Why Does Everyone Think EXTRA Or MORE Is Always Better?

[momofboys]

Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

I have not read any of the responses so bear with me! First of all I live in a small town so any activity my children take part in takes us less than 2 miles to get to so it is not a problem & we are not consuming gallons of gas to partcipate. We also participate in many activities that are a part of our local parks & rec program so they are very economical. My boys will both play spring baseball (machine pitch for my 8-year old & kid pitch for my 10-year old) - the total cost for us for them to participate was $50 for kid 1 & $30 for kid 2, there are no other fees & the program runs for 10 weeks, they typically pla about 16 games each. I don't think my kids need sports to be a better person but I do think it helps them to be physically fit & it also is good for them to socialize. I would never allow my kids to do more than 1 sport at a time - too time consuming. I would guess over the course of the whole year we maybe spend $200 total for sporting activities (my boys do soccer, basketball & baseball) so it isn't expensive for everyone. In fact, our soccer fees are $25 for kid 1 & $5 for the 2nd kid (yes, you read that right $5 for the 2nd child) & that is for 2 months of action not per week!

[Meyou]

My 13 year old daughter is a dancer. She dances in an intensive training program 4 days and 12 hours per week. It's a burden on me...I'll be honest. It's not a financial burden so much because my parents pay for her classes ($5000/year). We pay for dance gear and handle the day to day. But it's a time burden. At her old school she danced all weekend, every weekend and 2 week nights. We found a new school with a better program for her and she now buses from school to dance 4 afternoons per week, eats dinner with her classmates and a den mother and then goes to class. I pick her up between 7pm and 8pm in a neighboring city. Sounds awful, doesn't it? Until you see her dance. That makes every bit of it worthwhile, every second of traveling time, every $200 pair of pointe shoes, every $25 pair of tights and every daytime dance related activity that I have to bend over backwards to get her to and from.

She is my child and I could never ever take away that joy in her eyes because I didn't feel like driving her. Sometimes it's more than just money and being inconvenienced.

My mom had 4 years at one point when I was a teenager that she didn't have a night off from driving. I've asked her about how she did it and she always tells me that spending her evenings in a car was well worth the happy, healthy, and confident children that sports played a big part in creating. We all played competitive soccer, 2 of us refereed soccer and 2 of us coached as teenagers. All 3 of us played instruments in school and city bands. We all had part time jobs by 15. My mom did ALL the driving. I LOVED my childhood growing up.

FTR my parents didn't have alot of money when I was growing up. They're well off now which is why they pay for my dd's dance but as a child, not so much. We fund-raised, sold tickets, tagged in front of stores and did every single bit of fundraising that needed to be done so we could play. WE paid for most of our sports ourselves through fundraising. It was the only way it could work for our family.

[small_steps]

My boys are in activities every season. We take a break during the summer but only because there's no sports provided by our local rec center. In fact, this summer I will probably try to find them something to do to keep them busy. My kids are very athletic and they love the sports they are involved in and they are really good. They've been playing soccer since they were 4 years old and even though they stopped playing soccer last year, I believe that because they began playing so young, they developed a love for sports early on. We just finished basketball (around 60 per kid for about 1 month and a 1/2 worth of play). I just signed them up for baseball which they will start next month $85 per kid with a $5 sibling discount...Yes, I will have to buy them a new bat this year (approx $200), and new cleats and such BUT..it's totally worth it in my eyes. They are learning to be a part of a team. They have tons of friends from playing on different teams throughout the years. We practice 2 nights a week for about an hour and a half each evening and play games on Saturdays (it takes up about 2 hours of our Saturdays). I wouldn't have it any other way. My kids get plenty of exercise. They learn so much from sports. They respect their coach and their teammates.

I have to agree with Catherder on the scholarship thing. I'm a single mom and I have high hopes for my boys being in Athletics when they get older and hopefully receiving scholarships. They do great in school, both straight A students so I'm hoping for some academic scholarships as well. My children's father isn't in their lives at all and we usually end up with the same coach for baseball. He's a great guy and I think them having another male role model to look up to is an added benefit, not to mention all the other dads that get out there and help the kiddos practice.

I guess I'm lucky with twins though. I do have the rule that they need to play the same sport (which there isn't many to choose from around here). So, my boys are always on the same team and that means only two evenings a week practice that we are having to make and only one game on Saturday.
However, my youngest will soon be old enough to play soccer and that's going to be interesting. I'm not quite sure how I will make that work yet, but I WILL make it work because I think that it is so important.

[JenNJ]

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

I will. My children are in activities where we could walk or bike if necessary. If gas became an issue, we would simply carpool, walk, or bike to he activity.

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably?

If money became an issue, we would drop extras. But I would drop extras for myself and my husband before dropping extras for my kids. I would cut cable, reduce my cell phone plan, wear glasses vs. contacts, etc.

But, we live comfortably now. We have a year of expenses in savings, we contribute to retirement regularly, pay cash for vacations, pay off credit cards at the end of each month, and only buy what we need. We make smart money choices everyday in order to be able to have extras for our kids.

I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Yes. My son has learned things that school and his parents could never teach. He has learned the value of a commitment, teamwork, personal responsibility, and how to be a good sport -- win or lose.

Are they on top of their school work? He is only in Kindergarten, but yes. He had a perfect report card and his teacher commented that she believes the Brazilian Jiu Jitzu played a large part in his leadership skills.

Are they able to transport themselves? At 6 years old, no he cannot. But it is less than one mile from our home. As he gets older, he will be able to ride his bike to and from.

Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?
We budget activities as we do other bills. We have enough to pay for everything we want to do and pay our bills. I coupon to save money on groceries because it is an area I can save in. I cannot change the tuition at BJJ or baseball but that is why I cut back in other areas of our lives.

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them? I can see life without them. I choose to raise my kids this way. I have seen kids who aren't involved in the community. That is not a child a choose to raise. A busy child is a happy, safe child. Generally, kids who are bored find things to fill their time. the choices made are not always the best for themselves or their futures.

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet. Why is it either or? I make dinner each night, we sit as a family to eat, and then we go to activities. My kids are responsible for keeping their activity bags packed. That is part of the deal with activities.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

I don't think it makes me a better parent. I think it makes my child happy which in turn makes me happy. It is a safe outlet to exercise, make new friends, get involved, and learn invaluable lessons. It doesn't make me a better parent, but it does make my children better people.

Since my ultimate goal is to release responsible, accountable, kind people into the world, I use activities as a tool to reach my goal.

Hopefully this answered some of you questions.

[countrymom]

Going to try to answer some of the questions here, as it pertains to me and my family....

I do not in any way feel the extras take over our lives - and I have 3 kids in a few different activities each. I don't feel I am a better parent for allowing my child to be in activities - but I don't for a second doubt they benefit from them. But what works for my family is not necessarily what works for everyone and for those who choose NOT to allow their kids to do them it is their personal choice.

One of the best things about running a home daycare is I can cook a nice healthy dinner at any time of the day.... so even if my son has a 5:30 practice there is no crazy rushing. It doesn't always mean sitting to eat together, but we do more nights than we don't and it doesn't mean a trip to McDonalds. I don't rush looking for tights and cleats - I am home ALL DAY - plenty of time to prepare for our evening activities. I do end my work day at 5pm to help accommodate their activities. I worked till 5:30 when they were younger and I didn't change my hours on my dc families. I've always run on contracted hours so when my 2 5:30 clients outgrew me and left for school I decided it would be easier to not take any more on that late. Sure, I turn some clients away who need a later pick up time but many are fine with a 5pm closing and those are the ones I will interview and take.

As for why my kids do them, its simple - they love it. My boys are energetic and love all types of sports. They are given the opportunity to try anything and then can choose to stick with the things the love most. My 2 older ones are straight A, honor roll students, I think they try harder knowing that their beloved activities would come to an end if they weren't getting their school work done. Do I feel they are benefiting from them? ABSOLUTELY. I believe their activities help them become well-rounded, more social individuals. I have seen a transformation in my son's self esteem when he became "good" at something. My daughter has received scholastic acheivement awards thru one of our sports organizations the last 2 years - you bet that goes on college applications - and I have a friend who's HS daughter just got offered a VERY lucrative sports scholorship for a state university.

We are fortunate that money is not a problem for us. We are thrifty, I live the Dave Ramsey way and budget for their activities but the cost of gas is not going to make or break me and losing a daycare kid or two is not going to affect us too badly either (although I do try to stay full). It is not a matter of a $200 sports registration or food on the table - not ever. If it was we'd give up the sports without question.

Again, people need to do what is right for their family, not worry about what the Joneses are doing.

I'm doing the dave ramsey classes now, omg they are so good. I really recommend it.

[Crazy8]

I'm doing the dave ramsey classes now, omg they are so good. I really recommend it.

Oh how I would have loved to take the Financial Peace classes!!!! We didn't have them locally when I first started back in 2009 - so I bought the books (total money makeover, workbook, etc.) and also hang on some dave ramsey inspired forums. It has changed so much about our financial situation - without any change to our jobs/pay, etc.!! Can't recommend it enough!!

[countrymom]

My kids get off the bus at 415pm everyday. They do homework right away because they are still in the school mood and later on would be a hassle. Since dinner is always ready by 5pm we don't have a problem. On the way to activities they talk about their day or sing songs (you have to hear 4 kids sing lfmao songs, omg its so funny) my kids go to bed at 9pm. I also find that activities build confidence.

My ds who is 9 had to do speeches, he had to say it infront of his class, well he has been in dance class for 2 yrs so he has to perform infront of parents and year end recital of 300 people. Sure he was nervous but he knew how to deal with it.

swimming classes are a must in our house. My odd has 2 more classes and she's a lifeguard (all the kids are going for lifeguarding) she will make alot of money (city work is over 20 dollars an hour) and it looks so good on a resume. Guides and scouts offer scholarships to universitys and college. My kids do activities because I want them to have an awesome resume when they go for jobs, and to have jobs other than working in a fast food place. I think you have to look at 5 yrs from now and see what you want for your kids.

I grew up with parents who easily could afford activities, they didn't want to sign us up for nothing, I really wish they did, when I hear adults talk about the experiences they had, I wish I had them too.

[countrymom]

Oh how I would have loved to take the Financial Peace classes!!!! We didn't have them locally when I first started back in 2009 - so I bought the books (total money makeover, workbook, etc.) and also hang on some dave ramsey inspired forums. It has changed so much about our financial situation - without any change to our jobs/pay, etc.!! Can't recommend it enough!!

I have the books too, but I have to drive into the city to take the classes, I can't believe all the stuff I learned. Its the little stuff I didn't know. We really didn't have alot of debt so that wasn't our problem, its more with what to do with retirement, how do we put money aside for the kids (that unit is coming up) if you have a chance you should take them, you will love them. You can do it online too, but its way more fun in class. I too hang out on his forum, sometimes I listen to his broadcast or read his stuff on the ipod. The only thing (wed class we talked about) was that he doesn't buy warrenties, were I buy them.

[wdmmom]

I do not live by a time schedule after hours. I can run my daycare that way but not my family and I do not want to. Do your 12 & 15 year olds really need to be in bed/lights out by 8:30??? Do you really need to play games every single night. Would it be so horrible if Tuesday nights from 6-7:30 your child had a practice of some sort??

For us, middle/hs gets out early - DD is home by 2:30, elementary school is home by 3:30. Homework is done by 4:30ish most nights. I can have dinner on the table for all of us by 5:15 if need be. But if by some chance someone has an early practice (most start 5:30-6pm) I can have them to eat at 4:30 while I am still watching kids. I sometimes rely on a teammates SAHM to drive to practice if its before 5pm (and then I will reciprocate by picking up). Again, most practices are till 7:30ish, older kids until 8pm but that usually just means DH runs out to pick up while the youngers are getting ready for bed. My 12 year old is still in bed by 9pm most nights.

If you are trying to talk yourself out of it, that is ok. It sounds like money is tight for you and that in itself is enough of a reason to say no. But if its only a matter of time it really can be worked out without disrupting your life. Some people can just go with the flow, while others need complete structure and routine. Neither is wrong.

Money is not an object. But even if it was...forking over hundreds of dollars each month for 5 kids is not something I want to do.

My elementary kids aren't home until 430pm and I work until 530pm. We eat dinner when the last daycare kids leaves. I don't want to start eating dinner at 515pm just because it is done and still have children here...make sense? That just means an interrupted dinner and I don't like dinner being interrupted.

And, to answer your question, YES...my 12 year old has the same rule...lights out by 830pm. She will continue with this until 9th grade. 7th and 8th grade are junior high here and school starts at 735am. The bus will be here to pick her up at 655am. Keeping her on the same schedule is paramount to her succeeding in school.

As for my 15 year old, most nights she is in bed by 9pm with 1 night per week I allow her to stay up until 10pm. Weekends she is free to do what she wants but I don't allow any sleeping in past 10am.

As for playing board games each night...we don't but sometimes the kids need extra time to work on homework, study for tests or work on projects. Other times, we watch a movie or if the weather is decent, we are outside going on walks, tossing a ball, rollerblading, etc.

I'd like to think that we stay pretty active with our kids regardless of sports.

As for weekend activities...THEY (meaning the kids) have already said they don't want to be in anything that is every weekend. It means less of an opportunity to go see their relatives that live out of town. (We usually go see my family once a month.)

[wdmmom]

And as for the poster who said they pick up their children from school at 240pm with daycare children in tow...that would never happen here. In order to transport, you have to have a commercial drivers license and carry a commercial auto policy to protect the passengers.

I don't transport anyone, anywhere during work hours. Even if DCM was ok with picking up DCB at the neighboring school/park/etc, if I did it, it would be illegal. I'm not about to lose my business, take a risk or have that kind of liability hanging over my head.

[Country Kids]

As far as things going on every weekend, I set the presidence for my child not the coach. I learned that very early on-ask my hubby-he was the coach for a few years. These are my children and if something comes up, it comes up. I also won't allow my child to be with a coach that is a yeller.

I understand that its a team thing and we don't miss constantly. My son missed practice this week because there was a special event for his older sister during practice and we wanted to support her as a family.

It sounds like you guys are doing a great job with your kids! I think whatever you do, you do whats best for your family.

[Blackcat31]

WDMMOM~ how do your kids feel about after school activities? Do they want to do them or do they not care? I guess the biggest thing for me in deciding how to handle things would be how my children feel about it.

[wdmmom]

WDMMOM~ how do your kids feel about after school activities? Do they want to do them or do they not care? I guess the biggest thing for me in deciding how to handle things would be how my children feel about it.

They're hit and miss. One second they talk about how great it would be to participate in something. Then when the time comes to make a decision, they back out.

My son particularly. He had the opportunity to be in hockey with his step brother and right at the last minute, he backed out. He wanted to be in soccer last year but waited until the last minute to decide. When he finally decided he wanted to, it was too late to sign him up. Then (of course) it was my fault.

My middle daughter is in scouts. I don't think she wants to be in anything else.

My youngest wants to be in gymnastics. The cost here is obsurd. The only benefit is that you can decide to do once a week, twice a week. Depending on the times, I might be able to make it happen.

The biggest problem that I've encountered is if I sign one up for something, then they all come at me full force saying they all want to be in something or that it's not fair for one to be in something and not the rest. If I tell them, Kid 4 will be in gymnastics til June, Kid 3 can join soccer in June and we go from there, they say, "yeah right." So, as I see it, it's all in or all out. There's no pleasing all of them...ever!

[Blackcat31]

I can definitely see how there is a domino effect that happens when one joins. I guess if it were me in your position, what I would do is set an age where they can participate in one thing. If they enjoy that one thing, follow through with it and enjoy it, then go from there but I would still never let their activites interfear with family time.

I would also require them to have to do something to get something. Such as if they are going to need to be at practice 2 times per week, then they need to have to be able to either do a chore or job to help "pay" for the expense of their activity.

I would also make a list of approved activites that I would allow them to do. Such as, I USED to be a fan of hockey but after having seen first hand some pretty bad injuries that will last a lifetime, I am no longer a fan of anyone in my family playing so even if they were goood enough to go professional, it ain't happening with MY child...kwim?

I, personally, love the activities that Cat Herder allows her children to participate in. I think the things her kids do have an great impact on the adult people her children will be.

I allowed my kids to do whatever activites they wanted once they reached middle school age but when the activites they choose started being more than 1-2 nights per week, they had to drop down to one activity per child (or we would basically have to live in the car). They were also required to make school work and family chores higher priorities than their extra curricular activites. If any school or family work suffered, the extra activity was halted or paused until they were back on track.

I dunno if I am helping or not but those are just a few thoughts I had while reading this thread. I feel kind of like you feel bad about your kids maybe not being in a ton of things like other kids but at the same time don't know how to fit those things into what beliefs and ideas you have for what is important for being a family. I wholeheartly agree with you that some of these activities are rediculously priced and IMPO, serve no real purpose in making a person a good person or not.

[wdmmom]

I can definitely see how there is a domino effect that happens when one joins. I guess if it were me in your position, what I would do is set an age where they can participate in one thing. If they enjoy that one thing, follow through with it and enjoy it, then go from there but I would still never let their activites interfear with family time.

I would also require them to have to do something to get something. Such as if they are going to need to be at practice 2 times per week, then they need to have to be able to either do a chore or job to help "pay" for the expense of their activity.

I would also make a list of approved activites that I would allow them to do. Such as, I USED to be a fan of hockey but after having seen first hand some pretty bad injuries that will last a lifetime, I am no longer a fan of anyone in my family playing so even if they were goood enough to go professional, it ain't happening with MY child...kwim?

I, personally, love the activities that Cat Herder allows her children to participate in. I think the things her kids do have an great impact on the adult people her children will be.

I allowed my kids to do whatever activites they wanted once they reached middle school age but when the activites they choose started being more than 1-2 nights per week, they had to drop down to one activity per child (or we would basically have to live in the car). They were also required to make school work and family chores higher priorities than their extra curricular activites. If any school or family work suffered, the extra activity was halted or paused until they were back on track.

I dunno if I am helping or not but those are just a few thoughts I had while reading this thread. I feel kind of like you feel bad about your kids maybe not being in a ton of things like other kids but at the same time don't know how to fit those things into what beliefs and ideas you have for what is important for being a family. I wholeheartly agree with you that some of these activities are rediculously priced and IMPO, serve no real purpose in making a person a good person or not.

I despise the hockey, but with grandma paying for it, and my husband formerly playing it, I was outnumbered. Now that granny has a boyfriend, her keeping up on her end of the bargain has faultered so this will be his last season. (Secret YAY!!!)

My biggest issue with hockey is the inconsistent schedule. I understand with only 2 rinks in our area, they have to manage a schedule and the schedule may need to change as to when they can get ice time but good grief! His schedule not only interferes with dinners, but it messes up bedtimes and the weekends are completely unpredictable.

For example: Monday nights practice can be as early as 5pm (pretty hard to make happen when the hubby doesn't even get home from work until 430pm and of course since I work until 530pm, I couldn't go even if I wanted to) so it's hi, how was your day at school, get your equipment on, bye. Then me and the other kids have dinner by ourselves. It could also be as late as 815pm and they play for an hour. This means at 10 years old, he's not even getting home until 930pm, then needs to shower and he's lucky to be in bed by 10pm. To me, this is outlandish!

The weekends are far more complex. Games are as early as 8am and as late as 4pm and sometimes there's 2 games. A couple weeks ago he had a day like this. One game was at 10am the other wasn't until 1pm. Talk about eating up your entire day. And who wants to get up at 630am on a Saturday or a Sunday to make an 8am game. Certainly not me! I'll be completely honest!

I want the kids to join something that is going to give them discipline and reward. I don't even care if it is a sport that consists of games. I'm really liking the taekwondo idea and the gymnastics idea. It'll teach them independence and to me, that's a great reward.

I think most parents today want their kids to be involved because either they did the same activity or it's cheap or Sally from down the street is doing it, or you the parent can socialize with other moms.

I like to keep my life simple. I don't care to associate outside my small circle. I don't like having being in the limelight nor do I try to put myself there. I grew up very close knit to my family and I am trying to teach my own children the importance of being close and staying connected.

My biggest problem is finding the balance between daycare and activities. I don't have the luxury of closing whenever I want to accommodate the activities nor do I have the option of transporting the DCKs to get my kids to where they need to go.

Feels like a 6 of one, half dozen of another situation.