Why Does Everyone Think EXTRA Or MORE Is Always Better?

[Springdaze]

I am not sure what the OP is asking either, but I wish I could have my kids do what they want to and need to, but sometimes you do have to draw the line. Right now, my kids have a church group on weds (kinda like scouts) and football/cheer in the fall. son is going to try tball in the spring, but Im not sure when the practices are, so that could be a problem.

My dd also is in tumbling for cheer since nov and I have to take her out because it is getting too costly. 170 per 2 months. football/cheer is 200 each, but we get 100 each back when its over. now DH wants ds to do katate, but then dd will want to and I cant do it all! I have to struggle with not being able to give them what they want and I have to remember that I didnt do much more than band from 5th to 12th, and I dont feel overly deprived!

not to mention that dh works second shift so guess who gets to bring them all over for everything?

[WImom]

I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.

I have to agree. We have an awesome rec department here and classes run about $25-35 dollars and last about 6 weeks. My kids usually take 1-2 classes at a time and have a lot of fun. Through doing this my 9y DD has learned she loves to dance and my 7y old DD likes baseball and track. I've finally now with my oldest being 9y old am moving away from rec department for her. She LOVES dance and is on a competitive cheer team. It's a little expensive but I'm doing daycare to help pay for it. We are also lucky that our elem. schools have orchestra, chorus and band. My 9y old is in chorus and plays cello (going on 3 years now) and my 7y old plays violin. I have been lucky that other school kids live close to us and can take my kids since practice is before school and I can't take them. I feel like my kids taking all these things makes them very well rounded. We are not busy every night (2-3 a week). They are learning alot from sports,music, etc. (rec. is luckily in the evenings after 5pm) I also think this keeps them active and healthy. They watch maybe 3 hours of tv a week and haven't been sick once this whole school year yet (YET...knocking on wood).

[WImom]

I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe

I totally agree!!

[saved4always]

I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.

ITA, Bunnyslippers. My children have never been overscheduled, but they have been able to take part in after school activities that they enjoy. We have generally kept them to one chosen activity at a time. Church activity does not have to count as the one activity (cuz my dh and I are the ones who originally wanted them in those ). I have always had the 1 chosen activity rule because I do not want our family running every evening. Now, none of their activities are on the weekend, so that is really good for our family time, too.

My 10 yo daughter is in a girl's club at church one evening a week and she takes gymnastics on another evening. She absolutely loves both. She tried soccer when she was younger but she did not like it so we let her try something else. She didn't think piano was "worth practicing" so we let her stop that, too. Then she found gymnastics a few years ago and she absolutely loves it! If we hadn't let her try different activities outside of school and homework, she would never have know that she loves doing a cartwheel, handstand or double front hip circle (or something like that ). These activities also allow her to have friends outside of school or outside of the neighborhood (there is sometimes alot of drama within the neighborhood so it is good to have something else to do sometimes).

My 17 yo son used to play soccer. He was a very good goalie. happyface For years he wanted to learn piano and I finally found a woman gives lessons nearby 5 or 6 years ago. He is so good!! He was able to find a talent he has because we let him take lessons. He is still taking lessons now. He also has been on the tennis team for the last few years at school. He enjoys it sooo much! Now that he can drive, his activities really only involve him. He also goes to a bible study one night a week. He gets mostly A's and has no problem keeping up with his homework.

So, these activities are actually making my kids well-rounded. They would probably be bored and just watch more tv if they had no activities. They are discovering the types of activities that they like and do not like. They are getting physical activity. If grades did start to fall, I would actually be more likely to blame it on too much tv or video games than on extracuriculars. The one time my ds's grades did drop years ago was because of his Nintendo DS playing instead of doing his assignments, not because of outside activities.

[wahmof3]

This is exactly why I quit a $25/hour job to start my own child care. So my kids could participate in extra-cirriculars. I am a FIRM believer that keeping my kids active will lower the chances of them getting bored & then getting in trouble.

My parents are very flexible come spring when softball/baseball kicks in. But my advantage is: my families are all teachers school is out at 3:15, they are always here for pick up by 4:30 & on days when I need to be at the ball field early they work with me. In return on nights they have meetings or need to bring a little earlier I don't charge them. Its a happy medium

[MN Mom]

I live 20 miles from town. Unfortunately, due to the economy and gas prices (which are on the rise....AGAIN..ugh) my children are not able to be involved in much. My oldest DD started violin in 5th grade. She's still playing in 7th, and I am paying for extra 1 hour lessons 2x / a month vs. 30 min lessons each week to save on gas. She is also allowed to be in 1 school play per year (preferably the fall play due to better driving conditions). They practice after school and on Saturdays so, again my 1 play per year limit is due to gas prices.

My second oldest dd just started flute this year, and will start doing lessons next year as well IF I can coordinate them on the same day as her older sisters Violin lessons. I have 2 more, both in elementary, and they are not involved in extras...yet. My oldest dd also has confirmation on Wed evenings from 6:45-8pm. Luckily, the church is a country church and only 1.5 miles from my home. All four of my kids are very involved in Church and Sunday School, and participate in that every week. Much of my time is coordinating and planning on getting as much as possible done when going to town as not to waste gas.

In reality...to me...it comes down to affordability. Sure those lessons / activities may only cost XXDollars / month...but after you figure in gas prices, car maintenance, and time invested how much does it REALLY cost?

If gas were 88cents a gallon, like it was when I graduated HS in 1998...my kids would be involved in EVERYTHING

[LittleD]

Studies show active kids do better academically!

[MyAngels]

I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe

This, exactly. Plus, a side benefit for my kids were the scholarships they received to college. Two partials and a full ride. They actually get to graduate from college without the crushing student debt that some of their peers have.

[MNMum]

I think it's a great discussion. We are constantly revamping our "activities" calendar. I was in everything in school, but nothing consisitently. So I was well rounded but not the "best" at anything. Looked good on college apps. I hope for my children they will find at least one thing they love and are good at (or at least love to do it) and stick with it while trying other activities for short periods.

With my first child her early activities were more for me, to get to know other mothers with young kids. She started dance before she was 2. Now that we have 3 kids, the littlest will not have the same experience, cause I don't need it anymore!

We moved last summer so we are closer to schools and extracurriculars. We group things as much as possible, and hopefully we can set up some carpooling when the kids are older.

It's also more difficult to just send your kids out nowadays to go play with the neighborhood kids, there's no one home, they are all at daycare or activities.

[wdmmom]

Studies show active kids do better academically!

I would have to disagree with this statement. My kids do exceptionally well in school. They have a tutor that comes twice a week to keep them all on task and make sure they are understanding material. (Sometimes it looks foreign to us! :

As for looking better on a college application...again...not true. In fact, only prestige colleges even have an application that asks about extra curricular activities. Most colleges don't care unless that is what you are going to school for.

And...to answer countrymom:

I'm not mad that kids take activities, I'm more tired of hearing people gripe on here about losing income yet never taking into consideration what sports are really costing you. People look at the per month price. They don't look at anything else.

This is something my husband and I disagree with all the time. I feel it is imperative for a child to have a loving mother and father in their household along with good food, meals together, time to focus on their homework and if time allows, time to play outside. (I guess we are fortunate enough to live in a cul de sac that is safe enough that we can send out kids out to play for an hour while dinner is cooking, while some are not.)

My husband was adopted at 3 years old and introduced to activities at that age. I find it completely obsurd to enroll a child in anything at that age. I even disagree with having the kids in anything beyond the norm. The kids can join scouts, band, orchestra, or chorus during elementary school. Scouts cost $20 a year, band is free, you just have to rent/purchase the instrument (they do have sliding fee scale for those unable to pay the full amount), same with orchestra and no fee for chorus. All of these activities are once a week or once every 2 weeks and are done during school hours with the exception of scouts and when there is a concert for the others.

Here's a prime example of what it is really costing. Keep in mind that I am in the midwest so prices may very from location to location. Hockey:

Equipment: $400 (this includes helmet, stick, knee pads, elbow pads, jersey, shorts, socks, skates, mouth guard, tape, bag for equipment, etc.

Annual cost: $360 (this includes 1 hour sessions usually twice per week)

Sharpening of skates: $90 ($10 each time, hockey is a 9 month committment)

Gas: $360 annually (I figured about $5 for a round trip.)

This comes to $1210!!!!!!!

And this doesn't include the wear and tear on your vehicle, tires, wiper blades, oil changes, etc!!!

Even when you take the total divided by 9 months it is in session, it's still equivalent to $135 a month or $32 a week or $15.70 per hour!!!!

To me, THAT is not going to scream anything OUTSTANDING when he is 10 years old!!!

What about those of you that have 3, 4, or 5 or more children? Are they all in activities?

Personally, I find living in a nice home, drive nice vehicles, eat good quality food, eating meals as a family, and being there to sit down with my kids at the kitchen table to play a game or do homework much more rewarding than toting them back and forth from activity to activity.

And...for my final 2 cents...perhaps childhood obesity is such a problem because kids are being run from school to home to get their things to McDonalds for a kiddy meal to gymnastics where they aren't burning off the full 600 calories they just ate. Just my opinion.

The other part that kills me is how are you able to sustain a business, afford activities for your children, still provide them with a wholesome meal, time to do schoolwork, time to do their chores, showers, and still give time for yourself?!

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

I find some of these comments flawed and a bit judgemental.

My children come home everyday to me and DH when he is of work. They have a home cooked meal almost everynight, wear nice, clean clothes, get plenty of outdoor time, get lots of free play time, get lots of one on one time, and still happily get "dragged" around to activities each week.

My daughter does not each McDonald's after her dance classes, my 5 year old son loves his very expensive hockey, and my daughter's esteem has been boosted tremendously with voice lessons. The girls are also in Girl Guides, and 1 is also in skating and my littlest is in preschool 4 hours per week even with me doing daycare.

What works for some won't work for all but to come down on it as if it must be a worst case situation for the family is absurd.

[Solandia]

Hockey, Gymnastics, DAnce, Swim team (travel), and any of the travel teams are notoriously expensive. That isn't even something I could consider even starting with my kids because it is completely unaffordable past 5 yo.

I take the lead from my KIDS, because...they have minds of their own. My values and wants for them are not the same as they want themselves.

My 10yo HATES the thought of being in anything except 4H. She doesn't even want to do a summer camp (I loved camps as a kid!). My 13yo LOVES being in everything. She loves being stretched to the limit, pushed and pulled. dd#2 is a homebody,and loves to eat at home every night, snuggle on the couch and play board games. My other two are too young to know what they want beside eat their boogers.

As far as my own activites...well, I have a couple of businesses, I have friends I see occasionally, and go out with my sissy once in a while. The jr high/high school years fly by...I would hate to miss out on my 13yo's acheivements and accomplishments because I thought her place was at my kitchen table every.single.night. BUT, I would have more "me" time.

I think the "complaining" that is annoying you so much is just a difference in priorities. I would rather complain of losing money or a client rather than not have the opportunities for my kids.

[Country Kids]

Our kids do exceptional in school. I personally couldn't afford a tutor-ones in our area run $25 up an hour x 3 nope can't afford that. My kids can do work though in the classrooms afterschool for free-all the teachers encourage it!

We carpool to activities with other parents. My hubby takes while I'm home getting dinner done. When my one is coming home dinner is just getting done (as it would be whether we did activities or not) and we sit done for a meal. My other childs activity is afterschool and they are home by five. After dinner, it's like any evening-homework, quite time, showers, whatever time, and then off to bed. I strive to make it that way!

Make the kids work for the activity and show them what it takes to do it. I know cheerleading isn't cheap at all!!!!! Our daughter never has a "bill" because she fundraises every bit. We aren't talking a hundred bucks either-more towards $1,000. She knows she wants to do it and it takes money so she hustles to raise the money.

I don't really know anyone that is sending their kids to a "Prestige" college. Many universities for high fields of study. Our local highschool had 10 students receive full rides for sports last year! I can't tell you how many others received full rides for other activites-volunteering, band, different types of clubs but it was quite a few. Maybe the schools don't care what your are majoring in but believe me the "scholarships" do. I'm in the area of my life right now!

Please don't assume everyone does all this either. Also, please remember that we are all in different areas of our lifes and do things for our lifes, not for others lives.

[daycare]

I would have to disagree with this statement. My kids do exceptionally well in school. They have a tutor that comes twice a week to keep them all on task and make sure they are understanding material. (Sometimes it looks foreign to us! :

As for looking better on a college application...again...not true. In fact, only prestige colleges even have an application that asks about extra curricular activities. Most colleges don't care unless that is what you are going to school for.

And...to answer countrymom:

I'm not mad that kids take activities, I'm more tired of hearing people gripe on here about losing income yet never taking into consideration what sports are really costing you. People look at the per month price. They don't look at anything else.

This is something my husband and I disagree with all the time. I feel it is imperative for a child to have a loving mother and father in their household along with good food, meals together, time to focus on their homework and if time allows, time to play outside. (I guess we are fortunate enough to live in a cul de sac that is safe enough that we can send out kids out to play for an hour while dinner is cooking, while some are not.)

My husband was adopted at 3 years old and introduced to activities at that age. I find it completely obsurd to enroll a child in anything at that age. I even disagree with having the kids in anything beyond the norm. The kids can join scouts, band, orchestra, or chorus during elementary school. Scouts cost $20 a year, band is free, you just have to rent/purchase the instrument (they do have sliding fee scale for those unable to pay the full amount), same with orchestra and no fee for chorus. All of these activities are once a week or once every 2 weeks and are done during school hours with the exception of scouts and when there is a concert for the others.

Here's a prime example of what it is really costing. Keep in mind that I am in the midwest so prices may very from location to location. Hockey:

Equipment: $400 (this includes helmet, stick, knee pads, elbow pads, jersey, shorts, socks, skates, mouth guard, tape, bag for equipment, etc.

Annual cost: $360 (this includes 1 hour sessions usually twice per week)

Sharpening of skates: $90 ($10 each time, hockey is a 9 month committment)

Gas: $360 annually (I figured about $5 for a round trip.)

This comes to $1210!!!!!!!

And this doesn't include the wear and tear on your vehicle, tires, wiper blades, oil changes, etc!!!

Even when you take the total divided by 9 months it is in session, it's still equivalent to $135 a month or $32 a week or $15.70 per hour!!!!

To me, THAT is not going to scream anything OUTSTANDING when he is 10 years old!!!

What about those of you that have 3, 4, or 5 or more children? Are they all in activities?

Personally, I find living in a nice home, drive nice vehicles, eat good quality food, eating meals as a family, and being there to sit down with my kids at the kitchen table to play a game or do homework much more rewarding than toting them back and forth from activity to activity.

And...for my final 2 cents...perhaps childhood obesity is such a problem because kids are being run from school to home to get their things to McDonalds for a kiddy meal to gymnastics where they aren't burning off the full 600 calories they just ate. Just my opinion.

The other part that kills me is how are you able to sustain a business, afford activities for your children, still provide them with a wholesome meal, time to do schoolwork, time to do their chores, showers, and still give time for yourself?!

In my state the schools don't have any form of extra anything including band and choir. They were all cut when budget cuts were made.

[bunnyslippers]

I do live in a nice home, drive a lovely car, and always eat a good quality family meal with my family, every night. Even on the nights we have activities. We just eat either before or after, and I plan the meal earlier in the day to accomodate (crock pot meals, casseroles, salads with chicken). It can be done, and is done here week after week. I make the most of every second, and we still have a remarkable amount of down time each week. My business is quite successful, and I have a pretty active social life. We have bath time every night. And my children have never had McDonald's, or any other fast food. We occasionally swing through a drive thru, but that is to grab a milk and sometimes, a happy meal toy. Plan, budget, a supportive husband, and a positive attitude help make it all come together.