This Forum Turns Me Off Of Daycare...

[Michael]

I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep.

Welcome to the forum. Glad you finally registered.

[nannyde]

I guess when you weren't the one being bullied by him repeatedly and nothing was being done about it it is easy to say that it "cracked me up"......kind of sad that someone would think that was amusing.

No Mac

Not you two together.

I'm talking about your posts singly and his posts singly.

You are one of the main reasons I stayed lurking here.

He was one of the main reasons I stayed lurking here.

That's all I'm saying.

[dEHmom]

I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OP’s post to an extent.

After Blackcat’s explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and we’re frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But I’m also a mom who never planned to work during my daughter’s infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasn’t making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents don’t love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesn’t help that unless you’ve seen it, it’s hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think I’m generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) that’s out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters – she seemed harsh. But I’ve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact that’s she’s usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldn’t let my daughter do either, not because I’d thought them out beforehand but because they’re common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, I’d suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as I’m sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that she’s learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as I’m still fairly new here

Fantastic post! and glad you stuck around. And I think you nailed Nan right. It's the lack of expressions because it is simply a written. Nothing sounds as great on the internet and needs that extra umph just to make it sound better. Nan is straight to the point. I have to agree I thought of her as a drill sargent too at first, until I was dealing with the same bad behaviors time and time again with the same kids, and Nan would be dancing in my head with her rules. And I realized it's just expectations and not boot camp.

I have been on this site for a long time. I've made more than my share of posts already. I have to admit that I can't say I've seen a lot of posts on here judging parents who have to work and can't stay home with their kids. It keeps coming up, but I can't say that I find that is what people are complaining about on here.

I think it's providers trying to say that as providers we are watching someones kids because they have to work. And then the parents go beyond that and get an extra hour, or 2 or 3 outside of working hours where the provider still has the child.

I don't read every thread that comes up, I read the ones that grab my attention or relate to me. Because I'd be on here 24/7 if I didn't. I've also learned there are a few people on here who are constantly complaining and I myself have to wonder why they do this job. Those seem to have slowed down, but there are a few that I avoid.

I also feel that the majority of the ladies on here have to deal with a lot more stressful days because they have infants right from newborn. In Canada, we have 1 yr maternity leave, and so most kids we get in daycares are 11-13 months old. Babies are only easy when they sleep, but I personally know the stress of having a newborn around who doesn't like to sleep more than 15 mins at a time, and how older kids love to crowd the itty bitties which would be stressful in itself.

[caligirl]

It is great that you are such a caring and loving and responsible mother to your child. Most of us that provide child care do have those parents in care. You just don't hear much about them because most the posts on here are vents about the bad parents. Providers don't complain about good parents. Those are the ones who are like you described. They work with the provider in a partnership to raise and care for the child.

I am sorry if this forum has made you think all providers assume parents are lazy and uncaring. That is really NOT the case. Sadly, you will read and hear about alot more of the negative than the positives because the good parents talk to us and work with us so we do not need to come on a forum and ask for advice or help or feedback for those parents.

Please keep that in mind when you read this forum.

As a child care provider, thank you for being that awesome type of parent that is really why I stay in this business loooong after my own kids are grown and nearly gone.

Thank you for being the type of parent that makes me glad for the child at the end of a long week because I know that your child is going home to loving parents and a stable home life. Thank you for being the type of parent who puts forth the effort to raise and care for your child in a partnership with your provider. Thank you on behalf of every provider out there and on this forum who does have wonderful, loving, caring and supportive parents because those are NEVER the ones you hear about.

Those are never the ones who are vented and complained about but we still know you are out there! Thank you!

I couldn't have said it better. If every parent were this way, we would all be very happy.

[dave4him]

*whistle and sigh*
Its a blessing people who provide for children have a place like this to talk openly and get ideas and tips. Im not sure snooping is a good idea...it does bring up a question of trust really.... if you dont trust the person you have watching your child enough that you have to go online to spy on them.. GET THEM OUT OF THERE! Seriously. Know who are leaving your kids with.
I am a stay at home dad right now because i knew my twins would need extra attention and we felt it would make the best for me to watch the kids... no matter how crazy they drive me. And i am wanting to start a daycare so i have more time to spend with my family on nights and weekends. Hopefully be able to minister to other kids and parents by serving them in this way with home daycare. We will see how things go. Still... wow.

[caligirl]

I am a very good DCP. I take VERY good care of the children here. I have been licensed for almost 30 years. I give the children plenty of attention, keep them busy with activities, teach them many things and give them as much love as I possibly can. Just because we take care of children doesn't mean we are bad people, or that we have no right to complain. This is not an easy job. Raising children is a LOT of work. We are doing this job because we love the children. But just as in every job, it's not always perfect and things don't always run smoothly. Open communication, even though we try to keep that going, isn't always easy with every parent. This is only where we come to vent now and then....

We have good reason to vent now and then. For instance, I just started a new baby last week....the mom wasn't happy with where he was. I close at 5pm. She isn't off until 5pm and asked if there was any way I could take him, that she would be here by 5:30. I open at 7am...already a 10 hr day....I gave it a lot of thought, knowing everyone else would be gone before 5, but I told her I would, as long as it was never any later than 5:30.....well it started today, 5:35....traffic.... I get paid on Fridays in advance....I have not received my payment for this week yet....each evening at pick up this week she has had an excuse.....I told her that she'll need to bring me a check for both this week and next week since she is late, and that I would cash them both on Saturday..... I've also reminded her daily to bring some paperwork that I need....she has forgotten each day...... now, I have every right to be unhappy. I've taken very good care of her sweet little baby, and in return, I deserve a little respect and to honor my contract. Otherwise, she may have to go back to her previous provider.

[misspollywog]

Hrrmm. I guess I am odd because the more I read here the more I think a lot of members are dcp's I would have trusted with my own children. I guess if you focus ONLY on negative posts you would develop the attitude of the OP, but who focuses only on the negative?

[BBDC]

I, too, agree with all of the unregistereds and OP. I've been saying this for years, that because of this forum, I would never hire a home daycare and I try to convince my friends never to choose one either. Every one I know that did choose one had nothing but problems and were virtually problem free with a center by comparison. There's way more I could say, but it's not worth it. I'm glad I found this site, because it confirms exactly what I'd been thinking about home daycares from the beginning and how they think and operate. I feel sorry for those poor parents and kids who have no idea that their providers post here - I highly doubt they've revealved their involvement in their contracts.

like many have said ALOT of people who post on here are also centers not just inhome so THIS is just showing you do not read very closely to know that centers post here too> WHO knows it could be a person from your center ! I do not think you should judge in homes for other people as there are alot of people who like inhomes more than centers! I know several of my clients came from centers and like my inhome better ( they have told me that) I have less clients than a center so I am able to give a child more one on one care compared to a center. (which goes for alot of in-homes) So please do not judge all in-homes on something you read because the comments you read could be coming from a center not just an inhome!

[Unregistered]

new daycare book

I just posted about a new daycare book. Yikes. Written by a daycare worker who tried her best but didn't feel she could do it all and do it well. Lots of stories the parents never heard.

Bridget

http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Time-Really-Daycare-ebook/dp/B006UYCWGA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328629773&sr=8-1

[BabySteps]

I don't know if I am the only one, but I only care for one child at a time - does anybody else do that?

I decided after working at daycare centers who treated kids not well, especially the babies who can't communicate how they feel or what happens to them.. I wanted to just care for Infants 6 weeks up to age 2. At around age 2 children can communicate what goes on with them.

I don't have set hours, I do what parents need. I cared for one little girl until 10pm sometimes, overnight sometimes, and weekends. Her Mom was a single Mom so I helped her out whenever she needed.

I love what I do!