Kid Told Me He Is Going To See His New Daycare...

[youretooloud]

I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it ****s hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are listening to a child who could misinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.

I DO understand why this upsets you. I'd be both angry and hurt. It has created a hostile work enviroment, and i'd try to replace him ASAP.

But, in reality, Crystal is right. We already know parents will do what is best for them and their kids.... even if it causes us harm. I hope we would all do the same for ourselves or our family.

Try to put this all in perspective. It's a business relationship, and it's going to happen. So, while I know how hard it is, try not to take it too personally... and tell little Johnny to stop talking about it because it hurts your feelings.

[Christian Mother]

...because I am human and have feelings and love the kid to pieces. I have spent more time with this little guy in the past 3 years than either of his parents put together. Because I have bent over backwards for these parents and put up with all of their shenanigans, lateness, craziness, entitlement, lack of parenting, for 3 plus years. Because I needed to vent on this board and get the advice of all of you. I know I am NOT alone in the way I feel.

And yes, they can go interview somewhere else...but for crying out loud, be honest about it and don't let me find it out from a child and then still ask me for more concessions in the way I run my business. I do meet their needs, they want SPECIAL (as NannyDe puts it) and they get as much special as I can muster but I know deep down why they are leaving....they are leaving because I finally got a backbone and had a rate increase. They are leaving because I will not let them cause drama in my daycare home any longer. They are leaving because they want drama and they can get it for a little while until the new provider puts his/her foot down and sends them on their way. This set of parents thrives on drama.

You struck a nerve here. I am not holding these people hostage. I just know how the parents operate and I know I am going to get screwed somehow. Just frustrates me.

Honey...I really do feel for you...this is def. a situation that is pulls at my heart strings. It's terrible to feel the way you do. But your prolonging it bc you won't just address the issue right away. Here is the first mistake you made...after dcb told you about new daycare and the family came to pick up...you never once ask point blank about the rumor of a new daycare. Your stressing your self out bc you didn't take the time to investigate truly what is going on. You don't know for sure what is happening. Not until you find out from speaking to the parents. You should of addressed it right away and then TOLD them what you where going to do about it. Yes, they could switch him after the holidays which is ashually a good thing. That would allow you time to get another child in to take over that slot. But it's really up to you at this point to take charge with what you know. If the parents haven't talked to you about it it might bc they don't know how to approach you with it. Yes, they deff. should of done it first but be the bigger person and bring it up since they haven't. Set the terms,..you already started that with the new revised policies. I am willing to bet that they know whats going on here with the revised policies and are stumped at what to do about it.....now, at pick up bring it up and take charge. You CAN DO IT!!!

[daycare]

I know how this feels. and its so hard to separate our emotions when we have loved the children so much..


I just got rid of a family like this. It's our fault. If we said no from day one, we would have never had to deal with these type of people. They either would have never made it through the 2 week trail or they would have conformed to the rules.

We all make mistakes and I have had to learn this the hard way just like you too.

No matter what anyone says it hurts, we cant help it.......I am so sorry you are going through this...big hugs..

p.s. A lot of adults are no different than children. When you don't give them their way, they are going to throw a tantrum. SO don't leave any room to negotiate. From Day one it's NO, this way you don't have to take anything away.

[daycare]

Honey...I really do feel for you...this is def. a situation that is pulls at my heart strings. It's terrible to feel the way you do. But your prolonging it bc you won't just address the issue right away. Here is the first mistake you made...after dcb told you about new daycare and the family came to pick up...you never once ask point blank about the rumor of a new daycare. Your stressing your self out bc you didn't take the time to investigate truly what is going on. You don't know for sure what is happening. Not until you find out from speaking to the parents. You should of addressed it right away and then TOLD them what you where going to do about it. Yes, they could switch him after the holidays which is ashually a good thing. That would allow you time to get another child in to take over that slot. But it's really up to you at this point to take charge with what you know. If the parents haven't talked to you about it it might bc they don't know how to approach you with it. Yes, they deff. should of done it first but be the bigger person and bring it up since they haven't. Set the terms,..you already started that with the new revised policies. I am willing to bet that they know whats going on here with the revised policies and are stumped at what to do about it.....now, at pick up bring it up and take charge. You CAN DO IT!!!

BTW...wheres the like button...this is a great post!!

[nannyde]

I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it ****s hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are listening to a child who could misinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.

I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid?

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.

[Christian Mother]

BTW...wheres the like button...this is a great post!!

I wish there was a like button too...!! But thanks girlie!!

[Unregistered]

waiting game now...

...ok. I sent both a message a little while ago. No response. Speaks volumes.

[youretooloud]

...ok. I sent both a message a little while ago. No response. Speaks volumes.

You really should start trying to fill his spot. Just because the child SAID after Christmas, they might be planning to pull him sooner. There's no reason to hold his spot for those few weeks, especially if you find the perfect fit right now.

[Unregistered]

I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid? The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.

The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

Nan I think I see where you are coming from on this.....if you want to be treated as professional and respected for your line of work, you need to behave as a professional, even when it is not always fair

[laundrymom]

About 7 years ago I had a family who I had had for 5 years. Mom comes to me, they are leaving. The center down the street charges 1$ per week less per child. $3 per week. 12$ per month.

I lost them for 12$ per month. When they called 3 weeks later asking to come back. ( 2 er visits from injury @ center, 2 days of mom having to come pick the oldest up FROM ME because he escaped and ran away home to me) and when I told her no I didn't have room, I WAS CALLED COLD UNCARING AND UNFEELING!!

Now did I Deserve that oh no I did not. She sold out for 12$

I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid?

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.

[nannyde]

The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

Nan I think I see where you are coming from on this.....if you want to be treated as professional and respected for your line of work, you need to behave as a professional, even when it is not always fair

I'm not asking from the parents point of view. I hadn't considered whether the parents would think it was appropriate or proffessional.

I'm asking specifically if we should JUST be concerned that advising them of our replacing them could be done through their child as long as WE give them the notice WE have agreed to give (when it is right for us timing wise) and that our primary consideration should always be what is the best fit for us even when it means letting the family go when they haven't done anything to warrant it... it's just best for us (which would almost always be the money is better and the time is better)

If that isn't appropriate then why? As long as we give the notice we agreed to should it matter WHY and should we be able to advise them of this thru the child.

I'm thinking specifically if we would interview a new child and decide the money or time was better for us... and then say to the existing child... "this is Johnny... he is going to take your place in the day care. You get to go to a NEW day care little buddy or maybe your Mommy will stay home with you..... isn't that exciting? Johnny is going to love coming here and you will love your new day care". And then... wait until it is time to give the notice and not discuss with parents should their child bring up their new day care and their meeting little Johnny.

Should it make ANY difference if the parent tells the child they are going to a new day care or WE tell them when WE have found a better fit?

In the end... does it really matter who tells the kid and who decides? If it's no big deal it should be no big deal either way... as long as everyone gives notice and provides payment and good care in the meantime... shouldn't it be as relaxed as all that? The parent isn't obligated to be open about it with the provider. Should the provider feel obligated to be open about it with the parent? Should the provider feel free to tell the child and not appraise the parent of it until the provider is ready to give the notice?

In the end... it's not really that big of a deal as long as everyone gives notice as they agreed. It shouldn't matter if the kid finds out before the provider or the kid finds out before the parent. As long as the decision is made on what's the best fit for either side... and notice is given... What difference does it really make? We should ALL do what is best fit for US?

[Country Kids]

How old is this child? What if the parents are just doing all this, playing the child along, knowing he will say something to seee if the provider will change her policies. What if they aren't really planning on leaving but seeing if the op will say anything to them and then they can start the discusion of getting there way.

For a child to say that he isn't leaving till after Christmas seems odd because for a child even the next month 1/2 will seem like an eternity. It seems like they would make it much closer so that it seems more real! Something isn't adding up.

[Crystal]

Nan....of course it would be utterly ridiculous and it is silly that you even bring that up. Of course we wouldn't inform the CHILD if we were going to term the family. You must be being facetious.

I would not interview new families if I did not have space available, unless they want to be placed on my waitlist, which I have done, but I would never be so unprofessional as to interview with the hopes of replacing someone. I don't need to do that though, because I love my families! As far as the parent interviewing and leaving the current provider, they don't have to give a reason....they are paying the provider, they can leave for whatever reason, whenever they want to.

I agree that the parent should be more forthcoming. BUT, if the policy is that they provide a two week notice, and they aren't prepared for that yet, as they are not leaving for more than a month, then they are well within their rights to wait. They interviewed a new provider, and OF COURSE they are going to take their child with them.....should they wait until they have given their two weeks notice to start looking for a new provider? NO! Because if they did, it is likely in that two weeks they would not find a new provider.

I really do not see the big deal....the provider CLEARLY wants the family gone anyway, so start interviewing now to fill in January or, talk to the parents or be unprofessional and term a family based on the word of a child.

[nannyde]

How old is this child? What if the parents are just doing all this, playing the child along, knowing he will say something to seee if the provider will change her policies. What if they aren't really planning on leaving but seeing if the op will say anything to them and then they can start the discusion of getting there way.

For a child to say that he isn't leaving till after Christmas seems odd because for a child even the next month 1/2 will seem like an eternity. It seems like they would make it much closer so that it seems more real! Something isn't adding up.

Switching at Christmas is actually pretty common especially to centers. By this time of the year parents have used up all of their free time and don't have time off for the holiday break most providers take.

I don't know if this is part of it but a switch before paid time off is really common... a switch before time off even unpaid is common.

[daycare]

Switching at Christmas is actually pretty common especially to centers. By this time of the year parents have used up all of their free time and don't have time off for the holiday break most providers take.

I don't know if this is part of it but a switch before paid time off is really common... a switch before time off even unpaid is common.

maybe this is why everyone is knocking down my doors that are coming from centers....