Observing Before They Go With Me

[themoorethemerrier]

If I were a sole provider, I would only allow 15 minute observations *no adult interaction* with women. No men. I know that I alone can contain the children's attention to what we're doing for a limited time before playing 20 questions about the adult watching. I also know that I am uncomfortable with strange men, and if need be to protect myself or the children, I do not have the strength that a man has.

Since I have my husband here, child bouncer and body guard, I am willing to do observations with parents. (I see him being here another reason that they WOULD want to observe. I understand that.) They would be limited to 30-45 minutes.

I totally agree, if as parents they need to drop in or have an early surprise pick up to be assured of the quality of care, it is not the right fit for their kiddos.

[SilverSabre25]

Let's keep things nice and civil here okay?

Simple question, lots of view points...it's a tough subject and a touchy subject with a lot of gray area.

[Crystal]

When we do have observations, the parent is like a fly on the wall. They do not interact with the children or myself. They are informed in advance that if they are not to interrupt our routine, and that if they have any questions, they are welcome to call later to discuss.

For me, it would not work to not allow "strangers" into my program. As a Mentor Teacher for the colleges, I have student teachers here frequently. I have the R&R visiting/observing. I have professors visiting/observing. Just last semester I had three student teachers here, with one here every day of the week.....one of them was a huge black man.....my parents didn't question it at all, because they TRUST ME. I have parents who come to pick up that hang out and observe while their children continue playing. Etc. It works for ME and MY families.

My parents TRUST ME enough to trust that I will make the best decisions for their child while their child is in my care. They trust that I will protect their children and that I would not allow someone in that should not be here. Honestly, soliciters scare me more than a parent who is seeking child care services, and I get those nearly every day.

My one BIG advantage is that my husband works with me, so he's an added level of protection. I realize MOST providers don't have this luxury, so naturally they will go about observations, etc. differently, but I still feel that it is a good idea to allow parents to observe if they ask too.

[Crystal]

Let's keep things nice and civil here okay?

Simple question, lots of view points...it's a tough subject and a touchy subject with a lot of gray area.

I tried, but I don't take kindly to being called a liar and I don't take kindly to being told I am the one who "attacked" someone when all I REALLY did was politely disagree and was then directly attacked myself.

Otherwise, I am being civil.

[Crystal]

If I were a sole provider, I would only allow 15 minute observations *no adult interaction* with women. No men. I know that I alone can contain the children's attention to what we're doing for a limited time before playing 20 questions about the adult watching. I also know that I am uncomfortable with strange men, and if need be to protect myself or the children, I do not have the strength that a man has.

Since I have my husband here, child bouncer and body guard, I am willing to do observations with parents. (I see him being here another reason that they WOULD want to observe. I understand that.) They would be limited to 30-45 minutes.

I totally agree, if as parents they need to drop in or have an early surprise pick up to be assured of the quality of care, it is not the right fit for their kiddos.

The only problem with this is that it takes TIME to develop that trust. There is NO WAY I would 100% trust someone to care for my child in the beginning. Just as any other relationship takes time to develop trust, so too does the relationship woth a child care provider. Now, if it is something that occurs for months, then there is a major issue, but in the beginning, I think it SHOULD be done by EVERY parent who puts thier child in the care of a STRANGER

[SilverSabre25]

I tried, but I don't take kindly to being called a liar and I don't take kindly to being told I am the one who "attacked" someone when all I REALLY did was politely disagree and was then directly attacked myself.

Otherwise, I am being civil.

No worries, it was a general reminder intended for everyone.

[Ariana]

I do not allow observing. I used to.

I had a situation with a dad wanting to "observe" and "visit". He was a child sex offender and his "observing" was my wake up call. He is in prison for molesting his own daughter and several of her friends. He served time for rape of a child in another state before moving to mine. His wife had no idea. He was a sharp, intelligent, well dressed, soft-spoken, church-going man. Not all offenders run around in a dirty raincoat.

For the safety of the children in my care, strangers are not allowed to hang around.....ever.

What will you do if you need to use the restroom? Leave the children alone with these unknown people? What rules will you have in place about them being near enough to touch the children?

There are also a lot of single fathers around now. A woman working at home alone should think twice before allowing a strange man to be in her home watching her all morning!

An observing parent can never know if they are seeing what really goes on in a day care setting. Of course the provider is going to be on her best behavior! She's not going to be a witch in front of them!

I give a LOT of references from both past and present clients and ask the parent to call them ALL. I ask them to call licensing and check my record. I tell them to ask me as many questions as they like. I give a trial period of enrollment. They can leave without notice during that time if they are not satisfied. I encourage them to talk to their child about their day. The child will tell them if they had fun or not. If the child doesn't want to go home at the end of the day...that's a much bigger indicator of a good day care that watching the provider for an hour or two.

Each to their own. I used to be a HUGE advocate of having parents observe. I sadly had a rude awakening and since then have changed my opinion completely.

When a parent asks about observing, I explain my point of view. I ask them how would they feel about an untold amount of strangers being in my home and having access to THEIR child? I have never had anyone not sign up. They appreciate that their kids are very safe here.

Great points!

[Ariana]

Both parents came to the initial interview. The mom came and observed by herself and then the dad did too. (Supposedly couldn't schedule together) After sign up, he came by often with the excuse that he had to work late that night and wouldn't see his daughter, so he wanted to spend time with her.....or that he had a long lunch break and wanted to spend time with his daughter. He was actually coming to "observe" both her and the other children in my care for other reasons entirely.

In my naive world, that all seemed very sweet and thoughtful of him. But after a while "something" made me nervous and his daughter made some weird comments. I did some detective work and found out what a monster this man was. You would never have known by looking or talking to the man. He even managed to keep his past record hidden from his then wife. She didn't have a clue of who she was married to.

The whole situation was horrible. A heartbroken mother and wife, testifying in court, police reports, talking to my other day care parents (who were wonderfully supportive the entire time, thank goodness)

It CAN happen to anyone. We do NOT know who is coming into our homes.

I can see that I am paranoid about it now...but I say better than being sorry.

I think having a family observe for one hour initially with their child during the interview process is completely different than coming in all the time to "observe". I do see your point for sure but there might be a happy medium as well.

[morgan24]

If. as a parent, I thought I could not trust anyone with my children....I simply would not use day care at all. I would move heaven and earth to stay home myself.

Exactly my reason for quitting my job and starting my daycare 15 years ago

Just based on posts on this forum I would not trust another daycare provider to care for my children....I have seen plenty of posts on this forum that constitute neglect and a strong disinterest in caring for other people's children.

None of the posts that I have read constitute neglect or strong disinterest in caring for other people's children. I wouldn't judge anyone who posts something when they have had a rough day or had a parent who has tried to take advantage of them. I see it as letting it out. I do not personally know them and neither do you, so I would say that is pretty harsh judgement on your part.

[themoorethemerrier]

Absolutely, trust does take time! And I am very selective of the people surrounding my children, whether I am or not there.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't refuse a brief visit or early pick up, but I would appreciate, and lean towards insisting, notice. If they are flat out uncomfortable and are trying to catch us doing something terrible, they are not right for us.

We've already had custody and feuding parents problems. Early surprise pick-up from one parent without other parent's consent during lunch caused a spiral of problems which included but was not limited to phone calls, broken-hearted child, broken-hearted sympathetic children and uneaten lunches. It was no mere inconvenience, you know? And this was with a good, maybeit broken, family.

What if another parent chose to drop in or had a surprise pick up then? If I, as a paranoid new parent, saw a hysterical parent in the driveway calling other parent and lawyer (at times yelling and swearing, then weeping ) I would have reason to worry.

I am not saying that I think everyone should have these rules, and that is fine, but we do. I think this is a situation in which one choice doesn't fit all. Among others.

[Unregistered]

If. as a parent, I thought I could not trust anyone with my children....I simply would not use day care at all. I would move heaven and earth to stay home myself.

Exactly my reason for quitting my job and starting my daycare 15 years ago

Just based on posts on this forum I would not trust another daycare provider to care for my children....I have seen plenty of posts on this forum that constitute neglect and a strong disinterest in caring for other people's children.

I have been watching the different opinions here as comments have been made back and forth. All have valid points. I agree with many of them but not all of them.

But Crystal, I have never seen (quote) "plenty of posts on this forum that constitute neglect and a strong disinterest in caring for other people's children".

Just how high and mighty can you get?

I have seen differences of opinion, different ways of approaching a situation, different styles of discipline, different styles of care. That's what makes this forum interesting. We can take or leave the various opinions.

But I have never seen what you are saying. Or do you mean they don't do things your way and are therefore not fit to be providers? Your comment is an insult to each and every provider on here.

I am weary of constantly hearing how perfect you run your day care and how perfect your children are and how perfect your dcp's are and how you never put a foot wrong.

Sorry honey...but your poop stinks just like everyone else's does.

[Meeko]

None of the posts that I have read constitute neglect or strong disinterest in caring for other people's children. I wouldn't judge anyone who posts something when they have had a rough day or had a parent who has tried to take advantage of them. I see it as letting it out. I do not personally know them and neither do you, so I would say that is pretty harsh judgement on your part.

That's not a fair comment to make. I've come across many who think differently from me about things, but that doesn't make them neglectful or disinterested or me either. I don't think parents want cookie cutter providers either. Different strokes for different folks, you know?.

Sorry...this was meant for Crystal!!!!!

[Solandia]

I don't do 'observation' either. The only time I had that request was from an expecting couple, and they had a list questions, and of do's and don'ts straight from a parenting site. OMG, it was worse than a formal interview at a corporate office.

Now, I will do interview during daycare hours, and only at snacktime. Once snacktime is done, the interview is over. If more time is needed, I will schedule a time after hours. That is the extent of graciousness. What I have seen during daytime interviews, is that is it less of wanting to see me in action, and more of just being nosey on the what kind of kids(race, income-level/parents jobs, special needs) I have in my house. Smooth move on their part, because I would nt answer those questions anyway. And wanting to see if their kid will have a 'playmate'.

[Crystal]

It's defintiley a fair comment to make. There have been hundreds of posts on this forum that I felt constituted intervention from licensing......nothing recent, but it has happened. Parents have even come here and said the same.

You can feel that they are just differences, but then you likely do not know which posts I am referring to, and I am not going back to dig them up as it would take far to much time.

[Meeko]

It's defintiley a fair comment to make. There have been hundreds of posts on this forum that I felt constituted intervention from licensing......nothing recent, but it has happened. Parents have even come here and said the same.

You can feel that they are just differences, but then you likely do not know which posts I am referring to, and I am not going back to dig them up as it would take far to much time.

HUNDREDS of posts????? HUNDREDS???? Really???????

Good grief Crystal...thank goodness you aren't a licensor. Providers would get written up for taking more breaths per minute than you thought necessary.