Biting @ Daycare

[nannyde]

It's not. Like another poster, my set up is so that I can see the children. Areas that I can't see are gated off. I use mirrors for corners (the kids think I'm G*d:: ) When there is going to be a situation where I don't have direct visual contact the children (I need to use the bathroom) the children need to be set up at the table (right outside the bathroom) a child who has bitten would be in the high chair.
I am one who does't use the computer at all when children are awake/here, so that's not an issue.
And I do agree that if it's something more than a week or so of shadowing can help, the child needs to go elsewhere.
But as to the other, I'll agree to disagree at this point, because it's a gorgeous day here and I don't have any kids here

Nah it's impossible. When you are caring for birth to five there are many times a day when in order to keep them SAFE and provide proper care you HAVE to visually and selectively ONLY look at what you and they are doing.

When you are feeding a newborn you HAVE to focus directly on their lips and cheeks when you are offering them the bottle. You have to make sure that the nipple is properly placed and grasped. You have to make sure the milk is going in and not coming out on the sides. You have to check flow of the fluid... You have to check to make sure they are breathing in between ****s. You have to make sure they are swallowing at a pace equal to the ****ing. You have to have groupings of seconds to JUST look DOWNWARD and see what that baby is doing. It wouldn't be safe to do that head up.

When you are cleaning a diaper blow out you HAVE to look directly at the child's body. You have to carefully remove the onesie and the shirt over the head to make sure you aren't getting fecal matter in their eyes or their hair. You have to look DIRECTLY at the child and the child's body in order to do it safely and keep the mess contained.

When you are cleaning them up after the clothes are removed you HAVE to scan them to make sure there is no residue of fecal matter on any part of their body.

When you are applying butt cream you HAVE to look directly at all the creases and areas that are affected with the rash. You HAVE to spread the cream evenly.

Hundreds and hundreds of times a day in the care of kids you are diverting your eyes to ONE child to provide what they need. Within those seconds of direct visual care that is required to care for them properly... you will not have direct visual contact with the other children... be in one more or six more.

There's no set up in the world that nets constant direct visual every single second or small gouping of seconds supervision of all of the kids when there is more than one kid with one adult.

It's impossible. It may be that it seems mincing words but it's within those few seconds that differentiate GROUP care from individual care.

[Cat Herder]

It's not. Like another poster, my set up is so that I can see the children. Areas that I can't see are gated off. I use mirrors for corners (the kids think I'm G*d:: ) When there is going to be a situation where I don't have direct visual contact the children (I need to use the bathroom) the children need to be set up at the table (right outside the bathroom) a child who has bitten would be in the high chair.
I am one who doesn't use the computer at all when children are awake/here, so that's not an issue.
And I do agree that if it's something more than a week or so of shadowing can help, the child needs to go elsewhere.
But as to the other, I'll agree to disagree at this point, because it's a gorgeous day here and I don't have any kids here

So during diaper changes, food prep and serving, wiping another child's face, tossing out a dirty Kleenex, picking up a broken toy, and the other MILLION times when you are looking directly at another child or object you would keep this biter confined to a high chair?

It is possible for you to 100% of the time see what each child is doing even while directly focusing on another child's needs??

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I am in the same room at all times, my kids even have their own playrooms...within a great room. Occassionally things happen. It is a fact of life.

We are not super human...We stack the odds in our favor as much as possible and deal with issues as they present themselves. Biting is no different.

[nannyde]

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I have a full time staff assistant and I couldn't manage that. Even with two of us here it's gonna happen.

It's not even safe. I wouldn't want my child in the care of someone who wouldn't focus ON him directly when he needed immediate and precise care.

[Cat Herder]

I have a full time staff assistant and I couldn't manage that. Even with two of us here it's gonna happen.

It is also unfair to new providers who read that because they will feel like failures ALL THE TIME to think they are the ONE childcare provider in the world that cannot do this.

Not even mentioning the Mothers at home with a few small childen. I can't imagine the pressure of that.....

Nobody is superhuman. We TRY really hard, though....

[Unregistered]

I had a 18 month old bite my own son last year for almost 6 months. I was stupid and put up with it b/c I was new to daycare, thought it was typical toddler behavior and the mom swore it never happened to anyone but my son. She always blamed me and said since my son got more attention from me her child bit out of jealousy. I was stupid and put up with it. One day this child bit another child (we didnt know) while we were at an outing. I termed them that day (gave notice so they could make other arrangements) and was never happier when they stopped coming.

I have my teaching lic and lots of experience with kids. I can't say why some kids start biting but in this case there was no fixing it. I tried everything and simply couldnt stop the behavior.

I am still friends with the mom and will allow the kid to come back for back up care. She comes less than 1x a month and now at almost 3 I can say with certainty she hasn't changed one bit. She currently attends a daycare with only school age kids (who are obviously quick enough to get away from her). She has no play skills, pushes, hits, whines, cries etc when she doesn't get her way. I don't think I would have survived the last year with her in my home everyday and do not for one minute regret getting rid of her.

I think you need to stand up for your own child and term. Maybe there is nothing wrong with this kid but it obviously isnt working at your daycare. Don't beat yourself up over it, I did and for a long time I felt like I had failed. I have learned that it isnt my job to fix other peoples kids problems. Move on for your own child's sake.

[rhymia1]

So during diaper changes, food prep and serving, wiping another child's face, tossing out a dirty Kleenex, picking up a broken toy, and the other MILLION times when you are looking directly at another child or object you would keep this biter confined to a high chair?

It is possible for you to 100% of the time see what each child is doing even while directly focusing on another child's needs??

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I am in the same room at all times, my kids even have their own playrooms...within a great room. Occassionally things happen. It is a fact of life.

We are not super human...We stack the odds in our favor as much as possible and deal with issues as they present themselves. Biting is no different.

Wow. I never said I was superhuman:confused: I tried to convey that I create my environment to be able to keep tabs on the children at all times. And yes, if I had a child who was biting, he would have to be confined for everyone's safety. To me, that's common sense. But I've also admitted that the few times I've had a child bite it's been age appropriate (15 months-2.5 years) and a one time thing. I haven't had serial biters or biters who were older or had other aggressive issues.

It's not even safe. I wouldn't want my child in the care of someone who wouldn't focus ON him directly when he needed immediate and precise care

And I wouldn't want my child in a care situation where the provider's first thought is to terminate if there is a difficult situation.

And with that thought, I bow out. I came to get ideas on how to keep school agers amused this summer, not to argue over issues I don't have.

[nannyde]

And I wouldn't want my child in a care situation where the provider's first thought is to terminate if there is a difficult situation.

Depends on what difficult is. When it comes to harming one of my kids.. yes that's too difficult for me. I know what I can and can't do. I can't manage a child that hurts a kid.

One of the biggest sellers of my daycare is having a LONG LONG history of no violence in my day care. Parents know when they come here that their kid will go home unscathed.

It's one of my specialties... no violence

[Unregistered]

Unique problem

I babysit from my home and I am in the process of getting certified to have a home day care. I have been watching this one child for this entire summer. He is 22 months and he is a biter. The child that he is biting is my 20 month old. He does seem to bite more when he is frustrated, but sometimes it is just because.

I can not keep my eyes on him every second of the day and I feel so bad for my poor child getting bit multiple times a day. When I tell the mother at the end of the day, her solution is to bite him and yell at him. I know she is his mother, but that just doesn't make sense to me. There is no way that child knows that he is being punished for something he did 2 hours ago. It makes me not want to tell her that he has been biting, but at the same time she needs to be told. I am at my wits end. I have started putting him in the play pen whenever I need to take my eyes off of him for an extended time. Or he or my son follow me, so they are not left together.

Should I go ahead and tell the mom I can't keep him anymore? I just can't stand it when my child gets hurt. It makes me angry. I know the biter is a baby too, so I do keep my cool with him.

[Brooklyn's Mommy]

My Child is also a Victim

My daughter has been attending the same daycare for 2 1/2 years (since she was almost 1) and has had constant, ongoing problems with being bitten. While in the baby room (before the age of 2), my daughter couldn't tell me who was biting her and the daycare's policy is not to disclose that information, but it was happening constantly (and really bad bites with broken skin, blood and teeth marks that lasted for days). Then, as my daughter's speaking skills developed, she started telling me it was this "Victoria" girl at her daycare that was biting her. For a while, I didn't believe her because they seem to play well together. The daycare just kept saying that it was because they were young and "the biter" didn't have the verbal skills to express herself, so she was biting when frustrated. Eventually, after my daughter repeatedly naming this child I felt quite certain it was "Victoria" who was doing the biting. I have now been able to learn more about the "incidents" when the biting is occuring and the daycare is baffled! Victoria is targetting my daughter (and others) completely UNPROVOKED! The last 3 incidents happened while my daughter was playing/reading on her own and Victoria comes out of no where and bites her! And THAT IS WITH A "SHADOW" STAFF PERSON WATCHING HER! The daycare has apparently tried everything in their power to keep the biter under watch and prevent her from biting (particularly my child because I have raised such a stink about it!). They give the biter time outs, remove her from play, have tried to make her help "her friend" by putting ice on the wounds that she causes and nothing works! This last incident happened with her "shadow" standing RIGHT THERE! The daycare has tried everthing. They have no clear policy on next steps (ie. expulsion) and they seem to be willing to continue to work with "the biter" even though (after 2 1/2 years) they have NO IDEA what her triggers are! The incidents are so random and can not be predicted in any way, yet they are very severe in nature.

As the parent of the victim, I have HAD ENOUGH! I don't care if your child is the biter and is "otherwise a good child"! If your child is repeatedly and consistently brutalizing and bullying all the other children, then REMOVE YOUR CHILD AND FIND ANOTHER MORE SUITABLE SETTING FOR YOUR CHILD! I am tired of hearing excuses for this behaviour! What type of message is it sending all the other kids?! First, it tells them that their safety and security doesn't matter and figuring out the psychy of the problem child is more important. Second, it tells them that there are no 'real' consequences for their actions and even if you break the rules, you will be fine. In fact! You are actually rewarded by breaking the rules because now you get a daycare provider devoted to you 24/7 to answer your every whim, while the other 7 children under that workers charge need to wait in line!

I have been VERY patient allowing them time over this past 2 1/2 years to figure things out and work with this child. NOTHING HAS WORKED and I am done waiting! I am done paying $500/month to have my child terrorized by one bully! My daughter is being robbed of her sense of security. I rely on her feeling safe and comfortable there, to make life less stressful and enjoyable for us both! Because of these incidences, I have a 3 1/2 year old who is terrified to go to daycare! I have to struggle to get her out of the house in the morning and then pry her from my neck when we get there. ALL BECAUSE SHE IS TERRIFIED, WONDERING WHEN THIS DEMON CHILD WILL ATTACK HER NEXT! I am exhausted with it all! I should not have to deal with the stress of this! Daycares are not required to "fix" your children! If you have a child with a behavioural problem, then remove your child and seek out the care that best suits their needs!

Thanks for reading.

[Unregistered]

Yesterday my son got kicked out of the daycare, let me explain the story. When my son was born i had to put him in a daycare, he was not but a few months old when a little girl a year and a half older then him started biting him, well the provider would never tell us about it or produce reports, so one day i decided to watch her, the little girl walked up to my son and bit him on the back 2 times, the provider was staring at her the whole time this is going on, she did not fuss the little girl but instead fussed my son who did nothing. so i took him out of there and put him in another daycare, well he started biting there, but it wasn't all the time, accually the only time he would bite was when he was biten first, well yesterday he bite a little boy in the face, the daycare called me up and told me i needed to pick up my son and he was no longer welcomed back, when i got there she had all of his stuff in a bag waiting for me at the front door. i was irate with this, then i called her later to find out about something else and she proceeded to tell me that they excluded him from the halloween party and made him watch the other kids in there costumes and getting candy while he was being punished and waiting for me. what would you do in my situation

In a situation where your kid is hurting other children and they do not have enough staff to have one person dedicated to him that is their easy solution, I particularly work with the parentand child for a period of tiem, but if it not works I do give a three week notice. I have 11 children for 3 providers so we can not have one provider dedicated all the time to one child for months that will means that 2 to 3 children are gettng neglected. Why do they separete your child out of the Halloween party was he bitting? I would do the same first time for 2 minutes for each year of age second time a little longer, if he keeps bitting I will separete him to another room, he need to get consecuences for his bad choises like to be price for the good ones. This days people talk all the time about children rights that I think is wonderful, but what about about their duties like to be nice, be respectfull etc...this are things that need to be taught as early as we can.

[Unregistered]

My son was kicked out Daycare today for biting. Unfortunatley this is not the first time. When it started he was about 18 months and the day care he was in started sending him home about once a week for biting. Then they kicked him out. I tried everything, there were no other daycares with openings and I had to quit my job. I made up my mind to take some time off with him and try to let him mature. I stayed home with him for a year. When I first put him in daycare again he did not bite. He started a few months after. I was getting called to pick him up all the time. So I switched him to another daycare before he could get kicked out again. Once again he did not bite for a month or so. Then he started biting at that daycare too. My child was refered to special education for learing disabilities, so I had to move to a daycare in the school district so he could get picked up. He did not bite at first at this new Daycare either. Then he started bitting everyday. This morning when I went to drop him off, the director told me that the State called and said my son could no longer attend the daycare because he had bit another child and caused the child to bleed. I dont know what to do. The family doctor never has any answers, so I'm wondering what type of doctor I should take him to? Does anyone know if he can go to another daycare now that he has been reported by the state? I dont want to have to keep moving him around but I need to work. It's really not fair that he has to keep going through adjusting over and over again. I also have a daughter who each time this happens has to start over again at a new daycare and hard for her as well.

You need to take responsability in your children behaivor. You have to give consecuences for his act at home too, a daycare provider can not do all the job, This days people talk all about childrens rights that I think is wonderful, but what about childrens duties and responsabilities like be nice, respectful etc...a two minutes timeout is not going to make any change and providers cannot do anything else, so it is your responsability. Other thing providers can be sue by the bitees parents?

[Unregistered]

Biting child

I currently work at a center where we have a child that has been biting. It started about six months ago and stopped for a while, but this week he has bitten someone everyday. Today, he bit 3 children. He is the ONLY child that bites.. We have brought this to the owners attention (she's never there) but we are not getting much support. She suggested we seperate the child from the others, but we are a small center, don't have too many staff members and can't really "afford" to have a teacher watch 1 child while there are few to watch the others. This little boy is 2 1/2 years old, only bites if someone has something he wants. I have tried to help him by telling him we don't bite our friends, and I know you want that toy but "Jill" is playing with it right now, we have to wait our turn.. Etc.. I have also tried to give him as much extra special attention when possible and make a big deal out it when he does something good and kind. We have had this lil guy since he was about 3 months old and I love him. I'm just frustrated because we've tried many things that don't work. I understand how the other parents feel. I know of many other daycares that would not let this continue. I'm not sure what to do? I'm actually considering trying to find another job because of the lack of support from the owner.

[Concerned Mommy]

What if the daycare is not reporting the bites?

Here is my concern. My child has had one-on-one in home care for the first 21 months. Recently we transitioned to pre-school daycare. In 6 weeks my child was bit twice. And has bit antother once (she bit another the same day she was bit). Those were reported. I understand biting is a normal part of the toddler life.

However, there have been two instances when she had injuries and it was never reported. One was a scraped forehead and scratch all the way down the face, down to the chin. The other was a bite on the shoulder that had broken the skin. I didn't notice until bath time.

So it could be they know and don't report it. Or they aren't watching and it goes unnoticed. Both options are unacceptable. Or it could just be that toddlers are so active it's hard to catch everything. (I didn't mention that she has had other bruises, marks, etc. Those I figured could be from just regular playing... I don't overreact on every mark).

At what point should I be concerned? Is this normal? What if they just aren't reporting all the incidents out of fear that parents will remove their kids/revenue?

[Crystal]

Here is my concern. My child has had one-on-one in home care for the first 21 months. Recently we transitioned to pre-school daycare. In 6 weeks my child was bit twice. And has bit antother once (she bit another the same day she was bit). Those were reported. I understand biting is a normal part of the toddler life.

However, there have been two instances when she had injuries and it was never reported. One was a scraped forehead and scratch all the way down the face, down to the chin. The other was a bite on the shoulder that had broken the skin. I didn't notice until bath time.

So it could be they know and don't report it. Or they aren't watching and it goes unnoticed. Both options are unacceptable. Or it could just be that toddlers are so active it's hard to catch everything. (I didn't mention that she has had other bruises, marks, etc. Those I figured could be from just regular playing... I don't overreact on every mark).

At what point should I be concerned? Is this normal? What if they just aren't reporting all the incidents out of fear that parents will remove their kids/revenue?

A scratch of that nature, especially on the face, most definitley should have been noticed by the provider/teacher. Even if the provider did not witness it first hand, she would have had to have known it happened and found out what DID happen. The bite should not have gone unnoticed either....a bite that breaks the skin is certainly going to result in a SCREAMING victim......there is no reason at all for either incident to not be documented. These types of injuries are not normal, every day "bumps and bruises" types of injuries.

Did you ask the provider/teacher at pick up about the face marks and ask the following day about the bite marks, and if yes, what was the response?

[Kaddidle Care]

You said PreSchool so you're talking about a 3-4 year old? How big is the class and how big is the Daycare class? Pay close attention to the Adult/Student ratio. If 1 adult has more than 7 children to watch alone, there will be problems unless they have a perfect bunch of children.

Do talk to your provider today. If the Center is very busy it may be that they just didn't have time to write it down. If the workers do shift work the afternoon crew may not know what happened so talk to the morning people first. Ask them how they treated the injury as well. Did they clean it? Ice it? Ignore it?

As Crystal said, a scratch that large or a bite would produce quite a stir that would usually involve LOUD crying. If nobody knows what happened
it's time to consider moving your child.