This Forum Turns Me Off Of Daycare...

[Unregistered]

I've been lurking at this forum for over a year now and it really turned me off of daycare. I understand most of the providers vent or ask for advice here, but the overwhelming idea seems to be that working parents dont care about their kids and offload them to daycare at any time possible for as long as possible and that if you want your child to be treated as an individual (rather than a baby robot) you should be a stay at home mom or hire a nanny.

I am a loving caring mom to a 14 month old who has to work full time. My family cannot get by without me working. My husband and I care about our daughter very much and we struggle with the idea we have to send her to daycare instead of me being able to stay home with her. We are very very lucky that from 3 months - 12 months my MIL watched her while we were at work, after reading some of the threads here (especially some really negative ones about breastfed babies), I was crying at the thought of finding someone who would take good care of her. Since she turned a year we have found a wonderful home daycare with a provider who absolutely loves her and treats her like her own (along with the other kids she watches as well).

So I just wanted to say that there ARE parents out there who DO care about their kids, even though they work. I pay on time EVERY week, always provide diapers, wipes, changes of clothes as required. Pick my DD up on time EVERY day, she usually comes running to be and gives me a big hug. I ask the provider how she was and usually get told she's the best baby ever and they love having her there. This makes me feel good as a mother, knowing my daughter is at a place where she is loved and cared for. Some of the providers here... I wouldn't want to be sending her to you...

[Blackcat31]

It is great that you are such a caring and loving and responsible mother to your child. Most of us that provide child care do have those parents in care. You just don't hear much about them because most the posts on here are vents about the bad parents. Providers don't complain about good parents. Those are the ones who are like you described. They work with the provider in a partnership to raise and care for the child.

I am sorry if this forum has made you think all providers assume parents are lazy and uncaring. That is really NOT the case. Sadly, you will read and hear about alot more of the negative than the positives because the good parents talk to us and work with us so we do not need to come on a forum and ask for advice or help or feedback for those parents.

Please keep that in mind when you read this forum.

As a child care provider, thank you for being that awesome type of parent that is really why I stay in this business loooong after my own kids are grown and nearly gone.

Thank you for being the type of parent that makes me glad for the child at the end of a long week because I know that your child is going home to loving parents and a stable home life. Thank you for being the type of parent who puts forth the effort to raise and care for your child in a partnership with your provider. Thank you on behalf of every provider out there and on this forum who does have wonderful, loving, caring and supportive parents because those are NEVER the ones you hear about.

Those are never the ones who are vented and complained about but we still know you are out there! Thank you!

[blessedmess8]

I agree with what Blackcat said and I'm sorry you feel that way. I imagine we are all a little jaded. It is disheartening how many parents have children and view them as an after thought. The reason you read so much about that is because most of us do sincerely care about and are passionate about children. So, it just really upsets us. I have seen some pretty judgemental posts on here, myself. oth towards parents other providers. Providers can be "uppity" sometimes and I think it is easy for us to fall in the trap of thinking OUR way of doing things is best and any other way is wrong. We get that "I know best" mentality. I know I've been guilty of that!! In all sincerity, though, even though it sounds hateful, it actually comes from a place of deep caring a lot of times!

[KDC]

Not all alike...

I've been doing daycare for about 6 years now. And I feel truly blessed that I've had the opportunity to be a part of these kids lives and watch them grow up. I am lucky to still be in touch with all of the parents and kids that I've watched from infancy, some now in preschool or grade school. I'm a kid person, always baby sat & have three small children of my own. I want to be part of my DCK's happy memories of growing up. I work very hard to make this a positive experience for both the kids and parents. With that said, it's impossible to please everyone all the time. Some parents want their kids to have a few hours of TV time, some do not. Some parents are okay with educational computer games, some are not. Some parents do not allow G rated shows and that means no Disney movie days. This makes it hard, and I found this forum a good place to seek advice for those situations. Not all advice is taken though If you did your due diligence to interview and take the time to visit and get to know your provider, checking references and are comfortable with the terms laid out in a contract you should be set Go with your gut, if it feels off, find someone else. They're precious gems and more important than anything else in the world ... I think it maybe upsets us when a parent comes along that doesn't feel this way.

I had a child sick and vomiting on the floor, when I called the parent to pick DCG up, she said she had a day full of meetings and couldn't come for 3 more hours. Could I just 'contain' her for that time. I informed her if she didn't come pick up DCG within the hour I would be sending her via ambulance to the nearest hospital (She was also lethargic and had a fever), turns out she had roto virus and spent 7 days in the hospital as she was only 7 months old. These stories break our hearts...

Sounds like you found someone great to watch your child And, breastfeeding is a personal choice and if anyone gave me a hard time about it, I'd run away from that provider too. It's part of the job, and if that's what you want for your child, it should be honored happily. Communication is the key. I had a mother who wasn't able to pump as much as her lil' one could eat, and she'd scream in hunger...we worked through it. Good Luck!

[Meeko]

We love parents like you! I bet your home day care provider loves you too!

But I bet if you ask her, she has now...or has had in the past,....other day care parents who have been a living nightmare. Most of us have them at some time or another and so we come here to vent. I have some of both. I have wonderful, caring dcp's who are a pleasure to do business with. They pay on time, are thoughtful towards me and are great parents.

I sadly also have children in my care who's parent's are a waste of space. I hate handing the kids back at the end of the day because I know the kind of home life they have. Their parents are rude and ignorant people. I have vented plenty on here about them!

There is a chance that your own provider comes here!!!

Please don't mind the negative vibe you may feel here on times. It actually helps us to vent. Many providers do not have co-workers they can blow off steam with. Many providers are treated like dirt and expected to give the world. That can be very stressful.

Bless you and your family!

[JenNJ]

Please know that this is not a good sampling of daycare providers or their views. I know many "in real life" and none complain this much or despise their clients this much. Also, none are know-it-alls.

I really love my clients and their kids. I am fortunate to have like minded parents as clients and could easily be friends with any of them outside of work. They are good people and great parents. It shows in their children every single day.

I'm glad you found a great provider and know that she is just as glad to have found you!

[Cat Herder]

As a parent, I find that odd. :confused:

I would give anything to find a open/public teachers forum like this where they tell the truth. (I am not talking about constant venting about things some have no intention of resolving. THAT unfortunately happens in every field, age group and walk of life.)

I am so sick and tired of all the buzz words and political correctness covering up built up resentments. Just TELL me the truth and I WILL adapt.

I like simple.... I LOVE reality.

I always worry if I am making them angry by wanting to be involved or wanting to know how I can help in some way without stepping on toes. :confused:

I feel pushed out and would LOVE to know how they felt and what they REALLY deal with on a daily basis. With more information I may be the best parent they ever had or may just get out of their way and let them do their job, YKWIM?

[mismatchedsocks]

Im glad you are a great parent with a great provider! I am sure your provider is not here complaining about you then, but maybe another family in her care. And I use this as a sounding board, a listening board, a co worker pretty much. When a provider is at home with kids all day, with no other adult co working, its hard to get a grasp on what to do in some situations.

I would love if I could give a print out of some of these discussion boards to parents to say, see i am not the only one who doesnt allow peeing in the sink, or makes the kids sit to eat, not walk around with sippy cups, or actually have to take a nap at age 2.

[Unregistered]

Agree with OP

I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.

[godiva83]

Sadly, sticking to the negative is something that comes more easily to most no matter their role in society. Thus, making the negative threads and comments remain the the foreground of a persons memory. Please try and remember most of these threads are not negative, they are DCP's seeking advice, support and communication with a peer in their profession. Being a DCP/RECE is a very hard job with little recognition from society and a lot are viewed as less than equal to others- this making it easier for some to get stuck in that negative manner. However, the majority of ppl on this forum I would say do it because they love it, and are seeking extra help because they love their job, why else would they spend their extra free time on a 'Daycare' forum, right?
Again, I am sorry that these negative threads have left a sour taste in your mouth, but please try and remain open minded and just like everyone, DCP's need to vent also. Trust me it isn't always roses and rainbows in any profession or role you play.
Go read the positive thread, or what made you laugh today- don't hunt down just the negative threads.
Cheers

[dEHmom]

I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.

I would just like to ask this...

When you have a hard day at work because you were so busy you didn't get to have your coffee break, or missed half of your lunch break, do you go home and vent to your husband/wife? a good friend?

There is an equal or near equal amount of daycare center workers and home daycare providers on this forum, it's not all in home daycares. I think the worst stories on this forum is from the centers btw, IMO.

We often work from 6am to 6pm, then clean up, cook supper, run errands etc after 6pm to do it all over again the next day. Where do we find the time to find friends or hang out with friends, chit chat on the phone, or whatever to let some steam off, or just unwind from such a chaotic day? Some days are good some are bad.

Would you rather have a provider that doesn't open up, that can't come to a place like this with anonymity to talk about your child that threw up all over the brand new couch? or how your child pees in the sink? EVERY child has a bad day, just like adults, and EVERY parent isn't perfect. EVERY parent doesn't pay on time, or have an excuse for this or that. Some parents, even the best of the best parents, will dose their child with tylenol before dropping off because they either can't or don't want to stay home with their child when they have a fever. MY AWESOME parents did this before. Doesn't make them horrible people, but makes our day harder, and more than likely without even realizing it. So yes sometimes we need to come to a place like this to get that off our shoulders so that we can feel better, get some support or advice, and move on. Would you rather your provider put a smile on 100% of the time, bottle everything up inside, and then just explode one day??? That's a timebomb waiting to go off.

It's great to know that you are such a wonderful parent, and care about your provider. But not everyone is like this. Many people think they are our bosses, and that they can do whatever they want. Many feel that they can break contracts and rules. Some even go so far as to walk into our homes after hours, or snoop around in areas that they should not be.

So far I have been lucky I have had wonderful parents, but even with that, I have had a moment here and there where I lost a little respect for them, or felt hurt by them. Clients, family, friends, it doesn't matter who you are, there are always the good and the bads. No one is perfect, and sometimes we just need to talk it out. Some of us don't have the support of coworkers, friends or families, so the next best thing is our closest coworkers who can offer honest advice because they understand, and those closest coworkers may be 1000's of miles away, but because of the wonderful WWW we can feel as though we are sharing a cup of coffee together on a lunch break.

[Unregistered]

It just seems like whenever a small vent/issue comes up, the immediate response is the parent must not care about the child or the provider... instead of maybe there are extenuating circumstances or it's really a one time thing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but over the weekend (not a daycare day) my DD was especially wriggly when I was changing her diaper. Apparently I didnt get it on right and when we were visiting family later she had a nasty blowout. If that had happened at one of your daycares and you came to vent about it here, I'm sure there would have been responses about how I'm a bad parent who doesnt know how to fasten her own daughter's diaper and didn't care enough to get it right.

And I just have to say... I would never send my DD to nannyde. Of all of you, she seems to express the most that parents are uncaring horrible people and babies should be little robots who all act the same. Just the impression I've gotten from lurking.

[Meeko]

I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.

Judgement/pettiness/jealousy????

It is sadly people with your kind of attitude that we come here to vent about!

I do not feel wrong to judge the parent who doesn't take her obviously very sick child to the doctor even though she gets free state healthcare and only works 30 hours a week and has oodles of time to go.

I am not being petty when I ask for payment on time or my contract to be honored or my family time to be respected.

I am most certainly not jealous of any of my clients. I got to see MY children every single day of their young lives as I never had to put them in day care for one day. I thought it was important to raise them myself. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Being a stay at home mother was more important to me than any outside job. I take care of plenty of children who's mother's have no choice but to work...but I also take care of others who's mom's work only to be able to pay me and make the speedboat/RV/pool/vacation condo/tennis lessons payment (and usually whine about the paying me part.....)

I'm not jealous of them....I feel desperately sorry for them. They are missing out on the most important thing in their lives. Their children. Some by circumstance which is sad, and a lot by choice which is even sadder.

If you stop to notice, you will see that most of the vents on here are because parents don't care about their provider (not all...some are wonderful) But in general, providers are expected to do a VERY important job that they often don't get a thank you for.

All we hear is complaining and excuses why we can't be paid this week.

Complaining about the rules (I mean why shouldn't little Bertrum be allowed to bring a red sharpie to day care so he can color all over the walls?)

Complaining about food (why do we have to serve healthy stuff...Princess only likes Lunchables???)

Complaining about bringing diapers and supplies (as if the provider can magic them out of thin air or pay for them herself)

Complaining about paying for days they aren't there (even though they agreed to it when they signed up and they still expect the place to be held open for their child)

"Forgot" to bring the check,,,but expect care anyway (ever try going to the grocery store, putting your stuff through the checkout and then tell the checker you'll be back later with the money???)

So yes.......sometimes we do the same! We complain!!!!!

I refuse to believe that women who work outside the home are all blissfully happy and content in their jobs and have wonderful bosses and happy, co-operative co-workers. I really don't think for one second that they meet for lunch and spend it singing and praising their glorious jobs that are never, ever stressful

Why are we not allowed to vent our frustrations?

Why do you spent soooo much time here reading it all?

Guess that brings us back to "judgemental, petty and jealous" doesn't it?

[Blackcat31]

It just seems like whenever a small vent/issue comes up, the immediate response is the parent must not care about the child or the provider... instead of maybe there are extenuating circumstances or it's really a one time thing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but over the weekend (not a daycare day) my DD was especially wriggly when I was changing her diaper. Apparently I didnt get it on right and when we were visiting family later she had a nasty blowout. If that had happened at one of your daycares and you came to vent about it here, I'm sure there would have been responses about how I'm a bad parent who doesnt know how to fasten her own daughter's diaper and didn't care enough to get it right.

And I just have to say... I would never send my DD to nannyde. Of all of you, she seems to express the most that parents are uncaring horrible people and babies should be little robots who all act the same. Just the impression I've gotten from lurking.

I feel really bad that this is the impression that you have gotten from this forum. Really, it is not the reality of daycare providers. There are so many other factors that make up a providers attitude about whether or not they think a parent is a good or bad parent. What you explained about is not defining what tyoe of parent you are. We DO see the big picture and sometimes when a member comes here to vent it is a build up of many many other things in regards to that specific parent that made them come to the conclusion they have.

So what comes out as a nit-picky response about not being paid, it is usually only after the provider has made a gazillion exceptions for this family or has already given and given to the point that they just can't anymore so they end up venting on here. What you read in a vent/post is just a tiny snipet of the real/whole problem.

I would like you to continue to be on this board, but please join! We need more parents on here so that we can see things from their eyes and a new perspective. Don't be turned off by something you have the power to change. I invite you to be part of the solution. For some of us, we have been providing childcare for so long that we easily forget what it is like being a daycare parent so we need to be reminded of that side of things now and then...kwim?

Please join and share with us....we really are not a bad group!

[renodeb]

Its really a shame that you fell this way. I think that the providers that post on here need to remember to be professional and watch what the way in which things are worded. There is definaely a time and place for vents but we dont want to scare the parets away.It is the way of the world these days to need two incomes so child care is a must. I wish all of the parents I dealt with were as caring as you.
Debbie