Observing Before They Go With Me

[Crystal]

Here's my two cents.

When I was teaching, my kids (3 and 11months at the time) were in this great daycare. She was so nice and flexible with my subbing schedule. I just loved her. Well, I got off early one day and called her to say I was coming early. I walked in the door two minutes later to see her beating my 11 month old son. Apparently she was rushing to get his diaper changed and he was wiggling and she snapped. I'm so glad I witnessed this, because what would have happened had I not seen it?!

So that makes me an advocate of dropping in unannounced (not a lot mind you, but come early one day). I can guarantee you'll see who your provider truly is. And that could be a good or bad thing. I don't treat it as an issue of trust, more just checking in if you're having doubts. Your suspicions will either be confirmed or put to rest.

I agree with other pp's in that a scheduled observation doesn't really give anyone an accurate depiction of how your daycare works. If you are a great judge of "true character" and can spot phonies, then that's awesome but I don't think a lot of people have that. Apparently I didn't!

Good example. I had my kids in THREE daycares within 6 months due to this type of thing. That is why I started my own daycare.

[Zoe]

Good example. I had my kids in THREE daycares within 6 months due to this type of thing. That is why I started my own daycare.

I was very fortunate to find someone after that incident who gave me the ability to trust again, and showed me what a true childcare provider was like. I was so grateful to that. But there's still a small part of me that always wonders whenever someone watches my kids. What are they hiding? Sad right?!

[sharlan]

Here's my two cents.

When I was teaching, my kids (3 and 11months at the time) were in this great daycare. She was so nice and flexible with my subbing schedule. I just loved her. Well, I got off early one day and called her to say I was coming early. I walked in the door two minutes later to see her beating my 11 month old son. Apparently she was rushing to get his diaper changed and he was wiggling and she snapped. I'm so glad I witnessed this, because what would have happened had I not seen it?!

So that makes me an advocate of dropping in unannounced (not a lot mind you, but come early one day). I can guarantee you'll see who your provider truly is. And that could be a good or bad thing. I don't treat it as an issue of trust, more just checking in if you're having doubts. Your suspicions will either be confirmed or put to rest.

I agree with other pp's in that a scheduled observation doesn't really give anyone an accurate depiction of how your daycare works. If you are a great judge of "true character" and can spot phonies, then that's awesome but I don't think a lot of people have that. Apparently I didn't!

I think this is why a lot of us started out own daycares. I won't even go into detail what my 3 kids went through in various daycares. It never crossed my mind to ever call licensing, either. My girls were in 8 different daycare situations in 2 1/2 yrs.

[Zoe]

I think this is why a lot of us started out own daycares. I won't even go into detail what my 3 kids went through in various daycares. It never crossed my mind to ever call licensing, either.

I didn't report it either. I didn't know how licensing worked and I was worried about slander.

[Christian Mother]

I pulled mine from a Christian Facility Childcare at a church mind you when I witness right there the teacher punishing my son with corporal punishment...he was 3 yrs old mind you. He went to a child and tried taking a toy away from him and the teacher grabbed him by his upper are (while I was still there putting his things away in his cubby) and started shacking him and yelling at him. I was I went straight over there and gave her a HUGE talking to. I went straight to the director about it and pulled him that very day. He went to Tutor Time...and I loved him over there not to mention all the staff. I did find out from the directors daughter that they let go of the teacher in the 3's class. They would not elaborate but they did say she had a military background...

Zoe- I can't even imagine walking in on seeing your son beaten during changing time. That's awful!! I have one little guy who from day one is strong willed...he likes to do everything on his own and he wiggles all the time for me. It gets sooo frustrating...but to beat a child over it!! Thats just awful!! I tell my little guy "Ok, you can go naked then"..!! I don't mind it...he does though!! LOL!!! I am dead serious to and I've told his parents also bc it's a total battle here.

[Zoe]

Zoe- I can't even imagine walking in on seeing your son beaten during changing time. That's awful!! I have one little guy who from day one is strong willed...he likes to do everything on his own and he wiggles all the time for me. It gets sooo frustrating...but to beat a child over it!! Thats just awful!! I tell my little guy "Ok, you can go naked then"..!! I don't mind it...he does though!! LOL!!! I am dead serious to and I've told his parents also bc it's a total battle here.

Yeah! Kids squirm! You'd think most providers would know that! Whatever. He's fine now and I'm more careful about who I leave my kids with. And furthermore, if I'm EVER feeling frustrated, I take a step back, because I NEVER want to snap like she did.

[Unregistered]

I knew there was a reason I was off the forum for awhile. Might have to take another "vacation."

There really isn't much of a point in discussing anything with anyone on here when everyones viewpoints are ever changing or someone has to come up with an attack all because your method of thinking isn't the same.

When I have a daycare vet (Nannyde) that lives 10 miles from me, I talk to everyday and has a proven successful career, I'm going to go with that over someone I don't know in California! In this case, I have to go with what I know and that is precisely what I stated.

Parents around here don't want their children around children they don't know let alone strangers.

So, if your having a tough time deciding, ask your current daycare families what they think of the situation!

If your going to have a view point, stand up for it. Your not alone in your thinking. So don't run every time you come up against this. WE all do what works for us, and sharing is a great way to stay connected and learn from one another. I wish I had that vet 10 miles from me- she is a wealth of information.

[Unregistered]

It saddens me that there are so many providers (who by nature should be warm, caring, supportive people in light of what they do) automatically assume that all parents are out to get as much as they can and get "special" at every opportunity.





Providing child care should be a partnership with parents and should be a trusting relationship. I actually feel sorry for providers who feel that way about parents because they are really doing themselves a diservice to be so cynical and negative. As child care providers, we strive to teach our DCK's tolerance and acceptance as well as celebrating differences and yet this thread is proof that we do not model the same practices that we preach!

I think almost all of us are warm and caring, supportive people- we have to be, we tolerate so many different people. When providers come to the boards its usually for help towards a problem, so it does look like we complain etc... a lot. We don't. We are just looking for support towards a situation. Unless you have great families that you are working with- all being great(yes it does happen) your lucky because I have been doing this for a long time and in many avenues of care- you see it all. Right now I have awesome families, not always been the case. When you are a loving,caring person it takes you even further back to fathom that someone else could not be on their game, esp having a love for the children and care and concern. So don't roll us all into one nut shell ball and assume we should be and we are not.

[Unregistered]

(if you follow my posts you can watch the 5 stages of grief progress...it is funny to me, now ::.)[/QUOTE]

I don't think your grief is funny. It will never be funny. I can't imagine what you went through and am sending you a big hug. You will never be the same- but I admire you for moving on and living for the people around you that still need you and the people that you touch in your walk of life.

Out of experience- The only thing that heals a loss is time, and that never totally closes up the wound. It's like a bruise if you touch it just right it still hurts.

[Unregistered]

If. as a parent, I thought I could not trust anyone with my children....I simply would not use day care at all. I would move heaven and earth to stay home myself.

Exactly my reason for quitting my job and starting my daycare 15 years ago

Just based on posts on this forum I would not trust another daycare provider to care for my children....I have seen plenty of posts on this forum that constitute neglect and a strong disinterest in caring for other people's children.

This is why others attack you- and the fact that you hardly ever agree with anyone other then yourself-

[cheerfuldom]

I have had parents ask to interview during childcare hours and I always say no and have had some still enroll after that. I do not allow strangers around the kids, period and have had some parents come to my daycare for that specific reason. I have occasionally allowed a playdate where a parent comes by for one hour and we all play with the kids together. Free play only during a time I choose. However, it is very rare that I offer that. I have had parents ask to observe and I simply am not up for it and say no and yes, they do still enroll. that said, I have a small group so its not like I have a huge enrollment to keep full. Its not too hard for me to keep my 4 spots full.

I always feel out the parents request for observation. If I am getting the micromanaging, insecure vibe, I say no because I feel that the observation will be more about what I am doing wrong and what they want changed. If it seems like a nice family that just needs that extra help to feel comfortable then yes, I occasionally will do it. I am usually right on feeling this out.

If the parents need prolonged observations, lots of time at pick ups and drop offs, lots and lots of questions and constant post-interviewing, then they are not the right fit for me. It is too exhausting to constantly be trying to prove myself. Either you like it here or you don't and I am okay with either. I dont go out of my way to convince a family to use my services.

[mainegal]

Observations

Like some others, I don't 'do' observations, and most families have not asked me to have one. When a family insisted upon an observation, I agreed with a friendly smile and told them that Tuesday at 9am was the best time. I knew I would only have my OWN children at that time, and the 1 child I might have had I simply asked the parent (who is always very flexible) to bring her child in an hour later. If I had to, I could have asked my husband to take the kids to the library for about an hour.

When the family arrived and saw only my 2 kids, I simply said that the 1 other child who comes at that time was not able to make it. Also, my own kids were used to outside time at 9am, so they were so busy playing with outside toys that they did not often interrupt me talking to the family. It worked out alright. I HAVE had someone come to 'chat' with me (I knew it was to observe in my gut, but I went along with it) once when there were several kids. It was a disaster. The parent would not respect my request that I keep at least 1 eye on the kids, nor would they respect that the kids kept wanting my attention. I vowed after that to never have an observation with more than just my own kids (unless I felt VERY confident 1 or 2 of my kids would behave and be distracted from the adults long enough to have a conversation).

I am happy to tell people that I don't like having my attention distracted from the kids when they are in my care. I assume that they would APPRECIATE that. I also do a trial period, so they can 'observe' me in the drop off and pick up time

[cheerfuldom]

Zoe, I am sorry your son went thru this! Did your provider have anything to say about this? i am assuming you withdrew immediately.

[SilverSabre25]

This is why others attack you- and the fact that you hardly ever agree with anyone other then yourself-

I went ahead and approved this...but I want to say that this is *barely* on topic and is completely uncalled for. You know the saying: If you don't have anything nice to say...

[SilverSabre25]

(if you follow my posts you can watch the 5 stages of grief progress...it is funny to me, now ::.)

I don't think your grief is funny. It will never be funny. I can't imagine what you went through and am sending you a big hug. You will never be the same- but I admire you for moving on and living for the people around you that still need you and the people that you touch in your walk of life.

Out of experience- The only thing that heals a loss is time, and that never totally closes up the wound. It's like a bruise if you touch it just right it still hurts.[/QUOTE]

Cat has mentioned this before and I believe that the grief she's referring to is grief over the stupid regulations being put forth in her state and the dumb ways in which she has to change her program in order to be in compliance.