One Of The Joys Of Owning My Own Business

[Daycare Diva]

My motto is your problem doesn't have to become my problem. What I mean by that is I will help someone one out as long as it doesn't put a hardship on my family. If I can afford to discount a child to help the parent, I will. However if it is going to impact my income so greatly that now I am having trouble paying my bills then I won't. I like to help people out, however I am running a business and I try not to get personally involved with other aspects of the parents life. They are not my friends, they are clients. Some people think being friendly makes you their friend and they start to tell you all their business. I try to stay away from that. Helping her out can also mean giving her referrals to agency that can help her out financially. There are a lot of ways to help someone out.

OP if it makes you happy, wonderful. Everyone needs a helping hand sometimes. No man is an island.

[Mita]

I'm new to this forum and I'm not too familiar with all of the members and their "ways". So maybe those of you who have been on this forum longer have had "bad" experiences with Nanny's previous postings. However, I must say that taking an objective view of what Nanny said here, I really didn't think the name-calling was merited.

Like some previous posters already stated, it was her opinion, based on her experience, which she expressed respectfully. Her tone was just matter-of-fact - stating quite bluntly, what the daycare provider might expect in the future. In a perfect world, there may not be any selfishness or exploitation among people - but this is not a perfect world - and I believe that was what Nanny was simply trying to convey.

[graham.shellbell]

I have had clients before that I have offered to help them out with the rate while looking for work...they were extremely grateful for it and stayed with me.. when they got back on their feet I even got a nice bonus out of it. :: and every year for Christmas I look forward to what I get in my Christmas card from them. I try to go above and beyond for families you KNOW are worth it.

[mom2many]

I think it's AWESOME that you were willing and able to make this kind of a financial sacrifice for your dcm struggling to make ends meet. I have helped a few families through some difficult times and in 25 years, I've only been burnt once. It didn't stop me from trusting and having faith that people will do the right thing, but I always remain optimistically cautious. I hope that you will be abundantly blessed by your giving heart and that much good will come from this!

[jojosmommy]

Maybe I am the only one, but I agree both with the OP and with Nannyde.

First I think its great that you chose to help this person out. And yes I have too been in the situation where I needed SOME income over NO income. Half of something is better that nothing.

Second I agree with Nannyde in that you have to remain open to the idea that she may never go back to paying you the full rate. She may later start using the "extra" money on herself which unless you make a very purposeful effort to keep that out of your mind could get in the way of your relationship.

Let's hope this mom is at home thanking the Lord for people like you. Really truly appreciative of what you have done. I think the kindness you are offering her is what is important- even if later on down the road you regret it. For now, thanks for helping someone out who needs it.

[mom2many]

Whoa

Did you see me tell her not to do it? I didn't comment on whether it was good or bad. I commented on how giving that steep of a discount can profoundly change your relationship with them.

It's not negative. I'm telling her that it's VERY risky. Giving free has unintended consequences... and some time they are as dramatic as the good feeling you have for doing it in the first place.

If you go into it knowing that it's purely given without any expectation of anything in return then you have a way higher liklihood of being able to sit well with it as you are giving it.

IIRC Silver can only have four day care kids. Giving away a half slot income is a huge hit. Giving away 12.5 percent of your earnings for charitable reasons is a BIG decision. Giving it away in a snap decision is super risky.

She knows her business best and she knows what's best for her business. If she can absorb this big of a hit and she wants to do it... then that's wonderful for her. I'm just saying that it can have unintended consequences and it can cause A LOT of problems in the business.

YES! She most certainly does know her business best...so I'm wondering why you actually DID comment in your pp all of those negative ramifications that you felt this could cause and played out several scenarios ie: having a better cell phone, the manicured nails and taking advantage with bringing a child sick, etc, etc, etc and it definitely was "NOT good"! :: It was pessimism & cynicism to the max!

Yes, it is her own business that she can run as she sees fit and yes, Silver can run it as she chooses! I cannot speak for others, but the problem that I am appalled at and find issue with is that Silver has a heart of gold and wanted to "help" someone in need and was merely expressing gratitude for owning her own business and having the ability to call her own shots and simply decide how she wanted to help this woman out. She was NOT asking for advice on whether her decision was good, bad or indifferent. IMHO, you attacked her on a number of issues and even went so far as to question her "judgement" on who this woman really is and their character as well! You felt she didn't know her long enough to make a valid judgement????...one year is not okay? Well, I guess we all have our perimeters on how we come to these conclusions!

Time will tell if you are correct or not...but I find it disheartening when I'm reading a positive post and you take it down a negative path each and every time!

I have been in this business for a very long time and have witnessed some serious character flaws in people, so I am NOT naive or stupid and know that some of your concerns are valid...I ONLY question why you feel the need to always be so negative when it's not even warranted or asked for?

Life is so short and we are never guaranteed tomorrow... I always try to look at the bright side of things and I think that even if we are taken advantage of at times, it is always best to remain positive, optimistic and have a heart that seeks the best in every situation. God sorts it out and in the end it's a Win-Win Situation!

[Cat Herder]

I ONLY question why you feel the need to always be so negative when it's not even warranted or asked for?
!

Probably because she has been reading Silvers posts and giving her advice (like many of us) since last Aug and knows that sometimes she leads with her heart and it hurts her family financially.

It was a reminder to her to not let go of her well earned backbone (it IS possible to have a heart AND backbone, I do it every day now). It was a reminder to be very careful when putting a clients difficulties above your own family's needs. To consider putting a deadline on it so Silver will still be able to provide a decent Christmas for her family...etc.

That if she is going to do this she needs to remember HER OWN past with clients (many posts in the vent thread that was deleted). Nan cares about Silver (like many of us) and was giving her motherly advice. Even Silver knows that.

Honestly some days I think Nan could declare the sky is blue and would be admonished that it was, in fact, in the eye of the beholder.... She comes here to help....to give advice FOR FREE.... Take it or leave it.

Oh, and the cellphones, manicured nails, etc.......happened to me after giving FREE care for almost two years (2 kids) to a family who DCD was paralyzed in a construction accident (he is making a great recovery with therapy and is able to stand for short periods, now.). Once they won their lawsuit and got back on their feet they scoffed at paying me and left in the middle of a week. They did not feel they were back on their feet even though they had nicer things than my family (new cars, new house, namebrand clothing, artificial nails, gym memberships, tanning bed etc).

Nan spent hours listening to me cry about both losing the relationship with the family (I felt we would be extended family) and the financial hit my kids took by no choice of their own during that time. They broke my heart. Yes, I have given free care since then. BUT I knew to expect NOTHING from them....not even friendship. This way I don't get hurt, again. I have a few lifelong friends from this and a few that will not even walk across the street to say hello.

Will I keep doing it?? Of course... Would I do it in this case? No. The only person really getting FREE is the DCD that walked...

[SilverSabre25]

First off...thank you to everyone who said nice things. Thank you too, Nan and others, to for watching out for me. I was mostly taken aback by how it came out. I considered all that stuff in the moment of silence before I opened my mouth to talk. Remember, a part of this is the selfish "Oh, ****, I can't make it now, what do I do when I lose $480 more a month we can't do that I have to do something I won't get a new client anytime soon I'm screwed" and that is, admittedly, a part of the reason I chose to offer this. There is no replacement waiting in the wings. So, I was thinking of our finances, and protecting them.

Second, thank you to cat for putting things so eloquently. My backbone wasn't, and isn't, at risk here...because my backbone is part of what made me decide to offer her this help. I've been burned by more than a few clients (and believe you me, I am NOT going back there...that was a dark place that ****ed rocks, although other factors were playing into it than the terrible clients) and this is one client that has stood by me for a year now (over a year actually...which is saying something since I've only been doing this since Jan 2010, through thick, thin, and awful stuff, without a sideways look. I know the difficulties she's had, and she's never paid late. Letting her go, when she's having troubles that are not her fault, when she's one awesome parent, would be silly. If she never gets back to paying the full amount (and I fully plan on keeping after her about taking her son's father to court, and suggesting some job options because I know she's been looking for awhile now. I know where the options are atm because DH is looking...he's being laid off in December).

Thirdly, Cat, you've only been reading my posts since last December

Finally, I might not even have posted this BUT I thought of all the unregistereds who whine that all we do is whinewhinewhine, that we're all about the money, we hate our dcps and are mean evil conniving b****s...and thought that posting something nice like this would be nice.

[Cat Herder]

Thirdly, Cat, you've only been reading my posts since last December

Well, as "Catherder", anyway..... ::

There are many of us on our second, and even third, username.

[SilverSabre25]

Well, as "Catherder", anyway..... ::

There are many of us on our second, and even third, username.

oh snap! haha gotcha. Sneaky.

[karen]

I know I am new on here....but congrats to Silver being nice and able to help out someone does make our day better. After all we are not going to be gazillionaires in this field. Why not have the chance or chances to do nice things for people. Random acts of kindness.
Some people are very appreciative of the things you do even if they don't say it on regular basis. I just did parents night out a few weeks ago and I only charged $20.00 per child for the entire night. The kids were dropped off with me on a Saturday night at 6pm and picked up at 8am Sunday. I had a full house. The parent's were so happy that I am already planning the next date night for them. Because without parents we wouldn't be in business!

[MamaBear]

Now I know that I do not have to defend myself or my choices to you but...this is one of the places that you are very cynical I think, and have a hard time ever giving ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. This is NOT a flaky client; I had my doubts when she started (young and single) but she is a fantastic daycare parent. I would NOT have done this for anyone I didn't trust.

I understand that you've been doing this for a long time, nanny, but I really think that along with experience this has given you a heaping helping of cynicism. You rarely (if ever) seem to think that our clients are anything but out to get us, to screw us over, and to get more than their money's worth. Maybe many are, maybe MOST are, but that does not mean all are. Many daycare parents do keep their kids home when sick, pay on time, pay extra when needed, and take a leg up when it's offered.

She did not call me up asking for a concession. She apologized for short notice and offered me money for this week and next if it would help. She is NOT one of the parents you seem most familiar with. I read people well, and I trust my gut. When she finds a better job with more hours and better pay, she'll start paying me more again--I KNOW this. I TRUST this. I TRUST her, and I TRUST my impression of her and my feelings about her.

I've never been a single mom, but I sure have been in positions where I desperately wished there was someone to cut me a break, give me a hand, and help me out of a ****y situation. I'm in one of those situations right now...and I chose to pay it forward by helping someone else out.

Watch the way you say things...it comes off harsh, cynical, and entirely unfair sometimes.

Amen and amen.

[Kim]

I think you should feel good about what you are doing for someone that needs a break in life. It is also a wise business decision right now. Half pay is better than no pay. It helps her out and it helps keep your family afloat at the same time. It's the best win win situation you're going to get in this economy.

I do agree with Nannyde though. A few years ago I wouldn't have but lo and behold you get burned a few times and your viewpoint shifts. I have had a bad experience of a family I trusted taking advantage of me and I never would have thought they would treat me that way... but they did. Not saying it ends badly every time just that I've learned that I have to look out for my own family's needs...just like the families of the children in my care are doing. In the end everyone does what's best for themselves and their family.

[Lucy]

But I feel like the point is not whether you agree with Nan, it's the delivery. IF something had to be said about warnings and such, it could have been done such as:

This is great that you have done something so kind for a family in need! I can tell you feel great about it and hopefully the family does too! I'm sure you weighed the cons before making your decision and decided the good deed was worth the risk. Good for you!!


I just feel like sometimes she takes a very cynical stance on things. That's all I'm saying.