that it's to "help their marriage" I just call that bollocks!! JMO

What kind of a place have we gotten to where taking a vacation with your kids is considered "overindulging them" :confused: Seems to me like the pendulum has swung completely in the opposite direction.