This Forum Turns Me Off Of Daycare...

[Blackcat31]

I think it's weird most of day care providers act like parents who put their children in day care don't have hard jobs just beacuse they don't watch children all day. I go to work for 8 hours a day and then after I pick my son up my second job begins. Day care providers once the kids go home...you can run your errands without a whinning child after a long day at work...you can get your laundry done without my favorite helper unfolding it all before i finish...you can cook dinner without distraction. Now of course if you have young children of your own, maybe this doesn't apply to you, but then you should also know what it's like to work "2 jobs" (my day care provider has no children, and is always complaining how tired she is and how she doesn't want to work anymore...and I get the feeling alot of the providers I'm seeing on here complaining have older children that don't need as much tending to)...but I think it's low to talk about parents that have jobs because they need to provide for their children and act like just because I don't watch children all day my job doesn't matter or isn't just as hard. I would love to be able to stay home with my son all day...but unfortunatly I have bills, student loans, and my child needs clothes/food/diapers etc....so I don't have a choice.

It is funny that you say this because I tell my daycare parents all the time that I feel for them in that regard. I tease them about being over worked because not only do they work but at the end of the day, they pick up "my job" and go home. I completely get that line of thinking!!!

Also for the record though, I think a majority of providers on this forum have children at home as well. Providing childcare is NOT simply to stay home with their children, it is a job and to think of it as anything less is low, IMHO.

VERY few of us, parents and providers have any other choice but to work and provide for their children as you do. CHILD CARE IS A JOB!! I have bills, student loans and family needs too and being a childcare provider is how I earn the money to pay those bills so please do not think that childcare providers are simply sitting at home eating bon-bons all day while watching your child while you are out hard at work.....because after you pick up your child, the provider may still have other children or household obligations to fulfill so just because you have retrieved your child doesn't mean her day is over.

If your provider is complaining alot, I would have a discussion with her about her thoughts and feelings and then make a choice on whether or not you feel she is working at her best or if she is truly burned out. Which if she is, you may need to look for other care.

[daycare]

This is a perfect example of how differently we all view things. I did NOT take the OP's post as complaining. I took it as she was feeling really bad that daycare providers (whom she obviously believed in at one time since her dd is in one...) had a specific attitude about their jobs and that she (OP) was now becoming turned off about daycares because of what she has read on this forum. She didn't say she would never bring her dd to a daycare; she is already in one and this OP in my opinion is now second guessing that whole idea and whether it is right or not.

I think she was looking for us to tell her why we aren't all bad or maybe help her feel better about the choice she made for her dd since we all know that when we make decisions as a mother we often second guess ourselves.

I also think that calling her a troll is just as mean and as negative as we say we think trolls are. It is like the dck who hits another kid simply because they were hit first...:confused:

My definition of a troll is someone who comes on here, registered or not and starts to pick on a specific member or starts calling people names. Someone who voices their opinions without being personally specific is just another view from another angle and just because we may not agree, we could try to maybe give them our view in a positive, constructive way. As daycare providers who are some of the most important role models out there, shouldn't we hold some higher standards for ourselves and behave better?

(Sugar and Daycare...I am NOT direction this specifically at you two, I am talking about the general attitude of the entire forum. I was only using your posts to show how differently we all view things.)



Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked..... but I lurked for a really long time first and I kinda take offense to this.

Sorry I am responding so late to this, I have been rather busy the past few days.

This is a perfect example of different walks of life coming to this form. As some of you may know I am originally from a different county and I try very hard to read, speak and write in the English language. I do feel that what I have the hardest time with is reading comprehension. The way I may understand something may/will be completely different than others. This is stands for both parents and providers.....
I think that the different for parents are that they have never walked a day in our shoes (at least most have not) and as providers, most of us know what it is to be a parent.

I know that a lot of things that come across in this form might sound harsh or unfair, but until you have walked in the shoes in the life of a daycare provider it is hard to relate to all that goes on here....

[JenNJ]

I think it's low to talk about parents that have jobs because they need to provide for their children and act like just because I don't watch children all day my job doesn't matter or isn't just as hard. I would love to be able to stay home with my son all day...but unfortunatly I have bills, student loans, and my child needs clothes/food/diapers etc....so I don't have a choice.

I agree 100%. My husband isn't a bad dad because he works outside the home. He sacrifices something that means the world to him -- time with his children -- so that he can give them opportunities that wouldn't otherwise have. And just because someone does choose to stay home with their kids they aren't necessarily a good parent. Plenty of crappy parents stay home with their kids.

Though my husband works outside the home and I work at home with our kids, I think we are both good parents. It has nothing to do with where we spend our days. It has everything to do with how we spend the time we do have with them.

If there was a formula to becoming a good parent, don't you think everyone would follow it?

[sharlan]

as a parent

I'm breaking up my post into two because I've been on both sides of this issue.

As a parent, I worked 45 - 60 hrs a week and spent another 10 - 15 hrs a week commuting. I never stopped between my office and my providers' homes. So when I got off, I still had to stop at the market, drive home, cook dinner and clean the kitchen, help my eldest with homework, work on my youngest's speech therapy, clean house, do laundry, pack my 3 kids' bags and lunches for the next day. Don't forget about baths and stories before bed. Oh, and the animals that needed to be fed and cleaned up after.

I also had custody of my niece and had home inspections from DSS every month.

I spent my weekends scrubbing the house, washing clothes, and doing the yardwork just so I could do it again the next weekend.

My providers did little outside of watching my kids. It would have never crossed my mind to ask them to do anything beyond dressing and brushing their hair. Only one provider out of about 10 we went through took the kids on any outing and that was to the local park.

I was one step away from having a nervous breakdown when I quit my job. I have great respect for mothers who can work.

I vowed I would make my parents' lives easier because I understood the lives they live.

[Michael]

Hey,... What happened to chickenhauler????

Not sure. His wife is still on here sometimes. I think he had a falling out with MAC60

[sharlan]

as a provider

Since I was going crazy being a working mother, literally going crazy, I quit to provide daycare.

The majority of parents that I've dealt with were loving parents. I've had a few that should never, ever have had kids. I've had young single mothers to grandparents trying to raise their grandkids. I've had the neurotic parents that had to know what happened every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I've had others who couldn't care less what happened.

My kids are grown now, but 3 of the kids are my grandkids. I know what it's like to have my folded laundry tossed. I know what it's like to take a tired whiney kid to the grocery store or another errand. I understand what it's like to mop the floor to have juice spilled on it. I do not spend my day sitting in a corner and watch the kids, I live my life, just like most other providers here do.

After my other kids are gone, I still have a family of 10 that I cook dinner for. I still have a playroom, family room, school room, backyard, etc to clean. I still have to make up the bed for my little guy that comes at 4:45 AM. My day does not end at 5:00 and I really doubt that most providers do either.

Today, I helped one boy do a school project that should have been done over the weekend with his father, due tomorrow. I helped him work on a poem that he has to memorize before Fri. I also checked his other homework to make sure it was done correctly. After he left, I helped my 5 yo do her homework and listen to her read for 20 mins.

Since I started providing daycare in August of 1985, I have gone above and beyond the call of duty - for all of my kids and their parents. I know what it's like to be a working parent. I try to make their lives easier.

When my girls were little, I provided daycare for 6 kids plus mine. I fed, dressed, braided hair, helped with homework, drove kids to lessons and sports practices. I gave showers and washed clothes for kids who needed it, generally met whatever needs that I could for the child. I can't count the number of kids that I also took to dr's appts when they were sick or for routine shots.

I also worked outside the home doing office maintenance, working in a deli or whatever part time job I could find. I also helped out in their classrooms, was room mom a few times, and was a Girl Scout leader. My day did not end at 6 PM when all my daycare kids were gone.

I may have complained a few million times over the years, but I wouldn't trade my job for anything else.

I take great offense that someone ASS U MEs that I sit on my sofa, watch soap operas, and eat bonbons all day long. I take great offense that someone ASS U MEs that a child is better off at a center than with me. (Center providers, don't get upset with me, I know that there are many fantastic centers, but I know home daycare so that's what I like. I would never have been able to do what I do with the kids if I worked at a center.)

[Sugar Magnolia]

Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?

[Michael]

Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?

The OP was from Maryland and did reply once. The other unregistered posters where new and some members that had logged off.

[Blackcat31]

Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?

The OP responded in Post # 12.

[Cat Herder]

The OP responded in Post # 12.

That stinks that it was the only other post....

My first thought after reading that one was "If it was my dc parent I would just have her bring in the carseat, too, so it does not sit in the car rotting all day. I'd wash it and have it ready for pick up so the child does not have to sit in it covered in poo. Like every other time this happened to someone."

I don't know anyone who'd complain about an isolated or occasional issue. :confused: It has happened to all of us at one time or another, I am sure.

It is the repeat offenders that ruffle so many feathers and lead to such resentments...

I never sought out a forum until I was down, had hurt feelings, was losing interest and needed some assist getting inspired...YKWIM? I did plenty of venting until I realized I had the power to solve my own roblems. This forum is HIGHLY VALUABLE for that.

My second thought was being sad that so many are misunderstanding Nans intent here. She loves kids and wants us ALL to be child centered. Excellent food, care, toys, trust and love.

[Blackcat31]

That stinks that it was the only other post....

My first thought after reading that one was "If it was my dc parent I would just have her bring in the carseat, too, so it does not sit in the car rotting all day. I'd wash it and have it ready for pick up so the child does not have to sit in it covered in poo. Like every other time this happened to someone."

I don't know anyone who'd complain about an isolated or occasional issue. :confused: It has happened to all of us at one time or another, I am sure.

It is the repeat offenders that ruffle so many feathers and lead to such resentments...

That's what I was trying to say in response too...that is it is never the isolated things from parents who care. It is the ones who literally drain us that we vent or post about.

I never sought out a forum until I was down, had hurt feelings, was losing interest and needed some assist getting inspired...YKWIM? I did plenty of venting until I realized I had the power to solve my own roblems. This forum is HIGHLY VALUABLE for that.

I couldn't agree more!!!

My second thought was being sad that so many are misunderstanding Nans intent here. She loves kids and wants us ALL to be child centered. Excellent food, care, toys, trust and love.

Also agree 100%!! The things she stresses are the foundation for everything else!!! I cannot believe that is always so misunderstood! She gets paid to do what she does because she is good at it and understands the reasons why behind it She has years of experience that is also very valuable. She puts herself out there so we can check if we want...she really is who she says she is and she really runs her business the way she says and very successfully too, I might add! She makes complete sense and is basically one of the most loving and supportive providers I know! She genuinely loves the kids and families she cares for and for anyone to assume or think differently is sad.

I answered in bold

[Michelle]

I'm breaking up my post into two because I've been on both sides of this issue.

As a parent, I worked 45 - 60 hrs a week and spent another 10 - 15 hrs a week commuting. I never stopped between my office and my providers' homes. So when I got off, I still had to stop at the market, drive home, cook dinner and clean the kitchen, help my eldest with homework, work on my youngest's speech therapy, clean house, do laundry, pack my 3 kids' bags and lunches for the next day. Don't forget about baths and stories before bed. Oh, and the animals that needed to be fed and cleaned up after.

I also had custody of my niece and had home inspections from DSS every month.

I spent my weekends scrubbing the house, washing clothes, and doing the yardwork just so I could do it again the next weekend.

My providers did little outside of watching my kids. It would have never crossed my mind to ask them to do anything beyond dressing and brushing their hair. Only one provider out of about 10 we went through took the kids on any outing and that was to the local park.

I was one step away from having a nervous breakdown when I quit my job. I have great respect for mothers who can work.

I vowed I would make my parents' lives easier because I understood the lives they live.

Sharlan,
This post is so good and your other posts are too!
I actually went with a parent to the police station and hospital when she thought that her son was being sexually abused by her boyfriend. I stayed with her while she cried and supported her and comforted her son.
I am from the batch of providers that definitely go way and beyond what others do. I give baths when needed, buy them shoes or clothes if needed and love them like they are my own.
Centers can not possibly do what we do. I have perfect strangers tell me in public, they can't even tell which ones were mine and which ones were day care. That is the biggest compliment I have ever had.

[mac60]

Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked.....

I lurked for a very long time too. I read the entire archives before I started. The weird thing is I can't find the old archives. I think there is a bunch of it missing.

I always read the entire archives before I start posting... with the exception of mychildfun It took me a year of reading there and I still couldn't finish theirs. It's HUGE with five hundred plus pages of threads. I read more than half of them and post there now and then when something interest me. That's the biggest site I know of of daycare archives. Ivillage still has some of their old posts but they are really hard to go through. It will fry your retina if you are on there too long.

I think IIRC I lurked here for a couple of years before I posted. I joined in march 2010 but I think I started reading in 08. I loved Mac60's posts and another one... chickenhauler. Those two cracked me up. I didn't think the op was a troll but I KNEW there would be a "nannyde is the devil" post coming and sure enough it appeared.

I guess when you weren't the one being bullied by him repeatedly and nothing was being done about it it is easy to say that it "cracked me up"......kind of sad that someone would think that was amusing.

[Mommy2One]

Just my 2 cents...

I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OP’s post to an extent.

After Blackcat’s explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and we’re frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But I’m also a mom who never planned to work during my daughter’s infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasn’t making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents don’t love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesn’t help that unless you’ve seen it, it’s hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think I’m generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) that’s out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters – she seemed harsh. But I’ve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact that’s she’s usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldn’t let my daughter do either, not because I’d thought them out beforehand but because they’re common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, I’d suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as I’m sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that she’s learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as I’m still fairly new here

[Blackcat31]

I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OP’s post to an extent.

After Blackcat’s explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and we’re frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But I’m also a mom who never planned to work during my daughter’s infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasn’t making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents don’t love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesn’t help that unless you’ve seen it, it’s hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think I’m generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) that’s out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters – she seemed harsh. But I’ve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact that’s she’s usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldn’t let my daughter do either, not because I’d thought them out beforehand but because they’re common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, I’d suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as I’m sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that she’s learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as I’m still fairly new here

Excellent post Mommy2One!!

In regards to your provider, I can only advise you to be honest with her and expect no less from her. Work together because you are both in this together.

If something is bothering you, say something before it turns into something big.

If she did something you really love and appreciate, let her know. Sometimes, all providers are really lacking is that appreciation for what they do.

I am sure that if you are respectful and appreciative of her, she loves and appreciates you for the exact same reasons!!

As far as this forum goes, please stay and join the conversations. We need parents to voice their concerns and opinions so we can see that it is tough on your end as well!