Why Does Everyone Think EXTRA Or MORE Is Always Better?

[wdmmom]

Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

[Country Kids]

My hubby became a coach to a sport and all but one of our kids have played it. He didn't set out to become the coach but did and loved it. People asked for him to coach teams because he was so good at it. I guess if there where no kids to do this sport, he wouldn't have found one of his true callings/passions in life.

This isn't something new for kids. I remember way back in the 80's playing sports after school, during the summer and being in elementary school. There was always dance/gymnastics/something going on. Maybe not to the extent now but they have always been there.

With school eleminating pe programs left and right/taking recesses out of schools and parents working all crazy hours, when are these kids suppose to get exercise. It is one of the biggest health problems in kids-childhood obesity-but everything is being cut. Even alot of the sports programs in schools are being cut and there is nothing for kids to do.

Now, with the schools that do have sports programs. Its getting to the point that schools from all stages-elementary through college-will see how long a child has played a sport. You no longer cans start playing in highschool unless you are some gifted person. I know are middle schools start making cuts in 7th grade. If you are just starting then you probably won't be making the team.

All the programs my kids participate in offer scholarships for parents who absolutely can't afford them. I personally would rather my kids be in an activity than cooped up in the house playing video games that cost-$65, phones that cost so much a month, the internet that has things on it that aren't appropriate and cost, and also watching the tv that cost so much a month. Once you add these 4 things up, probably a month of them would pay for your child to play a sport for a whole season. Some things are more expensive-gymanstics for one and dance. Those are things you have to weigh if its right for for our family.

We are involved in activities but we are also outside with our kids playing, bike riding, walking, etc. It depends on your family and whats important for them.

[Solandia]

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

Because the school years is the perfect time to experience things beyond school...a wonderful way to find your passions and a wonderful way to gain confidence.

How often do you hear of an adult picking up an instument (never having played anything, ever?) And then having the time to devote 3+ times a week to practice to even become middling good so that it is actually enjoyable to play. Same with sports...I was in volleyball, basketball, track...I certainly wouldn't have signed up with the YMCA to join a sand volleyball team or an adult saturday tourney for basketball (If I have never played competitive before). Not , as an adult, you are working fulltime, and/or have your own kids....these type of things take a ton of effort as an adult.

I am willing to schlep my jr high/high schooler around to "experience" these things...it is teaching them time management, being part of a team, how to prioritize when they can't be in everything...choosing one activity over the other. They are gaining their own experiences AWAY from the family...a very important transition for teens...IMO.

I do NOT find value in preschoolers/grade schoolers in a ton of activities...that is when you DO want to be family centric...so that you can have a solid base for letting them grow their own wings as teens.

[cheerfuldom]

I like much of what you had to say OP. These ideas are in general, one of the reasons I am closing my daycare. For the past year, we have been in a huge push to live debt free and are making good progress. Right now, my three kids have no "extras" like dance or sports. Yes they are all under 5 but by preschool age, many of their little friends have very full schedules. We have downsized our vehicles, paid off bills, started couponing and cut our vacation out for the summer (its now a "staycation"). With all those changes, in the next month or so, I will be down to one daycare kid and one part time job on the weekends to make ends meet. My kids need more mom time and more family time more than anything that any lesson or group or club can teach them. Plus we have some good options for free activities in my community and church. More is not always better but this is America, so most people think that way. People practically pass out when me or my husband mention cloth diapering, minimalist living and the other choices we have made in order for both of us to spend more time with our kids. We also do all this with no government assistance or extended family support whatsoever. When it is time for my kids to have the opportunity for music lessons or such, we will find a way to do that without going overboard, stressing them or our finances. I am a big supporter of music and the arts as well as sports....there is a lot of great learning opportunities there but these things are luxuries and it is important to keep that in mind when we decide to enter our kids into anything like that.

[iheartkids]

Because the school years is the perfect time to experience things beyond school...a wonderful way to find your passions and a wonderful way to gain confidence.

How often do you hear of an adult picking up an instument (never having played anything, ever?) And then having the time to devote 3+ times a week to practice to even become middling good so that it is actually enjoyable to play. Same with sports...I was in volleyball, basketball, track...I certainly wouldn't have signed up with the YMCA to join a sand volleyball team or an adult saturday tourney for basketball (If I have never played competitive before). Not , as an adult, you are working fulltime, and/or have your own kids....these type of things take a ton of effort as an adult.

I am willing to schlep my jr high/high schooler around to "experience" these things...it is teaching them time management, being part of a team, how to prioritize when they can't be in everything...choosing one activity over the other. They are gaining their own experiences AWAY from the family...a very important transition for teens...IMO.

I do NOT find value in preschoolers/grade schoolers in a ton of activities...that is when you DO want to be family centric...so that you can have a solid base for letting them grow their own wings as teens.

I agree 100%
I can't wait for junior high so my daughter can start experiencing everything she wants. I regret not doing some things in school that were offered. But I do agree that when they are preschool age they should have family/play time.

[renodeb]

My own kids are 15 and 9. They are each in a sport and thye love it. Grandma pays for them and helps transport them when she can. SPorts has been apart of there lives for a long time. I try not to make my kids do without if at all possible. SOmetimes they are late to practice but they always make it. I dont transport my dc kids with me to these sports but if the dc parents are late picking up them it does mess us up time wise. I to have tried to close at 515 and it was a no go. I would say if you have a lot of kids of your own sports could get pricy. Each person has to decide what they can and cant live without. Dont be so quick to judge others, we are all trying to do the best we can.
Debbie

[wdmmom]

I agree to certain extents with each of you.

I don't think forking over a ton of money is advantageous when a child is 2-10. I think when they hit about 12 is when they are more understanding of what being in an activity is going to do for them, their schedule, their schooling, etc.

More the reason that my girls don't much care to participate. They are both in chorus...most of which is done during school hours. There are few and infrequent times that they are required after school, an occasional Saturday or an evening for a concert. They are fully understanding that they are not only doing something they love but they are also receiving high school credit for partaking in the class.

I grew up in the 80's too in a great neighborhood full of families with other kids. I don't remember any of us being in any activities...at least not until we hit middle/high school. Even then, there were several struggling families that didn't have their kids in anything. I wanted to be in gymnastics. Do I hate my parents for not letting me be...of course not. We weren't well off and the cost of the activity would have caused financial hardship for my family.

My kids might not be in anything that is an activity/sport but they do not have full access to a computer or internet (a parent must log them in). We also have the computer in our family room so we can monitor what they are doing. The game controllers are locked up and the kids have to ask for them.

The kids get plenty of exercise. They have PE 2-3 times per week in school, they have 3 recesses per day and they are always outside (weather permitting) riding bikes, playing basketball, rip-sticking, or playing with the neighborhood kids. I realize childhood obesity is a problem...it is among adults as well. But it shouldn't be used as a reason to promote activities either.

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I dont think more is better, but I do think extra activities are good for kids. My kids are 5 and 9. They are each in one activity. They can choose the activity, but only one at a time. My son does Tae Kwon Do twice a week, and my daughter does Girl Scouts once a week. They are both relatively cheap, $20 per year for girl scouts, plus $5 dues per month, and Tae Kwon Do is $35 a month. They are both just a few miles from our home, so not far, and in a direction that I usually go for running errands anyway.
I think both activities have taught my kids a TON! Girl scouts has taught my daughter about community service, helping others, to be responsible, to be outgoing and to be a good friend. Tae Kwon Do has taught my son HUGE lessons in self discipline, respect, and responsibility. I think group activities with their peers is a great teaching tool, and well worth the hassle of us bringing them to the activities. I would rather do without myself and cut back in other areas so my kids can keep their activities.

I do agree that many families overschedule their kids. I see many families that never have dinner together because they are running from activity to activity. Their kids are eating dinner at 8pm and going to bed well after 10pm.

[daycare]

I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe

[Cat Herder]

I am preparing my kids for college. Our after school activities and electives are in the interest of scholarships.

ROTC, Band, Chorus, Yearbook, Student Council, Wrestling and Basketball will help my (3) teens down the road. BUT all are supported by donations to the school booster clubs.

When I home schooled, the sports leagues, field trips and lessons (violin, karate, dance, etc.) were to open their world a bit bigger.

All were calculated and budgeted for. I don't regret any of them... granted I am not struggling financially, either. I can't afford much more, but eat very well.

IMHO, All things, in proportion, can build character, self-esteem and broaden their horizons a bit.

[daycare]

Oh I also forgot to mention that it look OUTSTANDING on a college application as well!!!!!

[My3cents]

Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

It all depends on what you want for your family. For us it became a resentment when every night we were doing something and weekends too. There was not rest time, no family unit time, and it was just way too much for us. It was also hard to let go of all the things we wanted to do.

Kids that are involved, stand a better chance of staying out of trouble, drugs etc... studies show this. They also have a support system of friends.

I think parent's want our children to experience things. We "want" for our kids. There is more out there to want for, then when we were kids.

Affording activities takes a toll. Exercise for health is important, because we are not as active as we were. Our faces are planted in front of a screen more then they were five years ago, ten years ago and so on. We don't just tell our kids to go out and play and come back when the street lights come on anymore. It is not safe. So many variables fall into place.

I don't think it has taken over our lives I think we just want for our children. I feel it can take over if you don't step back and take a look at what is in the best interest of your family unit. We have always gone with out so that we can do for our kids if it is important to us. They are only little for so long, and then they grow up and start their own lives. I guess it all depends on what drives you. Money, time, commitment, prestige, etc.... I will never be driven on having my child involved with something because xy and z are doing it. My husband and I run our family and we do what we feel is the best for us.

The economy has definitely impacted how much we do, and what we buy. We used to buy ice cream once in a while as a treat. Now we will only buy it if it's on sale, and then we still look at it to see if we really want to spend so much $$$ on it. Clementines at the beginning of the season started off at $9.99 a box- who can afford that? Many other items like this. We stretch meals out more and buy less. We plan trips to the store and think about gas. Gas irritates me, because when the weather is nicer the gas goes up, holidays the gas goes up. Maintaining a home is harder because of inflation. Vacations, most of us end up doing day trips and packing a lunch, because its not affordable to go away and stay over night. I used to be very involved in scrapbooking, now its the last thing I think of because I don't have that extra money to spend on. Everything has gone up, but peoples wages. Wages have not gone up enough to keep up.

3cents jumping off the box now..... don't know if I answered your ?'s

[countrymom]

I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe

I couldn't have said it better. I have 4 kids and they are involved in tons of activities and when you see their faces when they accomplish something then its all worth it.

[countrymom]

op, I don't understand what you are asking. Are you mad because kids take activities, is it that the parents don't want to accomadate you, what are trying to say.

[bunnyslippers]

I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.