Biting @ Daycare

[MrsB]

biting in home daycare setting...

As a daycare provider for many years, I have seen my fair share of biters. Although I see the need for the child to be picked up, for the daycare to place sole responsibility on the parents isnt necessarily fair. Since alot of times the parent isnt seeing it at home. With most of the children I have had biting using a technique where you simply say "no biting, that hurts" and exclude them from your attention, the childs attention, and what ever activity they are doing or toy they are playing with seems to help better than going into a big long explanation. When you are talking to a toddler the fewer words you use the more they will understand. Esentially you are giving them a time out but I try not to use the word time out. Kids are in timeout so much that they become desensatized to it. If you can make more fuss about the child who is hurt and more ignoring of the biting behavior then they wont use biting as tecnique to get attention. Also for the kids that are doing out of frustration. You have to "see" the frustration and direct it in the right way before the result is biting. Biting is an end result of frustration. We have a bean bag pillow that the kids use when they are really frustrated and they learn to hit the pillow and use their words to the pillow to calm down rather than hiting or biting the other kids. Once they learn this then they can direct their words towards the kids rather than the pillow.
In one instance, I had a child that was an aweful biter, I tried everything I knew of to try. I was in constant contact with the parent on different things to try. Together with the parent we came up with using a squirt bottle. If I saw him begin to get frustrated or go to bite, I would squirt him more on a stream than a mist. Sure it took alot of time on my part the first few hours, because I had to basically have an eye on him at all times. When I would make lunch, or go potty, I had to have him come with me. It only took one day and about 5 times of getting squirted and he pretty much stopped. Over the next 2 days I caught him going for the bite a few times but then we were all done! The squirt bottle was a last ditch effort and I felt absolutely horrible doing it but it did work. Keep in mind, I was in complete agreeance with the parents and we wrote down everything that I was doing and our "plan" and we all signed it.

[Unregistered]

There are two sides to every situation

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

[saved4always]

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I was fortunate that my own 3 kids did not bite. I have watched a couple of little boys who went through it though. And you are so right. Unfortunately, biting leaves a mark and there is less tolerance for it. I think it is often the way the young child lets another one know to back off.

The latest one who was biting is the youngest of the 3 children I currently watch. I absolutely adore this little guy and have watched him since he was 3 months old. He is 20 months old now and the only other child he has bitten is the 2 1/2 yo little girl. I think he bit her 3 times, hard. I watched very closely after the first time to try to "catch" him doing it so I could intervene. I noticed that he would bite because she would be taking a toy from him and pushing him. The one time, she took a toy from his hand and then held her arm in front of him to keep him away from it and he bit the arm she was pushing him with. I was able to stop him a few times when I saw it coming, but it is not possible to always be able to stop it. When I showed the mother of the little girl the bite, I made sure she knew that she was not an innocent bystander in the biting incident. There was a reason that he was just biting her. And you are right, his parents felt terrible about it and they really worked with him at home on it. He does seem to be over the biting stage now. I am glad that I was never given an ultimatum by the other mother so I was able to work with him to get over it.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son. It totally stinks that the biting leaves a mark that the other child's behavior does not. In a perfect world, the other child's parents would understand that their child has a big part in the biting situation and would work with thier child on that to help rectify the situation. Since this is a really imperfect world, that is not always how it is handled. Parents can get a bit hyper about a bite mark. I hope that your son gets over the biting quick so you don't have to feel so stressed.

[nannyde]

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

[Unregistered]

enough is enough

How much is enough? In 18 mos my son has been bitten 5 times and received a black eye playing with a "friend" at daycare. I know that at least four of these incidents are from the same child. Unfortunately, I know it was the same child. I say that because I see both sides of the issue and feel for the other family. I have been offered to move my son to another room, but won't because he has not done anything wrong.

They want to work with the child and parent to help the child, but I feel the center is letting down both children in doing so. The incidents do not happen back to back so it always seems like we deal with incidents one at a time rather than looking at the big picture of what's happening. The child also shows very aggressive tendencies with other kids in the room. Their teacher ratios are fine and they have tried shadowing.

I am afraid if I move my son to another center I trade one bag of probems for the unknown. On the other hand I could not live with the regret if something worse happened....did I mention one bite was a week before Christmas on my son's face? Why these boys are not separated when the other room is available I don't know. I think the triggers are jealousy and control between the children and shadowing and behavior mod. at home will not help if they are just not meant to be friends!

I am angry that the daycare is making me feel like I am letting him down.

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

From reading your posts it sounds like you are in a very strong position to weed out potential problem families. While I'm sure you run an excellent program a lot of credit has to be given to your ability to choose the cream of the crop clients.

[Sugar Magnolia]

"I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. "

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

Sugar, I agree with you about proper supervision and being a diligent provider so that biting does not happen. I also think a majority of biting DOES happen due to lack of supervision.

However, I don't think it is fair to say that one bite means the child was improperly supervised.

I have had 1 biting incident in my 20 years of child care and it was an 18 month old DCG who bit an 11 month old DCG while she (the little one) was sitting on my lap!

The biter had never bitten before and was going in for what I thought was a hug to the little one. She hugged her alot. All of a sudden, little one arches her back away from the older girl and I realize she was bitten....and badly too.

It has never happened again here but it did happen once and NOT because of lack of supervision.

[Sugar Magnolia]

You are absolutely right Blackcat. All I meant was one bite should mean a parent should CONSIDER the supervision is not all it can be. I have had two bites, both were lightning fast and not the result of a problem that was allowed to escalate. Bites happen, but should be super rare, like yours are. But I only meant parents should have eyes wide open if it occurs, even once. These posts about multiple bites and it being "normal" are very disturbing. I was absolutely mortified by my biting incidents, I expected the parents to be upset, luckily they were not. I had a child once that came to us because a big box center was non-chalant about multiple bites. I would fully expect a parent to be concerned to the point of withdrawing their child if the were bit more than once, and even expect a grilling over the first one.

[DaisyMamma]

Great thoughts and ideas. What to do if you have a home daycare and your own child is the biter? I cannot expel her and I am watching the kids. It only takes 2 seconds!

[Unregistered]

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

[Meyou]

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

[saved4always]

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I am sorry your little one is going through this. I have had a couple biters in my home childcare and both times, the parents (2 different families) were very concerned about the biting and worked on it at home. Both families of the biters felt very badly about thier child biting and apologized (in person or through me if they had different drop off/pick up times...parents knew who the biter was because the bitten child could say the name, plus I only watched 4 kids). I feel that the parents taking it very seriously and expressing thier sorrow to the parents of the bitten child went a long way in helping everyone get through the situation. The biting stage was short-lived for both of these children, thank goodness. I feel a combination of time outs when biting occurred, shadowing to catch the biting situations before they happened and the parents of the biter reinforcing no biting at home all helped it to stop quickly.

[saved4always]

I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

I agree with this, too. If you feel the parents and your provider are not addressing the biting and it is going on like this, it is time to look for a new provider. It doesn't sound to me like your provider is doing everything she could to stop the biting.

[DevorahNA]

child bitten, and teacher of children who have bitten

I have been on both sides of the above situation. I have taught several children who I would call habitual biters and my daughter was bitten many times at daycare.

As the teacher of the biting child, I sat down with parents and the school administrators and mapped out a plan to figure out why the bitting was occurring and ideas of what I could do and what the parent could do at home. I think that generally if the ratios of child:teacher are ok, than the biting can be stopped. but you really have to make a plan and follow through, and adjust if necessary.

As I mentioned my daughter was bitten many times at daycare. unfortunately, I was not aware of the problem until that last 2 weeks of school. I knew that a child in her class bit, and I knew she was bitten a few times. But it was only when I witness her being bitten for no reason that that I made a fuss about it to the director. Then the teachers actually documented how many bites were happening per day. Well it turns out it was multiple times per HOUR. Frankly, I was enraged that my child was being bitten so many times and no one cared to tell me!!! I cannot believe that no on cared to try to stop it. Nobody met the parents or made plans. Frankly, its not developmentally normal behavior to be biting like this! It is a child like this that needs to be expelled. Not because he cannot be worked with, but because the school doesn't take the time to figure out what the child needs to stop biting. YOu have to protect the other children! i am very angry that my baby was in a hostile environment so long. I was understanding when when I thought it was a few times in an entire year, not when I learned it was a few times a week!