Kid Told Me He Is Going To See His New Daycare...

[Christian Mother]

Okay, I am going to answer this the best I can.

Yes, it would bother me.

I can say, in almost 15 years of working with children and families though, that this has never happened to me. The few times I have had issues with parents, I have discussed it openly with them. If ever there is any tension in the air, it gets cleared right away. I don't allow things to fester to the point that a parent is being sneaky, but not quite sneaky enough, to find another provider. I have never had a parent leave me for another provider like that. As has been stated by PP, it GOES BOTH WAYS, and communication goes both ways....if the provider is feeling that tension in the air, she needs to clear it, or risk losing clients.

Again, I can say yes that it would sting. And I get that for this provider....I know it hurts....

BUT....the parent is NOT being disrepectful. They simply explored their options, found someone that better meets their families' needs, introduced their child to them to see if there is a connection there, and then, the child spilled the beans. They have not bailed on this provider....they have not (unless the child's date is innacurate and they are bailing next week )failed to give the required 2 week notice....

And then....the provider wants to turn the tables on them and change the contract because she has "inside information" from a four year old......please, where is the disrespect here?

That is the thing though I don't think the provider can change the contract and not give a 2 wks notice bc she has to honor her own contract other wise that parent can come after her. Right? I think parents have the same rights as we do...? I don't know...I'm with you...in that I've never had this happen to me. I have great communication with my parents and I address anything i feel might be a problem. Now what I am trying to point out is that in telling a child what is going on is bring them in to the chance that they WILL have to explain them selves. Which is going to be embarrassing and possible misunderstood. Yes, that parent has every right to go and look around see if there is something better out there. She even has the option to take her biz else where. But in doing so she just opened up the possibility that she could very likely get a 2 wks term notice her self bc she didn't have that conversation about her intentions. All kinds of things could happen at this point. I agree with you Crystal on what your stating and I'm like you on your beliefs and how you've handled your parents with openness with great communication...none of these things would happen if those weren't key in the relationship between parent/provider. But I don't agree that the parent wasn't being disrespectful. It feels very sneeky to me. It tells me that this parent doesn't care at all about what this provider thinks or feels or how it's effecting her. Can you imagine if the situation was switched on the parent...? I know that is what Nan is pointing out. But it shouldn't come down to that.

[Crystal]

Even providers are guilty of "best fit" and if they aren't, they're lying. What happens when you interview 3 families all vying for one spot in the daycare?! You pick the BEST FIT!!!! Absolutley....but this situation involves a family who has been recieving services for three years....not a provider picking and choosing who she enrolls

And you can bet your paycheck that if there's a waiting list and something like this arose, you'd be calling the first person on the waiting list to offer them a spot! No, I would not. Not until I heard it from the ADULT that I was being given a notice, OR they bailed on me.

Some providers are so full of themselves and how they would handle the situation. To most, it's the only income they have. They lose it, they lose their livelihood. No one is going to let that happen if they have the control to prevent it. Oh, please do not insinuate that I am full of myself. That couldn't be further from the truth. I simply understand a parents position and KNOW how I would deal with it. My income IS my families only income, my husband works with me full-time.I DOOOO have a lot to lose....and I still choose to deal with issues as they arise.....taking a small risk of losing clients....letting it fester ENSURES that you will lose clients, in time.

I answered in bold. I am so glad about how open minded providers here are. It's all about them.

[HeatherJ]

I'm not being facetious. I'm asking you a pure question.

You are saying that you wouldn't interview if you didn't have an opening. I get that.

What I'm saying is if we go off of "what's the best fit" which you believe is the parents right... then can/should that be flipped around and providers should feel free to interview the better deal.... and if/when they do... that they let the child know... and tell the parents when it's best for THEM?

I guess I think if it's no big deal... then it has to be no big deal on both sides.

I think times are a changin and in many ways the value of child care has really really diminished. I think the notion of "helping raise" the kids is being challenged on every turn. I think "loyalty" has diminished greatly and possibly that has it's benefits.

Maybe there IS value in just doing what is best fit. We shouldn't consider the family or the child before we consider ourselves and our business. Maybe we should consider that it ISN'T that big of a deal to term families ... even to the point of being completely open with the child... because we ALL understand at the top of the relationship that we should do what is best for ourselves first and foremost.

Maybe it shouldn't come as a shock to a parent when a kid comes home and says that they will be getting a new day care because another child has come to take their place. The parent who does this to a provider should just understand that OF COURSE the provider should do best fit and finding out that they are not best fit is no big deal. Just be grateful for the time you HAD with the provider and move on so she can get her "best fit" on.

That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?

[HeatherJ]

You say; I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere

Then why in the world would this DCP TELL the child they were going to look at another daycare? They put this child in the MIDDLE. Did they NOT think the little child would say something to a provider that he/she has loved for a few years?

The parent may have a right to search out other daycare, but putting a child in the MIDDLE is very wrong. That parent should of had enough RESPECT for the provider to discuss this.

But I guess the provider that has LOVED and CARED for this child for a few years is just another nobody to the DCP. This is what is SO sad!

I don't see any posters with an "attitude" on this thread. I see posters posting their opinions, as you have.

I agree with this, too. I totally see where parents should have mentioned something to the provider.
However, nothing states they have to give you a notice for their two-weeks notice.
This is just an unfortunate situation.

[nannyde]

That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?

That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?

Well it sounds like the parents did that.

With the same kid... same scenario... what makes the difference if the provider tells him or the parents tell him. If the provider decides he's moving on then he's moving on. If the parents decide he's moving on then he's moving on.

Why is it cruel if the provider does it but not a problem if the parents do it?

[awestbrook713]

I am going through a similar situation. I raised rates and one of my families is not happy. I found out from my sister who works with mom that she has decided not to stay. Would I like her to tell me sooner rather then later yes, am I going to bring it up nope. I told mom and all other families I need a decision by december 1st so I can start looking for replacements if they won't be staying due to rate increase.

In all honesty I have had a replacement in place for a while now if she decided to leave. I won't tell her that though she will just think I found someone, and she can tell me on her own free will or by the deadline I have given that she won't be staying. There is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself because if you don't who will.

You have been given information by this child and don't know if this is truly going to happen. So heres what you can do go by what the child has said and find a replacement family, and risk him not leaving and promising something to another family you won't have available, or talk to the family and find out what the deal is then you will know for sure. Good luck!

[Crystal]

That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?

Well it sounds like the parents did that.

With the same kid... same scenario... what makes the difference if the provider tells him or the parents tell him. If the provider decides he's moving on then he's moving on. If the parents decide he's moving on then he's moving on.

Why is it cruel if the provider does it but not a problem if the parents do it?

It is wrong because the provider would be intentionally hurting the child's feeling by telling him he is BEING REPLACED.

It is wrong because this is THEIR CHILD, THEIR MONEY, THEIR PEROGATIVE to take THEIR child and THEIR money elsewhere.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Honestly, Nan, if YOUR child was in daycare and you had issues with your provider and decided to move your child, would you NOT allow your child to meet the potential new provider before signing....or would you just NOT care about your own child's feelings and do what you want......wait, I probably already know the answer to that one....

[Crystal]

That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?

People who think children have no rights, think they are incapable of critical thinking....THOSE are the types of people who would say and do things like this.

[countrymom]

I'm going to tell you a story, this happened this year, the end of june.

I also go thru my calender and see who is going to come for the summer. I even ask all the parents at the beginning of june. Not one person said anything to me, not even this one family.

so 2 weeks into june, the boy (who turned 4) started telling me that he was going to camp for summer. I thought nothing of it BECAUSE I HAD THIS FAMILY FOR 4 YEARS AND HE WAS GOING TO SCHOOL IN SEPTEMBER. And like kids, I never questioned him, because we all know kids talk.

so the last day of june, mom comes in and says that he wouldn't be coming this summer that he was going to camp. Lets just say, I couldn't pick my mouth up off the floor. Here was a family, that I bent over backwards for, watched their child for 4 yrs and watched their evil older brother for a whole summer to be slapped in the face with, "hes going to camp"

I was so mad, and you know what she said, "I didn't know how to tell you" which was bull, we had open communication, my odd watched the younger child, our families got along, so for her to tell me, that she couldn't tell me was bull.

oh, you know what, I sharge 120 for the week and camp was charging her 100 dollars, so for 20 dollars she sent her kid to camp. And that camp was open till 530pm and I close at 5pm, yet mom is done work at 4pm. She didn't want to spend anytime with her kid.

so in the end, I think its the parents responsiblity to tell us providers, not send their kids to do their dirty work. Thats rude and inconsiderate, I was hurt by what she did, hurt that she didn't say anything.

[nannyde]

It is worng because the provider would be intentionally hurting the child's feeling by telling him he is BEING REPLACED.

It is worng because this is THEIR CHILD, THEIR MONEY, THEIR PEROGATIVE to take THEIR child and THEIR money elsewhere.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Honestly, Nan, if YOUR child was in daycare and you had issues with your provider and decided to move your child, would you NOT allow your child to meet the potential new provider before signing....or would you just NOT care about your own child's feelings and do what you want......wait, I probably already know the answer to that one....

What I'm saying is there really isn't any difference between the parent deciding the child will move on then a provider deciding the child will move on. It's as much of a decision on the providers side as it is the parents.

This is my business, my money, my PEROGATIVE to offer my services elsewhere. If the discussion with a child nearly two months in advance is up for grabs... meaning the parents are confident that this child can easily manage that... then the same kid would be able to manage hearing he was moving on because the provider found a better fit child and family.

If I had my kid in day care and had issues with my provider I sure the heck wouldn't discuss it with my kid first and take my kid somewhere else and tell them that far far away from now he was going to this day care.

I would talk to my provider and tell her that I am giving my two week notice and then go about the business of finding a new child care. If I didn't find a place in the two weeks then I would make arrangements for my kid until I did.

It is not COOL at all for a provider to find out from a child that the parents are taking the kid out. I don't think a provider should boot a kid and let the kid know to tell the parents.. but I think if we are going to suggest that the parents can behave this way then we SHOULD consider that the relationship and fairness isn't that important and we should be able to make a change as WE want and deliver the news as WE want.

It's not cool that the parents did this. They should be honest with the provider and take the hit if they can't find care within her notice time. It's disrespectful of the relationship. If we are allowed that level of disrespect then it should be allowable BOTH ways. If we are all about what is BEST FIT then best fit needs to go both ways.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Knock off the pot shots. This is a conversation that NEEDS to be had.

I wouldn't appreciate being told that there is a liklihood that I'm going to loose fifteen/twenty percent of my income by a little kid I've been caring for for three years.

It's a $hitty thing to do. The LEAST these guys could have done is discuss it FIRST with the provider and THEN the child. The LEAST they could do is bring the provider in on it and the child... parent... and provider could make the transition as easy as possible.

It's called RESPECT. If we are going to stick to what the notice time is and the provider can find out any way the parent decides then it SHOULD be understood that that goes BOTH ways. Maybe the parents getting notice of their kid leaving at Christmas wouldn't have been received as well as the provider is being expected to receive it.

[Crystal]

See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.

[DaycareMomma]

I am anxious to hear if the parents said anything yesterday at pickup or today?

This is definately a hard situation to be in. I understand them wanting to have their child meet the new provider to see if they meshed, but if they did that, they should man up and tell you that they did it. Do they not think their child will talk? I have a 4 year old and he'll say ANYTHING, even if we tell him not to.

It is called being respectful. If they respected their provider more, they would have told her, but obviously they don't, so don't get down about it. Start advertising that spot and see what happens. If you get someone that could fill it before the family gives you notice, give them notice. It is a dog eat dog world and this DCP needs to watch out for herself.

[wdmmom]

See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.

And what exactly would be the parent's side?! Telling this child that he'll be switching daycares and not giving the current provider is DISRESPECTFUL and DUMB on the parents behalf! Kids talk...especially 4 year olds! This parent knew exactly what was going on and almost seems as if it were cohersed. Why else would you introduce your child so early?!

Here I do 3 interviews. I don't allow the child to come until the second one and I don't do it while other children are present. Most of the time, they introduce me by first name or have their child play with toys I have out or the child sits on their lap as we go over policies and procedures. I'd bet my last dollar that this family either knows the new provider or has met with them before and that's why they said their child would be going there. You aren't going to tell a 4 year old that he/she is going to meet their new provider unless you've met with them before and made a decision to enroll!

[Blackcat31]

If I had my kid in day care and had issues with my provider I sure the heck wouldn't discuss it with my kid first and take my kid somewhere else and tell them that far far away from now he was going to this day care.

I would talk to my provider and tell her that I am giving my two week notice and then go about the business of finding a new child care. If I didn't find a place in the two weeks then I would make arrangements for my kid until I did.

I would expect that level of respect form ALL my parents. If they have a problem with anything, they need to discuss it with me asap and continue addressing it with me until we have worked out a solution or compromise. If we couldn't do that as adults, then I would fully expect their child to probably be leaving. But it wouldn't be a surprise to me. So if I overheard the child saying he was going elsewhere...I would already have been expecting it because of our stalemate with issues.

See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.

I think NONE of this would even be an issue had the parents discussed their issues with the provider in the first place.
That is part parental responsibilty and provider responsibility. I stress this point so much at interviews that I am sick of hearing it. If a parent has an issue...COME TO ME so we can work it out as adults or go our separate ways with no hard feelings. If you don't come to me, then how in the world will I know there is an issue? This provider found out from a preschool age child. SAD!

No matter how angry or disgruntled with a parent I was, I would NEVER.EVER.EVER. take it out on a child. Even if I knew they were leaving. I doubt this provider would either since she is obviously so hurt because she does love this child and feels a bit blindsided.

This entire situation would not have happened had the parents talked with the provider about their unhappiness with the rules, policies, changes, etc etc etc......or whatever their grief is that is leading them to seek new care.

I also do not think these parents sent their child to do their dirty work intentionally but had they acted as adults and addressed their "problem" with the one person who could either fix it or confirm that nothing was going to get worked out, this issue here would not be a problem and the provider would have somewhat been prepared for them to be on their way out.

[daycare]

is there an update on this??

Just curious..

Given the childs age, I find it normal for a lot of parents to start looking for a preschool for their children. Even though I teach a kinder ready program, Parents still want their child to be in larger groups and get a real feel of what school will be like.

It may have nothing to do with the provider at all. The parents may have decided this before he even stepped foot into your daycare 3 years ago...