Observing Before They Go With Me

[Meyou]

I disagree. ALL of my parents observed in my program, with their children as infants, and none of them have ever expected "special" from me. I have 16 children enrolled in my program, with 12-14 here at any given time and have had parents come observe and have never had any issues, and every parent I have ever interviewed has wanted to enroll.

To the OP, as a parent, I would not enroll my child in a program that did not allow me to observe their work/interactions with the children. I suggest you allow them to visit, prepare your group before they arrive, letting them know that you will have a visitor and you expect them to behave, set up a few low-maintenance activities that the children can manage solo with you being available as needed and go about your work while they visit. Don't allow 50 questions, let the parent know before they arrive that you will be working with the children and to please save questions for a phone follow up later in the day if needed.

Good luck!

I agree. I almost always have the parents observe. I do observations after morning nap and they include lunch. The child goes home after lunch with the parents. It's about 1.5 on average. Parents are asked to fade into the background and let me lead the way with their child so they can see how I interact and how our day goes. I offer two observation sessions per child and then 4 mornings (8-12) for free for our transition period once they sign a contract with me. I like the newbies to really know our faces when they start FT. I find my transitions goes quickly and smoothly since I started this.

For me, it gives me confident parents and it takes the mystery out of our day. There are some parents that are just worried about how I'll cope or just WHAT we do all day. It also IMO helps the child's transition. My little ones know my face very, very well on their first official day.

[Meeko]

I do not allow observing. I used to.

I had a situation with a dad wanting to "observe" and "visit". He was a child sex offender and his "observing" was my wake up call. He is in prison for molesting his own daughter and several of her friends. He served time for rape of a child in another state before moving to mine. His wife had no idea. He was a sharp, intelligent, well dressed, soft-spoken, church-going man. Not all offenders run around in a dirty raincoat.

For the safety of the children in my care, strangers are not allowed to hang around.....ever.

What will you do if you need to use the restroom? Leave the children alone with these unknown people? What rules will you have in place about them being near enough to touch the children?

There are also a lot of single fathers around now. A woman working at home alone should think twice before allowing a strange man to be in her home watching her all morning!

An observing parent can never know if they are seeing what really goes on in a day care setting. Of course the provider is going to be on her best behavior! She's not going to be a witch in front of them!

I give a LOT of references from both past and present clients and ask the parent to call them ALL. I ask them to call licensing and check my record. I tell them to ask me as many questions as they like. I give a trial period of enrollment. They can leave without notice during that time if they are not satisfied. I encourage them to talk to their child about their day. The child will tell them if they had fun or not. If the child doesn't want to go home at the end of the day...that's a much bigger indicator of a good day care that watching the provider for an hour or two.

Each to their own. I used to be a HUGE advocate of having parents observe. I sadly had a rude awakening and since then have changed my opinion completely.

When a parent asks about observing, I explain my point of view. I ask them how would they feel about an untold amount of strangers being in my home and having access to THEIR child? I have never had anyone not sign up. They appreciate that their kids are very safe here.

[wdmmom]

I disagree. ALL of my parents observed in my program, with their children as infants, and none of them have ever expected "special" from me. I have 16 children enrolled in my program, with 12-14 here at any given time and have had parents come observe and have never had any issues, and every parent I have ever interviewed has wanted to enroll.

To the OP, as a parent, I would not enroll my child in a program that did not allow me to observe their work/interactions with the children. I suggest you allow them to visit, prepare your group before they arrive, letting them know that you will have a visitor and you expect them to behave, set up a few low-maintenance activities that the children can manage solo with you being available as needed and go about your work while they visit. Don't allow 50 questions, let the parent know before they arrive that you will be working with the children and to please save questions for a phone follow up later in the day if needed.

Good luck!

Interesting! But what you are saying can't possibly be true. If you have 16 children and you are limited on infants, children can't grow up as fast as what you are saying. That clearly means that not ALL of your children came in as infants and not ALL observed.

Not every parent has the time of day to watch kids play toys.


I can see through what you say. 90% of what you say IS logical but ISN'T possible.

You can't possibly tell me that of ALL those observations you never had a child act out, break the rules or become attention seeking.

AND...YOU wouldn't allow your child to attend somewhere you cant watch the provider in action?! What about those parents that already attend that don't want their child exposed to a stranger?!

[Meeko]

Interesting! But what you are saying can't possibly be true. If you have 16 children and you are limited on infants, children can't grow up as fast as what you are saying. That clearly means that not ALL of your children came in as infants and not ALL observed.

Not every parent has the time of day to watch kids play toys.

HAHA Crystal! You are so funny! You lie low until I post something then come out of the woodwork. Especially since Nan isn't here to "defend" me as you call it.

I can see through what you say. 90% of what you say IS logical but ISN'T possible.

You can't possibly tell me that of ALL those observations you never had a child act out, break the rules or become attention seeking.

AND...YOU wouldn't allow your child to attend somewhere you cant watch the provider in action?! What about those parents that already attend that don't want their child exposed to a stranger?!

I have parents here that chose me BECAUSE I don't allow strangers in the house. It makes them feel much safer.

Like I said...each to their own. Some parents may be suspicious if they are not allowed to watch...but others hate the idea that a stranger can come and oggle at their kid all morning......and they get no say so in the matter.

[sharlan]

Meeko, you had a very unusual situation. One that fortunately none of the rest of us will ever encounter.

Back in the old days, I never dealt with a father. In fact most of the time I never even met the father, it was always the mom.


Today, either the mom comes alone or both parents come. I do have a single father now. He came after the grandparents came, interviewed and observed.

[sharlan]

wdmmom, I always took my girls with me when I interviewed a provider for them and I always went during daycare hours. I was uneasy about leaving the kids with somebody they didn't know.

In the past, I always asked my potential clients to bring the kids and hangout for awhile and then to leave the kids for an hour or so. That way we could get aquainted a bit before they started full time.

My last two came and hung out for a bit before starting full time.

We ALL handle things differently. What works for one won't work for another. You have to do what works for you.

[Meeko]

Meeko, you had a very unusual situation. One that fortunately none of the rest of us will ever encounter.

Back in the old days, I never dealt with a father. In fact most of the time I never even met the father, it was always the mom.


Today, either the mom comes alone or both parents come. I do have a single father now. He came after the grandparents came, interviewed and observed.

Both parents came to the initial interview. The mom came and observed by herself and then the dad did too. (Supposedly couldn't schedule together) After sign up, he came by often with the excuse that he had to work late that night and wouldn't see his daughter, so he wanted to spend time with her.....or that he had a long lunch break and wanted to spend time with his daughter. He was actually coming to "observe" both her and the other children in my care for other reasons entirely.

In my naive world, that all seemed very sweet and thoughtful of him. But after a while "something" made me nervous and his daughter made some weird comments. I did some detective work and found out what a monster this man was. You would never have known by looking or talking to the man. He even managed to keep his past record hidden from his then wife. She didn't have a clue of who she was married to.

The whole situation was horrible. A heartbroken mother and wife, testifying in court, police reports, talking to my other day care parents (who were wonderfully supportive the entire time, thank goodness)

It CAN happen to anyone. We do NOT know who is coming into our homes.

I can see that I am paranoid about it now...but I say better than being sorry.

[wdmmom]

wdmmom, I always took my girls with me when I interviewed a provider for them and I always went during daycare hours. I was uneasy about leaving the kids with somebody they didn't know.

In the past, I always asked my potential clients to bring the kids and hangout for awhile and then to leave the kids for an hour or so. That way we could get aquainted a bit before they started full time.

My last two came and hung out for a bit before starting full time.

We ALL handle things differently. What works for one won't work for another. You have to do what works for you.

For my own safety and security, I would never do that and I doubt the daycare parents I work for would want me to do anything less than I already do.

I do a phone interview first and get distinguishing information. Name, age, dob, etc. I then run a check through Iowa Courts Online. If anything comes up that might be a red flag to me, I don't decline the face to face interview.

I'm all about keeping myself and my kids as safe as possible and I'm quite certain that my families appreciate that very much!

(I had a family awhile back that freaked out when I had a contractor downstairs installing a new furnace! She didn't want her child around ANYONE under ANY circumstance. Any time I had a contractor here, I tried to schedule it after 3pm which was when she was picked up or I notified her mom in advance and even then she didn't like the thought of anyone in the house.)

[Country Kids]

For my own safety and security, I would never do that and I doubt the daycare parents I work for would want me to do anything less than I already do.

I do a phone interview first and get distinguishing information. Name, age, dob, etc. I then run a check through Iowa Courts Online. If anything comes up that might be a red flag to me, I don't decline the face to face interview.

I'm all about keeping myself and my kids as safe as possible and I'm quite certain that my families appreciate that very much!

(I had a family awhile back that freaked out when I had a contractor downstairs installing a new furnace! She didn't want her child around ANYONE under ANY circumstance. Any time I had a contractor here, I tried to schedule it after 3pm which was when she was picked up or I notified her mom in advance and even then she didn't like the thought of anyone in the house.)

That mom though will really have her eyes opened when her child starts school. There are always people back and forth at schools and I'm sure most of the time not everyone knows who is on school grounds. There are always people from the district doing yard work, maintenance, parents visiting, special programs going on.

I would have to tell a parent that I would have to work on the contractors scheduling not the parents!

[sharlan]

IMHO, it's really not the strangers that you have to worry about, but people who are the child on a frequent basis.

[grandmom]

Should I set a time limit for him?

Yes. When I've had observations, they are scheduled from 10:30 till 11:30. I tell them that they should plan to leave before lunch as I'm scheduling the time.

[Crystal]

Interesting! But what you are saying can't possibly be true. If you have 16 children and you are limited on infants, children can't grow up as fast as what you are saying. That clearly means that not ALL of your children came in as infants and not ALL observed.

Not every parent has the time of day to watch kids play toys.

HAHA Crystal! You are so funny! You lie low until I post something then come out of the woodwork. Especially since Nan isn't here to "defend" me as you call it.

I can see through what you say. 90% of what you say IS logical but ISN'T possible.

You can't possibly tell me that of ALL those observations you never had a child act out, break the rules or become attention seeking.

AND...YOU wouldn't allow your child to attend somewhere you cant watch the provider in action?! What about those parents that already attend that don't want their child exposed to a stranger?!

WHOA! WTH? I didn't realize I was "lying low" until you posted and then I "came out of the woodwork" especially considering I have been posting frequently the past couple of days. Wow, you must REALLY think I am very interested you.

Anyways, Yes, it is possible. I have several children, (5 now school-age) who are NOW part time. They have ALL been with me, (sans one, she started at 1 year old) since they were babies.

No, my kids have never acted out. My kids, because they are with me from INFANCY know my expectations and are VERY well behaved.

And, NO I would not enroll where I could not observe, and I also would not enroll where I was not welcome to drop in unnanounced and observe/inspect. If the provider didn't allow it, I'd simply move on to the next place.

Not sure where your personal attack came from....I see no reason why I cannot disagree with you without you taking it personally. Me responding to YOU has absolutley NOTHING to do with it being YOU who made the post and CERTAINLY nothing to do with Nan not being here, it's not like I am scared of her or something, ! But, really, have a nice day

[Crystal]

Ya know WDMMOM, the more I think about it, the more it bothers me that you have basically called me a liar. You don't know the ages of the children in my program so how could you possibly step up and call me a liar? You were completely out of line there. What is up with that? Alot of nerve there lady.......

[Country Kids]

Actually Chrystal, I was wondering the same thing about your infant ratio. The only reason I was doing this is because here we can only have 2 under the age of 2. So if I started with infants i could only accept 2 new clients every 2 years. So even with a child that had been with me since the beginning was 4 I would have only been able to have enrolled 4 more children in that 4 years bringing my count up to 6 children in 4 years. That is if I always enrolled around the birthdays of the 2 year old.

Now with the bigger group homes in our area they are only allowed 4 I believe under the age of 2. So even in 4 years you would only be up to 12 children in my area if you started them all at infants.

[Unregistered]

I have allowed parents to observe in the past, however, it can be difficult for some kids to have a "stranger" be present.

What I have done most recently however, is do the interview during regular child care hours. That way the prospective clients can see me in action as I handle things as they happen. I try to discuss the important issues before hand on the phone BEFORE we ever meet face to face. The "meeting" and observing then is simply a way for potential clients to ask additional questions and to visually see what my program is like and how the other children respond to me and how I respond to them. We then do a follow up phone call to tie up any loose ends or unanswered questions.

I do inform my current clients that I am doing an interview and will have a potential client observation happening but none of them in all my years of being in this business has ever had an issue with it. They trust that I will not allow anything to happen to their child while on my watch and that I have done the necessary safety checks on all potential clients.

Crystal~ I agree with what you said and feel that it IS possible to be safe and allow observations.

wdmmom~ Why such hostility to someone who disagrees with you? I saw NOTHING in her response that was mean or disrespectful to you. She simply did not agree with what you said. She is right though that not all parents expect "special".



It saddens me that there are so many providers (who by nature should be warm, caring, supportive people in light of what they do) automatically assume that all parents are out to get as much as they can and get "special" at every opportunity.

Providing child care should be a partnership with parents and should be a trusting relationship. I actually feel sorry for providers who feel that way about parents because they are really doing themselves a diservice to be so cynical and negative. As child care providers, we strive to teach our DCK's tolerance and acceptance as well as celebrating differences and yet this thread is proof that we do not model the same practices that we preach!